


SPECIAL FX

by frnklyiero



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Actor Brendon Urie, Actors, Actress Sarah Orzechowski, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Actors, Angst and Feels, Brendon In Denial, Imported, M/M, Makeup Artist Ryan Ross, Mildly Dubious Consent, Slow Build, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 12:12:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 43
Words: 103,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16933053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frnklyiero/pseuds/frnklyiero
Summary: "You are not going to believe the opportunity I have got for you!""Please tell me it'll help me pay my rent."Currently working for a small agency, Ryan Ross is struggling to keep up with the high standards of living in Los Angeles. Just as things are about to get worse, his best friend arrives at his doorstep bearing news that will change his life.What does this have to do Brendon Urie, one of Hollywood's hottest celebrities? Like every movie, there is always a need for special effects and it just so happens that Ryan had the right connections to land him with the job as Brendon's personal makeup artist.A Ryden AU fanfction.⌜ credits toangeleyes-demonsoulfor the idea and for writing the prologue and 2nd chapter ⌟





	1. 0

**Author's Note:**

> this work was imported from my wattpad. no part of this story may be reproduced without permission from me.
> 
> also, you may have noticed the absence of gifs, which i have always used in my fics except for lumos. this is because i chose not to import them along with the fics.
> 
> there have been no changes to the fic prior to posting. everything you read here are as it was the last time it was seen on wattpad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an idea from [Steph](https://www.wattpad.com/user/angeleyes-demonsoul) and we tried to collab on it for awhile but plans kinda fell through so I'll be taking the reins from here. But credits to them for doing the prologue and the second chapter!

Music played softly in the background as Ryan Ross lightly danced his makeup brush along the delicate cheek of his subject. She sat perfectly still as he added a light crimson color to her cheeks to accent the dark details and sparkles he had drawn around her eyes. Seeing as it was Halloween, it was only appropriate.

His subject just so happened to also be his best friend, Sarah Orzechowski. It may seem like a flop of roles, but Sarah usually had Ryan help her with any makeup for events or special occasions, such as the spooky holiday. The boy just had a natural talent with the brush and obscure designs. She held a faith in the quiet boy that she didn’t share with most.

Ryan had met Sarah well before high school.  The two had grown up in the same town and attended similar schools. Their first official meeting was during middle school, when Sarah noted the curly haired boy sitting alone in a hallway during a lunch period.

"Hello." Sarah offered a small smile to the boy, who seemed shocked that someone had decided to spark conversation with him.

"H-hiya." The boy waved, timidly.

Sarah smiled. She slung her backpack off her shoulders and sat on the ground next to the boy, much to his surprise. "My name’s Sarah." She introduced herself. She stuck out her hand for the boy to shake, "What are you doing here all by yourself?"

"I’m Ryan." The boy responded, timidly, sticking out his arm and sliding his hand into hers. His shakiness was evident as they shook hands. Sarah was left to wonder if she had put him into extreme nerves with her sudden introduction. "I-ah-I don’t really like sitting out in the quad." He gestured to the sunny area where dozens of other students were running around and laughing, "It’s very loud."

Sarah laughed, "We’re kids, we like it loud."

Ryan shook his head. "I don’t really."

Sarah tilted her head at the boy. He was strange … but not in a bad way. He was definitely a bit odd, preferring to be alone in the quiet, but Sarah could see where that could come from. Sometimes the noise of other students could be overbearing and irritating. The quiet of the hallway Ryan had chosen, despite its closeness to the quad, was nice.

"Okay. What do you like, Ryan?"

Ryan looked perplexed by her question. His brow furrowed and his head shook just slightly; It took him  moment to respond. "I don’t understand."

It was Sarah’s turn for perplexion. "What do you mean?" She asked, looking over his unsure expression.

Ryan bit his lip. "You know I’m not the nerdy type of loner, right? I can’t help you with homework." He said, avoiding Sarah’s eyes. "I'm sorry…" His voice became soft, almost inaudible.

Sarah let out a soft chuckle. "I didn’t come to you to talk about homework, Ryan. I just thought you looked lonely." She smiled at him, "You looked like you could use a friend."

Ryan’s eyes widened at her. "You’d be friends with a weirdo like me?" He asked with a tone of disbelief.

"Oh, I didn’t know you were a weirdo." Sarah said, quickly regretting her intended joke as Ryan’s hopeful look dropped almost immediately. "It’s a good thing that I’m a bit of one too. We can be fine friends." She smiled widely, earning a hopeful smile in response.

Their friendship did grow over the years. Ryan became a bit more talkative, due to Sarah’s outgoingness. He grew a bit more confident in himself, even showing her his skill with the makeup brush upon the Halloween before their first year of high school. To Ryan’s delight, Sarah had been extremely supportive of his craft;  she had even offered to model for him to practice.

Now, coming to the end of their senior year, Ryan had skilled his removable art. Sarah always promoted him on her social media posts whenever he decorated her appearance. It always made Ryan want to constantly top his work, just to impress anyone who could see it.

His tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth as he looked over Sarah’s done up appearence. She was going out as a gothic fairy. The area around her eyes had been darkened before Ryan began adding small details of white and light glitter. He wasn’t entirely sure if he liked it himself, but it was ultimately up to Sarah.

"Tell me what you think?" He said with a question to his tone.

Sarah eagerly moved to look in the mirror on the wall before letting out a squeal. "Ryan! It looks  _incredible_! I’m going to kill it at the party!” she spun around and hurried to hug him, “You’re unreal."

Ryan laughed as he hugged her back. "Glad you like it." He smiled at her as she pulled away to pull out her phone. “Don’t forget to credit me.”

Sarah laughed, holding her phone up to selfie. "I’ll make sure so you don’t forget me when you’re all grown up and famous."

"Sarah, c’mon."

"I’m serious!" Sarah insisted after snapping the photo with a look of satisfaction on her face, "We’re still so young and desperate for attention, but soon enough you’ll get the recognition you deserve." She reached out to gesture to Ryan, "Come take a photo with me!"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "I still have to touch up my makeup, since I spent all that time on yours." He teased as he gestured to his own face. Sarah, however wasn't having it.

"Oh, you look fine!" she grabbed hold of his wrist and pulled him into the frame of her phone’s camera. "Just for me, please?" She batted her eyes at Ryan, sending some of her accenting glitter into the air to flutter slowly.

Ryan grinned at both the small detail and his friend. She would definitely stand out at the party she was going to. Then again, she always stood out. She was always a stand out face in school. She loved to act, she loved to dance, and she was such an easy person to get along with. "Alright, Sarah, one photo. That way you can remember me when you’re all grown up and famous."

It was now Sarah’s turn to roll her eyes. "Whatever. Just say cheese, you weirdo." She tapped her phone screen to bring it to life before smiling widely. Ryan followed suit, smiling in a way that made the crackling black, lightning-like mark of his make up seem more natural in his features.

The photo snapped quickly, capturing the moment of happiness and naivety between the friends. The real world was still months away. This was their life now, two friends with big dreams, unknowing of how they could ever even incorporate them into reality ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fair warning to those of you who have read this fic before and are rereading this again (for whatever reason) please do not spoil the story.
> 
> Everyone deserves the opportunity to enjoy the story without spoilers.
> 
> If you do not heed this warning, I will have to delete your comment.
> 
> You have been warned.
> 
> Also, please do not stay up to finish this fic. You need your rest more than you need to finish this story.


	2. playlist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please note that untitled is a hidden track

[cool by troye sivan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nld-m7mPRXQ)

[awkward conversations by never shout never](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqP1MuOL9Q4)

[inside of you (acoustic) by the maine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGYh90Nsq4c)

[settle down by the 1975](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfvUDLvtRFE)

[that's what you get by paramore](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kz6hNDlEEg)

[floral & fading by pierce the veil](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8puVdocLLc)

[untitled by cute is what we aim for](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAUuYvuh5Ds)

[collar full by panic! at the disco](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZAIEAG6Vgk)

[give me love by ed sheeran](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOjdXSrtUxA)


	3. 1

"Oh Father, who art in Heaven …" A young man with a mop of messy brown hair mumbled under his breath with both hands clasped before his face, rocking slightly back and forth on the pew he sat on. "Yada yada, bla bla bla. God, Jesus, Mary, whoever’s up there." He cracked open an eye, staring at the stained glass motif depicting Jesus and the other saints whom he didn’t know the names of. “I know I haven’t always been a good person but please, if you’re listening … Please help me find the money I need to pay for my apartment rent.”

Ryan was glad he was the only person in the church at this hour because he was practically saying his prayers aloud. He wasn’t really certain whether this was how someone was supposed to pray, by speaking whatever that was bothering them but he hadn’t exactly been brought up with in a religious background. With a sigh, his hands dropped as he sat back and stared at the Jesus motif staring down at him with a serenely ignorant smile.

You see, Ryan was at his wit’s end otherwise he wouldn’t have had been that desperare to visit other places of worship such as a synagogue, a temple and even a mosque to beg for the Maker to hear his pleas. He really needed money to cover his rent and his job as a makeup artist at Stardust Agency had only manage to cover half of his monthly needs. Worst still, his landlord was demanding him to cough up in three months’ worth of rent because, as he put it, ‘times are tough.’

He let out yet another sigh, still hoping that some form of miracle - preferably a large sum of money to drop at his feet - would appear when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Ryan started, glancing to see who it was. To his relief, it was just a priest regarding him with kindly eyes. “It’s always good to see a new face in here.” The man said. “What brings you here, my child?”

“Oh, good evening, Father …” Ryan trailed off uncertainly, flushing. He didn’t attend the services held here so he didn’t know the holy man’s name.

“I’m Father John.” The priest replied with a smile and shook Ryan’s hand; he had a firm and warm grip. “Or you can call me Daddy.”

Ryan let go of his hand immediately, eyes wide.

Father John sighed. “Can’t a priest joke around these days?” He asked in a sigh, although Ryan could tell it was merely a rhetorical question. “The only people I can talk to are Jesus and the saints or God but you can’t really count on them for a decent conversation.”

“Sorry.” Ryan mumbled, cheeks heating. “I didn’t realize it was that lonely being here at this time of the evening.”

Father John took a seat beside him. “Pray tell, what is bothering you, my child?”

Ryan bit his lip in hesitation. “I … I’ve just hit a rough patch and I’m struggling, Father.”

“Ah, I see.” The priest nodded. “Do not worry. He is always there to guide you on the right path.” He pointed skywards.

“Right …” Ryan trailed off, sneaking a glance at the high ceilings of the church with a bit more skepticism than he intended. While he didn’t have any misgivings towards the holy man who sat beside him, even if he did make an uncomfortably offhand joke, he didn’t really want anybody’s sympathy on his current situation and neither was he that enthusiastic about sobbing out all his struggles to a person who was obviously going to give him a smile and preach to him, which wouldn’t exactly help to solve his problems.

Fortunately, his phone began to ring and he was rescued from answering Father John’s questions. He bid his goodbyes before hurrying out the church. Tapping the Receive Call button, he held his mobile device to his ear, already knowing who the caller was. “Yeah, Sarah?”

“ _Ryan! I’m so glad you picked up!_ ” On the other side of the line, his best friend Sarah Orzechowski responded cheerily. “ _I’m just - Oh gosh, where do I even start?_ ”

“From the beginning?” Ryan suggested, the earlier tension he had been feeling already subsiding the moment he heard her voice. A small grin was already playing on his lips as he leaned back against the wall, tilting his head back so he could see the stars in the night sky. “Sarah, what’s gotten you so pumped up?”

She giggled an excited sound, making him smile even more. “ _Okay, so what do you know about Gerard Way?_ ” He could tell she was trying to smooth out her voice so that she wouldn’t give too much away but it quavered at the end.

He paused to think. “Isn't he the author for that bestselling horror book Nightmare Carnival?” He asked, frowning slightly when realization dawned. “No way, Sarah. No way! You did not!” He exclaimed in disbelief.

“ _Yes way!_ ” She squealed, confirming his suspicions. “ _I just got the starring role! The protagonist, Linda Ford! Isn’t that amazing??_ ”

He felt really ecstatic for his best friend. It had always been her dream to land a huge role in the movie industry ever since they went to elementary school together. She was a natural at acting, even won a few nationwide interschool contests, so Ryan was really proud of her for making it this far. The reason why they were so excited for the film adaptation of Nightmare Carnival was because it was one of the most anticipated blockbusters. There were speculations, rumors and even talks until Gerard Way, the author, announced that his book will be made into a movie.

And then there was the casting. Ryan was happy Sarah managed to land a role as this would put her on the map. His best friend would have her name in dazzling lights.

“You should celebrate.” He suggested.

“ _I am, actually! With a tub of ice-cream and binge-watching Supernatural!_ ” She answered and he snorted. “ _Okay, that sounded much better in my head. Never mind, why don’t we meet up? We can go to this bar I know to have a few drinks!_ ”

“Oh, I don’t know …” He mumbled uncertainly. He loved Sarah and wanted to treat her but he wasn’t sure if he’d want to indulge because money was tight at the moment.

“ _Don’t worry. It’s on me._ ”

“Sarah, I can’t --”

“ _I insist_.”

He sighed in resignation. There was no way convincing her otherwise when she had her mind set on something. “Okay, where do we meet up?”

*

“I’m good, thanks.” Ryan waved off Sarah’s offer to buy him another drink. She was already a little drunk, flushed in her cheeks and making tiny giggles every now and then like everything around them amused her, so it was up to Ryan to drive her back home; he needed a sober mind.

She pouted, nudging his shoulder. “Come on, Ryan! You’re no fun at all.” She teased, sticking her tongue out playfully at him.

“Tell me how they informed you about your role.” He said in hopes that she would stop pressing him to have one more round for the fear that he’d give in to temptation.

“It was this evening, actually.” She began, finishing the rest of her glass in one expert flick of her wrist. “I got an email from the agency and I swear my heart nearly burst from the excitement. I mean, I was already in my jammies and I was about to go to bed when Ding! So I checked my phone and I was pretty sure I scared the neighbors off.” She laughed, flushing even redder.

“Did they tell you who the rest of the cast are?” He asked.

“Yea!” She nodded vigorously before reaching for her glass when she realized it was empty. “I think it’s a good mix.”

“Good mix of what?”

“The drink. I like it.” She said with a laugh. “I can’t actually tell you who the rest of the cast are because it’s top secret.” Her voice dropped to a whisper.

“Aww, dang it.” He snapped his fingers, pretending to be disappointed.

“But!” She jabbed her finger in the air so fast, she nearly hit someone who was passing by. They gave her a stink-eye which she ignored. “I can tell you this:  _Brendon Urie_.” She said, naming one of Hollywood's the hottest male heartthrob.

“What about - Oh!” His eyes widened with shock, lips parting. His heart had practically skipped in his chest when he realized what she meant. “You don’t possibly mean - Urie’s your co-actor?”

Sarah grinned. “Yes!” She confirmed.

He felt excitement bubble in his veins. “You have to introduce me to him sometime! Oh my gosh, Sarah!” His voice had shot higher in pitch and volume; he cleared his throat to speak normally. “That’s fucking amazing!”

“It is! We’ll be having a meeting tomorrow morning with the crew and cast to discuss a few things.” She informed, allowing her finger to trace over the rim of her glass. Suddenly, a sad look overcame her features, tugging on Ryan’s heartstrings.

“Hey Sarah?” He touched her shoulder lightly.”Is something wrong?”

“I feel bad now.”

He was nonplussed by her response. “Why?” His tone was weighed down by concern.

“Here I am bragging about myself and name-dropping while you’re struggling to pay your rent.”

“Hey. No.” He leaned forward; trying to catch her eyes. Putting a finger on her chin, he pushed it up a little so she’d be looking. “Sarah, no. It’s alright. I mean, I’m getting by.” He lied so she’d stop feeling guilty. “Don’t worry.”

“You deserve so much more.” She whispered, touching his hair - it was an old, affectionate habit that she used to do a lot but now it only made his heart contract painfully in his chest. “Listen, I’m gonna help you out!” Resolve strengthened her tone.

“What? No, it’s okay.” He shook his head.

“No, Ry.” She said firmly and ordered another drink, which was served almost immediately by the bartender. With a neat flick of her wrist, she downed the glass of shots. “I’m gonna try and help you find a better agency - or suggest someone I know to hire you! I mean, your makeup skills are out-of-this-world! You deserve better.”

“Sarah, my skills aren’t really in demand unless they’re for parties or Halloween.” He hated being a sore thumb but he just had to point it out. “No one would want to hire me.’

There was a stubborn gleam in her gaze, indicating that however much Ryan protested her decision wouldn’t sway. She reached for his hand, clasping it tightly as those lambent blue eyes locked with his. “Just you wait, Ryan. I’ll do my best to help you out.”

A faint tremble of hope traveled up him but he doused it out quickly with a hard slap of logic. His skills weren’t needed by the general populace. She was drunk and the possibilities of her remembering her promise was slim. But there was no way he could convince Sarah to stop trying. Pressing his lips together into a thin line, he gave her a tight smile.


	4. 2

Ryan could feel himself slowly waking up. At first it felt like a natural awakening, but he quickly realized that wasn’t the case when a pounding could be heard from the front door. Muttered swears escaped Ryan’s tired lips as he pushed himself up from the bed. He quickly patted his bed for a shirt to slide over his bare torso, but was only met by blankets.

He audibly groaned as he sat himself up on the bed. He cracked his eyes and looked around the room as the pounding continued. He leaned down and grabbed the nearest shirt on the floor, which happened to be a simple floral button up. Good enough.

“I’m coming!” Ryan yelled. He slid the shirt onto his arms before standing up from the bed. He shivered when his feet met the cold hardwood floor of his room. He didn’t have time for socks, however, because whoever was at his at his door was not letting up.

He hurried across the floor, mostly by dancing on his toes, to try and get there faster.  He almost hoped it was his next door neighbor getting, as he calls it, “his groove on” instead of who he was almost certain it was.

Oh, how lucky was he when the woman he feared was stood outside of his door when he checked the peephole.

“ _Fuck_ …” Ryan whispered. He shook his head. He needed to quickly gain his composure before he opened the door. His landlord could smell his fear, he just knew it.

“Ross? I know you’re in there!”

Ryan cringed at the sound of her deep voice. He quickly shut his eyes and took a deep breath, however, bracing himself for the conversation he was about to have. He straightened up and plastered a smile on his face before unlocking and pulling open the door. “Mrs. Jefferson! How are you this morning?”

The woman on the other side of the doorway had a frown on her face. Her heeled foot tapped the ground as her narrowed gaze attempted to bore a hole through Ryan’s head. “Hello, Mr Ross.” She spoke flatly, “Do you know what day it is?”

“Is it wake your  _tenants up at ungodly hours_  day?” Ryan asked, maintaining his smile.

His snide response didn’t go over very well with Mrs. Jefferson. “More like  _your rent is late again_ day.” She said, continuing to stare at him like she could melt a hole through him if she tried hard enough. “What’s your excuse this time?”

Ryan bit the inside of his lip. He knew he was late on his rent; he had hoped that Mrs. Jefferson would give him a bit of leniency. Why he hoped that, when he knew that was absolutely not her shining character trait, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that, recently, buisness at his company had been slower than usual. HIs style of makeup just wasn’t in high demand, which meant a lack of cash in his pocket.

“I’m an artist,” Ryan shrugged, “sometimes we struggle. I’m extremely sorry that I’m late and that i was a bit rude earlier.” He brought his hands together in front of him, successfully hiding two crossed fingers behind his front hand. “If you could just give me another week, the month still has a bit of life left in it.”

Mrs. Jefferson sighed in a way that Ryan could just tell she was going to scold him. She hated when Ryan played the starving artist card. Once, she had gone on a rant about how special effects makeup, or being a makeup artist in general, wasn’t a true art form. That was the time he had come close to the brink of having the cops called to kick him out.

“Mr. Ross, I get that your work is…  _unconventional_.” She seemed to struggle to think of a word that, Ryan presumed, wasn’t offensive. She didn’t seem at all sympathetic with her tone. “You still have bills to pay. Perhaps a second job, or change in profession completely.”

“It’s is something I’m definitely looking into.” Ryan lied, trying to better his side. “In fact, I have an interview within the next few days.”

“Really?” Mrs. Jefferson asked with interest, “Will it pay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Well…” Mrs. Jefferson pursed her lips as she contemplated Ryan’s case. Ryan held his breath, waiting for a response. “Perhaps I can give you a week extension on your rent… To see if you can obtain the job.”

Ryan let out a breath of relief. “Thank you, ma’am. I will definitely let you know what happens.”

He was going to continue, but he was met by a sharp, red nailed finger just inches away from his face. “Just know, Mr. Ross,” Mrs. Jefferson warned, “If you don’t get the rent before the month is done, you will be  _out of my building_.”

Ryan gulped with a nervous nod. The woman’s finger stayed at his face for another few seconds before slowly and dramatically pulling away. Mrs. Jefferson gave him one last stern look before turning to walk away from him. Ryan took that opportunity to quickly shut his apartment door and lean against it.

He was so screwed.

“Looks like it’s time to sell my soul.” He sighed, looking down. “How much can I get for that?.. Or have I resorted to that already?”

He shook his head, feeling his heart drop. Maybe he should have gone into some kind of dismal job that actually had a reliable source of pay… He absolutely loved working for the Kaleidoscope Eyes Makeup and Effects Company, but it wasn’t the most consistent source of income. Some days there was absolutely no work to be done. No work, no pay, and no rent money…

“What am I going to doooooo?!” Ryan groaned, holding out the letter ‘o’ to emphasise his struggle, even though he was by himself. He almost just wanted to disappear. It would be easier at this point… He’s still be broke but-wait, nope, still struggling…

He remained leaning against his door for who knows how long before he found it within himself to push himself upright. He trudged back to his bedroom, duly kicking at the dirty laundry he had in small piles all over the floor.

“You know, if this were a Disney movie, I would have gotten some hope by now.” He spoke with irritation, looking up at his ceiling. “I just asked for a little help. I’m on the verge of googling  _crossroad demon deals_!” He yelled the last part, only hoping afterwards that his neighbors hadn’t heard that.

He looked down with a dry gulp. He just needed even a small spark of hope to hold onto. He would take anything at this point.

His head shot up as his phone vibrated from the floor by his bed. He stepped over and crouched down to pick it up. Sarah’s name flashed across the screen, making Ryan smile. Her positivity was something he could use right now.

_Ryan!! Meet me at Starbucks in 20. I have something you need to know!_

Ryan tilted his head at the message. Was she going to dish on some of her costars? A twinge of excitement filled Ryan, replacing the hopelessness of before.  He quickly sent a message in response before tossing his phone on his bed and rushing to get ready.

 _I’ll be there in_ _10_.


	5. 3

Pertaining the topic of crossroad demon deals, Ryan found himself lugging his laptop along to Starbucks across the street where he lived to google about it, purely out of what he was adamant on calling 'curiosity'. He chose to sit by the window as the wifi reception was reasonably better at that spot. A neat stack of some of his bills sat on the table beside his laptop; he thought he could calculate how much he needed to scrape up this month to pay off his debt before Sarah arrived.

It proved to be a tough job and there were one or two times he felt like yanking his hair out in frustration - of course, he didn't do that. He liked his hair the way it was, thank you very much. Distraction was welcomed and no sooner had Ryan opened his laptop and casually googled 'how to pay rent when you're almost broke' and reached a particular page about demonic help.

Somehow in a span of few minutes, he stumbled upon pages of conspiracy theories which included LA being a hotspot for cults and how some celebrities were supposedly dead and replaced by clones. Skeptical, he laughed inwardly at how some people would be stupid enough to post these stuff for clickbait when he realized the irony of his situation.

Blinking away from the harsh glare of his laptop screen, he set his reading glasses on the table and peered around the coffee shop. The sounds of percolators and intermingling conversations filled the coffee-scented air. Temptation was urging him to buy a cup of latte and it took him an amount of restraint to remind himself that he was on a tight budget - as if that couldn't be any sadder, Ryan's diet was now pretty much limited to tap water and instant ramen.

Resting his cheek on his hand, he watched a man who looked about twenty-five, roughly near his age, who was busy texting away on his phone. He looked really attractive, with salt-white blond hair and chiseled features that men would die for. Briefly, Ryan considered striking up a conversation with him but then a pretty girl appeared and sat beside the man, giving him an affectionate kiss on the lips.

He bit back his disappointment and returned his attention back to his laptop when his eyes caught on a familiar person approaching him. Sarah looked good as usual, wearing a white t-shirt with a bluebell design on it with a denim jacket over it and a matching mini-skirt. A smile tugged his lips at the sight of his best friend when a frown formed on his features as she took a seat across him.

"Sarah, you didn't have to get me coffee." He protested as she handed him a cup of latte.

" _Nonsense_." She snorted, waving her head dismissively. "It's on me, Ry." And she stared at him until he finally gave in and took a sip from the latte she bought for him. With a pleasant smile, she leaned forward and asked, "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing." Ryan lied, closing his laptop and snatching his bills off the table before dumping them all in his backpack. Wanting to change the topic before Sarah's curiosity could manifest further with persistence, he said, "So, why did you want to meet up?"

Her face brightened up considerably, which put out some of Ryan's morning stress. "Okay, so I had a meeting with the movie crew and production staff last night." She began, twirling a lock of her dark hair. "It was kinda like a work party and I got to meet with the cast. It was pretty amazing but that's not what I wanna talk about. And ..." She grinned, blue eyes gleaming with excitement. "You are not going to  _believe_  the opportunity I have got for you!"

Ryan pursed his lips and regarded her, not at all sure what he would have to expect Sarah to say. "Please tell me it'll help me pay my rent." He mumbled under his breath, thinking his best friend wouldn't hear it over the din in the coffee shop. Apparently he thought wrong because the bright smile on her lips faltered. Apprehension swelled in him and he tried to backpedal - he really didn't want Sarah to worry too much for him. "Um, I mean, I --"

"Ryan, how are things going at Kaleidoscope Eyes?" She asked, cutting him off.

He sighed, biting his lip. He couldn't bear to look at her now that she was staring at him with concern and sympathy. "I haven't gotten an assignment that can cover my bills ..."

"Oh." Her brows furrowed.

"I'll manage." He said before she could say any more. "I mean, I've been working on my budget and I thought I could get a part-time job to fill in my time."

"Don't say Starbucks." Sarah warned, narrowing her gaze.

"Hey! At least I'll spell the customers' names right." He joked feebly. "I'll be fine." He assured her, even though he really didn't believe it himself. "What was it you wanted to tell me again?"

"Oh! Right." She snapped her fingers. "So yea, anyway the news! So I talked to the directors and production crew and they were discussing the makeup crew." She began. "And it just so happened to be about special effects stuff and whatnot so I suggested you!"

"Okay." Ryan said. And then he froze. " _Wait what?_ " His voice shot up an octave in shock. A few heads turned in his direction, glaring at him. Clearing his throat, he focused on Sarah with some effort and clasped her hand. "You didn't."

"I did." She said, patting his hand. "And Gerard happened to be there at the same time so he was curious --"

"Sarah --"

"-- so I showed him a few of your works from my Instagram page and he was impressed. I really think you have a good chance, Ryan." She told him firmly, blue eyes lambent with conviction. It was heartening to see that she believed in Ryan but at the same time a sinking feeling at the pit of his stomach.

"Sarah, I --" He broke off, sighing as he pushed back a strand of his hair. "I'm really glad you're helping me but ... don't you think they might contact other makeup artists who have more experience than I do?"

"But --"

"I mean, think about it. Kaleidoscope Eyes isn't exactly well known and even if they were going to contact my agency, I might not even be shortlisted." He continued in the same soft tone.

Despite how logical his argument was, the light of determination and stubbornness remained glowing in her gaze. She set her chin and squeezed Ryan's hand. "I'll make sure that you get the job."

*

A week had passed since Sarah and Ryan had met up to discuss about how Sarah had tried to pull the strings to land Ryan a job to work on set for the special effects makeup. Since the days that passed, there were idle times when he'd pause to think about it and wonder what he'd do if he was actually shortlisted. However much as he liked to daydream, he kept reminding himself that his chances were slim as there were better makeup artists out there.

With a sigh, he sat down in his cubicle at his workplace. At the moment, everybody had gone out for lunch and even though Ryan was pretty hungry after returning from a kid's birthday party where he was sent to help do the makeup of the host, he decided to sleep instead. There was no way he could spend today's allowance for a sandwich.

Every penny had to be pinched in order to scrape up some money to pay off rent and Mrs Jefferson wasn't going to take anymore excuses. It was suffer now or get kicked out of your own apartment and he wasn't enthusiastic on living off other people's charity.

Resting his head on the table, he began to drift off when someone knocked on his cubicle wall, stopping him from falling asleep. He bit back a groan and sat up.

"Sorry." It was his colleague, William Beckett, a tall lanky brunet who happened to be the friendliest person at his workplace. He peered over at Ryan with his inquisitive brown eyes. "Were you asleep?" He asked, sounding concerned and guilty.

Ryan shook his head, stifling a yawn as he stretched his arms. "Nope. Was there something you wanted?"

William shrugged casually. "Hayley wants to see you." He said, naming their employer.

A tingle of worry spiked up Ryan's spine. Hayley didn't usually request to meet Ryan in her office unless it was regarding clients' complaints about his work. He swallowed nervously, searching William's face. "Did she say why?"

William shook his head ruefully. "She wouldn't say."

"Oh man." Ryan mumbled, catching the anxiety in his own voice. He rose from his desk, heart thumping in his chest. "It was nice knowing you, Beckett."

" _What in tarnation_  are you talking about?" William frowned at him in bewilderment.

"I think I'll be fired today."

William snorted incredulously, giving a pat on Ryan's shoulder in what meant to be a reassuring gesture. "Why would she fire you? You're a great makeup artist." He grinned. "Don't worry. I'm sure you'll be fine." He added confidently.

 _Easy for you to say when you're not struggling to make ends meet_. Ryan thought but kept his mouth shut and smiled tightly at William before heading for Hayley's office. Every step felt like he was treading through a current, washing him over with waves of knotting worry and anxiety. Once he reached the end of the hallway where his employer's office was located, his hand rested on the doorknob but didn't turn it. His pulse was throbbing audibly in his ears and Ryan's nerves began to slip. His mouth was dry.

"Ms Williams?" He called through the door while knocking it. "It's Ryan." His voice wavered.

"Come in." She answered from inside and he entered the room. The familiar sight of her freakishly neat office greeted him, its walls devoid of any decoration save for a board where she pinned up pending projects and a few family portraits. A bookshelf stood in one corner while a desk faced the door where Hayley sat.

Ryan's hands were shaking at his sides as he approached her carefully as if crossing through a minefield. She hadn't looked up from the paperwork she was examining. "Have a seat." She told him, gesturing at the chairs across hers. He obliged, trying to ignore how nauseous he felt seeing all the papers in neat stacks on her desk. Taking off her glasses, she pushed back her bright orange hair from her face and regarded Ryan in a manner that made him wonder if she were about to tell him that someone he knew had just passed away. "I have some news for you." She said in a dead serious tone.

He gulped, biting his lip. "I figured." He responded quietly, unable to look at her in the eye. "Am I getting fired?" He asked.

She stared at him consideringly, twirling a pen in her hand before she pushed the paperwork she had been perusing earlier towards him. "Here. I think you should take these." When Ryan refused to read at them, she sighed and clasped her hands before her. "Ryan, you've been working with us for, what, about seven months - almost a year - and it's been a great pleasure having you around with us."

 _This sounds a lot like something a person would say before sacking their employee._  Ryan thought.  _But at least she's trying to let me down easy._  Disappointment clenched his chest. "I'm sorry ... If I've ever pissed you off." He told her.

Hayley looked astonished. "Pissed off? Why would I be  _pissed_?"

"Because of the client complaints about me?" He suggested.

"Mr Ross, everybody gets complaints for the tiniest matters all the time." She waved her hand dismissively. "And besides, you've only gotten three and all of them were from fickle clients. Nothing to worry about."

"So - not to be rude or anything - what exactly am I here for?" He frowned.

"I want you to take a look at that." She pointed at the papers in front of Ryan. She watched coolly as he picked them up and skimmed the first page. "What do you notice?"

"It's ... a contract?"

"Yes." She nodded and pursed her lips. "Ryan, do you have any idea what this means?"

"Are you terminating my contract with the agency?" He felt sick to his stomach.

Hayley sighed, this time sounding exasperated. "For someone who might pass as an optimist, you're pretty pessimistic."

"For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic." He quipped.

"No. I'm not sacking you. That's ridiculous. Take a look at the contract again - and this time, properly." She prompted.

With a sigh, Ryan obliged and gave a brief look at the details when his stomach dropped. He did a double take, eyes nearly popping out of his sockets. Hayley had seen his reaction and started to laugh at his dumbfounded expression. "Wait, what is the meaning of this?" He demanded in utter bewilderment. An admixture of excitement and disbelief swirled in his chest.

She simply smirked knowingly in response. "The contract just came in today. You have a week to consider if you're up for it. There are more details but you'll have to read them all." She said and then smiled, the way someone would when they were proud of somebody they knew. "Take the offer, Ryan. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity." She encouraged him.

Ryan was fighting back the emotions that about to spill out of his body in the form of tears. With a nod, he stood up and shook her hand. "Thanks, Hayley."

"Don't thank me." She frowned in amusement. "It was your skills that got you there. You're lucky you were shortlisted for this. Good luck."

And with that, he was dismissed from her office. Practically lightheaded with giddiness, Ryan had dashed back to his desk to grab his phone, and with the contract tucked under his arm, he rushed out of the building. The smell of spring in the breeze fluttered past him when he reached outside the premises. With shaky hands, he dialed Sarah's number and held his phone to his ear.

"Come on, pick up." He mumbled impatiently under his breath, looking around. "Come on, Sarah."

After a few rings, his best friend answered his call. " _Hey Ry, what's --_ "

"SARAH!" He actually exclaimed loudly, unable to control the volume of his own voice. "You did not do this!"

" _Do what?_ " She sounded confused.

"This!" Trembling, he read the contract aloud. "You did not get me a job to be Brendon Urie's personal makeup artist for the set of Nightmare Carnival!"

And Sarah began to laugh, realizing why Ryan was practically yelling in her ear to her phone. " _Oh but I did!_ " She said in her best impression of a devious cackle. " _I did and you got shortlisted, didn't you?_ "

"Sarah, no."

" _I think you mean, 'Sarah, yes!'_ " She quipped and Ryan could imagine her prancing on her feet with joy for him. " _Tell me you're going to accept the job offer otherwise I'm not gonna be your friend anymore_." She threatened in a mock-serious voice that would've been convincing if she didn't giggle at the end.

"But why me? I mean, I'm not really that good --"

" _Oh stop selling yourself short._ " She scoffed. " _I know modesty is attractive but sometimes you gotta puff out your chest and flaunt your stuff!_ "

Ryan couldn't help but laugh at how silly but endearing she sounded. "I owe you one. I'd buy you a drink to thank you."

" _No. No drinks. You're not spending money on me._ "

"But you're allowed to spend your money on me?" He pointed out the irony.

" _Yes_." She replied shamelessly. " _But there is_ one _way you could thank me_."

"Yeah?"

" _You're going to make me dinner at my place this Wednesday_." When Ryan chortled at her odd request, she added, " _Hey, you have mad cooking skills and I loved that lasagne you made last year_."

"Alright fine. I'll sign Brendon's contract and I'll cook you lasagne again. Thank you so much, Sarah."

" _You're welcome, Ry. Okay, I gotta attend a meeting to discuss the movie script. Love you lots!_ " And with that, she hung up, leaving Ryan in a more optimistic mood than he had been the whole week.


	6. 4

"That smells so good!" Ryan had glanced up from checking the oven to see Sarah entering the kitchen with a huge smile plastered on her face. "You're such a food wizard." She sniffed the air.

His lips curved upwards in response to seeing her delight as he turned around, removing the pink apron that had been hanging on a hook and placing it on the counter. "It's just my Mom's recipe." He shrugged casually when Sarah bent down to have a look at the lasagne baking in the oven. "Not a big deal."

"Still." She insisted, grinning at him. Judging from the attire she was in, Ryan guessed that she had probably just returned from a work meeting. Sarah went to the audio player and the music of an indie rock band became a bit louder; she must've liked the song. Humming along, she was removing her jacket and placing it on the back of a chair at the small round table before she headed to the sink to clear up some of the dishes. "When did you get here?" She asked as she turned the faucet on.

Ryan was wiping the counter. "About an hour ago." He answered. He still had the keys to her apartment, something she had entrusted to him in case he needed a place to stay. "How did your day go?"

"Mentally exhausting." Sarah replied with a small groan. "Well, mostly because we were all discussing our characters and the script. The directors, Pete and Patrick, were really nice though. And we got to meet Gerard, who gave us advice, too." She added and was now drying her hands.

"Awesome." Ryan leaned against the counter. He was tapping his foot to the rhythm of the music when his mind drifted back to the contract he had received a few days ago. "Right, uh, Sarah?"

"Yeah?"

"About the contract ..."

"Now, now." Her tone was chiding. "Don't tell me you're  _backing out_." She pouted at him, placing her hands on her hips.

Ryan shook his head. "No, it's nothing like that." He protested, cheeks reddening. "I  _did_  sign it. I was just wondering why Brendon didn't contact me first before giving me the contract. It's a bit odd, really." He opined as Sarah cocked her head with a small frown.

"Hmm, now that you mentioned it, yeah." She agreed, nodding slightly. "Wow, I guess I'm better at persuading people than I thought."

" _Sarah_  ..." It was Ryan's turn to chide her.

Sarah turned her face away quickly but not before he caught a flash of a grin and cheeks reddening in the slightest. Her shoulders shrugged before she faced Ryan. "It's been a long day at work and I gotta freshen up."

"Okay." Ryan nodded before hesitating, remembering something. "I'll just be at the couch then." He said and moved to sit at the lounge as Sarah headed to her room. Frankly he had almost forgotten that Sarah wanted him to stay over so they could have dinner together. Sinking onto a comfy armchair, Ryan rested his head back and sighed.

Earlier that day, he had just received his paycheck from his part-time job at an art store not too far away from where he lived. He had managed to pay off some of his rent but he was certain that the amount he paid would last up to, at best, two weeks before his landlady would demand payment once more. With the contract stashed away in his backpack, which was placed on the back of a chair at the dining table, he wondered if it was possible to ask Brendon Urie to forward his wage first.

Of course, the more he thought about it the more stupid it seemed but then he was afraid that of getting evicted. Making a frustrated noise at the back of his throat, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to envision himself playing with a litter of teacup beagle puppies. He was in the midst of imagining hugging all those puppies when a sound pierced his ears. Opening his eyes with a frown, he sat up slightly only to hear the same noise again.

With a sigh, he rose from the armchair and shuffled his way to the door. Still partially occupied with thought of puppies, he had forgotten to check the peephole and instead unlocked the door right away.

Now, carelessness like this could possibly cost Ryan his life - had it been an serial killer at the door - but it gave him a surprise all the same. For a moment, the unfamiliar man who stood before him raised his suspicions. Sarah hadn't mentioned if she was seeing anyone so this man couldn't possibly be her boyfriend.

The man was just as surprised as he was, wearing a baffled frown on his features; there was something vaguely familiar about his face that Ryan couldn't place a finger on, even though he was certain he had seen him a few times. "Hey, is Sarah in?"

"Uh ..." Ryan responded, glancing over his shoulder with a small frown, half-hoping Sarah would appear in the hallway, before turning back to face the man. Taking a brief moment to assess the man's appearance, brown hair that was done up in a quiff, expressive eyes, plump lips, then to his clothes right from the plaid button-down that was worn over a black t-shirt to his tight-fitting jeans and his Vans. He looked pretty normal, except appearances could be deceiving and Ryan couldn't risk inviting trouble especially not into Sarah's home.

"Depends on who's asking. Who are you anyway?" Ryan asked, the curious note in his voice carrying a wary undertone.

"You haven't answered  _my_  question." The man said, miffed. He studied Ryan. "But it's --"

"Brendon?" It was Sarah who said the man's name with surprise in her exclamation. Ryan's eyes widened in disbelief, looking at Sarah who was grinning broadly, to the man beamed at her.

"Hey, Sarah." Brendon responded. Ryan couldn't help but notice the shift in Brendon's tone and immediately felt awkward for not recognizing Sarah's co-star sooner and letting him in.

Furthermore in Brendon's presence, Ryan felt very underdressed in his t-shirt and worn jeans. At least the exclamation mark design on his shirt was an accurate representation of how shocked he was to actually be in the same room with the actor. He moved out of the way, allowing Brendon to enter.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" Sarah asked, suddenly curious as she led Brendon inside to the lounge. Unlike Ryan, she didn't seem self-conscious in her white t-shirt and floral-patterned leggings. Brendon took a seat at the armchair while Sarah perched on the couch; Ryan simply hovered by the door watching them with uncertainty.

"I thought I swing by early for our hangout." Brendon said, not at all noticing that nobody else in this room was as dressed up for a night out as he was.

"What hangout?" Both Sarah and Ryan chorused before they exchanged glances, his in a questioning manner and hers in confusion. Then they looked at Brendon.

Brendon frowned. "Wait, today isn't Thursday?"

"No, it's Wednesday." Ryan replied.

"Oh.  _Oh_." This was the moment when Brendon seemed to Ryan like a normal person rather than the confident celebrity image he always portrayed in the media. "I got the dates wrong. Oh my, this is so embarrassing." Brendon began to get up.

"It's totally alright!" Sarah insisted, gesturing for her co-star to sit down. "We were about to have dinner - Right, where are my manners? Ryan." She turned to Ryan, who gave a start when he was aware that she had brought him directly into the conversation with Brendon, which meant the celebrity's attention was on him. "This is my best friend from high school and special effects makeup wizard." Sarah told Brendon.

Ryan's face burned as he sat down beside his best friend, a shy smile on his face as he extended his hand to shake Brendon's. "I'm Ryan, nice to meet you." His voice shook slightly from excitement.

"Hi, Ryan. I'm Brendon." The actor shook Ryan's hand and regarded him with a slightly arched eyebrow and an interested gaze. "Wait, so you're  _the_  Ryan Ross?"

If it was possible, Ryan's heart would've exploded in his chest when he heard Brendon say his name. He stared at the actor for a few moments, somehow forgetting that he was supposed to respond before clearing his throat. "I guess ..." He trailed, face burning.

Sarah grinned at him, placing her hands on his shoulders and looked at Brendon. "He's being modest. Don't mind him."

"I'm not that good." Ryan protested weakly, embarrassed.

"You are." Sarah insisted. A beeping sound came from the kitchen, alerting them that the lasagne was finished baking. Sarah excused herself to attend to their dinner to Ryan's objections - she gave him that look that made him stop arguing - and left.

The atmosphere was now incredibly awkward for Ryan and he couldn't help but study Brendon surreptitiously, an easy task as the celebrity had turned his attention to his phone. Ryan jumped a bit when Brendon looked up at him, afraid that he had been caught admiring the handsome man only to have his heart racing when Brendon moved from his armchair and approached.

Ryan's mouth went dry, body tensing up when Brendon sat down beside him. There were so many unimportant details he was picking up like that single strand of hair that fell away from Brendon's quiff, the faint scent of aftershave that clung onto the man's skin and the shape of Brendon's fingers. Ryan was positively certain that he was blushing - there was nothing he could do to stop it though he wished he could to spare himself from the embarrassment - when Brendon scrolled his way to what he was looking for.

The man beside Ryan held up his phone to show him something. "Tell me what you see." Brendon requested.

Ryan turned his attention away from ogling Brendon to his phone. "It's Sarah. And me." He answered, frowning slightly. The picture, he recognized, had been taken from Sarah's Instagram. "Isn't this from last year's Halloween party?"

"Yep." Brendon said, unabashed that he had practically dug through Sarah's profile to find this particular image. "Now, Sarah's told me that you specialize in this particular field." He explained, swiping left to a photo of Sarah, as a bleeding banshee, and Ryan, a rotting zombie - that had been taken last year as well and both Ryan and Sarah had nicked the second place for Spookiest Duo award. "If you've read Nightmare Carnival, the antagonist - that's me - has a very detailed appearance that gives people both the creeps and the scare so obviously we need to bring the words to the screen.

"I had a few demos run by the makeup artists from other agencies beforehand but I didn't quite like what they could do. They were a bit too generous with the gory details that didn't really quite fit what I, or Gerard Way, had in mind. Now you, on the other hand, I'm interested because you know how to balance it all out. Did you receive the contract?" He asked.

Ryan, who had been so distracted listening to the sound of Brendon's voice and not his words, blinked in confusion. "The contract? Oh yea, I do. It's in my bag, actually."

"Perfect." Brendon said. "Have you read the details and fine print, and signed it?"

Ryan nodded.

"Good. Could you please hand it over to me?" Brendon inquired.

Ryan obliged, getting up to retrieve his backpack before digging through it to find the contract tucked away in a clear folder. He gave it to Brendon, who flicked through the paperwork for good measure, while Ryan bit his lower lip nervously. Once Brendon was satisfied with what he was seeing, he looked back up at Ryan.

"Okay, here's the deal: you come over to my place next week and show me what you got. Then if I really like what you can do, we can negotiate your pay. Is that cool with you?" Brendon asked.

Ryan's cheeks heated. "Yeah. Yeah, it's cool."


	7. 5

Ryan jiggled his knees nervously on the bus ride to Brendon's house, much to the annoyance of the elderly lady sitting beside him. His hands were clasping each other tightly that the tips of his fingers had turned red and were on the verge of leaving marks on his skin. With his lower lip in between his teeth, he stole glances at his phone for the time but every so often would he catch himself unlocking his device to check on his messages.

He was still stuck in disbelief that he had actually met Brendon Urie, one of Hollywood's hottest heartthrobs, in person and got to shake his hand not to mention have a conversation, even if it had been limited to the discussion of his contract and compliments for his cooking skills. His finger slid across the screen and before he was aware of it, he was rereading the text from Brendon.

The celebrity had sent Ryan his address, as well as the time he had to be at his place.

 _I'm actually going to his house. To see him. And do his makeup_. Ryan thought to himself, chewing absentmindedly on his lip.  _This is insane_. When the bus arrived at the stop nearest to Brendon's house, Ryan hopped off and walked down the street. He referred to the map application on his phone; this neighborhood was unfamiliar to him. The signs of its inhabitants' wealth were apparent from the size of their houses, the luxury cars parked at the driveway and the perfectly manicured lawns.

After a few wrong turns and getting chased by a dog, Ryan managed to find Brendon's house. Apparently he had passed by it a few times without even knowing - never doubt your map application. Unlike the houses he had seen, Brendon's was a two-story building that didn't seem to visibly flaunt the celebrity's wealth, neither did it appear like the glitzy place of residence Ryan had conjured in his mind.

Walking towards it from across the street, he went to the buzzer and pressed it. A few moments passed before he tried it again. By the third time he pressed the buzzer, apprehension and self-doubt crept up his back, whispering anxiousness in his mind.

What if  Ryan had arrived a bit too early? What if Brendon had forgotten and had left the house earlier? What if this was the wrong address? What if this was just a prank?

The last question jabbed at his self-confidence and Ryan could feel himself deflating from it. Biting his lower lip, he fished his phone out from his pocket, scrolled through his contacts before finding Brendon's number. Tapping the call button, he held his mobile device to his ear. It took a few rings before the call was answered.

" _Good morning, who's this?_ " said a voice from the other end of the line.

Ryan felt a small flicker of doubt in him but said, "Um hey, Brendon, it's me, Ryan Ross."

There was a brief silence on the other end of the line. " _Oh, Mr Ross, right?_ "

"Yep. I'm actually waiting outside your house right now." Ryan informed, scanning around him. "Are you busy right now or do I have to check in at a later time?"

" _Listen_." The voice began. " _Actually, I'm not Brendon_."

Ryan's eyes widened and he felt as though someone had played a prank on him and he was now the butt of that embarrassing joke. "Wait, what?"

" _I'm his PA. He told me contact you because he had a private matter to attend to last night."_  Brendon's PA answered. " _Is there an issue you'd like to clarify?_ "

"No. Yes. Hold on." Ryan took a moment to let the fact that it wasn't Brendon's number he had saved but his personal assistant. "So, lemme get this straight: Brendon could've contacted me instead from his personal number and tell me to meet him like somewhere other than his house but instead he tells you to contact me and give me his home address. That's  _really weird_."

There was an amused chuckle from the PA. " _Brendon can be kinda backwards with the things he does but I've learned not to question his decisions; he's a bit unorthodox_."

"Ok. Other than that, I'm outside his house right now and I've rung the buzzer three times already. Is he in or ..."

" _He must be sleeping in then. Hold on, I'll call him and let him know you're waiting_."

"Cool." Ryan replied. "Hold on, what's your name? I mean, just so in case I don't accidentally call you Brendon."

The person on the other side of the line laughed. " _Everybody calls me James_."

"Cool. Alright, thank you so much James."

" _No probs_." James replied and the call ended.

Pocketing his phone, Ryan moved to stand under the shade of a nearby tree; the sun was hot today and Ryan's skin was starting to turn slightly ruddy in color from the heat. It took about three minutes before the gate slid open. Ryan entered the compound just as his phone let out a ding; it was a message from James saying  _Front door's unlocked_.

With palms sweating like crazy and heart slamming fast against his ribcage, Ryan tried to take a few deep breaths to lessen the sensation of anxiety thrumming his body; it didn't work that much but then he didn't have to worry about that because the door opened, revealing Brendon behind it.

Ryan would've felt less like he had just opened his eyes directly at the sun if Brendon had bothered to put on a shirt.

"Randy, right?" Ryan was too speechless from the exposure to even correct Brendon calling him by the wrong name. There was a grouchy expression on the celebrity's face and judging from the bad case of pillow hair, Ryan figured that Brendon had just woken up not too long ago.

Ryan nodded quickly, clutching the straps of his backpack in a fit of nerves while his eyes strayed away from Brendon's face to the potted plant on the doorstep; his face was burning.

Brendon made a sound that was a half-grunt and half-sigh and jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. "Come on in." He mumbled and entered, followed by Ryan.

Having lived most of his life in small suburban homes, Ryan couldn't help but peer around and admire the interior of Brendon's house. The doorway opened up to the lounge area on their left where there were comfortable couches sitting around a large flat screen tv mounted to the wall. Across that area sat a counter, presumably where drinks could be served for small gatherings or parties. There was also a sliding glass door that led to the patio where a swimming pool was located. The area had an airy and relaxed feel to it.

To their right a hallway that led to the kitchen and a set of stairs that led to the upper floor of the house. Ryan didn't have a chance to have a proper look around because Brendon told him to wait in the lounge while he excused himself to change out of his clothes. Taking a seat at the couch, Ryan took a moment to assess the situation and to quiet the excitement and nervousness clamoring in his head. Everything felt surreal. He wasn't even sure if he was dreaming.

Letting his eyes drift around the lounge, he wondered in a detached sense what it'd be like to be Brendon; surely the perks would be money and fame but there was something about the house that spoke of a kind of loneliness that Ryan had only the slightest idea of. Rising from the couch, he went to admire the large portrait of Frank Sinatra overlooking where the piano sat before he approached the musical instrument. Glancing around for a moment, he let his hand drift over the keys before playing a familiar melody.

"Ooh, who's this?" A silky female voice spoke from behind, giving Ryan a jolt of surprise. He turned around to find two ladies, around his age, staring at him with a mix of bemusement and curiosity. One was slender with elfin features while the other was curvy with almond-shaped eyes and full lips. They just so happened to be Chelsea and Carla of the Leeds/Mason family from a popular reality tv show.

Ryan's mouth fell open with shock before he closed it, remembering his manners, and gave an awkward wave. "Hi there." He said rather nervously, moving away from the piano. "I'm --"

"Chelsea, Carla," said Brendon, who was appearing from behind the two ladies, buttoning up his shirt.

Ryan put two and two together and his cheeks tinted red at the thought that Brendon might've slept with them; it was probably obvious from the messy hair and swollen lips on Brendon. Ryan decided not to say anything and did his best to resemble a piece of furniture while Brendon told the sisters that Ryan was helping him out today.

The taller of the sister, Chelsea pouted, caressing Brendon's arm with a pleading expression. "Can't we stay to watch?" She asked. "I'm sure your makeup artist won't mind."

Carla, the curvier of the two, smirked at Ryan, who promptly felt awkward all over, owing to the fact that he was not, in any way, interested in girls for any matter.

Brendon rolled his eyes and exhaled. "Now, now." He told the sisters firmly. "It's time for work so I have to maintain a bit of professionalism. Thanks for last night." He added with a suggestive smirk at the two and Ryan felt even more like he shouldn't even be there witnessing this.

The two ladies left afterwards and Ryan was unpacking the special effects makeup kit from his backpack when Brendon returned from the front door with a slight frown on his face. "What are you doing?" He said, his voice absent of the tone he had used when he first met Ryan at Sarah's apartment. In fact, Brendon sounded  _and_  looked annoyed.

"Um, it's my stuff." Ryan answered, voice shaking slightly at the end from the nervousness that was bubbling all around his system. "I thought I'd have to show you what I'm capable of doing."

Brendon shook his head, not bothering to disguise the mood he was in; Ryan wondered if this was what he meant by 'maintaining a bit of professionalism' or his exasperation stemmed from the fact that Ryan had arrived at an inconvenient time that Brendon had asked him to come over. If so, Ryan was very confused.

"I told my PA to get the stuff you need last night." Brendon said. "Never mind. Now that you know, just come on over to my room. You can do me there."

Ryan's face burned at Brendon's choice of words - even if he knew the celebrity didn't mean it in  _that_  way he was glad that humans hadn't evolved with the ability to read minds.  _Get a hold of yourself_ , he scolded himself inwardly before hurrying after the celebrity.


	8. 6

"How long does it usually take for you to get this makeup thing done?" Brendon asked, taking a seat at his dressing table. Ryan had the distinct feeling that the celebrity was staring at him and it didn't help matters that his back was facing Brendon so there was this prickling sensation of awkwardness.

"Depends. It's not something you'd wanna rush if the details are super important - which they always are." Ryan answered.

Out of stubborness, he had brought up his makeup kit with him but was now perusing the kit that James had gotten. They were really high quality products, and expensive, but Ryan shouldn't dwell on it for long as Brendon was definitely making more money than his agency's budget.

Brendon noticed the way he was frowning at the kit and asked, "Is there something wrong?"

"No, no." Ryan shook his head. "It's just ... Never mind." He turned to Brendon and studied the man's face carefully, making sure to note the details Brendon's features like the arch of his eyebrows, the slight curve of his cheekbones and the shape of his mouth. "So is there a particular look you wanted me to --"

"Make me look like I've been into a bloody fight with a vampire." Brendon said.

"What?"

"You heard me." Brendon crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at Ryan, who was staring at him like he couldn't decide if the celebrity was being serious or not. "If you're really as good as Sarah says --"

Though Ryan didn't mind that he was doubted - well, even he  _doubted_  himself - the implication that Brendon was rather skeptical of his best friend's word grated on him. "Okay, okay, I'll do it." He sighed and regarded Brendon once more. "But if you really want it to look legit, that shirt won't cut it."

"If you wanted me to go topless, you should've said so." While his words would've been flirtatious, the tone Brendon used was quite the opposite - he sounded petulant.

Ryan turned to look away, heat rising into his cheeks as Brendon got up to remove his shirt. Even though there was nothing to be ashamed of as Ryan was doing his best to act professionally, he couldn't help but feel as though he had made the impression that he simply wanted to see Brendon's bare upper torso in person. He kept himself busy by double-checking the new makeup kit so that he didn't have to stare directly at Brendon.

"Do you have a chair I could sit on or something?" Ryan asked, not looking at Brendon.

Brendon mumbled something about the bathroom before he got up and left. He came back a moment later with a stool in his hand and placed it so that it was directly across him where he'd be sitting by the dresser.

Picking up the essential brushes, paints and powders, Ryan went to occupy the stool and drew a long breath, shaking his hands to loosen up the tension from nervousness building up in his fingers. "So, uh, let's get started." Ryan's voice quavered at the end; it didn't help that he and Brendon were in a direct line of eye contact. "If you could just, uh ..." With trembling hands, he touched Brendon's face and angled it, ostensibly because he needed a general idea of where to paint wounds and bruises but in his mind he was screaming.

Brendon's skin was softer than he thought it'd actually feel and it was in great condition, unmarked by any uneven patches, blackheads, acne scars or any common skin problems - Ryan wondered what Brendon had in his diet to get such flawless complexion. Ryan thought about his own skin and winced.

The slight frown on Brendon's face deepened. "Is there anything wrong?"

"You have nice skin." Ryan blurted out and then wanted nothing more than to jump out the window.

Brendon's eyebrow arched questioningly and for a moment, Ryan thought he was about to ask him to leave when the celebrity said, "It's all in the food. You wanna avoid junk food and stuff. The basic stuff."

"Berries are good for keeping breakouts at bay." Ryan added, though he wasn't sure why he felt the need to speak that one out. When Brendon didn't respond, his face burned. "But anyway, bloody fight with a vampire, right? Yeah, cool, noted." He mumbled and set to work, starting from Brendon's face.

For the most part, Brendon was a fairly patient person to work on and Ryan was pleased that he didn't complain a lot - like some of his previous clients. Usually Ryan liked to have small talk but Brendon was so quiet, that he might as well have worked on a statue instead. Silence seemed to thicken the tension and once or twice, Ryan had made a few minor mistakes and had to improvise. Sweat was already shining on his temple, plastering his hair to his skin. His facial muscles were starting to hurt from the frown of concentration that was plastered the moment he started to work when Brendon cleared his throat.

"Do you want to take a break?" The actor asked in that same serious tone.

Ryan was tempted to say no but then Brendon might've needed it more than he did as he was sitting in the same position for some time now. The older man nodded, scooting away so Brendon could move. Free-floating anxiousness in Ryan's veins frenzied when the celebrity went to the mirror to examine himself, particularly the fake cuts and bruises on his face.

"Not too bad." Brendon murmured and Ryan felt a trill of pride quaver in him. "But it's not too good either."

Ryan's pride deflated like a sad balloon.

"Hmm." Brendon angled his face so he could have a better look at Ryan's work. In the reflection of the mirror, Ryan saw the mask of self-doubt and nervousness on his features and turned away, not wanting himself to stare. Mumbling an excuse, he got up and left the room.

He made his way downstairs to the lounge area, very aware of his own heartbeat in his constricting chest.

What if Brendon didn't like what he did?

Anxiety was biting down on him, making feel all jittery and doubtful of his own skills, which was the only thing he was actually confident about. This was bad. This was very bad. He needed to get hired. No way in hell did he want to be kicked out of his own apartment - and there was no way he'd go looking for his best friend's or his stepfamily's sympathy. That was when Ryan had only come to the realization that he was really desperate for this job.

"Fuck." He swore under his breath, rubbing the back of his hands across his face. "Get your shit together. You can do this." If there was an award for the world's worst pep talker, he'd probably be the one receiving it; he didn't believe in what he was saying. Fishing his phone out of his pocket, his shaky fingers dialed a number.

" _Ryan! How's it going?_ " Sarah's voice spoke cheerily from the other end of the line. " _I'm in the middle of --"_

"I think I'm gonna throw up."

" _Whoa what?? Ryan, what's wrong?_ " Ryan could hear the worry coloring her tone.

"I'm at Brendon's right now and I think he might not like how I did his special effects and what if I don't get hired and then I get evicted by my landlady --"

" _Ryan_." Sarah said so sharply that Ryan stopped talking. " _You'd better listen to me, alright? You're super talented and super good at special effects makeup and you're an awesome person. If_ _Brendon_ _doesn_ _'t hire you, I'll be sure nail it on his conscience!_ "

Despite how anxious he felt, Ryan couldn't help but grin; there was no way Sarah would be that mean and underhanded but she sounded so adorable that he just had to laugh. "Okay, okay. No need for that, laying it thick till he's awfully guilty, I mean. I just ... I really need this job."

" _I know_." Sarah said. " _Calm down, you'll do awesome. I'm so sorry I can't stay for longer - I'm actually in the middle of a meeting_  --"

"I'm so sorry."

" _It's cool. But seriously, I bet you'll make him up so good he'll be hard-pressed to make you stay_."

Ryan's cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "That sounded really wrong on so many levels."

" _Yea it does, but you get my point. You deserve a treat after this._ " She said firmly. " _Homemade pizza at my place for dinner, okay? I won't take no for an answer!_ "

"Sure thing."

" _Okay, bye!_ " Sarah clicked off, leaving Ryan feel a bit better about himself. Inhaling deeply, Ryan nodded to himself slowly and pocketed his phone. Now regaining his confidence, he went up the stairs back to Brendon's room.

The celebrity was sitting at his desk, twirling a pen in his hand. Brendon didn't hear Ryan enter at that moment, his brows furrowed with concentration as he studied the papers in his hand carefully; he was also on his phone, speaking in a frustrated tone. Clearly, Brendon was preoccupied at the moment so Ryan was turning to leave.

"Dallon,  _listen to me_." Brendon was saying and curiosity got the better of Ryan, making him stop at the door. "I don't care if it makes me sound rash or whatever, alright? I don't want to do this  _again_! What do you mean?" Brendon demanded, agitated. "I don't -- Well, fuck this. Okay, I don't want to hear this right now."

Ryan heard Brendon let out a very angry sigh, followed by the sound of Brendon pacing about the room. Waiting for approximately a minute, Ryan entered the room carefully and saw Brendon was glaring out the window with a smoldering expression. Before Ryan could say anything, the other man exhaled and faced him, wiping away the traces of his earlier behavior with almost no effort. If there was anything giving his frustration away, it was the tight set of his jaw.

Nervously, Ryan asked in a tremulous voice. "Are you ready to continue?"

Brendon took a moment to study Ryan. "No."

Ryan did his best not to feel like a let down and reasoned inwardly that it was probably for the best because Brendon looked pissed and Ryan was certain that if he made any mistakes, he'd be pinned down by Brendon's sharp remarks. He nodded, biting his lip. "Okay, cool." He responded, rather lamely. When Brendon didn't reply, the last of his resolution fizzled out, leaving Ryan feeling exhausted, disappointed and frustrated with himself.

Squaring his shoulders, he gave Brendon a tight-lipped smile and left, not bothering to ask if his potential employer wanted to arrange another appointment.

*

"He didn't say anything?  _Seriously??_ " William was regarding Ryan with a rather incredulous expression plastered on his features. "Not even a 'You should probably come again tomorrow' or a 'I'm not feeling too good now --'"

"Jesus fucking Christ, William! No." Ryan scowled. He didn't really mean to snap at his colleague but he was still in a self-accusatory mood which made him act like he had a stake driven up his ass. He was clutching the glass of lemonade tightly when he exhaled, loosening his grip. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to --"

"It's cool." William cut him off before rubbing Ryan's shoulder in a reassuring manner, smiling. He pushed away the long brown locks of hair from his face and smiled at Ryan like the brunet hadn't just thrown profanities in his face. "Gotta let it out sometimes."

"Yeah, but not at you." Ryan scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You're too nice for that." He added. It was true. Even if William was the most eccentric person at Kaleidoscope Eyes agency, always showing up at work with that tie-dyed man purse that even the 60's rejected and occasionally trying to promote organic fruit juice or something that some people just steered clear of him, he had a good heart.

"Why, thank you!" William beamed proudly.

Ryan peered around the newly opened cafe, observing his surroundings casually. The place had opened a week ago, according to William because Ryan couldn't be bothered with matters like this especially not with his tight budget. Initially Ryan was hesitant on meeting William here for lunch at all after that mini-disaster at Brendon's earlier that day but William had said that the owner of the place was his sister and that she'd be letting them eat for free - siblings like these deserved gold medals - Ryan just had to hop on.

Besides, it wasn't like he was  _freeloading_  when it was already free in the first place and Ryan needed extra calories.

William's sister, a petite Korean girl named Seo-Yun, approached their table with their food. She smiled at the both of them, placing Ryan's plate of beef lasagne and William's sweet potato fries and two large tofu burgers.

"Finally!" William exclaimed happily, tucking into his food.

Seo-Yun simply sighed at him, shook her head apologetically at Ryan before saying something to William in her mother tongue. William rolled his eyes at her and responded in the same language and stuck his tongue out playfully at his sister, who gave him an affectionate cuff upside the head. Grinning, he pushed his plate of fries to Ryan who had began to inhale his lasagne. "Boy, you must really like my sister's secret recipe."

Ryan glanced up from his food, blushing. "Sorry, I'm just really hungry." He admitted, remembering that last night's meal had consisted of a glass of water and cup ramen. He picked a fry off the plate and nibbled thoughtfully. "Thanks for, um, inviting me to have lunch."

"No biggie." William said, munching on his burger. "I wanted to share this wonderful place with everyone." He said before leaning in. "Also because I think my sister's food is really great."

Ryan laughed. "It is." He agreed and had another sweet potato fry. "How's it going at Kaleidoscope?"

"What are you talking about? You were there in the office yesterday." William snorted.

"I mean, our agency hasn't been getting any jobs lately ..."

William shrugged and finished the rest of his burger. For someone so lanky, Ryan thought, he had quite an appetite and was already on his second burger. "Well, I guess. But the important thing is to stay positive." He said. "Besides, fashion week should be starting not too far from now so I'm sure we'll get some clients."

Their conversation lapsed into silence afterwards as the smell of food became much more tempting. Once Ryan was finished eating, he sat back in his seat and felt very full and satisfied with his meal. He was about to thank William once more when his phone rang.

Excusing himself from the table, he went outside where the noise levels were lower than the cafe's and answered the call. "Hey, James. What's up?"

"Ryan, hey! I have good news for you!"


	9. 7

"My car, my tunes." One of Ryan's colleagues, Breezy Douglas, was telling William off for fiddling with the buttons on the stereo. She had already smacked his hand away and William was looking martyred that country music was playing.

Ryan was at the backseat of Breezy's car, already plugging into his earbuds and increasing the volume on his phone.  _Wild Antelope_  began to play over Breezy's stereo. The four of them, including Linda Ignarro who would be the leader for their team today, were heading to the heart of LA to meet with their client who was getting married tonight.

It was in times like these that Ryan felt confident of himself; it was always much easier when everybody was on the same boat - unlike earlier the other day when he had to bear the weight of showing how capable he was at special effects to Brendon all by himself. The ride to the venue - which was a hotel - was a bit tense because they had to be up her standards later on as it was her wedding, after all.

Linda was giving everyone the low-down of what they were supposed to do and delegating the workload amongst themselves. "Okay so Ryan and William on the bridesmaids and Breezy and I will handle the bride." She was saying. "Also, just a reminder that you two - that's Ryan and William, by the way - need to make sure not to overdo the makeup on the bridesmaids." Once she was satisfied with her instructions, they had arrived at the venue.

Collecting their kits, the four of them headed to the lobby and were met by the bride's mother who would lead them to where the bride was getting ready. The woman was rather talkative and kept babbling about how her daughter's wedding would be the best. Frankly, Ryan didn't pay much attention to her and instead studied William's side profile out of boredom from the mirrored walls of the elevator.

When they reached the room where the bride was staying for now - the penthouse suite. Breezy and Linda separated from William and Ryan to meet up with the bride while the two men tended to the bridesmaids, who looked about the ages between eight to thirteen. The little girls seemed dubious about William's and Ryan's makeup skills at first, owing to the preconceived notion that men were terrible at anything related to beauty, but then decided that they weren't too bad.

"So what do you want to be when you grow up?" Ryan was asking the curly-haired girl as he applied makeup.

The sweet-faced ten year old giggled shyly. "I wanna be an astronaut! But at the same time I want to be an explorer."

"Astronauts are explorers too. They get to go to Outer Space to learn more about the universe." Ryan told her with an encouraging smile.

"Do they befriend aliens too?" She asked with wide and curious eyes.

Ryan laughed. "I guess. I mean, it'd be cool if you had an alien friend. Imagine how awesome it would be if your alien friend showed you around their home planet." Managing to keep the conversation rolling, Ryan and the girl began to talk about stars when she asked him what his ambitions were back in school. "Don't tell anyone but I really wanted to be a trucker in fourth grade. But other than that, I used to think I'd become a racecar driver." He said shyly.

After finishing their task of applying makeup on the bridesmaids, William and Ryan waited for Breezy and Linda. The little girls had engaged the two men in a game of pattycakes and Ryan, being a person who hadn't the slightest idea on how to coordinate his hands to the increasing rhythm, dropped out of the game and decided to watch instead. It was very entertaining as the girls and William appeared very serious about the whole thing.

About two minutes after Ryan lost the game, his phone rang. When he saw the number displayed on the screen, his heart clenched with fear; it was the landlady. No doubt she was going to demand his rent money - Ryan had only managed to pay a fraction of the amount the other day - or kick him out of his apartment, which he was hoping she wouldn't. Anxiety made him rush out of the suite without excusing himself to the corridor outside.

Shakily tapping the  _Receive call_  function, he held his phone to his ear. "Good afternoon, Mrs Jefferson--"

"Mr Ross? Yes, I'm calling to inform you that you have to move out of your unit."

The world seemed to tip over; Ryan's stomach gave a sickening lurch like he had missed a step on the way down a flight of stairs. He was clutching his phone to his ear, struck speechless with an utterly staggered expression. He tried to speak but his voice came out scratchy with disbelief. "Wait, what?"

"You have five days." Mrs Jefferson continued in the same inexorable tone. "I'm sorry, Mr Ross, but the electricians had a routine maintenance on the building and found some problems with the electrical system. They informed me that the place will need to be rewired otherwise there is a possibility that the place might go into flames."

Ryan breathed out a sight of relief, thankful that the reason why he was asked to move out wasn't because of money, before his logic smacked into him again. "How long will the rewiring take?"

"About two months." Mrs Jefferson responded. "But this,  _may I remind you_ , does not mean you should slack on your rent payment." She emphasized.

"Yes, ma'am. And --" Before Ryan could finish his sentence, the landlady had hung up on him. Pressing his lips together, he took a minute to reflect on the news she had told him when the full realization of his situation hit him square in the chest.

He had to look for a place to stay for the meantime while his apartment building was getting rewired. He didn't have enough money to find another place to stay so his mind automatically ran through other options.

The first person Ryan thought of was Sarah. Without a doubt, Sarah wouldn't mind him staying over. But at the same time, her apartment unit was small and that he'd probably have to live on her couch - even though it was comfy, Sarah was the sort who had guests over and his things at her place would be more of a nuisance.

His second choice was to return to his stepfamily's home but it quite far from the city center and commuting costs would put a dent in his wallet.

Now Ryan was fully aware of how complicated this situation was and that being asked to move out temporarily was almost as bad as getting evicted. Feeling his head starting to swim from the sudden stress, he leaned against a wall and tried to make sense of everything, to clear his mind so he could think properly when he heard voices drifting down the hall.

"Are you sure this is the right floor?" One voice hissed.

"Yes, I am. If my sources are correct." The second one responded, sounding miffed.

Ryan, frowning up, tried to see who it was when two male figures came trotting down the corridor. One was rather tall, with wild curling hair, and the other was short with dark greasy hair. The similarities between the two were their nosy expressions that were paired with rather condescending gazes and that they seemed to be poking about suspiciously.

Distracted from his current thoughts, Ryan straightened up and watched the two men peer about before they noticed his presence.

"Ah, you there!" The short one spoke in a hurried tone. "We're with UNY and we're wondering if you've seen a Brendon Urie anywhere." The man said in a very serious tone as though he were a police officer questioning Ryan whether he knew the whereabouts of a criminal at large.

Confused by the forwardness of the man's questions, Ryan stared at him and his taller partner. "Um, no? Why?"

"Oh, nothing." The taller one dismissed with a wave of his hand. "Never mind, Frank. Probably got all my tabs mixed up. We should be able to catch him later." Without apologizing whatsoever to Ryan for the interruption of whatsover, the pair trotted off once more and left Ryan rather bemused.

He stared after them for a few moments when he heard a door open. A second later, William was approaching. "Hey there, Ryan." He said. "Breezy and Linda just finished up."

"Really? Oh, okay."

"Yeah." William nodded. "But, like, the weirdest thing is that the bride kinda invited us to stay for her wedding reception tonight for some reason."

"Seriously?" Ryan was growing more and more confused by today's turn of events. "What the heck is going on?"

"No idea." William shrugged. "But like, it's the bride's big day and Breezy and Linda agreed that we wouldn't want to seem rude to her. I dunno. It's a casual wedding thingy and like, I'm not one for these types of gatherings and stuff."

"Me neither."

"But then the bride seems to have a lot of connections and we really need to meet people for potential clients." William added.

Ryan sighed. He really wanted to sit down back at home and sleep because he wasn't liking today was making his mind run around in circles but William was right. Ryan wasn't even certain when the shooting for Nightmare Carnival would start and it would probably be some time before he received enough money to pay off all his bills.

"Well, I guess a bit of socializing wouldn't hurt." Ryan said and William seemed to agree.

*

"I'm really glad we don't have to bring a date or whatever." William was saying that night while he and Ryan were on their way to their client's wedding reception. "Because I really don't know a lot of people who are the wedding-date type of people."

"Same." Ryan responded as splashes of shadows and city light crossed his features. He stared out the windows, suddenly transfixed by the passing buildings and the colors. He glanced over at William, who was driving. An obscure indie band that Ryan wasn't familiar with the name of was playing on the stereo, filling the silence in the car. "But, what about Christine?"

"We broke up, remember?"

"Right." Ryan felt stupid for bringing up William's ex-girlfriend, having completely forgotten about how their sweet relationship had ended on disastrous terms. Before William could be remember of how sad he had been after the breakup, Ryan changed the topic. "What about Gabe?"

"Gabe?" William's voice shot up an octave. "Like, our Gabe from work or like some other Gabe we happen to know."

"I just know Gabe Saporta, William. So unless you happen to know another Gabe --"

"Oh." It was too dark to see but a momentary splash of light that crossed William's features showed a brief hint of a flush on his cheeks. "Gabe and I are just ... friends, I guess? He's more of a party animal - like a wild spirit, y'know? Then again, Gabe likes his life exciting and fun, not slow and relaxed like mine."

Ryan suspected something had happened between William and their colleague because a few months back the two had instant chemistry. He figured he probably had been too busy with work to notice that the spark between Gabe and William had been gradually fizzling out. "Yea, anyway. Besides, it's just gonna meeting people and stuff for tonight, so it can't really be called a date."

There was a funny look on William's face as he contemplated Ryan's reasoning before he shrugged, apparently agreeing. They reached their destination, parked the car, and set off to the reception hall. Despite the fact that they didn't have any written invitations like the other guests, they were ushered inside by the bride's sister and plonked onto an empty table.

William glanced around, recognizing a few people here and there. "I see a few professional models." He observed. "This is a good sign. All we gotta do is talk to them and stuff."

"I guess." Ryan said, nervousness present in his uncertain tone. Even if William seemed optimistic that their attempts would be successful, Ryan had some difficulty in believing so. He peered around and saw Breezy and Linda approaching their table.

"We should probably talk to the guests." Linda said.

"That's what I told Ryan." William stated. "I think I saw Genevieve LaRue." He added, naming an Elizabeth's Mystery fairy.

"That's the bride's cousin." Breezy said. "Ooh, I feel nervous all of a sudden." She admitted, biting her lower lip.

"Nonsense. You'll do fine." William said encouragingly.

As his colleagues drifted away from their discussion of recognizing the guests to the latest blockbuster Ryan excused himself from the table, suddenly feeling a bit dizzy. On his way there, he caught the sight of Frank and his partner lurking about in the corridors that led to the restrooms. He did feel a bit annoyed, suspecting that the pair were most likely tabloid journalists, but didn't make any move to tell them off.

Frank and his partner scuttled off at the sight of Ryan.

Confused, he stared after them while placing his hand on the restroom door handle; he turned his face around and pushed the door open. Because Ryan was expecting no one inside the restroom, he was very shocked when the opening movement was jarred when the door knocked into something, followed by a loud yelp of pain.

"What the actual fuck??" The person swore.

Ryan gave a start before rushing in, his insides filling with guilt and concern for the stranger he had accidentally hurt. "Oh my gosh I'm so --" He broke off with a shocked expression when he recognized the person. His mouth fell open.


	10. 8

"Shit, I didn't mean to - Oh god." Ryan's voice was quavering noticeably as he helped the person, who turned out to be Gerard Way, up. "I'm so so sorry!"

The author of  _Nightmare Carnival_  was rubbing his forehead with a wince, looking offended before his features softened. "It's fine." He waved Ryan off. "Ow, you really know open a damn door." He said, walking over to the mirror to check; there was already a red mark on his brow.

"I really didn't mean to." Ryan repeated, very guilty that he had accidentally hurt Gerard.

"I know. You said that earlier." Gerard touched his forehead and winced. The author was unlike how Ryan had pictured him to be and did look a lot like the picture Sarah had taken and sent him the other day. Ryan had been rather skeptical because the man in the photo didn't look  _at all_  like the Gerard Way he had imagined -he had never gone through the bother of googling what the author actually  _looked_  like. Frankly, Ryan had always assumed he'd was a forty-something year old man with long brown hair, had an eccentric taste in fashion and spoke in Received Pronunciation.

Instead, Gerard sported black hair that fell just below his ears, a smart black waistcoat worn over a crisp white shirt and a red tie with dark slacks. The man also spoke with a North Jersey accent which kinda reminded Ryan of his of old high school teacher. In fact, Gerard just looked like a regular nine-to-five person and did resemble the man in Sarah's selfie and not Ryan's expectations.

"That's gonna leave a nasty bruise." Gerard mumbled at his reflection in a rueful tone, shaking his head before he patted some of his hair down to cover the red mark. "But thank you for that."

"For what?" Ryan frowned.

"Hitting me with the door." Gerard replied and Ryan stared at him, nonplussed. "Inspiration works in strange ways and you have no idea how writer's block has been driving me nuts since last week - it's just fucking crazy." He said, grinning, when a glimmer of something flashed his eyes. "Though you do look kinda familiar ... Have I seen you from somewhere or is this deja vu? Hmm, that is an interesting prompt, I should probably note that down before I forget. Has anyone told you that you look a slightly feminine? Maybe it's your wavy hair or your eyes ...."

Having a conversation with Gerard was confusing, Ryan noticed, as he tended to digress and stray off topic. The author was now saying something about shoes when Ryan interrupted into his monologue, already feeling dizzier than he had been earlier. "You've probably seen me from Sarah Orzechowski's Instagram account." Ryan told him. "She suggested me to you the other day?"

"Sarah who?"

 _Good lord_ , Ryan thought.  _How can he not remember the cast for his book's film adaptation?_

"Oh! You mean Sarah Oreo? I mean, I call her that because her surname is just too long." Gerard grinned at him, recognition now blooming behind his features. "Yes, now I remember! You're Randy Reynolds, right?'

"Ryan Ross."

"Ah, right." Gerard flushed slightly from his mistake. "Well, it's good to see you! I'm Gerard Way, but I think you know that because you looked like you recognized me - either you're an avid reader or that your lady friend showed you a picture of me."

"Oh no, Sarah's just my best friend." Ryan protested, cheeks tinting red. Did it really seem like he and Sarah were dating to other people? He hadn't given that much thought until Gerard referred to his best friend that way.

Gerard's eyebrows arched and there was a mildly dubious expression on his features. "Really? She does talk a lot about you. Well, it doesn't matter. Did Mr Urzech take her suggestion and hire you to do his makeup on set?"

"Urzech?" Ryan echoed in bewilderment. "Urie, you mean? Yeah, he did." He wanted to add the part where Brendon had sent him off halfway through the demo, only to inform Ryan that he was hired through his PA; he decided to withhold that.

"Great!" Gerard checked his wristwatch. "Oh my, will you look at the time! I'm so sorry but I really have to get back to the reception - it's my brother's big night after all! Nice meeting you, Randy! See you on set in two weeks!" With that, he hurried out the bathroom, leaving Ryan to stare after him.

*

"Hey, what took you so long?" Breezy asked Ryan with a tone of concern when he returned to the table.

"I bumped into Gerard Way in the restrooms." Ryan replied and sat next to William, who was reading the menu upside down.

"Really?" Linda squeaked in disbelief, regarding Ryan with wide eyes. "Damn, I  _love_  his books! What is he like?" There was a very excited expression on her features.

"Confusing. He keeps changing the topic and rambles a lot." Ryan frowned and peered around. "Said it's his brother's big night or whatever." He spotted the author talking to guests, gesturing animatedly as he spoke. Ryan pointed at him and Linda stared at the author as though she had spotted gold on the floor or something.

Half an hour later, Breezy and Linda both looked absolutely delighted that they could finally talk to the guests at the reception but both William and Ryan were still eating.

"Yeah, and that part when Kylo Ren was a Darth Vader obsessed fanboy? Tragic." William was complaining for what felt like the thousandth time about Star Wars. "Honestly, didn't anyone tell him that Vader switched sides when he was dying?"

"I don't think so." Ryan told him, finishing the last sip of his champagne; the sweet taste of his drink fizzled on his tastebuds. "Breezy and Linda sure look like they're in their element." He observed a little enviously, watching as his two colleagues chatted with a few of the guests with ease.

William nodded in agreement, setting his glass on the table. "I heard the bride's career had something to do with PR management, so that explains the celebrities around." The man peered around with a thoughtful expression. "I think I'll try to talk to someone and see how it goes. Wish me luck!" With that, William had left Ryan all alone at the table and approached a group of models.

Ryan watched him, detachedly trying to convince himself to do the same but being an innately shy person, he was having trouble with actually with plucking up the courage. It wasn't really easy for him to simply walk up to someone and start a conversation at the snap of his fingers. And that was what Ryan hated about himself - that he had the tendency to doubt himself and worry over unnecessary details at wrong times.

Ryan was intending to stand up and try to chat to that man sitting about two tables away from Ryan's. Before he could get up, he heard a familiar voice say, "Ryan, is that you?"

The brunet turned around to see who it was and immediately broke into a huge grin when he recognized who had spoken. "Sarah!" He exclaimed and got out of his chair to give his best friend a hug. The awkward knot of nervousness in his chest began to unravel with the relief.

"Whoa, I had no idea you were invited to Kristin's and Mikey's wedding." Sarah said, drawing back from Ryan to regard him with wide curious eyes. Even if she was wearing a simple pale blue dress that matched her eyes and had her hair tied up in a ponytail, she still looked amazing - that was Sarah for you. No matter what she was in, she could still pull off the look.

"Ditto. I mean I didn't expect to see you here too." Ryan responded. "Are you here because Gerard invited you to come to his brother's wedding reception?" He asked curiously; after all, it did seem about right that the author might've asked some of the crew and cast to attend the event.

Sarah shrugged. "Well, yes and no. Gerard did send out the invitations but it was Kristin - that's the bride, by the way - who asked me to come." She looked around the room as though she were searching for someone in the crowd. Ryan noticed her drumming her fingers on the sides of her thighs and knew she was nervous, despite how relaxed she seemed.

"Who are you looking for?" Ryan asked curiously, wondering who it could be that might be making Sarah feel anxious. He tried to to follow the line of her gaze but she had faced him once more, her expression appearing somewhat abashed.

"Oh, um, no one." She replied suspiciously and Ryan's eyebrow quirked upwards of its own accord. The brunette laughed dismissively, shaking her head. "No, really, it's fine. Now never mind me - how about I introduce you to the guests here?" She suggested lightly, attempting to draw Ryan away from the subject of his curiosity.

The tactic worked anyway because Ryan suddenly felt a bit anxious and self-conscious of himself. He was about to decline when he caught his colleagues chatting to the guests. This brought out the opportunist part of Ryan that pushed him to agree to Sarah by flashing the advantages he could gain by talking those people. With a tentative nod, he allowed Sarah to introduce him to the guests and the newlywed couple and did his best to keep a conversation with them.

At first they were curious as to what Ryan did because they were certain that they hadn't seen him around in their industry until he told them he was a makeup artist. As his agency wasn't well know, he had to answer questions. In the end, only a handful of them were actually interested in contacting Ryan through his agency. He didn't let that bother him, though.

After all the talking, Ryan needed a drink so he excused himself from the conversation with Mikey Way and a guy named Kenny Harris. He was helping himself to some more champagne when he felt his back prickle. Self-consciously, he peered over his shoulder and felt his pulse jump.

Standing a few feet away, casually leaning against a pillar away from the crowd, was Brendon Urie. Despite the dress code being casual, he was dressed in a sheer red suit and a black high-collared shirt; he did look a bit overdressed for the occasion. There was a mask of distant contemplation on his features while he swirled the slender wine glass in his hand.

Ryan felt like he should approach Brendon to perhaps thank the actor for hiring him as his personal makeup artist for  _Nightmare Carnival's_  set or try to make small talk with him. But despite how Ryan told himself to take a step forward and walk towards the other man, his knees were locked in place and his whole body frozen. So he stood there looking rather awkward all by himself.

As if picking up on Ryan's hesitations, Brendon's eyes crossed locked with Ryan's in an instant. There was something about the intensity and thoughtfulness behind the man's gaze that made Ryan lose his breath for a moment. The actor made his way over to Ryan, still keeping the eye contact until he was in front of Ryan. The slight curl of the left corner of his mouth hinted surprise and amusement.

"You're here." Brendon's voice sounded so smooth to Ryan's ears. The man's eyebrows were arching a bit in a questioning manner.

Even though the fact that he knew Brendon was only here to talk to him over tiny matters, Ryan's body was overreacting ny making sweat break out over the surface of his palms and his heart to pound."Y-Yea." His voice shook embarrassingly and Ryan turned his face to cough and to hide the blush forming on his face. "Good to see you too, sir."

"There's no need to call me sir."

"Sorry." Ryan squeaked and cleared his throat, inwardly pissed his body was acting up. "I thought it was the right way to address you since you're employing --"

"Please. Just call me Brendon." The man in red said, cutting Ryan off in midsentence, which was a good thing because Ryan was certain he might start rambling if Brendon hadn't interrupted him.

Ryan bit his lip, lowering his gaze to ground momentarily before looking up at the actor through his lashes. The admixture of fluttering nervousness and self-doubt were swirling in his chest. There was something he wanted to say, anything to break the silence, but no words surfaced. Mildly frustrated by the mind block, Ryan gave a nod and was about to turn on his heel and melt back into the crowd but Brendon's voice cut into his thoughts.

"Ryan?"

The lanky man faced Brendon with slightly raised eyebrows. "Yeah?"

Brendon opened his mouth but closed it as an afterthought, shaking his head. "Never mind." He told Ryan and went back to staring thoughtfully off into space.

"Sarah's here." Ryan had no idea why he had blurted that out but he suspected detachedly that the celebrity's behavior had somehow reminded him of the way Sarah had been acting earlier. Perhaps they were both looking for each other? At the mention of Ryan's best friend's, Brendon's attention was on him once more.

"She is?" For a moment, Ryan thought he had seen Brendon flush but that could've been the alcohol playing tricks on his eyes. Brendon peered around before he stopped, gaze fixing on something past Ryan's shoulders. The lanky man frowned slightly and glanced over to find William approaching the both of them.

At first he thought William was looking at Brendon but it occurred to Ryan that William was trying to catch  _his_  gaze instead of the celebrity's.

He turned to face his friend, breaking into a somewhat nervous grin. Ryan could hardly be blamed for feeling a bit anxious upon William's arrival because he was smiling way more than usual,  his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were gleaming oddly.

"Here you are! Been wondering where you went." William laughed a bit loudly, clapping Ryan on the shoulder. "And who's your friend here? Nice red suit but you're a bit overdressed for casual, to be honest." William said, being more blunt than he usually was.

Brendon was regarding William up from his beat-up sneakers to the plaid red shirt and skinny jeans to William's long brown hair that almost reached his shoulders, with a tight set of his mouth. If anything, he looked a bit annoyed. "I  _do_  know that." Brendon responded, miffed.

It was obvious enough that William didn't seem to pick up the fact that Brendon was starting not to appreciate him being around. Not wanting the situation to cause anything bad between the two men present with him, Ryan cleared his throat loudly to draw their attention towards him and began to introduce them. "Brendon, this is William from my agency. And William, this is Brendon Urie."

Brendon simply gave a curt nod but William gasped louder than what was considered appropriate; his eyes had widened. "Oh, are you from that movie where vampires sparkle?" William asked.

"No. That's Twilight." Ryan and Brendon said in unison, both staring at William as though they were wondering if he had knocked his head somewhere.

"Oh, sorry. The forehead and the quiff kinda reminded me of that movie." William shrugged but didn't seem apologetic. " _Well_ , I'm pretty sure I've seen you from somewhere --"

"He's an  _actor_." Ryan sighed, starting to contract secondhand embarrassment.

"Oh." William nodded. "Have you acted in any advertisements?"

"Okay, this conversation is going nowhere. If you'll excuse me ..." Ryan began to lead William by the arm away from Brendon, shooting the annoyed celebrity an apologetic look. William protested but in the end allowed Ryan to lead him off to a corner. Once he was certain that no one would overhear them, Ryan gave William a rather impatient glare. "What was that for?"

"What?" William asked innocently.

" _Just now_." Ryan exhaled exasperatedly. "That was Brendon  _freaking_  Urie - my client. I have to work with him on set for a movie and I'm pretty sure you gave him a bad impression."

William narrowed his eyes, cocking his head before realization dawned on him. "Oh I see." He smirked. "So, like, you wanna impress him?"

"In a professional way."

"Cool. Good luck with that - you'll  _need_  it." William told him, sounding almost sympathetic. "I heard he's a tough person to work with and that he has these high expectations." At that comment, Ryan felt his stomach flip with fear. But William didn't seem to notice him blanch and continued, "Oh, and he can be very sharp with you if he isn't satisfied and also --"

Ryan held up a hand. "I get it, alright?" He sighed, rubbing his temples. "But were you looking for me?"

"Oh yes!" William replied eagerly, his eyes lighting up. "My roommate just moved out and I was about to ask you if you know anyone who's looking for a place to stay - y'know paying rent is  _such a bother_  and it'd be better if I had someone to split it with."

Ryan's interest began to shift towards William's prospect. He needed to clear out of his apartment in a couple of days and really had to look for a place to stay for the meantime. William's offer presented the perfect opportunity he required. "Um, yeah. Me, actually." He answered, hesitantly at first.

William stared at him, not uttering a single word, for a long moment until he decided Ryan wasn't joking; he broke into a grin. "Cool beans!"


	11. 9

Ryan had to admit the prospect of moving in with William temporarily made him feel a bit nervous. For one, he and William were casual friends and he didn't know much about the man other than the fact that William had an eccentric taste in fashion, loved watching anime in his free time and used to have a cat named Pickles. Ryan was also worried that William might be a messy roommate and Ryan hated things to be all over the place.

As Ryan sorted his belongings in boxes the next morning, William came over to his apartment to help him out.

"Well, I guess that's that." Ryan said with hesitant finality after packing away his clothes into his luggage and leaving it by the door. He stood in the living room, regarding his apartment; it was now devoid of his belongings, just like the rest of the place, only the furniture that came with the apartment remained.

William peered at him from the doorway. "You know, I really thought we'd take longer to move your stuff."

"I don't own a lot of things." Ryan told him, taking his luggage. "It'll get messy if I do." He fished his keys out of his pocket as they exited to the corridor. Locking the door, he and William then went downstairs to the parking lot.

*

The drive to William's apartment didn't take long and Ryan was mildly surprised to know that William only lived about ten minutes away from where he did. Compared to the building where Ryan lived, the one where William stayed looked relatively new.

"So, uh, I forgot to discuss this with you but ..." William was saying as they carried some of the boxes, walking towards the elevator. "The bills and stuff." He said.

Ryan bit his lip, focusing on the display overhead that showed the floors they were currently ascending. "Yeah?" He said slowly, his pulse hammering at his throat.

"So, rent money isn't an issue for me as of now." William began. "Since my roommate paid their share for two months in advance. Not sure why they didn't want the refund the landlord offered to give them but I'm not complaining."

 _Lucky you_ , Ryan thought a little enviously.

"But you do need to provide for your own food and stuff." William said when the elevator dinged on the third floor. Both men stepped out while he continued talking, "So stay as long as you want as long as you take care of your own groceries. Comprende?"

"Seriously?" Ryan frowned incredulously at William as they passed by doors till they reached one that was numbered  _305_. "Like, you really mean that? I mean, I could pay --"

"No, it's cool." William said after he had set the box on the floor and took his keys to unlock his apartment. He entered without pausing to look at Ryan.

For some reason, Ryan found this gesture both rather generous and strange of William; he wasn't used to this sort of treatment and neither did he want to get used to living off people's charity. He supposed he could help William keep his apartment clean and cook meals just to balance it out if the other man really meant what he said.

Fortunately, Ryan didn't own a lot of things otherwise he and William would have had to make more than three trips up and down. Once all his boxes were in William's apartment, placed just beside the couch that resided in the lounge area, Ryan could finally take a good look at the place.

The size of William's apartment was slightly bigger than Ryan's, having two bedrooms, a bathroom, the kitchen and the living area. And the fact that William wasn't as messy as Ryan had feared was a relief although he did make a mental note to wipe off the dust on that low console table where a flatscreen tv sat.

"Nice place you got here." Ryan said, peering around.

William smiled, shrugging. "Thanks." He retrieved a set of keys hanging by a rubber ring on a hook at the kitchen wall. "Here's the keys. And your room will be down the hall. It's across mine - you won't miss it. Oh, and bathroom's at the end of the hallway."

"Thank you so much, William." Ryan said gratefully, heading to get his boxes. William offered to help but was waved off before Ryan went to have a look at his new room.

Whoever William's roommate was, Ryan was relieved he had done a good job at cleaning up. Once he had moved all his things here, he took a seat on the edge of the bed. The frame gave a soft protesting creak as Ryan's weight sank on it. With a sigh, he settled back on it and stared up the ceiling to enjoy the quiet moment he had all to himself.

Sunlight was spilling in through the window, turning the tips of Ryan's hair gold and his irises copper. He wasn't sure how long he had laid there, wondering how long it'd take for the foreign feeling of living under a different roof would leave. With a sigh, he sat up and began to unpack.

*

The night before Ryan had to work on set with Brendon for Nightmare Carnival wasn't any easy. He hadn't heard a thing from the celebrity since they saw each other at Kristin's and Mikey's wedding; the only proof he got that Brendon was still alive was his posts on his social media account, a recent rumor that was being spread around by a tabloid and James contacting him that afternoon to make sure he had all the things he needed for his first day at work.

He had actually packed and unpacked the necessities in his bag at least three times in a fit of anxiousness and doubt until William called him out of his room for dinner. The next morning, William had actually gotten up early - something Ryan notice he didn't usually do - to make his roommate breakfast.

Ryan laughed in disbelief as he entered the kitchen, seeing William setting up the table. "Oh my god, I'm only leaving for a few days, William." He told the lanky man. "I'll be back by Sunday morning."

William shrugged nonchalantly, placing a plate of French Toast on the table before pouring two cups of coffee, one for Ryan and one for himself. "I knew that." He grinned. "But don't you think you need a good breakfast before you go?" He questioned, arching his eyebrows. He did have a point.

"I could just pick something up from McDonald's." Ryan said but was already taking a seat at the table.

The smell food in the morning was inviting and he wasn't going to ignore his empty stomach.

*

Sure, Ryan has flown in a plane before in his life. It didn't cause him any anxiety being thousands of feet up in the air or give him a terrible case of motion sickness. It certainly didn't bother him that the baby a few rows behind him was bawling.

What bothered him was the ever tightening knot of a bad case of worrying about how his first day working with Brendon would go.

Sarah was seated beside him, asleep with her head resting on his shoulder. It took her about half an hour on their flight to Portland, Maine to doze off. She was really exhausted after having to wait at the gates and passing through security with Ryan as she had to spend the night before rehearsing her lines.

Frankly, Ryan was a little envious that his best friend managed to fall asleep so quickly, even if Sarah seemed more anxious than he was - she had been clutching at a folder that contained the script she was required to memorize for today's shots till it actually got crinkled in the process.

As Ryan tried to exhaust himself by pondering about the zodiac, the tight ball of anxiety was rolling around in his stomach. It was hard to not want to throw up but he doubted he had  _anything_  to throw up.

With crossed arms, Ryan was watching a romance movie on the in-flight entertainment tv. Currently, it was featuring a scene where the protagonist was waiting at a coffee shop for his love interest to arrive; he looked rather nervous. Ryan had to admit, the protagonist's actor who was none other than Brendon Urie, was really good or maybe it just felt that way because the nervous way Brendon bit his lip or wrung his hands onscreen was rather relatable to Ryan at that point in time.

Beside Ryan, Sarah began to stir from her sleep. She opened her blue eyes groggily, squinting against the sunlight spilling in from the window.

"Good morning." Ryan told her. He must be cracking up in the head.

Sarah checked her watch. "It's two forty-seven in the afternoon, Ryan, what are you playing at?"

Ryan laughed. "Time zones."

"I don't think it's  _that_  early in the state we're flying over." Sarah peered out the window at the end of their row.

Ryan waved at her. "Good morning. I'm George Ryan Ross the Third and I --"

Sarah rolled her eyes at Ryan, nudging him with her elbow playfully before she focused her attention on what her best friend was watching. She raised her eyebrow in a teasing manner when he looked at her. "And may I ask why you're watching this particular movie?"

Ryan's face heated as he glanced surreptitiously at the in-flight entertainment guide; he hadn't actually bothered to read the synopsis instead thought the movie poster looked particularly interesting and decided to watch the film. That and the fact that Brendon Urie was acting in that movie.

"It just happened to be there when I switched it on." Ryan lied, rather unconvincingly and stared purposefully at the screen in hopes that the weight of Sarah's gaze on him would lift off if he ignored it.

" _Sure_." Sarah responded and he could hear her smirking.

Ryan scowled, looking childlike when his lower lip jutted and his eyebrows furrowed. "I'm just fucking nervous, okay?" He admitted, scrubbing the back of his hand across his face. He was really exhausted, not having able to sleep for more than two hours the night before. It was frustrating that he really wanted to rest, yet his nerves were setting him on edge and forcing him to stay in the zone of wakefulness. "What if Brendon thinks I'm terrible?"

"He doesn't --"

"And what if I mess things up while putting on his makeup?"

"Ryan, you won't --"

"Not to mention that I suspect he has that hidden diva that will blow up in my face --"

" _Ryan_." Sarah said in such a firm tone that it successfully shut Ryan up from spouting impossible nonsense that only made him more anxious. His best friend sighed, patting his hand. "Can I ask why every time you always get so worked up when you think about working with Brendon?"

Ryan's lips thinned into white line. "I dunno. I guess ... I feel pressured around him - like, come on. It's  _freaking_  Brendon Urie in the flesh and it's not like I'll get to work with him everyday and --"

"Ryan, you're sweating." Sarah cut him off, her brow furrowed with concern.

Ryan wiped his forehead, a little surprised to find the back of his hand slightly wet. He bit his lip.

"I know it feels scary and all - trust me, I felt that way too when the directors called everyone for a meeting." Sarah told him, her hand placed on Ryan's arm for reassurance. "But the thing is you have to remember Brendon is a person; sure, he has the status and all but in the end, he's a regular person just like us. He's only doing what he loves. Like you and me."

Ryan studied Sarah carefully as she spoke and wondered how he even managed to be friends with a person like her. She was likable, intelligent, outgoing and could fit into any social circle that she wanted back in high school yet she stayed by Ryan and always looked out for him. He felt ashamed of himself.

Sarah, seemingly sensing the shift in Ryan's emotions, hugged her best friend and patted his head. "There there. You'll do great. Just relax and you'll do amazing because," - she booped his nose playfully, earning a laugh from Ryan - "you're fucking awesome."

With that being said, Sarah's tiny pep talk eased Ryan out his anxiousness for the time being and he was able to fall asleep for awhile before the plane touched down in Portland.

Once they were out of the airport, waiting for an Uber, Ryan received text messages from James. He scrolled through them, scanning the instructions in those texts briefly before he pocketed his phone. The ride to their hotel took some time as they had gotten caught in rush hour.

As both Ryan and Sarah were tired from the flight despite having caught one or two hours of sleep, all attempts the driver had made in efforts to strike up a friendly conversations ended very quickly in silence.

Ryan drew his attention away from the window to his best friend. There was a look of intense concentration on her face as she read  _Nightmare Carnival_. Her copy looked fairly new, or maybe it was due to the fact that Sarah insisted on keeping her books in the same condition as they had been bought. The only thing on the novel showed Sarah's ownership of it was the colorful page markers stuck on certain pages of the book.

Sarah noticed Ryan staring at Nightmare Carnival's cover with interest before she shut her book and handed it over to him. "It's okay, just take it." She told him when he began to protest. "I've read it a lot of times."

"Horror novels aren't really my thing." Ryan said but accepted the novel anyway. Even if he didn't always read a lot of books, he felt rather responsible for its condition and had that strange urge to protect it as though it was a baby.

"Yeah, but just read it anyway. Besides, you really need something other than the concept art and stuff." Sarah said, referring to the folder Ryan received from the directors and Mr Way himself a week ago. "Who knows you might be able to come up with something that might make them go  _Damn, why didn't I imagine this sooner?_ "

Ryan couldn't help but grin. "Thanks, Sarah."

*

When Ryan and Sarah reached the place where they'd be staying for the the week, Ryan couldn't help but notice that it was a five-star hotel. Slightly uncomfortable about the whole affair, he voiced his thoughts to Sarah. "Are you sure we're in the right place?" He asked through the corner of his mouth while they waited in the lobby.

Even if Ryan had received the email with all the information he needed to know regarding this week, he was still in disbelief that he had to stay in a luxury hotel and that he didn't have to pay for it because it was already part of the budget allocation for the crew.

Sarah, seeming like she felt rather out of place, shrugged. "I guess it is." She replied, peering around the lobby with interest. "But, hey, I can't complain that it does have its perks." She stood on the tips of her toes as though she were trying to see above heads to look for someone before checking her phone. "Lynn should be here by now ..." She murmured thoughtfully.

"Who's Lynn?" Ryan inquired.

"My co-star. And my roommate for the week."

Ryan's stomach flipped. As he had been so worried about fucking up on his first day of work - or night, since the crew would be filming at that time - that he actually forgot about the person he'd have to share a room with. Obviously Ryan had mediocre socializing skills but the thought of staying in the same enclosed area with a complete stranger now caused his insides to twist into knots.

Biting his lip, Ryan checked his phone and scrolled through his contacts till he found the number belonging to the person who'd be his temporary roommate. His fingers tapped the screen, a process of typing a message, backspacing then retyping before he gave up.

"Hey are those the directors?" Ryan nudged Sarah when two men entered the lobby.

One of them had olive skin and toned arms decorated with tattoos while the other had strawberry blond hair topped by a bingo hat.

"Oh, yes they are!" Sarah waved at them and the two men did the same while they approached. "Hi Pete. Hey Patrick."

The man with the olive skin said, walking towards Ryan and Sarah. "Honestly, the traffic was murder and I'm so glad Patty and I are finally here, alive with all our limbs attached and our sanity intact." He said, shaking Sarah's hand then Ryan's. "Oh, right, you must be Ryan Ross?"

Ryan was relieved that he wasn't called Randy Reynolds or something similar. He laughed, nodding. "Yes, Mr Wentz."

"Oh no need with the formalities. We"re both cool on the first-name basis thingy." The strawberry blond man said. "Just call us Patrick and Pete." He said.

"Or Stumpbutt and Peterpanda." Pete grinned jokingly.

The look Patrick gave Pete was murderous while both Sarah and Ryan gave the two directors confused stares. " _No_." The three of them said at the same time.

Pete chuckled. "Okay cool."

Patrick turned to both Sarah and Ryan. "Aren't you two checking in?"

"We're waiting for our roommates, actually." Sarah answered although there was a slight hint of uncertainty in her tone. "They should be arriving shortly."

Pete's eyebrows raised in amusement. "Sarah, you're sharing a room with Lynn, right?" He asked and Ryan's best friend nodded. "Yea, she should be here in a bit. Must be stuck in traffic or something."

"Wait then who's your roommate for the week?" Patrick questioned Ryan.

"Um, Jonathan Walker?" The lanky man replied, glancing at his phone screen to make sure he hadn't gotten the name wrong. "I haven't heard from him though." He added. "In fact, we've never contacted for some reason."

"Oh, right!" Pete snapped his fingers. "Walker's the guy who can't make it for this week's shoots." He said, remembering. "Yea, sorry, it was on very short notice and Patty and I were just informed today right after we landed. Sorry we couldn't notify immediately."

Ryan bit his lip. "Oh, so does that mean I have to be allocated to another room?"

Patrick and Pete exchanged looks and Ryan had a funny feeling about this gesture.

"Well, yes." Patrick nodded. "You'll be sharing a room with Brendon."


	12. 10

"Did he even  _agree_  to sharing a room with me?" Ryan was rather alarmed the moment Patrick answered his question. He was staring at both directors, dumfounded, with his lips parted in disbelief and shock.

Pete pressed his lips together and gave a noncommittal shrug. "Basically, yeah. We had to discuss it with Urie as soon as Walker informed us that he couldn't make it."

"Which was when?"

"Three hours before now."

"But, you didn't inform me sooner?" Ryan asked.

"We're really sorry!" Patrick apologized. "We had a lot of things to sort out so it slipped our mind to ask you if you were okay with it." He looked very embarrassed and flustered.

Ryan softened, thinking that, as directors, Pete and Patrick obviously had more on their plate to worry about than Ryan's new roommate for the week. He nodded, letting the topic slip away.

Not long after the conversation with the directors, Sarah's roommate had arrived in the lobby and promptly greeted both Sarah and Ryan upon sighting the two. His first impression of Lynn was that she was an embodiment of grunge aesthetics from Tumblr. "Really? Thank you." Lynn had laughed when Ryan told her his thoughts. "But hey, I bet you could pull off that grungy look too."

Ryan politely declined, his mind involuntarily flashing images of that one time he had actually went through a similarly-themed phase. That was one part of his life he did not want to relive again.

Ryan texted James - he didn't have Brendon's number, despite the need for him to have it because of their work - and waited for the celebrity's personal assistant to answer his question regarding Brendon's whereabouts. For the meantime, he decided to wait at the coffee shop just across the street.

The place was packed with people by the time Ryan arrived but he managed to get a seat at the table by the window. Setting his bag down beside him, he brought out his laptop. In no time he had already joined coffee shop's wifi network and was scrolling through his work emails. As he was reading the one that James had just sent him, two voice speaking loudly nearby over the din of the place distracted him.

Frowning, Ryan glanced up and saw the same people he had seen from Kristin's wedding two weeks ago; the short man with greasy hair named Frank and a taller man - he didn't catch the name of this person. Ryan watched them, confused and curious, as they took a seat a table away. He wondered if they were those kind of fevered fans who chased celebrities till the ends of the world but then dismissed that notion because they didn't give off that vibe.

Ryan's attention on them was drawn away when his phone let out a ding. The screen lit up with a text message notification from James. Ryan picked up his phone and read it, relieved to know that James had just arrived with Brendon. Returning his belongings into his bag, he left the coffee shop.

Upon entering the lobby, Ryan spotted Brendon in the lobby, looking tired and grumpy, and two men beside him. Ryan hesitated, not knowing whether one of those two men with Brendon was James or simply Brendon's friends when the celebrity spotted him and waved him over impatiently. Ryan hurried over.

"Glad to see you're here." Brendon said but his tone suggested otherwise.

"You too."

Brendon gave him a pointed glare.

Ryan pressed his lips together, wincing inwardly, before regarding the two men shyly. They were both more or less close to Ryan's height, had the same shade of blue eyes and dark hair. The similarities ended at their facial structure and their stature. One of them was lanky, with sharp features while the other was of medium build and was baby-faced.

Ryan hesitated once more. "Um, James?"

Both men arched their eyebrows, eerily in unison. "Sorry, we both have the same middle names." The one closest to Brendon laughed apologetically.

"Oh." Ryan responded. "So, James the PA --"

"That would be Dallon." The one who replied to Ryan first explained while the lanky one rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Why does  _everybody_  insist on calling me Dallon?" Dallon sighed, shaking his head at his friend. "Honestly, Spencer, you're ruining first impressions here."

"Dallon is a cool name." Ryan said.

"Yea, but it gets irritating when people autocorrect your name to Dillon or Dylan, or worse, Devin."

"What?"

"It happens." Dallon shrugged before extending his hand. "Anyway, cool to meet you in person. I'm Dallon Weekes." He said, shaking Ryan's hand. "This guy here's Spencer Smith, who's part of the cast --"

"I'm acting as the demon." Spencer clarified, smiling pleasantly. He didn't seem like the evil type, more like a friendly neighbor person, but then Ryan wasn't going to question the director's choices.

"And this amazing person is Ryan Ross." Dallon introduced Ryan to Spencer. "He's the one Brendon hired personally for the set."

"Oh, you!" Spencer's eyes widened with recognition, and from the tone of his voice, Ryan suspected Brendon must've said a few things about him. "Sarah's best friend, right?"

"Definitely." Ryan nodded.

"Are you guys done chitchatting?" An impatient voice snapped, cutting the three men's conversations short. Apparently, they had forgotten about Brendon who was standing a little away from them and he didn't seem pleased about it. "I'm tired and I wanna sleep." He scowled petulantly.

Spencer shook his head. "You could have said something."

Brendon rolled his eyes and then looked at Ryan. "Hurry up, I wanna check in before the paps know I'm here."

Ryan didn't spare a moment to protest and followed Brendon to the reception.

*

The elevator up to their room was so awkward and tense, Ryan was relieved when they stepped out. Brendon was smoldering with his dark mood so Ryan didn't dare to strike up a conversation with him.

They walked down the corridor to their room in silence. Once they entered their room, Brendon turned to Ryan. It was the first time he had acknowledged Ryan after they had checked in. The petulant frown he'd been wearing earlier hadn't left his features but at least it was less pronounced than earlier. "I'd like to set a few ground rules but I'm too tired to discuss it with you so I'll go to sleep first." He stated.

Ryan stared at Brendon. Then it occurred to him that the celebrity was waiting for his reply. "Oh, um. Sure." He nodded and Brendon set his bags at the foot of single bed closest to the window.

Ryan couldn't help but watch as Brendon kicked off his Vans and his socks before he settled on the mattress. Unfortunately, he was facing the open windows where sunlight was streaming in. Spurred by an impulse, Ryan dropped his bag and moved to close the curtains.

Brendon would sleep better.

As Ryan had nothing else to do, he went to the bathroom to get changed into his pjs - which was really just an old t-shirt and shorts - before he went to bed.

*

Ryan was woken up a few hours later to the sound of a ukelele being strummed. With a tiny frown, he turned to his right groggily and found Brendon playing the instrument.

As the brunet hadn't realized Ryan was awake, he continued to hum along to the tune he was playing; it sounded a lot like a song Ryan was familiar with but he was too tired to recall.

So Ryan watched Brendon, fascinated by the way his fingers danced across the strings and the music Brendon could make with the instrument and his voice. When Brendon stopped singing, Ryan couldn't help but wish he'd sing some more.

"You're making me nervous. Stop staring."

With a jolt, Ryan realized Brendon knew he was watching. His face began to burn with embarrassment as he sat up. "Sorry." He mumbled, not daring to look at the brunet in the eye.

Brendon remained silent, his hands on the ukelele's body. There was a contemplative frown resting on his features. "Ground rule discussion time, Randy."

"It's Ryan."

Brendon ignored Ryan's correction and set his ukelele down before moving to face Ryan. It was a bit jarring to see Brendon look so normal; instead of being dressed in an expensive suit or branded clothes, he was wearing old t-shirt that displayed a faded band logo, sweatpants. His hair was rumpled from sleep and he seemed less intimidating now that he was wearing glasses.

Brendon held up a finger. "Rule number one: stay on your side of the room, I'll stay on mine and we'll have no quarrel."

 _Easy_ , Ryan thought.

"Rule number two." Brendon continued. "Respect my personal space and you won't end up with a broken nose."

Ryan understood the definition of personal boundaries but wondered why Brendon had to threaten to break his nose if Ryan trespassed his space. He nodded in understanding anyway.

"Rule number three: no touching my stuff. And rule number four: you will never speak of this." Brendon pointed at his face.

Ryan stared at Brendon in confusion. He didn't want to seem rude or anything but Brendon appeared as if he was waiting for Ryan's reaction. He shook his head. "What exactly am I not supposed to speak of?" He voiced his concern and braced himself for Brendon's retort.

"The glasses." Brendon scowled.

"Why?"

"They make me look dumb." Brendon pouted. "But I can't see shit without them and sadly I can't wear contacts twenty-four hours."

Ryan bit his lip and regarded Brendon carefully through his lashes. "I don't think you look dumb with glasses, in fact, I think it makes you look hot. Like in a sophisticated way. Minus your pjs and put on a suit and I bet you'll look really good." He opined softly.

Ryan didn't say that just to make Brendon feel better about himself or because Brendon was a celebrity and he deserved the praise or whatever; Ryan said it because it was his honest observation. Honest or not, he realized right away that it was the wrong thing to say in this situation.

Whether Brendon had heard what he said or not, he wouldn't know because the moment those words left his lips, Ryan got off his bed and went to the bathroom. Once he locked the door behind him, he leaned back against it and took deep breaths. His face was hot and his chest pounded. Raking fingers through his hair, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to corral his thoughts from flying all over in his head.

When Ryan decided he was calm enough, he got up and walked over to the sink. He turned on the faucet and splashed the cold water on his face.

"What the fuck were you  _doing_?" Ryan whispered to himself under his breath, blinking water out of his lashes. Slowly, he looked up at his own reflection and hoped he didn't give Brendon the wrong impression. For fuck's sake, he was supposed to maintain professional attitude and he blew it off by throwing that kind of compliment at Brendon. Worse still, it sounded like the sort of thing one would say as an attempt to flirt with someone.

And Ryan didn't want to flirt with Brendon. Well, okay, he did want to but  _not_  in this situation.

Ryan speculated Brendon's reaction and the first thing that came to mind was the brunet cringing. He could picture the lines of Brendon's face making that expression, and even musing to himself in a contemptuous tone like 'Gosh, is he really  _that_  hungry for dick?' or 'Does he really think that shit works on me?  _Disgusting_.'

Those thoughts made Ryan's throat hurt.

Blinking hard, Ryan shook his head and splashed more water on his face before he wiped it off and left the bathroom. He was bracing himself to see Brendon's expression darken at the sight of him but to his relief, he found the man watching videos with an intense look on his face. Judging from the voices from the laptop, Ryan figured he was doing that thing where actors would study the way people acted in different scenarios to get an idea.

Brendon hardly looked up at Ryan and neither did Ryan wanted to be looked at so he went to take his clothes from his bag. Then he went back to the bathroom to get changed. This time when he went back to the room, Brendon frowned up at him from his laptop.

"Where are you going?" Brendon asked, a faint trace of curiosity lingering in his words.

"Out." Ryan answered, taking his phone, wallet and keycard. "For a drink." He added so he wouldn't sound shady. "Just me time, y'know?"

"Oh." Brendon's indifferent monosyllabic response was a surprise, or at least for Ryan as he had been expecting somewhere along the lines of 'Seriously? But you just got here.'

Ryan nodded awkwardly and turned for the door.

"Be back before seven tomorrow." Brendon called out just as Ryan had set a foot out in the corridor. Perhaps he'd imagined it but maybe for once Brendon sounded like he cared.


	13. 11

Ryan lied.

He didn't actually leave the hotel room because he wanted a drink. He left because being in the same room with Brendon wasn't doing him any good. He wasn't a shallow person but he was afraid he might say something that could be taken in a different way. It was already bad enough that he had acted out of place tonight and he was worried that it would affect Brendon's impression of him.

So Ryan chose to walk around the city instead, not actually caring where his feet took him. Ryan found himself in many places that night like the park, a dark alleyway, at the entrance of a bar and then at a barber shop. His mind was blank from thoughts as he wandered and by the time it was about one in the morning, a couple of hours since he went out, Ryan returned to the hotel.

As the elevator ascended to his floor, Ryan couldn't help but stare at his own reflection in mild puzzlement, wondering what had seized him when he decided to get himself a haircut. No longer did his brown hair fall just below his ears, curling at the ends. His hair was short now,  almost resembling a fauxhawk. For the most part, he wasn't even sure he liked it but it sure did him justice compared to his older looks that caused someone call him a 'stoned faggot' one time.

The elevator doors dinged and Ryan stepped out, walking robotically down the corridor. When he entered his room, Ryan was expecting Brendon to be out, doing what celebrities tended to do in their free time like partying. He was half-surprised to find Brendon asleep again. This time Brendon wasn't spread-eagled on his mattress, instead was curled up in a blanket burrito. The tv was left on a rerun of  _Keeping Up With The Kardashians_.

As the family was in the middle of their drama and speaking in trenchant tones, Ryan switched the tv off immediately. He was concerned that it might disturb Brendon's sleep and the Kardashians' voices probably weren't the best things to hear this late at night.

Now that Brendon wasn't glaring at him or wearing that mildly annoyed expression, Ryan felt a little more at ease. As he removed his shoes and placed his phone, wallet and keycard on his nightstand, he couldn't help but peer over at Brendon for the worry that he might have woken him up.

Fortunately, Brendon hadn't stirred.

Letting out a soft sigh of relief, Ryan settled himself on his bed, with his back against the headboard and his legs stretched in front of him. He didn't bother to get changed, even if he smelled of the city and night air. He took out his phone and tapped aimlessly through the apps, scrolling through his social media feed until he came across an article about rumors surrounding  _Nightmare Carnival's_  cast. There wasn't much surprise to find Brendon Urie on the list although Ryan smirked to himself when the writer of the article speculated who would be playing the role of Sarah's character, Linda Ford, and named a bunch of famous actresses.

After aimlessly scrolling through the rubbish one could find on tabloids, Ryan put his phone down and thought about reading Nightmare Carnival now. Sarah's copy was still sitting in his bag so Ryan got up to get it before settling back on his bed. He wanted to listen to music while reading but he had left his earbuds at home and he didn't want to play his music aloud so he read the book in silence.

After a few pages into the book did Ryan realize how much he missed unwinding after a particularly stressful and exhausting day and how much he actually liked reading. Back in high school, Ryan loved to spend time in the library to read, besides using a VPN while connected to the school wifi to watch makeup tutorials on YouTube.

Nowadays Ryan barely had time to sit back and relax with a book.

Tonight was a nice change.

Ryan was nearly finished with the third chapter of the book when he heard a sound. His finger that was playing with the edge of the page stopped once. The noise continued and this time Ryan was certain that he wasn't imagining whimpers. Feeling alarm race in his veins, he set his book down and got off his bed. "Brendon?" His voice was tinged with concern.

With his pulse hammering at his throat, Ryan went round the bed to where Brendon was facing and was startled to find the actor clutching the sheets, crying in his sleep. His features were a mask of pain and sadness and he was calling for someone in his nightmares.

Ryan was shocked but still had the presence of mind to shake Brendon by the shoulder. "Brendon, open your eyes. Hey, come on." His voice was straining to sound calm and soothing from the panic that was seizing his chest. " _Brendon, wake up_."

After a few attempts, Brendon finally emerged from his nightmares. He blinked groggily at Ryan, confusion evident in his gaze as he focused on the brunet leaning over him. "What - Why'd you --" Brendon's voice sounded tight and raw.

"You were crying in your sleep. I had to wake up." Ryan told him, taking his hand off Brendon's shoulder. Relief had washed over him; he knew he should mind his own business but hearing Brendon sob earlier was making him very worried. He exhaled and went to grab a water bottle before handing it to the man.

Brendon was sitting up now, scrubbing his face with the back of his hand. After accepting the bottle from Ryan, he mumbled a thank-you, before drinking the water. "I thought you went out for a drink." He said, turning to face Ryan was already returning to his side of the room.

"Huh?" Ryan arched his eyebrows. "Oh, I guess I did." He responded lamely and felt his cheeks heat up. "I mean, no, I didn't. I just went out for a walk, that's all. Wanted to clear some stuff out my head." He added.

  
Brendon stared at him for a few moments, narrowing his eyes, before he set the bottle on the nightstand and settled back on the mattress. "Thought you'd be back in the morning."

"Technically, it  _is_  morning." Ryan said. "But not that it matters." He added hastily, in case Brendon decided to retort.

Brendon snorted softly, sounding almost amused. "So instead of drinking, you got yourself a haircut?"

Self-consciously, Ryan reached for his head. His heart constricted apprehensively as he peered over at Brendon. He bit his lip, worried. "Does it look bad?" He asked.

Turning his face to Ryan, Brendon arched an eyebrow as if to show his disbelief that Ryan was really questioning him this. "Honestly, I don't care." He said.

Ryan tried to ignore the tiny stab of hurt in his chest by reminding himself that he wasn't seeking Brendon's approval in any way. "Oh well, that's okay." He muttered.

"But it's not too bad." Brendon added as an afterthought after giving another moment to look at Ryan properly.

"Not too good either?" The words had escaped right before Ryan could stop them. He bit his lip guiltily and drew his gaze away from Brendon's in embarrassment. "Sorry."

"Oh, you remember." Brendon's voice didn't sound annoyed, in fact, it sounded soft.

Ryan shrugged as he opened the book to the page where he was reading earlier, using it as an excuse not to look at Brendon. He didn't respond to the brunet because he felt that there was no need anyway, and continued to read.

The room fell in silence once more, save for the occasional sound of a page being turned. It was quiet enough for Ryan to assume Brendon had fallen back asleep that the tension began to slip away slowly. He was had already read seven pages when he heard the movement of sheets. He looked to his side.

Brendon was sitting up against the headboard with a frustrated expression. Ryan noted that he did endearing pouting like that with a small crease in his forehead and his lower lip still sticking out even when Brendon had pressed both lips together.

The brunet sighed and crossed his arms before uncrossing them. "I can't sleep." Brendon looked over at Ryan, who had gone hastily back to reading. "Tell me something." He requested, lacking the usual bossy tone he'd always use. "Anything."

Ryan stared at Brendon in astonishment. With the weight of the man's gaze on him, he wasn't sure if he could get the words out right and was afraid that he might mess up. "Well ... I don't know." Ryan admitted sheepishly, his face reddening.

Brendon didn't bother to hide his disappointment but instead of rolling his eyes at Ryan, his features softened. "Okay. How about ... you tell me about yourself?"

This suggestion had caught Ryan by surprise. He had been expecting Brendon to be annoyed or something but seeing this side of the man was equally surprising and unnerving. "N-Not to sound rude but why? I mean, I'm not that interesting --"

"I'm waiting."

Too confused to dwell on it, Ryan obliged. "Okay, okay." He felt insecure about revealing himself to a man he didn't know much about besides what the media had presented but Ryan decided to try his best not to bore Brendon. He drew a breath nervously. "My name is George Ryan Ross The Third."

"You sound like royalty." Ryan could've sworn he heard amusement in Brendon's voice. "Are you royalty?"

Ryan bit his lip and shook his head. "Sadly, no. Anyway, I go by Ryan Ross. I'm the son of George and Danielle but my mom left my dad when I was five so I don't really remember her. My stepmom is Lucy Ross-Taylors and I'm the half-brother of Greg, Ari and Danny, who'd all be the most amazing siblings in the world if they could stop ganging up on me when they play pranks. I grew up in Minnesota but my family moved to Oregon because of my dad. That's where I met Sarah in high school before we moved to LA.

"Besides my boring history, I was born on the last day of August so I guess that makes me a ... what's that zodiac with the virgin - Oh, right, Virgo." Ryan had no idea why he had to mention his sun sign.

Brendon's eyebrows arched. This was the most Ryan had seen him react since he started talking so it was probably a good sign he had either been paying attention or he had just caught Ryan's words. "Virgo, huh?" He mused. "I heard they're quite domineering."

Ryan's brow was confused as to whether frown or arch the eyebrows to express his confusion. He stared at Brendon. "That's not true for me." He admitted. He thumbed the edge of the book's page in a nervous gesture. "Well, what about you? What's your sun sign?"

"Aries."

"Oh."

"Anyway, you were saying about yourself?" Brendon prompted.

"Oh, right." Ryan took a moment to think. "Actually, I don't really know what else to say ..." He admitted sheepishly. "Why don't you tell me about yourself?"

Brendon gave a strained laugh. "You could look up for stuff about me on Google, y'know." He said. "Sticking to the astrology topic you were saying earlier ... Basically my sun sign is Aries, my moon sign is Libra and my rising sign, or my ascendant, is Pisces."

"I've never heard of sun signs, moon signs or rising signs." Ryan frowned in bafflement.

"The sun sign is your basic personality, your moon sign is your emotional self and your ascendant is the facade you show to the world." Brendon explained.

"Huh." Ryan responded skeptically. "Not to be nosy but how often do you google yourself?" He asked curiously.

And then Brendon did the most surprising thing: he laughed. Maybe Ryan was out of his mind or he still needed sleep but hearing Brendon mirth caused his head to swim and his heart to flutter. He had really expected the brunet to come up with a snarky retort or to be offended.

Brendon grinned. "Well, I've only googled myself at least three times in my life. For the zodiac sign stuff, I just know about them because of my grandma who was a fortune-teller." He shrugged.

Ryan remained silent for a few moments. "Well, I think you should get some rest." He said. "First day of shooting and whatnot."

"You too." Brendon replied.

Ryan went to the bathroom to get changed back into his sleep clothes and returned to the room. He reaching for the switch to turn off the lights when Brendon made a noise of protest.

"Please don't - I hate the dark." Ryan turned to find Brendon staring at him, almost pleadingly, with those wide brown eyes.

Something melted in Ryan's heart when he met Brendon's gaze. Slowly, his hand drew away from the switch. Ryan climbed into his bed and drew the sheets over himself, took one look at Brendon opposite of him on the other bed before facing away from the man. He was unable to sleep for a bit so he was on his phone, casually searching for his moon sign and rising sign.

Apparently, Cancer was Ryan's moon sign - he found it rather amusing because Cancer's ruling not-so-planet was the Moon - and Capricorn as his ascendant.

And then out of curiosity, Ryan tried to see if there had been any articles mentioning Brendon's dislike for the dark.

There were a bunch of results but none of them answered the question he googled.

Ryan felt the tiniest rush of unexpected warmth, realizing that Brendon was starting to open up to him, even if it was just by a little.


	14. 12

"Hey, wake up."

Ryan was dragged out of sleep by someone shaking his shoulder. With a groan, he turned to his left, blinking groggily against the light spilling into the room. "Five more minutes." He pleaded.

The hand on Ryan shoulder didn't move away instead it continued to shake him, followed by that no-nonsense, imperative tone. "Come on, wake the  _fuck_  up."

Rolling his eyes, Ryan sat up and squinted against the glare of sunlight. There was a silhouette of a person in his direct line of sight. His eyes slowly focused when je realized it was Brendon who had woken him up. Ryan yawned. "Well, good morning to you too."

Brendon gave him a mildly reproachful look before he went to fill the electric kettle. "Breakfast's ready." He informed Ryan. Even if he appeared as though he had just rolled out of bed, Brendon looked way more alert than Ryan did. "I'd eat it before it gets cold if I were you." He said, emerging from the bathroom with the kettle now full of water. He set it to boil.

Surprised, Ryan's eyebrows arched as he regarded the brunet. He couldn't tell if Brendon was messing around or not. "What?"

Brendon pointed at the study desk on the other side of the room. "Go on." He prompted.

Now that Ryan was fully awake, he could fully register his situation. Still, it didn't clarify matters. When had Brendon gotten him breakfast? And more importantly,  _why_  did Brendon get him breakfast? He threw off the covers and faced Brendon. But Ryan didn't get off his bed. "Y'know, I could've looked for breakfast myself." He said.

And then it was back when Brendon turned to face him, that signature annoyed look on his face that Ryan was starting to be familiar with. "Oh please, don't be ridiculous." The man scoffed.

"No, really, Brendon --"

"Oh, just eat your breakfast before  _I_  eat it up." Brendon said and that effectively made Ryan do as he was asked.  " _Sheesh_." He huffed irritably while the electric kettle gurgled noisily in the background.

Ryan approached the study desk, still rather hesitant on accepting the fact that Brendon had called on room service to bring them breakfast. He lifted the silver cloche that covered the food, revealing a plate of pancakes, scrambled eggs and hasbrowns, and a serving of sliced fruits. Ryan's stomach let out a growl but instead of tending to his hunger, he looked to Brendon who found two mugs in the cabinet near the mini-fridge. "Have you eaten?" He asked.

Brendon glanced at him with furrowed brows like he couldn't believe Ryan was still asking him questions. "Yeah I did. You should too." Unlike his expression, his tone was surprisingly soft.

Ryan did as he was told and tucked in to breakfast. He was careful to eat slowly, even if he was really hungry from missing out dinner last night, to avoid a case of indigestion. While he was halfway through his pancakes, Brendon placed a steaming mug of coffee on the desk for him.

"Everyone's supposed to be at the shoot by noon today." Brendon informed as he switched the tv on to the news channel. "But you and I have to be there a bit earlier - about an hour, at least - because I have to get dressed up while you have to prep me for the scenes."

"Sure." Ryan responded, trying a sip of Brendon's coffee. Surprisingly, it didn't taste too bitter nor was it too sweet; it was the right balance, just the way Ryan liked it. He wondered if he and Brendon had the same preferences for this morning drink. "What time is it, by the way?" He inquired.

"Eight thirty-two a.m." Brendon replied, switching to the cartoon channel.

Ryan nodded in acknowledgement and finished the rest of his breakfast.

*

Ryan wasn't sure if there was a particular attire he needed to be in on set - that was how anxious he was about it - until Brendon told him off that all he needed to do was dress comfortably. So there he was, pulling on a pair of jeans in the bathroom after putting on a simple white t-shirt. His hair was still a bit damp from the shower but at least the strands didn't obscure his vision.

Ryan stepped out of the bathroom. He went to get some of his things in order before him and Brendon would head for the set. Sitting down on the edge of his bed, he pulled out his laptop and checked the email he had received from the directors that included the details of the filming locations for the week.

For today and tomorrow the crew would be shooting scenes at a boardwalk amusement park from noon till evening. Ryan was expected to prep Brendon at a tent allocated for the actor before takes, to be present on set in case Brendon needed to redo the makeup and also to assist in removing the actor's makeup after filming. Luckily, Ryan was allowed breaks in between so it wouldn't be exhausting for him.

"You finished with whatever you're doing there?" Brendon had emerged from the bathroom whilst drying his hair. He arched an eyebrow questioningly, the corners of his lips downturned in the slightest

Whatever hints of tension starting to ease up between him and Ryan had evaporated. He had gone back to using that bossy tone of his and wearing that mildly annoyed expression.

Had last night been a facade put on by Brendon to test Ryan? The theory was arguably believable, considering that Brendon was a talented actor. It was possible that he he never considered befriending Ryan at all.

Ryan nodded, pushing back the tiny swelling ache in his chest, and put his laptop away. "Yep." He answered and picked up his backpack.

"Dallon and Spencer should be in the lobby by now." Brendon told Ryan. "Do me a favor and wait downstairs with them, will you?"

Despite the odd request, Ryan obliged anyway.

*

The first time Dallon had introduced himself over the phone - calling himself James - as Brendon's PA, Ryan had imagined him as the sort of person who'd always have an a planner in hand, a pen tucked neatly in the breast pocket of his suit and had a very organized demeanor.

As Ryan crossed the lobby to where Dallon and Spencer were lounging about, he was amused to note that Dallon, unlike his mental image of the tall man in a suit, was wearing a graphic t-shirt depicting an image of a Dr Pepper bottle and bermuda shorts with sneakers; he had a quirky fashion taste.

Spencer, unlike the person he shared a middle name with, was dressed in a black short-sleeved button down, jeans and matching boots.

Dallon smiled when he saw Ryan approaching and waved. "Hello there!Ready for your first day of work with Brendon?" He asked cheerfully.

"Nope." Ryan answered.

"Nah, don't sweat it." Spencer said, giving Ryan an encouraging pat on the shoulder. "You'll do great. I mean, I've seen your pictures on Instagram and they look really good. Don't sell yourself short."

Ryan gave Spencer a small smile but his insides were writhing with anxiety. "Yeah. Yeah, sure."

"If it helps," Dallon began. "You could try pretending Brendon's your friend." He advised although that could be a challenge now.

"Does he always have a resting bitch face, though?" Ryan asked curiously.

Both Dallon and Spencer laughed at once, suggesting that they were both familiar with this topic.

The bespectacled man gave a tiny shrug. "Well, yeah." Dallon said. "But he'll come around, don't you worry. He just likes showing people who's boss."

"Very true." Spencer agreed with Dallon. "I guess it's just his thing, y'know?"

"Whose thing?" Ryan nearly jumped out of his skin when Brendon's voice spoke right behind him. He turned to find the brunet man with a frown on his features.

"Your thing." Dallon replied.

Brendon's eyebrows furrowed. "What about my thing?

"This sounds so wrong on so many levels." Spencer opined, making a face. "But are y'all ready?"

Brendon made some noncommital grunt as he put on his sunglasses, tucked a baseball cap over his head and put on surgical mask. Ryan assumed this was the actor's attempt to disguise himself to prevent people from recognizing him on the streets.

The four men left the hotel for their destination by cab and arrived there in about half an hour. The boardwalk where filming would take place had to be a bit further than the city center so that there would be no disruptions. It was currently closed off to public but anyone could tell that there was something going on because of the number of equipment present and the tents set up.

Brendon glanced over at Ryan who was peering around curiously, and his eyes narrowed. Then he turned to Spencer, nodding his head in his makeup artists's direction. "Do me a solid and help him go look for my tent. Dallon and I need to speak with the crew for a bit and I'd hate it if Ryan gets lost and screws up the time we're given before the shoot."

Spencer's eyebrows rose in a questioning manner before he rolled his eyes at Brendon. "Honestly." He scoffed but approached Ryan anyway. Tapping the lanky man on the shoulder, he gestured for Ryan to follow. "Come on. I'll help you look for Brendon's tent."

Ryan looked over in Brendon and Dallon's direction but the two had left. His lips pressed together as he frowned but he said nothing. It was better not to ask as it wasn't really his business where the celebrity and his PA left. He then followed Spencer.

*

To Ryan's relief, the first few scenes didn't require a lot of makeup so working on Brendon was easy enough. Today, he noticed Brendon was very distracted by something on his mind. His eyes kept glazing over and every attempt Ryan made to make small talk - after all, it was only polite to do so - had been ignored.

"There we go." Ryan said once he was finished applying the necessary touch-ups.

Brendon was unresponsive.

With a sigh, Ryan snapped his fingers in front of the celebrity's face until Brendon blinked. "You're good to go." He informed, moving aside so Brendon could get a better look at himself in the mirror.

"That took faster than I expected." Brendon commented, getting out of his seat to stretch his limbs. "Where's my script?"

Ryan handed him the papers and began to reorganize the makeup kit. "Well, you didn't need a lot of touch-ups for the next scene." He told Brendon while he sorted out the brushes. "The weather is really nice today too, so I didn't think that I needed --"

"Ah, there you are!" Ryan heard a feminine voice speak and glanced over his shoulder to find Sarah and Lynn entering the tent. He grinned at the sight of his best friend.

"Hey there." Brendon waved at the ladies. "What brings you two here?"

"Nerves." Sarah rolled her script in hand tightly and looked over at Ryan who was coming over to join the conversation. "I'm so excited but at the same time I feel like my heart is going to leap out of my chest!"

"First day jitters." Brendon understood what she meant. Ryan found himself wondering if Brendon was feeling the same way although the relaxed set of his shoulders suggested otherwise. "Don't worry, it'll pass." He said, flipping open his script.

Lynn suggested the two of them to practice their lines together as they were supposed to act together for the next two scenes.

Sarah faced Ryan, who was sitting quietly by himself while sipping a bottle of water, when a small smile curved her lips. She walked over to him. "I like your new haircut." She said.

Ryan looked up at her from reading the label on the water bottle. "Huh? I thought it'd be more practical for me to cut my hair." He replied. He bit his lip and looked away.

"You okay there?" Sarah asked in concern.

Ryan nodded. "I kinda feel like I'm in a dream, though." He added with a tiny frown.

Sarah laughed. "Is it because you're spending the whole week in  _the_  Brendon Urie's presence?" She teased, elbowing him.

Ryan rolled his eyes at her. "Well, mostly. But ..." He glanced over at Brendon and Lynn, who were both very focused at rehearsing with each other. "Some part of me still has trouble wrapping my head around the fact that I'm working on an  _actual_  movie set. Like, this is the kind of thing I've always dreamed of doing but I never expected I'd nail the job."

"Oh, you're too modest for your own sake." Sarah cooed. "But you're right. I also didn't think I'd land the role." She said, shaking her head. She wasn't a particularly known actress and had only landed roles in a few indie movies, ads and music videos, over the past years and it was a real stroke of luck when she was casted for  _Nightmare Carnival,_  which was set to be a blockbuster film.

Ryan had always known Sarah had it in her, even when he had first met her in high-school when she walked up to him and said hi. There was just that aura she exuded, that confidence and the enthusiasm that never failed to inspire Ryan. And he was grateful too that he could see her in this part of her life, set to be a shining star of Hollywood.

"But hey. At least we've got each other's backs while we're in the same boat." Ryan said, the corners of his mouth curving upwards.

Sarah smiled. "You bet."

Brendon glanced at the two of them and his gaze lingered longer than he intended.


	15. 13

" _Cut!_ " Pete's voice crackled through the megaphone. The director walked towards the camera crew and extras, beginning to give them new instructions on how to carry out the scene as he felt the previous take was less than satisfactory. The other director, Patrick, watched on with a pen in his hand poised over his copy of the screenplay while his partner gesticulated and explained.

The heat of midday was unforgiving, even with the sea breeze blowing at the boardwalk, Ryan was sweating. He was standing with Lynn's makeup artist, Elizabeth Berg - no,  _Zee_ , she insisted to be called - to the side under her umbrella. Wiping away the perspiration beading on his brow with the back of his hand, the man focused his attention on both Sarah and Brendon who were listening attentively to Pete.

Sarah was playing as Linda Ford, the protagonist while Brendon was Alex Grace, the romantic interest. It was clear from the ease in the way they had acted in the earlier take that they had no problem playing the part as a couple. Ryan watched as Gerard Way joined Pete and added in his advice for the two.

"Y'know, they look really good together." The lady beside Ryan opined. "Brendon and Sarah, I mean." Zee was an attractive lady with caramel blond hair and pretty brown eyes.

Ryan glanced at Zee, and shrugged. "I guess so." He said, studying how his best friend and his client was listening to Pete and Gerard. He was familiar with the way Sarah would cock her head with mask of concentration, how she'd purse her lips and nod every once in awhile. Brendon, on the other hand, had his arms crossed and every so often would shift his weight from leg to leg.

The corner of Zee's lips quirked upwards. "Ooh, here we go." She commented when Pete and Gerard returned to their respective positions before the director instructed the cameras to begin rolling. And it was back to seeing Brendon and Sarah looking like they enjoyed every second of their 'date'.

Ryan noted how they could fall in sync with their laughter, the ease in their smiles and the way they looked at each other. Zee was right; they did look cute together although there was some difficulty for Ryan to allow the possibility of a relationship blooming between Sarah and Brendon because he knew very well that they were just acting and they happened to be really good at what they did.

In Ryan's hand was his notes on Brendon's makeup requirements for the movie scenes but he was using it as a makeshift fan - he'd probably regret it later but he really didn't want to faint from the heat.

Zee checked her watch. "So Ryan, I was really wondering - well no, everyone on the makeup team is - whether it's true if you're Brendon's personal makeup artist." She regarded the man beside her under her umbrella with an openly curious look.

Ryan pressed his lips together and nodded. "Yep. Why?"

"Oh, no. It's just ... personal makeup artists are kinda unheard of and usually during production, there's always a team of us on set and we're each assigned to a specific member of the cast, with the person in charge of the department overseeing progress." She explained. "Brendon must be really particular about the details if he's hired you."

"I guess." Ryan said, glancing over at Brendon. "Never really thought about it, frankly." He added.

Zee's eyebrows arched. "You've never asked?"

"I was in a tight spot at that time but my best friend pulled the strings for me."

"Aww, that's so nice of them." Zee gushed. "Personally, I'd kill to have any A-list actor to hire me for a movie role but I'm usually the one who gets assigned to models back at my agency."

"Which agency?"

"Lonely Moonlight." Zee responded. That was one of the first agencies Ryan had tried to apply for a job when he first started out. "Oh, and I was wondering." She said. "Well, actually all of us on the makeup department were thinking of having drinks together this Saturday. It'd be really cool if you could join us, y'know, so we'll all get to know each other better."

Ryan hesitated on accepting the offer. He wasn't one for socializing in big groups and was usually the person who'd fade to the background in group conversations. But still, these were the people he'd be working with until the end of production and that they were possible connections. Ryan was about to answer when Pete's voice crackled once more through his megaphone, calling " _Cut!_ "

"I'll think about it." Ryan told Zee before he went to look for Brendon. By the time he reached the man, Brendon was conversing with Sarah.

Ryan noticed the differences almost right away.

Usually Brendon wore a slight frown on his face and sounded somewhat bossy when he spoke. However with Sarah, it was a different story. For one, he smiled more than he did around Ryan, or his friends for that matter, and he didn't talk like he was expecting someone to get things done the way he wanted. That, and his eyes seemed to light up attentively every time Sarah spoke. This was a different side of Brendon Ryan had once seen before but hadn't paid much attention to at that time.

Not that Ryan was envious or anything - come on, Brendon didn't even appear to want to acknowledge Ryan more than someone he worked with - but he couldn't help but feel that this was sexist of the celebrity to act this way. Still, he wouldn't voice his thoughts for the fear of losing his job which he was holding onto by a thread.

Ryan cleared his throat to separate both Brendon and Sarah's attention on each other and gave an awkward smile. "Sorry, I have to check on Brendon's makeup." He explained. Sarah excused herself to let Ryan examine Brendon's face.

"Okay, it should last one more take before I have to do some touch-ups." Ryan mumbled under his breath. Detachedly, he was surprised that he didn't feel flustered or nervous being this close to Brendon - the heat was doing wonders. He stepped back, giving a nod and a thumbs-up. "You're good."

Brendon, who had been regarding Ryan with a bored expression, turned his gaze away to Sarah's. He picked up wherever they had left off and soon enough they were both chatting again.

Somebody had passed out water bottles for everyone and Ryan had just wrapped his hands around a cold bottle when he heard a voice call his name. He turned whilst unscrewing the cap, finding Zee beckoning him over to join a group she was with. He assumed they were the makeup department; burying his hesitation, he wore his best smile - hopefully it didn't look  _too_  forced - and approached them.

"Hi there." Ryan waved his hand.

Zee clasped her hands together before she placed both hands on Ryan's shoulder like she was presenting him. "So, everyone this is Ryan Ross, Urie's personal makeup artist!"

A chorus of hello's and hey's greeted him before each of the makeup artists began to introduce themselves one by one. Ryan tried to keep up and remember their names but his mind already became boggled once the fifth person shook his hand. Then he realized they all had lanyards with their names and their departments printed clearly so Ryan just made a mental note to cheek discreetly if he ever needed to address them.

They were all very amiable and courteous but Ryan knew they'd show their wilder side soon when they were all familiar enough with one another.

After about fifteen minutes, it was back to work and Ryan was walking towards the Ferris Wheel where the next scene would be filmed when he stopped in his tracks, wearing a frown. The two men who had questioned him about Brendon's whereabouts the other day were lurking about near the tents. The taller of the duo was armed with a camera while the other man had a notepad and pen in hand; they were nosing about.

Ryan had a feeling that they had somehow snuck right under the noses of security from the absence of the passes that had been handed out beforehand in lanyards. He was considering whether to approach the two and ask them what their business was when someone placed their hand on his shoulder. He turned to find Dallon.

"Hey, whatcha' up to?" The bespectacled man asked. He had been absent for pretty much the whole time so seeing Dallon out of nowhere made Ryan arch his eyebrows.

"Where were you?"

"Managing paperwork with a couple of agents." Dallon replied. "And sightseeing."

Ryan doubted the man's attire - the Dr. Pepper t-shirt and bermuda shorts - was appropriate for discussing business matters but then he didn't question it. "Sightseeing?"

"Yep!" Dallon placed his arm around Ryan and gestured expansively towards the sea and the general direction of a nearby port. "You should try it sometime." He said enthusiastically. "And the ice-cream parlor down by that port is really delicious. Twelve-out-of-ten would recommend."

"Thanks. I'll consider it." Ryan laughed.

"What were you staring at, by the way?" Dallon asked, all lightheartedness fading from his blue eyes.

"Oh. Um." Ryan looked back to the spot where he had spotted the tabloid reporters to realize they had disappeared. "Thought I saw people from UNY creeping around."

Dallon frowned, interested. "You sure?"

Ryan nodded. "Saw them the other day when me and my colleagues were working. They asked me about Brendon."

Recognition sparked behind Dallon's features. "Ah, they must be here for a scoop regarding the film or the cast. Dammit, how did they find out so fast?"

"Find out what?"

Dallon waved his hand dismissively. "Info that the public isn't supposed to know." When he caught Ryan's skeptical expression, Dallon grinned. It was charming how his lips would curve upwards that way, making his eyes catch the sunlight. "Basically spoilers. Now that would take the fun out of everything if people knew, right?" He said lightheartedly.

"Yeah." Ryan stared at Dallon for a moment before he drew his gaze away. Then he gave a start.

Brendon was glaring at both of them. "We don't have time for dates." He said pointedly as Ryan stepped away from Dallon, face burning. "And come along Randy, I think I need touch-ups for the next scene" Brendon told Ryan in a peremptory tone.

Dallon gave the celebrity what appeared to be an unimpressed look before giving Ryan a good-natured mock salute. "Alrighty then, I'll leave you two at it. If y'all need anything, I'll be back at the hotel."

"Don't you have work to do?" Brendon was dubious.

"I did." Dallon replied. "And now I don't, so I get to relax. Anyway, don't  _you_  have work to do?"

Ryan's mouth fell open. Never had he ever heard anyone talk like that to their employer. His gaze alternated between Dallon, who was smirking, and Brendon, who was smoldering. He bit his lip worriedly, awaiting some sort of angry reaction from Brendon.

" _Just go_." Brendon responded, clipping off the syllables before he began to walk off.

Ryan stared at Dallon for a moment, utterly disbelieved that the PA could get away so easily, before hurrying after Brendon. Once he managed to fall in pace with Brendon's, Ryan caught himself raking his eyes over the actor in attempts to see if there were any signs of extreme annoyance; surprisingly, there were none.

Brendon's shoulders were tense, nor was there a vein on his neck throbbing. His jaw wasn't set and his features weren't as stiff as they had been earlier. It was a conundrum.

"What?" Brendon noticed Ryan giving him sidelong glances. He scowled. "Is there something wrong?"

"Nope. Not at all."

Ryan made a mental note to mind his own business and do his job from now on.

*

When the day ended, Ryan was so relieved to be back in the hotel room. Even if his tasks weren't physically demanding, the heat of the day and the number of times he had to check Brendon's makeup had gotten to him.

The elevator up to his and Brendon's room had been spent in silence but it didn't bother Brendon nor Ryan. It was the same thing back in the room though; neither of them speaking a word to each other except for when Brendon informed Ryan he'd use the bathroom first - Ryan responded with a tired wave of his hand.

Ryan hadn't bothered to check his phone all day as it had been sitting in a pocket inside of his backpack and he'd been too busy anyway so he was surprised to find a flood of notifications when he turned it on. Most of them were texts from his family group chat - apparently it was his Aunt Marie's fifty-fifth birthday in two days and everyone had been discussing what gift they should bring for her on her party. The ones that made his eyebrows arch were the texts from William.

At first, Ryan thought this might have been a result from drunk texting, which was something he once had to endure when Sarah went through a particularly awful breakup. But when he took the time to read them, he was pleasantly surprised to find that William had sent him inspirational quotes.

 _Thought you might need these on your first day of work. Good luck on not throwing up on Brendon's shoes 💪😉_ 💯

Ryan grinned at the last text William had sent him, which had been sent in the morning. He typed back a reply before hitting send.

_Thank you so much for the quotes!_

"What are you smiling at?" Ryan glanced up from his phone to find Brendon regarding him in a petulant manner. He was towelling his hair dry but that wasn't what Ryan was distracted by.

The smooth, unmarked skin of Brendon's bare upper body and the pair of ugly old sweatpants that hung loosely around his hips made Ryan stare, unintentionally of course. It wasn't everyday that one could get the opportunity of seeing a shirtless Brendon Urie in the flesh.

Ryan tore his gaze away with rising fast into his cheeks. "I was texting my roommate." He said defensively, although his voice quavered when he tried to sound nonchalant.

A crease began to form on Brendon's forehead. "You have a roommate?" He sounded rather skeptical or Ryan's claim.

"Well, not everyone can live in a two-story house in a nice part of LA all by themself because they're not struggling to make ends meet." Ryan realized his mistake of blurting that out but it was too late to take it back because the words had already been said. He was too horrified with himself to have the presence of mind to apologize.

Brendon stared at Ryan, his eyebrows arched to their maximum height and his lips slightly parted. He drew a breath. "Did you just --"

"Nope." Ryan replied right away, even if denying was futile at this point.

"That was a  _low blow_ , Ryan." Brendon remarked, scowling.

"I'm sorry." Ryan said contritely. "I'm sorry, I just didn't --"

Brendon gave a disgusted roll of his eyes and swiveled round to collect a shirt from his suitcase.

Guilt constricted around Ryan like a python, crushing him. He hadn't  _meant_  to offend Brendon but he was too tired and the way the actor had been acting around him was getting to his head. Pressing his lips together, Ryan swung his legs off the bed and padded quietly to the bathroom.

*

Apparently showers were ineffective when used in an attempt to drown yourself and Ryan was much too guilty and embarrassed to face Brendon once more. He was afraid he might hurt the celebrity's feelings again and worse, be the target of Brendon's sharp words and snide comments. Not to mention Brendon's temper was terrifying enough to deal with.

Ryan was afraid to face Brendon now, and staying longer in the bathroom didn't help him to gather his courage to leave; he was in a rather difficult position. After debating with himself, he finally got out of there. Casting his eyes downwards, he walked towards his own bed and avoided looking at Brendon as much as he could.

However as soon as Ryan's hand touched the sheets, Brendon spoke. Not in the characteristically annoyed tone he usually spoke in but in a low, childishly peremptory tone. "I'm hungry."

Ryan bit his lip before he raises his gaze to Brendon's. "You could always order pizza." He suggested.

Brendon mulled over this for a moment. "Get your sneakers, flip-flops or whatever."

"What?"

"We're going to grab supper."


	16. 14

"Not to be rude or anything," Ryan said as he and Brendon walked down the corridor that led to the elevator. "Why didn't you ask Dallon or something?"

"Ask him what?" Brendon pressed the elevator call button.

"To, y'know, eat out with you or something. Or Spencer." Ryan replied.  _Because I'm terrified of you and I can't even imagine what it'd be like to have a regular meal with you glaring at me the whole time_ , he thought to himself.

Brendon simply rolled his eyes at Ryan. "Well they weren't in the room with us, were there?"

"I'm starting to think you're ordering me around because it's convenient." Ryan mumbled under his breath so Brendon wouldn't hear when the elevator dinged. The two stepped inside.

"Unless you want a raise some time in the future, I suggest you to not to question what I do and what I ask of you." Brendon shot back, jabbing the button for the ground floor.

Ryan wondered what was the source of Brendon's hostility towards him. Had the man always been this sullen? No, Ryan thought, Brendon had been civil and remotely nice the night before. Perhaps Brendon had strange mood swings, Ryan reasoned, but it was rather unfortunate that he had to deal with the grumpy and snide part of Brendon.

Brendon paid no heed to Ryan staring at him out the corner of his eye, instead was busy picking away at a hangnail on his index finger. He hadn't bothered to put on a disguise this time like he did earlier that day, and was dressed in an old band t-shirt, a thin lavender hoodie and those ugly gray sweatpants. No doubt he'd get recognized if anyone paid attention but then it was late anyway and people would hardly bother, what with the lure of nightlife.

After the elevator doors opened upon arrival at the ground floor, the two men stepped out into the lobby. Brendon drew the hood over his head when him and Ryan left the building.

"So do you want really want the pizza or you're cool with a regular diner? Do celebrities even eat at diners?" Ryan asked curiously, squinting against the harsh light from his phone as he adjusted the screen brightness.

Brendon sighed and rolled his eyes. " _Of course_  celebrities eat at diners. We don't always eat at five-star restaurants and we certainly don't have our sandwiches wrapped in gold leaf paper."

"It was only a question." Ryan muttered indignantly under his breath.

"And I'm good with any place. I'm not choosy."

Ryan searched up a list of places to eat nearby the hotel where they stayed on his phone. "Okay there should be diner about a five-minute walk from here."

Brendon stared at Ryan, bemused as to why the man even needed to refer to his phone. "You're the one who went for a walk last night." Brendon pointed out, pushing his hands into his pocket. "You should know."

"That's different."

"Sure."

As Ryan's patience was wearing thin, he dropped back a few paces and made a face at Brendon's back before catching up. He knew could've said no to Brendon and made the actor go by himself but he was in the mood for food, even if he refused to admit it.

With the directions on Ryan's phone, both he and Brendon found the place they were looking for. At this time, the diner was fairly quiet with only three customers were present.

"Perfect." Brendon said under his breath with relief. As the two entered the diner, the door set off the bell to jingle, alerting the waitstaff to the arrival of new customers. Finding a booth by the corner where they were out of view from the window in case anyone decided to peer into the diner and recognize Brendon.

The waitress, who was coming right up to them, wore a badly suppressed grin which indicated that she'd recognized the actor with Ryan. Shehanded out laminated menus to them. Brendon gave her a brief glance, muttering thanks but that was enough to set her cheeks to flush.

"What are you having?" Brendon was regarding him expectantly. Belatedly Ryan realized he was asking him a question.

"What? Oh. Um." Ryan's cheeks warmed. His eyes scanned over the menu before he rattled off some items off it.

"I'll have the same, except instead I'll be having the strawberry milkshake instead of coffee." Brendon told the waitress as she hurried to scribble down their orders. Then before she left, Brendon stopped her. "Oh, and one more thing." He said.

The waitress arched her eyebrows but Ryan could see her thinly veiled excitement and her eagerness to please Brendon. The actor leaned forward and said things that Ryan couldn't catch, only the words 'close', 'avoid' and 'thanks', when he saw Brendon's hand pressing a crisp twenty dollar bill in her hand.

Ryan was very certain that wasn't a tip.

As soon as the waitress left, Ryan looked at Brendon.

"Didn't think you were the sort who liked twenty-four hour breakfast." Brendon admitted openly.

Ryan shrugged, only realizing and remembering what he had ordered. He was surprised his mind had blanked out that fast and went on autopilot like that. "Well, breakfast is good. I love breakfast." He said then wished he had said something better and less embarrassing than that. Clearing his throat, he turned his face away but not before the faintest shade of red tinted his cheeks.

A corner of Brendon's mouth curled upwards in the slightest. His eyes traveled over Ryan's face carefully, though it never rested on any particular features.

The customers that had been here before Brendon and Ryan were getting up to leave and as soon as they paid for their meal and exited, the waitress hurried to flip the sign on the door to the  _Sorry, We're Closed!_  side.

"You mentioned you were from Minnesota, right?" Brendon asked abruptly.

Ryan looked up at him through his lowered lashes. He was mildly surprised Brendon remembered that fact about him. "Yea. Why?"

"Do you call it soda or pop?"

At that question, Ryan grinned although it was more of a reflex than a conscious effort. "Pop. Everyone calls it pop where I come from."

"Huh." Brendon responded.

"What do you call it?"

"Soda." The brunet shrugged as he drew his nail over the surface of the table idly. A perfect strand of brown hair fell over his forehead, which he pushed back promptly. Slowly, his eyes leveled with Ryan's. "I've never seen snow in my life. Like the natural kind of snow." He said thoughtfully.

Ryan's eyebrows arched in surprise. For someone who made enough money to travel as much as he wanted, he was surprised that Brendon didn't at least take the time to see places that snowed. "Well, let's see ..." He drummed his fingers on the table, biting his lip pensively. "It's cold."

"Yeah, no shit." Brendon rolled his eyes but seemed amused.

"And, it feels a bit wet if you touch it with your bare hands - kinda like shaved ice grains but smaller. And snowflakes are pretty cool too. One time I tried to collect them in a shoebox and --" Ryan broke off when he noticed Brendon grinning. His cheeks flushed. "W-What?" He said defensively, worried that his brief snowflake-collecting phase was a bit too personal to share.

Brendon's eyebrows arched. "You do know that snow melts right?"

"I was  _six_  at that time!" Ryan's voice rose in pitch against his volition. His eyelashes veiled his eyes in embarrassment. "I was a weird kid, okay?"

"Okay, whatever you say, Ryan." Brendon made a muffled sound that was similar to a suppressed laugh.

Their brief interlude of silence was filled when the waitress served them their drinks. She gave a moony-eyed look at Brendon and then a curious glance at a blushing Ryan before leaving them be.

Brendon reached for his milkshake, stirring it with the straw. "Have you ever went ice-skating?" He asked curiously.

"I was born and raised in Minnesota long enough to learn how to, Brendon." Ryan snorted softly. "Of course. You tried it?"

Brendon shook his head ruefully. "It looks fun." He said thoughtfully.

"It  _is_. Especially when you do it over a properly frozen pond." Ryan said. "There used to be this place in my old neighborhood I went to with my dad during winter to play ice-hockey with my neighbors." He was about to recount a particularly memorable incident involving a puck and a boot when his attention was, unintentionally, arrested by the act of Brendon drinking his milkshake.

Or rather, the way his lips wrapped around the straw.

Ryan blamed it on his stomach; hunger sharpened all the fine details, most of which were irrelevant. That and the invasive thought that he really didn't need popping in his head and making his face burn.

"What?" Brendon noticed him staring, wearing a baffled frown. "Did you want to try the milkshake?"

Ryan pulled his gaze away quickly even though Brendon had already caught him. "Oh no, I'm lactose-intolerant." He said quickly. "And I was just thinking." He lied.

"About what?"

"Nothing." Ryan lied again. Instead of holding Brendon's questioning gaze, he drank his coffee and ended up burning his tongue by accident. Wincing as he swallowed the hot liquid he set the cup down and excused himself to the bathroom, leaving the actor staring after him in bemusement.

Locking himself in the bathroom, Ryan squeezed his eyes shut and put his hands to his face. His skin was hot to the touch. "Get a grip, Ryan, get a grip." He muttered before running his tongue over the roof of his mouth. It stung and it would remain that way for a day or two.

With a sigh, Ryan flipped the toilet lid and pressed his fingers to his temples. He could feel his pulse drumming fast.

Why did he have to stare when Brendon was taking a sip from his milkshake? Why did he have to notice the way Brendon had wrapped his plump lips around the straw? Why did his brain have to flash him an unwanted and graphic image in response?

Ryan sighed and pushed his fingers through his hair. "Brendon is off-limits. He's your client and you are supposed to carry out your duty in a professional manner." He told himself under his breath. Exhaling once more, he stood up and left the bathroom. When he returned to the booth, two plates of toast, scrambled eggs and bacon sat on the table.

Ryan sat down, avoiding Brendon's gaze and reached for his plate instead.

*

The next morning, Brendon was less grouchy than usual, possibly because he had a good meal the night before or his mood swings had taken a day-off.

Unlike yesterday, Ryan didn't wake up to Brendon shaking him but rather Brendon playing the uke and singing under his breath. It was such a shame, Ryan thought, because he had a lovely voice yet he was humming softly as though he was afraid the world might hear it - or Ryan, for that matter.

But it wouldn't have made a difference whether or not Brendon chose to sing at the top of his lungs or below a whisper. Ryan heard him anyway.

With a soft grunt of effort, he turned on his side to face Brendon. A mistake because his eyes hadn't fully adjusted to the sunlight spilling into the room and as the curtains. He winced away, eyes stinging as he sat up. "Ugh." He made a face, pushing away his covers.

Brendon scowled at him, the music he was playing ceasing all at once. "Excuse you?" He said, thinking Ryan was expressing his displeasure.

"What?"

"You did not just throw an unholy 'Ugh' at my musical capabilities."

Ryan nodded. "I didn't." He confirmed, completely missing out the point. "The sun." He gestured at the windows, rubbing his eyes. "At least draw the sheer curtains. It's too early in the morning to blind someone." He told Brendon before getting out of bed.

"Oh." Brendon watched Ryan as he patted down his pillow hair on the way to the bathroom. He glanced down at his ukelele; the lacquer paint was peeling at the edges of the instrument, signifying its age. The sound of Ryan's footsteps approaching made Brendon look up. "I didn't order room service this morning because it's not my turn to be on set today so it's a day-off for me. We'll be getting breakfast in a bit, in case you were wondering." He said.

"Nah. I figured you probably ate my breakfast because I didn't wake up sooner." Ryan said as he grabbed a water bottle and unscrewed the cap.

Brendon frowned at the other man, unsure whether Ryan was accusing him of consuming the said breakfast or not. But when Ryan turned, Brendon realized he was only joking from the small lopsided smile on his lips. Brendon rolled his eyes. "Haha, very funny."

Ryan sat down on his bed, picking up the tv remote on the nightstand. "So that song you were playing earlier," He began, pressing random buttons to surf away from the celebrity news channel Brendon watched last night to the cartoon channel where it was screening an episode of Adventure Time. Ryan's nose scrunched up from the effort to remember the song. "Whatsitcalled  _Can't Stop_  --"

" _Can't Help Falling In Love With You_." Brendon corrected him, mildly irritated. "What about it?" He asked warily.

"It's a nice song to fall asleep to." Ryan said.  _And wake up to_ , he added inwardly because he liked hearing the actor sing.

Brendon's lips folded, a sliver of his self-conscious side showing as he looked down at his ukelele laying across his lap. "I guess so."

"When did you learn to play the uke?" Ryan questioned, his attention diverted away from the tv screen towards Brendon.

"Well I had it since the end of middle school but I only learned how to play it in my freshman year." Brendon answered, his fingers curling around the neck of his musical instrument. "Y'know, just to impress a girl." He shrugged.

Ryan bit back the urge to laugh but snickered, earning a glare from Brendon. "What song did you play to her?"

" _I'm Yours_." The actor shuddered. "And I played it terribly."

"Well, at least you tried." Ryan chuckled.

"Stop teasing me."

Ryan shrugged. "It's the effort and thought that counts." He told Brendon mildly. Sitting up, he faced the actor and looked at his ukelele with interest. "It's been awhile since I last played anything."

Brendon glanced down at his musical instrument then at Ryan, studying the man carefully. There was a pensive look in his gaze while his fingers drummed on the ukelele's body slowly. "You ... wanna borrow it?"

Ryan's face flushed in the slightest. He drew his eyes away, biting his lip. "Um, if that's cool with you then --" He broke off when Brendon got up from his bed, walked over and sat in front of Ryan. The lanky man had no idea why Brendon had chosen to sit there and was too surprised to react when Brendon put the ukelele in his hands.

"Go on." The actor urged in a gentle tone that belied his eagerness. "Play it."

Ryan gulped. His heart was beating fast and he was starting to feel flustered and confused as to how the morning had gotten to this point. He was also worried that his skills had gotten rusty over time. "Okay then." His voice quavered slightly at the end. He started off by doing warm-ups for his fingers so they wouldn't mess up. Once he was certain that they wouldn't fail him, he decided to play the same song as Brendon had earlier to spare himself from making a decision of what to play.

Brendon watched Ryan attentively, noting the way he strummed and how his fingers pressed the frets. Ryan didn't sing along though, Brendon realized, but he made up for it by being able to blend the notes together to make a beautiful melody.

However halfway through the song, Ryan forgot the notes and had to stop. He bit his lip, embarrassed, but he had no reason to because Brendon was impressed. He raised his gaze to the actor. "Sorry." He said sheepishly.

Brendon gave him an incredulous frown. "Why are you apologizing? There's nothing wrong with forgetting the notes."

Color flooded into Ryan's pale cheeks. "Well, you wouldn't understand." He shook his head, looking at the actor through lowered lashes. How could Brendon know what it was like for Ryan to be asked to do a simple thing and not feel afraid of messing things up?

But Brendon knew exactly what Ryan meant and he didn't like that. Without warning, his features stiffened. Drawing himself up, his lips thinned as he slid off the mattress.

Apprehension squeezed Ryan's chest as he watched Brendon leave without a word. "Brendon --"

"Relax. I'm just going to the bathroom." The brunet replied, speaking in a tone that was a bit too strained to sound casual.

Ryan felt as if he'd somehow offended Brendon again without himself being aware of it. Guilt had a rather nasty bite.


	17. 15

Brendon's mood did not improve, even after breakfast even when Ryan had made a joke about apples that made Dallon snort coffee all over his curiously loud floral shirt - Ryan felt guilty about that but it was amusing how the bespectacled man had reacted.

The following days did not seem to have any uplifting effect on Brendon's behavior, which was worrying to a certain extent. If anything, he was more sullen and brusque than usual. No longer did he engage Ryan in any sort of small talk or friendly conversation to the point that the makeup artist had to leave the room in the evenings to avoid the silence that Brendon was giving him.

During work, however, Brendon ceased that treatment although he did order Ryan around in a manner that was more curt and peremptory than usual. The actor also seemed to brood more often when the makeup artist worked on him and would snap at Ryan at times.

Frankly, Ryan had no idea why the celebrity was in such a bad mood and was trying to convince himself that it wasn't his fault, which he was failing with each passing day. Brendon could  _not_  still be upset about the last comment Ryan had made about the actor not understanding what it was like for Ryan to be asked to play the uke for him.

When Saturday evening rolled over and the scenes for the week have all been filmed, Ryan was relieved that in a few hours he'd be back in LA, away from the stress of work on set.

Brendon had just left the room so Ryan was all alone. It wasn't a bad thing and Ryan was tempted to catch a few hours of sleep. However there was the matter of socializing with the rest of the makeup department.

With a towel wrapped around his naked lower body, Ryan dug around his duffel bag to find an attire appropriate for a casual night out with his colleagues. He settled for a black button-down and a pair of tight dark jeans. After putting on his shoes, he picked up his phone, wallet and keycard before leaving the room.

With the address of the club on his phone, as well as instructions to approach the bouncer, Ryan set off down the streets of Portland toward his destination.

There was already a long line of people waiting their turn to enter the club but Ryan got in with no hassle; he got dirty looks for being able to skip the wait. Now, Ryan had been to a few clubs in LA at least a couple of times in his lifetime and the atmosphere was no different here in Portland.

Here, the intermingling smell of perfume, alcohol and sweat lingered in the air. The place vibrated with heavy bass line of the music and occupying the dance floor was a writhing mass of bodies swaying to the beat. Ryan peered around the area near the bar and tables but it was rather difficult to focus with all the commotion going around.

And then there was a hand on his shoulder.

Ryan gave a start, turning to see who it was.

Zee grinned up at him. Her blonde hair, which was usually tied up in a bun, now fell just below her shoulders in slight curly waves. Her brown eyes shone playfully. "You're here early."

"Or I got the time wrong." Ryan said before checking his phone, which displayed  _07:57 PM_  onscreen.

"Nah, I think everyone else just wants to be fashionably late." Zee dismissed. "Wanna grab some drinks while we wait for them? It's on me."

"Oh, no." Ryan shook his head. "I can pay for my own --"

"I insist." Zee pressed on and gestured for Ryan to follow her. With a small sigh, he obliged. At the bar, he took a seat and tried to decide what he wanted to drink; nothing too strong to inebriate him to the point that he'd be seeing the toilet bowl up close tonight and nothing too light to that would still make him awkward at socializing as he usually was.

After some thought, Ryan ordered his drink the same time Zee did. Now that they were waiting to be served, the two struck up a conversation about the prank war one of the production crew had started with the cast earlier today. Soon enough, a few people from the makeup department.

It was all going very well once everyone else started appearing and Ryan began to feel the work tension slip from his shoulders as he began to enjoy himself. It was nice being around people whom he shared common ground with although it was a bit of a challenge to actually get to know everyone else better as the night progressed because they had all started to go their ways to the dance floor.

It was just him, Zee and one of the artists from the makeup department at the bar. Ryan's colleague couldn't offer much conversation because he had fallen asleep at some point and Zee was busy flirting with a handsome stranger. Ryan swirled the glass in his hand, the sweet taste of his second drink still lingering on his tastebuds. His mind was a bit foggy from the alcohol as he downed the rest of the liquid in his glass.

Setting it down on the bar, he was about to call the bartender over for one more before he'd leave the club and return to the hotel when something vibrated on his left thigh. Confused, he glanced down at his legs when he realized belatedly that it was his phone. With a frown, he fished it out from his pocket and checked it.

 _10:07 PM_  on his screen, with an unknown person contacting him. A baffled frown formed on Ryan's features as he tried to remember if he'd given his number to anyone lately. He couldn't really recall but he was rather curious as to who was calling him. Not hesitating to accept the call, Ryan held the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" He said, voice catching nervously at the end as he rested his elbows on the bar. "Who's this?"

" _Ehh this is Randy Rose, riiigght?_ " A masculine voice slurred at the end of the line.

"No, it's Ryan Ross --" Ryan broke off, frowning as he took a glance at his phone then held it to his ear again. He had the vaguest impression that this was someone he knew but the alcohol in his brain was making him process information too slow to allow him to recognize the person speaking. "Um, I know you --" He snapped his fingers.

" _Yes, of course. We work together, remember?_ " There was a giggle. " _Honestly, Ryan, you don't remember the sound of Brendon Urie's voice?_ "

Ryan had to admit that this was the first time he'd ever heard Brendon speak to him like someone he knew for a long time. "How did you get my number?"

" _I punched Dallon for it._ "

" _What?_ " Ryan was horrified.

Brendon laughed from the other end of the line. " _I've always had it saved in my phone, dummy_." Ryan could hear the mirth in the actor's tone at Ryan's naivety. " _I'm drunk I'm very think and high. Whales are good too_."

Ryan drew himself up on his seat. "Do you need someone to pick you up or something?" It wasn't his business to care or whatever but suddenly he was worried for the celebrity. What if he did something stupid?

" _Pickup lines? I love them!_ " Brendon exclaimed so loud that Ryan had to hold the phone away from his ear for that moment to avoid going deaf. " _Pickup trucks are sexy too. Do you have those in Minnesota?_ "

Ryan was making his way out of the club now. His heart was thumping in his chest as he stepped out into the street. A warm night breeze picked up, blowing strands of his hair across his forehead; Ryan pushed it back impatiently. "Brendon, where are you?" He demanded, hearing his own voice catch.

" _I don't know but there are these really cool people have champagne and cocaine here. You should come over_." Brendon answered before breaking into giggles. " _That's if you can find where the party is_."

Ryan was never one to snap at a person but Brendon was about as helpful using a fork to scoop soup. "Well, I can't help you out then." He said coldly. "So if you don't want me to pick --"

"Fine.  _You're no fun at all_." Brendon told him in a petulant tone. There was some shuffling on Brendon's side of the line before the background noise Ryan had been hearing there began to fade. " _I'm in a hotel_."

"Which one?"

Brendon rattled off the name of the place before he began to give Ryan a commentary of a particularly interesting plant on someone's head - could cocaine even induce hallucinations? Maybe he took some pills but whatever the case, Ryan was already telling Brendon to wait in the lobby for him.

*

"There you are." Ryan heard the relief in his voice when he spotted Brendon waiting for him in the lobby. The staff gave him curious looks as Ryan came over. "Come on. Let's get you back." He told the actor, slinging an arm around Brendon for support as he helped him to stand. Up this close, Ryan could smell the stench of alcohol and sweat on Brendon's clothes, so unlike the scent he usually had which smelled of aftershave. It was ironic how Ryan wasn't sober himself yet he had to help a less sober person.

Brendon wrinkled his nose but offered no protests as Ryan led him out the exit. The two earned curious looks from people on their way out.

After making sure Brendon was properly settled in the backseat, Ryan instructed the taxi driver to get them back to the hotel they stayed. The ride there was rather quiet and Brendon spent most of it slumped on Ryan; it was uncomfortable as the celebrity's shoulder kept poking Ryan.

Ryan was relieved to have the pressure off his arm. Paying off the driver, Ryan then helped Brendon get back to the room. The makeup artist was inebriated but to help someone who was most likely drunker than he was, not to mention high as well, it was quite a challenge itself.

Ryan was relieved to be away from the prying eyes of the staff once they were in the elevator. Jabbing the button for their floor, he looked over at Brendon who was now humming Happy Birthday in an offkey tune and swaying. The actor grinned and waved childishly when he noticed Ryan was staring at him.

"Some party, huh?" Ryan blurted.

Brendon's eyes were shining strangely. "My publicity team is gonna be  _all over_  me if they find out. But yea it was great." He shrugged and laughed for no particular reason. The conversation died off when the elevator dinged and the doors slid open on their floor. Wrapping his arm around Brendon, Ryan led him back to the room.

Again, Brendon was being oh-so-helpful by stumbling over on, not only his feet, but stepping on Ryan's toes as well. Ryan was losing his patience and had to grit his teeth through the pain. Once they were back in the room, Ryan instructed Brendon sit on the bed. He went to the door.

Just as he was about to lock it, the base of his neck tingled. He was about to turn around when he felt hands slide around his waist and a chin rest on his shoulder. Ryan stiffened immediately, all blood flow in his body halting in just that moment of realization that it was Brendon holding him that way.

This wasn't possible; it couldn't be. Ryan was certain Brendon hated him a little ever since the ukelele incident yet here he was, holding onto Ryan in such an intimate manner.

The gesture made Ryan's face burn. Moving his face slightly just to see Brendon's face from the corner of his eyes, he said in a shaky voice, "What are you doing?"

Brendon blinked before resting his cheek on Ryan's shoulder. "Holding you." He stated the most obvious thing before he let out a soft chuckle. "I've always wanted to do this."

"You're drunk." Ryan wanted to move away, away from Brendon because he was so confused and he knew he didn't deserve this treatment. Yet his body refused to move. He could feel Brendon's heartbeat on his back, rapid just like his own, and Brendon's body warmth seeping through the thin layer of his shirt.

"I'm drunk and I'm high." Brendon corrected. "But this is nice. You, I mean. Holding you, I mean." He murmured, lips brushing over Ryan's neck.

The lanky man fought back the urge to shiver and tried to remember how to breathe properly. "Brendon, I'm not - I  _doubt_  I'm that nice to hold." He didn't want to allow himself to enjoy this but the feeling of contentment and warmth was spreading in his bones, easing the tension out his body. It had been a long time since he ever let someone make him feel this way and he wasn't sure if he wanted this to stop.

"Oh shush." Brendon said softly, his tone strangely affectionate. There was a moment of deafening silence when he let go of Ryan, hesitantly. Stepping back, he allowed the other man to face him.

Eyelashes lowered, Ryan raised his gaze in the slightest to Brendon. His face was red and he was biting his lip with an expression of immense confusion. Drawing a breath, he was about to say something when he was aware of the way the actor was looking at him, wide-eyed with some sort of fascination written all over Brendon's profile. The words died in Ryan.

"You know ..." Brendon's tone was unsteady as he trailed off. There was the slightest tint of color in his cheeks.

"Know what?"

"You're really pretty." Brendon said plainly. "For a guy. For anyone, really." He mumbled thoughtfully as his gaze traveled over Ryan's features. "H-has anyone ever told you that?" He asked, suddenly sounding shy. "Just thought you should know because ... you are pretty."

Ryan's cheeks heated. "I'm not pretty." He protested softly, shaking his head. "I'm just ..." He struggled to find a word to describe himself. "A four out of ten, maybe less? I'm not much to look at, really." He rambled, unaware that his nervousness was revealing his insecurities.

The corners of Brendon's lips curved upwards subtly. "That's what  _you_  think." He exhaled, putting his hands on Ryan's face. He could see surprise flashing in the man's eyes but also something else, something Brendon recognized as hesitant appreciation. Slowly, he leaned close until inches of air separated him from the makeup artist. "But maybe I can change your mind for tonight." He whispered before placing his lips on Ryan's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's smut in the next chapter 👀


	18. 16

The logical part of Ryan's brain had taken the back seat on the ride with the alcohol he drank earlier, allowing his desires to take the wheel. So with each kiss Brendon gave him, Ryan sank lower and lower beneath the waves of lust.

Brendon drew back, only slightly that their noses were brushing against each other.

"I'm sorry." Suddenly Brendon sounded scared, his eyes dark and wide. "I shouldn't have --" He was cut off in midsentence when Ryan placed his hands on Brendon's face and kissed him without hesitation.

Encouraged, Brendon hooked his fingers through the belt loops of Ryan's jeans, tugging him by the waist as he pushed Ryan up against the door. Ryan had a thin frame but Brendon hadn't imagined he felt this delicate until he placed his hands on Ryan's slender hips. It made Brendon want to be careful with the man he was kissing.

Ryan felt dizzy from the heady rush of excitement the moment Brendon kissed him back and pushed him against the door but when he felt cool fingers ghost his skin underneath his shirt, he forgot how to breathe. Making a noise that was between a gasp and a whine, his fingers wound around Brendon's hair and tugged.

A muffled moan escaped Brendon. His hands that held Ryan by the hips tightened in response. Brendon's heart was pounding, insides starting to tighten with hot aniticipation. His fingers slipped further up Ryan's shirt, feeling up the soft skin of his stomach.

Ryan hadn't let anyone touch him like that for a long time so the sensation of Brendon doing just that made him want more. There was a hot and intense feeling burning in Ryan's abdomen. He could feel Brendon's hands slipping out from under his shirt.

The man's hands were traveling upwards his body now before resting just below Ryan's collarbones. Brendon began to undo the buttons of Ryan's shirt while his warm breath fanned Ryan's skin. Brendon was whispering things. He was teasing Ryan, peppering kisses light as butterfly wings as he traveled away from Ryan's mouth down his jawline, earlobe and neck.

When Brendon found a spot on Ryan's neck an inch away from his collarbone, there was a sudden pinching feeling in his gut, swiftly followed by a rush of pleasure that could be felt all the way down to his toes. A breathless moan escaped Ryan's lips as his fingers tightened in Brendon's hair; a silent indication that he wanted more.

Ryan's shirt was completely unbuttoned now, slipping off his shoulders as Brendon pushed the fabric away so he could nibble along Ryan's collarbone. The scent of him that smelled faintly of lavender was giving Brendon a heady rush of intoxication - it was way better than the drinks and the drugs he took earlier. Brendon couldn't stop allowing his hands to roam about, feeling the muscles under Ryan's flushed skin tighten and relax at his touch.

Ryan was doing his best not to squirm as Brendon had him pinned up against the wall. The tiny licks, bites and touches Brendon gave him was taking a toll on his self-restraint. He could barely muffle the noises spilling from his lips, his body trembling with arousal and anticipation. He could feel the pressure in his crotch grow and the need for relief urging him to act.

Letting out a frustrated groan, Ryan's hand squeezed its way in between his chest and Brendon's before it moved carelessly to grab Brendon's ass. Ryan shifted himself so he could press himself up on Brendon's thigh.

At first, Brendon was taken aback by his eagerness but felt himself smirk the moment Ryan positioned himself properly hastily. Turned on by Ryan's eagerness, Brendon pushed him by the waist so Ryan was pinned to the wall once more and grinded his hips into Ryan.

" _Oh,_ _fuck_." Ryan panted. A sudden jolt of pleasure surged through him, making his grip on Brendon's butt to slacken and his knees to wobble. Groaning, he buried his face in Brendon's neck, tightened his legs around Brendon's thigh as the man humped him.

"You like that, Ross?" Ryan could hear the smug undertone beneath Brendon's simple question. He could only moan a muffled yes into Brendon's neck, pleading. "Do you want more?" Brendon asked, lips brushing Ryan's neck before he nibbled on the sweet spot.

Ryan's heart was pounding; he could barely hear the question past the roar of blood in his ears. But he knew what Brendon had asked and he knew what he wanted now. He wanted Brendon. Inside of him. Whimpering out a yes, Ryan felt Brendon draw back from him but not without the man lacing his fingers through Ryan's and leading him to one of the beds.

Brendon led Ryan's hands to the hem of his shirt and allowed Ryan to do the rest. Ryan tugged it off eagerly and was rewarded with the sight of a topless Brendon. In the dim light, Brendon's skin had a soft sheen to it.

Brendon held Ryan by his hair - he was disappointed that the long wavy strands were no longer there - and kissed him hungrily before he pushed Ryan onto the bed. His gaze was gleaming with desire for the man who was now propping himself up on his elbows, staring up at him with those innocent brown-eyes. Without a word, he turned around.

Ryan watched Brendon as he rummaged through the closet for his bag before he turned his attention elsewhere. His clumsy fingers worked to remove his belt before he pulled it off and tossed it away. Then he began to unzip his jeans and pulled them down, leaving his boxers on. He had just gotten his jeans to his ankles when he heard a soft chuckle. Face flushing red, he looked to find Brendon standing near the edge of the bed with an amused expression.

Brendon was holding a bottle of lube and a box of condoms. He was smirking, particularly because of Ryan looking like he'd been caught red-handed.

"I can't believe you came prepared." Ryan blurted, staring.

"I can't believe  _you_  didn't come prepared." Brendon retorted, tossing the items on the bed. "Besides, you never know when you might get off." He added, now divesting himself of his jeans. There was a bulge in his underwear and Ryan could see the shape of Brendon's dick through the fabric.

Ryan's face burned even more. Pulling his gaze away from the sight, he looked at the things on the mattress. It was a long time since he had done this, a few years past the phase where he used to be sexually active. He couldn't really remember how he was supposed to ask or what he was supposed to do. "Um, so do you wanna ..." he trailed off, picking up the condoms and the lube while he did some sort of vague gesture with his free hand.

The corners of Brendon's lips turned upwards as he climbed onto the mattress. "You have no idea how cute you are when you get flustered." He purred, leaning closer to Ryan. Placing a hand on Ryan's chest, Brendon trailed it downwards, slowly, as he spoke seductively near Ryan's ear. "Boxers off and get on your knees, Ross."

Ryan shivered, making a complaisant noise. Under Brendon's watchful gaze, he removed his underwear. His stomach was knotted with nervousness - it was like having his first time again although now he knew what to expect and that the person was different. He had a distinct feeling of forgetting something as he turned around and got all fours.

The room was very silent, save for the sound of Ryan's heartbeat in his ears and the sheets shifting with movement. Brendon positioned himself behind Ryan when he leaned over. They were very close that Ryan could feel Brendon in between his cheeks. And then, to Ryan's astonishment, there were kisses.

Brendon's lips were on Ryan's body, traveling south from his nape, in between his shoulder blades, down to the end of his spine at a slow and leisurely pace. His free hand was resting over Ryan's bum, squeezing it gently with every kiss he gave. Ryan shuddered with anticipation, making him grow impatient with want. Still, he couldn't shake off the thought that he had forgotten something.

It was only when Ryan heard the sound of lube being squeezed from the bottle did he remember what he forgot. "Oh! Brendon, before you --" He was looking over his shoulder when he stopped in midsentence.

Brendon had pushed a finger slicked with lube up Ryan's asshole. "You were saying?" Brendon said in a low tone, pumping his finger slowly into Ryan.

As Ryan hadn't had a foreign object up in him for a long time, it stung a little to have Brendon finger him. Ryan tried to relax himself because being tense would only make the sensation worse. Despite the slight pain, Ryan couldn't help but moan every time Brendon dragged in and out until the pain diminished with the rhythm.

"You're tight, Ross." Brendon observed, adding a second lube-slicked finger; Ryan fought back a wince when the pain he felt earlier returned. "How long has it been?" His tone was soft. Ryan hesitated long enough for Brendon to stop what he was doing. "Or is it your first time?" Though his voice was even, there was an undertone of concern.

"No." Ryan shook his head. "It's --" He bit back a tiny yelp when he felt Brendon spread his fingers inside him. The sting flared. "Three years, at least?" While it was nice of Brendon to distract Ryan from the pain, he could tell Brendon was trying very hard to hold himself back. "I guess -  _Oh_." A moan escaped from him when Brendon's fingers reached his prostate.

Behind Ryan, Brendon's lips pulled into a pleased grin. "There?" He asked, just for the sake of watching Ryan would react. When Ryan nodded, he stretched his fingers and curled them, touching Ryan's prostate once more. When he was certain that Ryan was comfortable with him keeping up that pace, he began to scissor again. "Relax. Good boy." He purred, making Ryan tremble.

This time, Ryan didn't stiffen with pain, which was a good thing, and he was making all those tiny, breathless gasps and whimpers, which was better. Once Brendon was certain Ryan was ready, he removed his fingers from him, slowly so he could tease Ryan some more.

After wiping his fingers on the sheets, he reached for the box of condoms and took one of those foil packets out. Tearing it open, he rolled the condom over his length before lining his dick before Ryan. He caressed Ryan's cheeks before he thrusted himself in.

Ryan suppressed grunt, squeezing his eyes shut with his fingers gripping a pillow beneath him. Fingering had been one thing, scissoring was another but now that he had a dick up his ass, Ryan was trying to ignore the pressure on his walls. He tried to steady his breaths, allowing himself to get used to the feeling of Brendon inside him.

"Are you okay, Ryan?" Brendon asked, concerned.

Ryan nodded, even though it wasn't completely true. The burning sensation of something foreign throbbed in him. "Y-Yea. Just -  _wow_." He exhaled, head hanging low.

Brendon pulled back slowly until he was halfway out before pushing in. Anxiety was fluttering beneath his ribcage. Would Ryan tell him if Brendon was hurting him? "If it hurts --"

"Just do it." Ryan urged, now getting up to grip the headboard.

Brendon bit his lip. "Fine." He responded. Placing his hands on Ryan's waist, he began to thrust into him in a slow and measured pace. Ryan was still a bit tight but Brendon was hoping he'd stretch out a bit more so he wouldn't hurt him by accident.

The pain Ryan had been experiencing earlier ebbed away with every thrust. Eyes half-lidded, he couldn't help but make noises of satisfaction. Once he was used to the feeling of Brendon, he glanced over his shoulder.

Behind him was a flushed-looking Brendon, his eyes half-lidded with pleasure and a careless smirk plastered on his parted lips. He was making these tiny noises - grunts - as he jabbed into Ryan. The sight of him like this made the desire churning in Ryan stronger.

Then Brendon's gaze met Ryan's, dark and full of lust. Ryan almost crumbled. "Could you go faster?" He asked in a small voice.

"Baby, we'll do anything you want tonight. Just say the word." Something about Brendon's voice made Ryan's insides melt. Brendon stopped, enough to get a better grip on Ryan's hips, before he slammed into Ryan.

Ryan cried out helplessly and even if he was hot and sore from Brendon and all stretched out, it felt so good that the pain had turned to nothing but pleasure. A sheen of sweat began to form on flushed skin. His fingers tightened on the headboard until his knuckled turned white.

Brendon was barely able to shut up now, groaning with pleasure with every jab into Ryan. His hand moved carelessly to Ryan's cock and pumped it to the time of his thrusts.

"Fuck this." Brendon swore thickly, nails digging into Ryan's flesh that there was sure to be bruises there the next day. "I'm gonna turn you over."

Ryan, who was already disoriented from the pleasure, could only frown in confusion. He hadn't really heard Brendon so when Brendon pulled out of him, he made a pleading noise. Then he felt Brendon shift him over - he was too surprised to react - when Brendon was bent over him. Ryan's lips parted with surprise. "Brendon."

At the sound of his name, Brendon smiled. "That's me, Ryan." He laughed before hooking Ryan's legs over his shoulders and pushed into Ryan.

Moans and curses filled the room with the sound of skin slapping skin. Ryan couldn't hold on any longer, what with Brendon's now quick and uncontrolled thrusts and his hand pumping Ryan's dick.

"I'm about to come." He told Brendon past gasps.

"Seriously?" Brendon responded incredulously. But from the sounds he was making, he was also close. He stopped just for a second before he continued thrusting at the same pace, though harder.

Ryan felt himself begin to unravel as he climaxed, the high of achieving an orgasm washing over his senses. Brendon came afterwards, with a string of breathless curses. The two men were reduced to hot and panting messes.

Brendon took Ryan's legs off his shoulders and fell back on his ass, breathing hard from the exertion of sex, and removed his condom. He got up, grabbed a few Kleenexes from the nightstand and wrapped the condom carefully before throwing it. His hair was messy now and there was a faint glow to his skin.

Ryan rolled onto his side and pushed himself up to a sitting position. There was cum on his abdomen. Wrinkling his nose, he reached for the tissues and wiped them off.

Brendon was back on the bed now, laying back against the pillows. He was staring languidly at Ryan, who had just gotten up to dispose of the tissues. There were marks on his skin now, signs of his touch on Ryan's body. Brendon didn't always leaving them on anyone else but on Ryan, the sight of them made something stir within him.

Ryan turned around and noticed Brendon staring at him. His cheeks went red. Ryan wasn't used to people admiring him - even more when he was naked - so when he caught Brendon just ogling him casually, he couldn't help but feel a bit embarrassed.

"Yeah, that's my bed." Ryan said, trying his best to ignore the weight of Brendon's gaze on him.

Slowly, the sides of Brendon's mouth curled upwards. "I know."

"Cool." Ryan waited for Brendon to get up. When he didn't, Ryan began to feel nervous. "Um --"

Brendon patted the spot beside him. Though he did not speak, there was something about his eyes that indicated he was inviting Ryan to sleep with him.

Ryan bit his lip, regarding Brendon carefully.

"Oh for God's sake, get over here." Brendon laughed.

Feeling the tension slip from him upon hearing the man's mirth, Ryan crawled into bed beside Brendon. He was careful to leave a respectable amount of space between them. Brendon simply smiled at Ryan's hesitation and shifted closer. "C'mere." He said softly, wrapping his arms around Ryan after drawing the sheets over them.

Ryan stiffened at first, but immediately relaxed when he rested against Brendon's chest, listening to his heartbeat. Brendon was stroking his hair in a comforting manner, humming softly under his breath. There were no words exchanged, just touch and sound.

"Brendon?" Ryan spoke softly, starting to grow sleepy.

"Yeah?"

Ryan frowned. What was it that he wanted to say? "Never mind." He mumbled, burying his face into Brendon. The scent of him filled his nostrils, lulling him into a sense of comfort and safety. The sheets were warm from their intertwined bodies and sleep inched its way closer towards Ryan. "Good night, Brendon."

Brendon chuckled, nuzzling into Ryan. "Good night, Ryan. Sleep tight." With that, he placed a kiss on Ryan's temple.


	19. 17

Sleep only lasted a few hours before Ryan was woken up by someone poking their sharp elbow into his back repeatedly. He opened his eyes groggily and smacked whoever it was that was interrupting his sleep. "What?" With a groan, he rolled over to face the ceiling with his arm thrown over his face. He had begun to register a mild ache pounding his head and that his whole body felt sore.

"Your fucking phone." The voice that spoke sound thick, and annoyed. "Turn off the alarm function, for Christ's sake."

Ryan lifted his arm and squinted to see who it was. As the person wasn't facing him, Ryan propped himself to get a better look just as the person turned to face him.

Though a naked Brendon Urie might've been an appealing sight for most, Ryan doubted anyone would find the actor scowling at them appealing

"Sorry." Ryan mumbled and kicked away the covers around his feet. He stumbled off the bed, the ache in his head suddenly flaring up as he stood up. Wincing with his hand on his head, he looked around the room. The mess from last night was obvious from clothes scattered around. Ryan wrinkled his nose before trying to locate the source of the sound.

He found his phone on the floor near the door. Picking it up, he sighed when he saw a crack on the screen - he must not have noticed when it fell from his pocket - before he turned the alarm function off. There was also a reminder onscreen telling him that he should be getting ready for his flight in a couple of hours.

With a sigh, Ryan went to collect his clothes from last night, dumping them in a plastic bag before shoving it into his bag. Then he took out the clean ones and shuffled into the bathroom.

After locking the door and flipping the lid down on the toilet, the full awareness that he'd slept with Brendon hit him. He'd been drunk but not drunk enough to forget details about the sex. Face flushing hotly, he tried to block out the thoughts but they came in flashing in his brain.

The scent of Brendon in his nose as Brendon kissed his neck, the soft silky strands of Brendon's hair curling around his fingers as he tugged them, how Brendon called his name ...

Ryan could name them all but the one that stood out - and confused him - the most was how Brendon wanted to sleep beside him after they had sex. He'd even wrapped his arms around Ryan and held him till their breaths became even and sleep overcame them.

Ryan has had his share of casual sex but this was too intimate to fit in that category.

He was certain that Brendon didn't like him much. He'd been in such a bad mood the past few days and basically pinned Ryan for any minor mistakes that Ryan could've avoided if he didn't feel like being around Brendon was like being near a bomb that could blow up any moment.

So why, out of all times, Brendon had chosen to be like that last night?

"It doesn't mean anything." Ryan said aloud in efforts to stop himself from overthinking. "It doesn't."

After washing himself up, Ryan stepped out of the shower and looked at himself in the mirror. There were faint marks on his skin on his waist area and his neck. Nothing he couldn't manage as he did keep some concealer in his toiletries but the sight of them made Ryan stare at himself.

Shaking his head, he dried himself off and covered up the marks to the best he could before he got dressed. When he went to collect his bag from the closet, Brendon was already awake, sitting up in the bed. There was this look on his face, the kind that indicated he was deep in thought but if you asked him what he was thinking off, he'd either roll his eyes or scowl at you.

"You're leaving now?" Brendon asked without inflection.

Ryan avoided looking at him. "Y-Yeah. Early flight, y'know."

"Oh."

Ryan snuck a glance at Brendon. The man's hair was untidy and there was this distinct sleepless look about his eyes. Brendon was picking away at the sheets that covered the lower half of his body. "Sure." He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

Ryan felt the need to say something, anything, about the night before but he didn't want to make the whole thing seem personal - he was supposed to act professional for the whole stay. Biting his lip, Ryan gave a hesitant nod and slung the strap of his bag over his shoulders.

"Bye." Ryan said and left the room. Once he was in the corridor, he paused uncertainly at the door before heading for the elevator.

*

"You're really quiet." Sarah observed on their way to the airport.

Ryan looked at her from the window distractedly. "Huh? I'm usually quiet." He told her with an incredulous frown. "Aren't I?"

His best friend shook her head. "No, like ... your vibe is  _off_." She said, making Ryan tense. "Did something happen?" Her blue eyes were wide with concern as she regarded Ryan.

Ryan's lower lip found its way in between his teeth as he drew his nail along the upholstery of the seat. They were riding in a cab and the interior of the vehicle smelled faintly of cigarette smoke and car air-freshener. Music was playing softly on the stereo, filling in the silence Ryan used to think about how to answer Sarah.

"Nothing happened." Ryan lied.

Sarah stared at him but said nothing. Instead, she placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it in a reassuring manner. She knew Ryan well - when something was eating him up, he wouldn't want to talk about it at first but if she showed him concern and support, he'd come around. "Well, I hope you'll sort it out."

Ryan was silent before he whispered, "I hope so too." He said softly, thinking of Brendon.

After going through the whole process of checking into their flights, passing through security checkpoints and waiting, Ryan and Sarah finally boarded their plane back to LA. As the aircraft took off from the ground, Ryan watched as the ground grow farther and farther away until all he saw were a sea of fluffy, white clouds.

Beside him, Sarah had fallen asleep, her head resting on his shoulder with a blanket pulled over her body.

In attempts to take his mind off things for awhile, he decided to watch one of the movies that were being screened on the in-flight entertainment service. Unfortunately, the first one he picked had Brendon on it.

It was showing the part where Brendon was confessing his love to his romantic interest, standing in the rain as he poured his heart out to her. The whole scene was dramatic because as soon as he had finished his speech, his romantic interest shook her head and shut the door. Cut to the scene where she was leaning against it while Brendon rested his head on the other side, both of them seemingly heartbroken. This was from one of Brendon's earlier movies, the one that came a year after his big-screen debut at eighteen.

Ryan could've switched to another movie but seeing Brendon onscreen put him off. With a sigh, he shut his eyes and hoped he'd fall asleep to escape his thoughts for awhile.

*

"Honestly, William. You didn't have to make dinner for me!" Ryan shook his head with a laugh, leaning against the doorjamb as he watched his roommate place the food on the table. "I can manage myself, thank you very much."

There was a crooked smirk on William's lips as he raised his gaze to meet Ryan's. "You slept the whole day away. I thought they didn't feed you enough in Portland and that you were conserving energy or something." He said, putting his hands up defensively. "Anyway, park your ass and eat up. Last I checked spaghetti is not a cannibal so it can't exactly eat each itself up."

With an amused roll of his eyes, Ryan obliged. He sat across William at the table, peering at the meal laid out in front of him. It wasn't anything fancy or overly simple but the spaghetti bolognese tasted really delicious.

Ryan paused to check himself after the first few bites and was aware of William watching him with this sort of vaguely nervous expression. Ryan arched an eyebrow. "Is something wrong?"

"What? No." William scoffed. He picked up a fork. "What do you think? Of the spaghetti, I mean."

"It's good. I like it."

"You do?"

"Mhm." Ryan twirled his fork in his pasta idly. Even though he had caught enough sleep from the flight to function like a proper human being, Ryan had fallen asleep when he arrived back in the apartment just to escape his thoughts.

It would've been fine with Ryan if he'd slept with anyone or if Brendon hadn't been his client but the fact remained that he had most likely ruined whatever professional setting they had. Worse still, he hadn't heard from Brendon. The fear that his contract could possibly be terminated over the act of unintentionally sleeping with a client gnawed on him.

"What's up?" Ryan glanced up to find William staring at him with a concerned expression. He had noticed Ryan playing with his food with an absentminded look in his unfocused gaze.

Ryan shook his head. "Just thinking."

"Wanna talk about it?" William asked. "I mean, you don't have to. But if it makes you feel better then ..." He trailed off, shrugging.

"Nah." Ryan narrowed his eyes and a small smile managed to curl the corners of his lips. He pointed at his face "You've got a little something there." He said.

William turned bright red and tried to dab away the sauce with his index finger. "Sorry." He mumbled. Once he was certain he had managed the problem, he said, "So, how was working on set like?"

"Well ... It was kind of stressful." Ryan admitted, remembering how he had to rush about, coordinate with others in his department and tend to Brendon's makeup which would get smudged from his sweat. "And a lot of work. But it's different from what we usually do at  _Kaleidoscope Eyes_. Also, the other artists are really nice and all."

"Cool." William was listening keenly with wide-eyes, like a puppy. "But what was it like with the cast? And the directors? And the crew?"

"Oh, the cast were friendly but I don't think that's all of them." Ryan shrugged. "Because most of them were extras but only one or two were playing as minor characters."

"I heard the directors are married." William sighed with a goofy grin. "Although it's never really confirmed." He added.

Ryan arched his eyebrows. He didn't recall Pete and Patrick sharing any intimate moments or giving off that 'We're married' vibe. Or perhaps that was because Brendon was taking up his attention - you had to be careful around him. "Really?" Ryan mused. "Where did you hear that from?"

"UNY.com." William responded. "They get the inside scoop realy fast and their news is usually ninety-percent reliable."

The name of the website sounded really familiar to Ryan although he couldn't recall where exactly he'd heard of that tabloid. Probably from Sarah or that celebrity news channel Brendon watched back in Portland. "What happened to the ten percent?" Ryan questioned.

"Usually rumors. But their reporters are very good at listening in for any juicy gossip."

"Christ, William, what do you do in your free time?" Ryan laughed.

"Play games. Sleep. Eat. Go to work. Repeat. But I only get my share of celebrity sleaze from Linda so ..." William shrugged.

Ryan was about to ask how were things going back at their agency when his phone began to vibrate against his thigh with an incoming call. With a frown, he fished inside his pocket and excused himself from the table. In the hallway, Ryan checked the caller ID. He didn't recognize the number at all. He considered rejecting it but the number was from the area so it might be best to answer it.

Sighing, Ryan pressed tapped  _Accept_  option and held the phone to his ear. "Hey, this is Ryan --"

" _We need to talk._ " Even if Ryan hadn't recognized the number, he was familiar enough with the voice from the other end of the line. There was a skip in his heartbeat when Ryan registered the person as Brendon. His mouth was dry.

But before he responded, he needed to make sure he wasn't assuming this was the wrong person. "Brendon?"

" _Now, don't tell me you don't recognize my voice. Doesn't matter. We seriously need to talk_." Brendon's tone was peremptory; it was the same tone he used when he wanted something to be done without any objections. Ryan didn't really have the choice to say no and hang up because he knew Brendon would chase him to get it over with.

Ryan bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut. His heart was racing with worry and anxiety. Was Brendon considering terminating his contract? If that was what he was planning to do, Ryan was in deep trouble. He hadn't received payment and that meant he couldn't pay off debts which would lead to serious trouble.

"Okay." Ryan said slowly. "So, when do you want to --"

" _When are you free? And the sooner, the better. I don't have time to waste_." Brendon added. " _I've got to some matters to settle with my manager and I'd prefer if we can get this over with this as quickly as possible_."

Ryan paused to think for a moment. "Tomorrow?" He suggested, hoping that Brendon wouldn't be to busy by then. "We could meet up at your --"

" _I'll text you the address_." Brendon cut him off. " _Tomorrow then. At lunch. You'd better not be late, Ross_." With that, he hung up and left Ryan to listen to the ugly buzzing from his phone while his worries and doubts pranced around his feet.


	20. 18

Ryan received the address via text the next morning from Brendon's number. It was very early when he woke up but Ryan slept the night before, owing to the fact that he had slept most of the day away.

Picking up his laptop, Ryan went to the kitchen. For some reason, the wifi connection was better there. He sat himself at the counter and turned his laptop on before opening an internet browser.

Yawning, he entered the address in the Google search bar. When the search results showed up, he scrolled through them and clicked on the images of the place; it was a bistro that had a pleasing layout and theme. His stomach dropped nervously when he looked through the bistro's website and saw the prices of the meals.

"Who pays thirty dollars for beef tenderloin?" Ryan said in bewilderment to no one in particular.

"Isn't thirty dollars too pricey?"

"Exactly!" Ryan replied immediately when he glanced up to see William entering the kitchen. "Oh, good morning." He said.

"It's not a good morning before I've had coffee." William yawned, stretching his arms over his head. "What's with the thirty dollar beef tenderloin you were talking about?" He asked as he passed by Ryan towards the kitchen cabinet.

"I honestly don't know." Ryan sighed, pushing his reading glasses up so it rested on the top of his head. "I saw it from the menu of the bistro that I'm supposed to go during lunchtime to meet Brendon."

"Meet Brendon?" William sounded faintly astonished. The sound of the coffee machine percolating filled the pause. "Did he ask you out or something?"

Ryan felt his face flush. "Not  _that_  way." Ryan said. "I mean, I doubt he'd want to because --" He broke off, an uninvited image of their one night stand popping up in his head. "Well, I doubt he likes me much."

"Huh." William took a seat beside Ryan and peered over at the laptop screen. "Christ, is he serious?" His eyebrows shot up the moment he saw the menu.

"He's Brendon."

"No, that's not what I meant." William rolled his eyes. "But, wow, the food  _is_  pricey."

Ryan nodded in agreement. "I was thinking of just meeting him and then leaving before he makes me order or something."

"You could always say no." William suggested. At that moment, the machine had finished making coffee. He got up and collected his drink, returning to the counter with a box of Froot Loops in hand. "Cereal?" He offered Ryan, taking two bowls from the cabinet and spoons from the drawer.

"No thanks, I'm lactose-intolerant." Ryan said.

"Right. Sorry, I kinda forgot. But aren't there meds for that?' William asked as he poured himself cereal and milk.

"There are but they give me a nasty case of constipation."

"Huh. At least have something to eat." William reached for the loaf of bread on the table away from the counter. Taking a slice of bread, he placed it on a plate and handed it to Ryan.

William borrowed Ryan's laptop and scrolled down the bistro's webpage out of curiosity in between spoonfuls of cereal. "Jeez, you even need to make a reservation in advance just to eat there." He frowned.

"Seriously? Damn."

"You sure this ain't a date?"

Ryan's stomach did this sort of nervous flip. Despite having doubts that lingered at the back of his mind, Ryan said, "I'm a hundred percent sure."

*

Ryan's palms were sweating like crazy.

He was walking down the street that led up to the building where the bistro located. He made sure to leave the record store he'd been at five minutes earlier; he thought by being early would make him menrally prepared, but he never learned the lesson that it never did.

The restaurant was at the corner of the building and had an outdoor area in case anyone felt like dining outside. He entered the bistro and glanced around at the patrons nervously. He hoped he wasn't too undrerdressed - he was wearing a denim shirt and black jeans - but before he could look at the elderly man that was seated closest to him, one of the waitstaff approached him.

"Hello there, Sir. How may I help you?" The waiter asked with a pleasant smile.

"Uh, I'm here to meet Mr Urie." Ryan replied, resisting the urge to wipe his palms on his jeans.

"Ah, Mr Urie. If you could follow me, I will show you where he's sitting." The waiter said and turned around. He led him further into the restaurant till they reached the table in a quiet corner by the window.

Ryan's heart did this slow flip in his chest when his eyes landed on Brendon.

Brendon was peering out the window, or so Ryan assumed he was though it was hard to tell if he was doing so or was asleep from the pair of sunglasses he was wearing. When the waiter and Ryan approached the table, he turned his face towards them and lowered his Ray-Bans. "Ross." He said, by way of greeting.

Ryan's face burned as he drew his gaze away. "Thank you." He told the waiter before he took a seat across Brendon at the table. Once he was settled, he looked up at Brendon, who was removong his his sunglasses.

Ryan's pulse was pounding loudly in his ears. His mouth was very dry. He was also certain that he appeared rather pale.

Brendon didn't seem to care as he set his sunglasses on the table. He met Ryan's gaze.

The words spilled from Ryan's mouth against his volition. "Can you please explain what I'm doing here?" His voice had gone a bit squeaky at the end of the sentence.

Brendon took his time to answer. After taking a sip from the glass of water in front of him, his lips quirked at the corners of his mouth. Without a word, he reached for something beneath the table before slid it over to Ryan.

Ryan's eyebrows arched but he didn't make any comment as he picked it up. It was a rectangular envelope and when he opened it, there was a check - payment for Ryan's work the last week.

"It slipped my mind the other day to pay you before you left." Brendon explained. "Also, it seemed ... inappropriate because it just wasn't the right circumstances."

An ache bloomed in Ryan's chest. Slowly, he lifted his eyes from the envelope to Brendon's features. He couldn't help but notice the man's expression, how detached and aloof he looked, and compare it with the way Brendon had looked at him the other night. "Brendon?"

"Yes?"

Despite the calm music playing overhead, it did not do to somehow influence Ryan into letting go of the tension that was still strung tightly around his body. He bit his lip, running his thumbnail over his index finger. There was something that he wanted to say - he had planned and rehearsed his speech beforehand - but being in Brendon's presence made him forget. Mild frustration built up at the back of his throat.

Brendon narrowed his eyes at Ryan. "Well, if there's nothing you wanted to say --"

"I wanted to say something --"

"Then tell me."

"I don't know exactly  _how_  to say it." Ryan admitted with a sigh. "Okay, fine. I'm just gonna say it." He confirmed with a nod. Clearing his throat, he pulled his chair up closer to the table and drew a breath. "My contract."

Brendon sat up with a frown. "What about it?"

"I just - Please don't terminate my contract." Ryan pleaded.

"What makes you think I'd do that?" Brendon was confused.

" _Because_!" Ryan's throat was closing up again, making it hard for him to get the words out. They were all clamoring in his head and the anxiety that had been lingering since the start of the day was impairing his brain from selecting the words to string coherent sentences. "Last Saturday night happened."

Something flashed behind Brendon's eyes but before Ryan could figure what it meant, Brendon drew his gaze away from him and faced the window. Though his pensive silence was brief, Ryan felt like the seconds had slowed down to a glacial pace. "Alright, Randy. Listen up." Brendon began, looking back to Ryan.

"Now, as long as you don't speak about it, I assure you that it will  _not_  affect my decision of hiring you as my personal makeup artist on set." The brunet's tone was firm and earnest. "You can go back to doing what you do best, and I'll get back to looking my best onscreen because of you. Tabloids won't be able to look for sleaze and you and I won't have to suffer the public demanding questions.

"However, or hypothetically speaking, if that little piece of information about what happened last Saturday night is heard by anyone at all --" Brendon snapped his fingers, the sudden sound startling Ryan who had been clinging on to every syllable.

Nearby them, a waiter hurried over carrying the menus before placing them on the table before the two men.

Brendon arched his eyebrows questioningly at Ryan. "You get what I mean." Then he turned to the waiter and dismissed him. "So, Ross." Brendon spoke once more, picking up the menu and opening it. "Beef tenderloin?"

Ryan stared at him in bewilderment. It took him a few moments to work up a response. "That dish costs thirty dollars." He pointed out incredulously.

"Twenty-eight." Brendon corrected, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "And it's delicious, so it's worth the price."

Ryan shook his head. "I'm not --"

"And you don't have to complain about it." Brendon didn't even look up at him from the menu. "It's on me."

Ryan stared at the man in utter incredulity. He had to spend his waking hours from yesterday since Brendon's phone call worrying about what he should say and what things would be said to him, think of all worst possible scenarios losing his appetite, and all he got was Brendon offering a free meal?

"You just threatened me and now you're offering to pay for my food?" Ryan said jarringly.

Brendon flipped a page of the menu casually. "I wasn't threatening you. I was informing you about one of the possible outcomes that would happen. Also, if beef isn't your thing, I'd suggest Coq au vin."

"I have no idea what that is."

"It's chicken. But if you're vegetarian --"

"I can't even." Ryan's head was starting to ache.

"Maybe you'd like a Chickpea Ratatouille." Brendon continued as though Ryan hadn't said anything. "I tried it once and it wasn't too bad although the chef might have --"

Ryan shook his head, sitting up. A perplexed frown had settled on his features. "I really appreciate the offer but I really have to go." He said, cutting Brendon off from mentioning how he preferred his ratatouille to be prepared.

Those brown eyes of Brendon's finally lifted up from the menu up to Ryan's. To Ryan's relief, he had stopped talking briefly. "I'm being serious here. Really, it's on me."

"I can't accept that offer." Ryan said weakly. "I'm sorry, Brendon, but I --" He bit his lip, with the panic and confusion influencing his fight-or-flight response, and got up from his seat. Without looking at Brendon, he fled the bistro with his heart pounding wildly against his ribcage.

*

"Goddamit, just kiss already!" Sarah waved her hand in frustration at the tv, munching on a slice of veggie pizza.

Ryan sat down beside her on the couch, setting two cans of beer on the coffee table in front of them. "Christ, Sarah, calm down. It's only been twenty minutes into the movie." He said, shaking his head in amusement at how Sarah wanted the two people onscreen to date so badly. "You can't expect a relationship to happen so fast."

Sarah finished the rest of her pizza and scowled at Ryan. "You don't understand how strongly I feel for these two." She nudged him in the ribs and grabbed another slice of pizza.

Both best friends were dressed in their pajamas as they watched one of Sarah's favorite movies, which happened to be a superhero-slash-romance film. Ryan had agreed to stay over at her place so they could hang out for the night.

"I kinda do. They're your OTP in this movie." Ryan popped open the can of beer and took a sip. He reached for a pizza slice.

"Winner winner chicken dinner." Sarah gave Ryan a thumbs-up gesture. She sat Indian-style, hugging a throw pillow while her wide blue eyes remained glued on the protagonist's romantic interest, who was speaking. "I never got to ask you this but what do you think of working on set?"

"Hm? Okay, I guess." Ryan shrugged. "It's just tiring at the end of the day. Anyway, how about you and Brendon?" He took a sip of his beer.

At the mention of her co-actor's name, Sarah grinned. "Oh, things are going great. We've been planning to meet each other to rehearse our lines for the next few scenes. He's the sweetest." She gushed, this dreamy look appearing on her face.

It wasn't on purpose but Ryan coughed into his beer. Some of the alcohol had gone down his throat the wrong way so it stung.

Sarah rounded on him with an astonished look but possessed the presence of mind to pat Ryan's back hard to assist him. "Y'know I really can't tell it you don't believe or you drank your beer too fast. Either way, drink slower next time."

"Got it." Ryan shot her sheepish smile and shook his head. He had a hard time accepting Sarah's claim but he was well aware of how Brendon acted around her so he didn't dispute the notion. Instead, he looked sidelong at her and then at his feet, which were propped up the coffee table. "Cool. About Brendon, I mean. It's good that you two are getting along. Helps to make the onscreen acting believable before you crush the audience's hearts when Brendon turns out to be the bad guy in  _Nightmare Carnival_."

Sarah arched an eyebrow with the tiniest smirk resting on her lips. "What about you? Has he been giving you any problems when you're working? I could tell him to behave if he doesn't." She suggested teasingly.

Blood rushed into Ryan's cheeks when he suddenly thought of a drunk and high Brendon. "Eh ... He's alright, I guess?" He found himself being less enthusiastic talking about the celebrity. "But he gets impatient sometimes so it's kinda difficult to work with him sometimes." He admitted.

"Oh." Sarah's brows furrowed. "He didn't strike me as that kind of person, though." She commented. "Maybe he hasn't warmed up to you yet?"

Ryan wanted to laugh at the sheer irony of that. He didn't really know Brendon as a person if you discounted his social status and wealth, and that the only warming up Brendon ever did to him was when they cuddled after sex. "I wouldn't be too sure about that." He shook his head, tugging on a loose thread on his sweatpants.

Sarah's mouth opened to say something but stopped when her phone began to ring. She reached for it beside her and checked the screen. Her face lit up with a smile. "Speak of the devil." She showed Ryan the caller ID and he couldn't help but feel his heart squeeze in his chest.

Sarah excused herself from the living area to the kitchen to answer Brendon's phone call.

And Ryan sat there on the couch hearing to the dialogue of the movie but paying no attention to the words. He swirled the can in his hand before he raised it to his lips and drained its contents in one go.

He wanted to stop thinking about Brendon.


	21. 19

After a week of working with strangers, Ryan was relieved that his employer, Hayley, agreed to letting him work with his colleagues from his agency for a day prior to his return to LA. Today they were headed to a studio where their client, a clothing company Ryan hadn't heard of, were having a photo shoot to promote a new clothing line.

Ryan was assigned to work alongside Linda, William and two newbies named Meredith and Ashley. Along the way, Linda managed to get everyone to play a game where they'd reveal a fact about themselves and Ryan ended up mentioning about how he used to play hockey when he was little. He had no idea Meredith and Ashley had grown up in the same area as he did as well.

"So you skate?" William asked.

"It's been awhile." Ryan shrugged.

"We're here!" Linda announced as she pulled into an empty space at a parking lot. "Grab the stuff from the boot and we'll go inside. I'll assign you to the models once we find our client."

Everyone did as they were told. Then they entered the building where the studio was located. The waiting area had a pleasant atmosphere. Soft jazz music was playing overhead while the faint scent of rosemary wafted, adding to the calm mood the place had. All sorts of frames that held photographs ranging from family portraits to picturesque views of the city were hung along the wall.

They didn't have to wait long when they met their client who was the owner of the company. The person was a tall and lanky man, with a pleasant British accent and a lot of tattoos decorating his skin. He introduced himself as Oliver Sykes but insisted them on calling him Oli for convenience.

"I'm so glad you could all come." Oliver was saying as he showed them to a room in the studio where they could work on the models while the photographers were setting up. "Please don't hesitate to look for me if you need any help. I'll just be by the bridge. Also, if I could speak to you, Linda, for a moment. There seems to be a mistake in the list I emailed ..."

The rest of the team took this as their cue to leave the two alone and to set up in the room while waiting for the models to arrive.

"You nervous?" William asked Meredith and Ashley.

"Oh yes." Ashley admitted. She raised her hands and frowned at them. Both her and Meredith had dyed hair her but where Meredith's was pure black, hers was neon pink. "Anyway, I gotta calm down. Can't have shaky hands."

"You'll do fine. Don't worry." Meredith smiled at her friend.

"True. We'll all do fine." William said.

The door opened and Linda entered."Okay, so here are the list of models who will be attending the shoot." Linda produced a file from her bag. She began to assign everyone to a model to work on. "Um, all I can say is best of luck to all of us and yea, let's wait outside for the models?"

"I haven't been assigned to anyone yet." Ryan frowned, wondering if Linda had purposely left him out or if his name had slipped her mind.

"Snap." Linda rechecked her list. "Dammit I was reading off the one with the typo. Sorry, Ryan." She gave him a sheepish look. "Anyway, Oli said someone else is coming in to join the shoot and I'm sure you can handle him." She said confidently.

"Eh?" Ryan frowned, not at all sure who this person was.

The door opened once again. Ryan turned just in time to see a familiar outline of a person he knew. He felt his stomach drop. "Shit." He muttered under his breath, eyes staring wide with disbelief at the person.

"Am I late or something?" Brendon's voice was cool and composed as he regarded the makeup artists. "I hope I'm not."

Meredith and Ashley stared at the actor, not believing that of all days they'd be able to see Brendon Urie before them. William simply regarded the brunet with a frown like he was trying to remember where he'd seen him.

"Oh, no. You're early actually." Linda answered Brendon's question.

"Oh."

Ryan was fine with the way things were at the moment because he had moved to staring at the ground and Brendon not making any eye contact with him. He couldn't believe how the cruel universe could be when it wanted to. He turned to Linda instead. "Um, can I talk to you for a bit? In the corridor?"

Linda arched her eyebrows but nodded anyway. The two of them left the room. Once Linda closed the door behind them, she turned to Ryan. "What's up?"

Ryan exhaled, unaware that he was trembling slightly. "Is Brendon who you're assigning me to?" His voice had gone shriller than usual.

"Oh yes. I figured you'd be familiar with which sort of product would be suitable for him." Linda responded, not at all noticing how pale Ryan was going. She frowned. "Is anything the matter?"

"But why is he here in the first place?" Ryan asked.

"Oli said Brendon's a friend of his who wants to try out modeling. Just for fun, y'know?" Linda shrugged. She didn't care much for the details her colleague was fretting over.

Ryan shut his eyes momentarily. "Could you - I dunno - reassign me to someone else, please?" When she gave him a surprised look, he added hastily, "I mean, I think it'd be best if we let Meredith or Ashley try it out. Besides, the experience would be good for them."

Linda paused to consider Ryan's suggestion for a few moments. "You do have a point. Well, alright, but only if you do monitor them from time to time to make sure they're doing alright."

Ryan agreed to her terms, halfheartedly, before he entered the room again. This time, Brendon was talking to the newbies, leaning against one of the tables with a posture of ease. However at the sound of Ryan stepping inside, his gaze traveled over to where the makeup artist was for the briefest of moments before he continued to keep up the conversation with Meredith and Ashley.

*

In the end, Ryan was assigned to work with a female model he recognized vaguely. The whole time as Ryan applied her makeup she was rather quiet, browsing through a magazine and speaking in short sentences when Ryan tried to get a conversation rolling.

The model William was working with however was a chatterbox and it came as no surprise that him and William hit off really well. Ryan hadn't meant to eavesdrop but they were talking loudly and they were beside him so Ryan heard bits and pieces of the conversation. By the time Ryan was finished with his task, he looked across the room where Ashley was applying Brendon's makeup.

He couldn't help but feel a nervous twinge when Ashley was applying the finishing touches on the actor's face. After a week of working with Brendon, it was like Ryan had gotten used to the fact that it was supposed to be him working on Brendon. He shook that feeling off and approached the two.

Ashley was giggling to a joke Brendon had made. Ryan felt a small twitch on his face but forced his features to remain neutral. "How's it going here?" Ryan cringed inwardly at how fake his own voice sounded.

If anything, Ashley and Brendon hardly seem to notice at all. The short-haired blonde girl glanced at Ryan with a laugh still plastered on her lips. "Oh, hey Ryan!" She greeted. "Everything's going fine here. Brendon just told me a joke."

There was that twinge in Ryan's chest again but this time he was certain it wasn't nervousness. "Okay. Cool." He looked at Brendon.

Brendon didn't look at him.

Ryan turned his gaze away. "Can I see how's the progress?" He asked.

"I don't know." Brendon sighed before raising his gaze to Ryan's with a lazy sort of smirk reminiscent of the one Brendon had worn the night they slept together. "Can you?" Brendon said.

Ashley's lips pursed but Ryan could tell she was suppressing the urge to giggle. "Sure." She answered, moving to make space for Ryan to check for any imperfections in her technique.

A tiny frown of concentration found its way to Ryan's features as he drew a chair up and sat on it to be eye-level with Brendon. He made sure to avoid the man's gaze though and placed his attention on the fine details. He spotted a few minor mistakes and advised Ashley to be mindful of them but otherwise he gave her praise for a good job. "But you missed out his lips, though."

"Yea, I was gonna work on that before you came over." Ashley said sheepishly. "But I could watch how you do it instead because I'm not too good at it myself." She admitted.

Ryan's throat went dry. But he couldn't say no, otherwise it would make a bad impression on Ashley. Slowly, he nodded. "Okay, sure. I'll show you the best way to apply it." He reached for the kit that contained the lip products.

The whole time while Ryan did a demonstration for Ashley, he had to do his best to picture Brendon as a faceless stranger and avoid looking at his eyes as much as he could. It was a challenge because he'd feel the weight of Brendon's gaze on him resting heavily on his face. Ryan was relieved when he had finished his task.

Ryan got up before Brendon could stop him and left the room. He found William in the waiting area, munching on a fruit bar while he studied a portrait of a cat playing a ball of yarn with interest. Ryan couldn't help but smile at the sight of his roommate. "How's it going?" He asked, standing beside William.

"Pretty good." William had just finished working with the model he was assigned with earlier. "This fruit bar from the vending machine outside is really good, by the way."

"I'll keep that in mind." Ryan laughed. "What's up with you looking at the cat though?" He inquired curiously. Apart from how fluffy and adorable the feline looked, there was nothing particularly interesting about the way it looked.

"Oh, the cat reminds me of the one my sister used to have. His name was Graham." William said. "Didn't like me much and he always found excuses to ruin my stuff. But I loved him a lot. But anyway, you a cat or a dog person?"

"I love both but I have a soft spot for teacup beagles and calicos." Ryan admitted.

William laughed. "Teacup beagles are adorable." He said, grinning. There was something but the ease in his smile that made Ryan forget about the tension he experienced earlier; he found himself smiling as well.

*

Even though their job was technically finished, Linda made everyone stay to watch the photo shoot because she wanted them to brush up on their knowledge about how lighting could affect the way makeup looked on a person.

Ryan simply stayed behind his female colleagues beside William because he didn't want to be in direct line of sight with Brendon. Although that worked for him, the ladies weren't tall enough to block  _his_  view of the actor.

"Lovely." Oliver was calling out while Brendon and another model posed. "Oh, Allie, could you move a bit closer - great! And Brendon, exude a bit more sex appeal in your pose? Brilliant!"

"Christ, do you see the amount of pictures they have to take?" William whispered, pointing at a computer screen near them where pictures taken by the photographers of the shoot were displayed.

"I wonder how they narrow it down to the best shots." Ryan mused aloud.

Linda, who was at the computer with one of the photographers, waved them all over. She began to point out some of the details worth noting for future reference. It wasn't long till that part of the shoot had ended but not before it was Brendon's turn to have his pictures taken. His and his only.

Ryan's stomach did an uneasy flip as there was a brief break in between to set up the background. He left the room that time to sit in the waiting area to gather his thoughts. He wasn't alone; there was a family of four seated there as well. The youngest member of the family - a toddler - looked at Ryan with some form of fascination and kept waving at him.

Ryan waved back when Brendon came into his line of sight. He felt himself stiffen with anticipation for Brendon's words but the actor simply sat beside him.

Brendon was wearing a white sweater with a single rose design embroidered over his chest and ripped jeans with boots; these clothes didn't belong to him but were meant for the photo shoot. He wondered if Brendon got to keep them.

"So." Brendon began. He was drinking a cup of iced coffee. "Lips, huh." He was referring to a comment Ryan had made earlier about using one of the lip products to define the shape of Brendon's lips.

Ryan's face heated at once. "I was only teaching Ashley." He mumbled.

"Mhm." Brendon sipped loudly from his cup, earning glares of disapproval from the parents of the family nearby. He winked at them, unabashed, and continued to drain his cup. Ryan had to resist the urge to glare at him as well. "So who's that guy?" The actor inquired.

"What guy?" Ryan frowned.

"Your colleague." Brendon said.

"Oh, that's William." Ryan answered. He couldn't help but feel wary of the question. "What about him?"

"He looks like your type."

Ryan froze. Then he swiveled his gaze to Brendon, his features expression bewilderment and disbelief. He stared at Brendon, who didn't return his stare, for a solid three seconds before he said, "How would  _you_  know  _my_  type is?" It wasn't that he was annoyed Brendon was making assumptions but his tone gave away how shocked he was at the actor for knowing what qualities he liked in men.

There was a tiny upwards curve at the corner of Brendon's mouth. "He just seems like it."

Ryan couldn't help but look away in embarrassment. "William's my roommate and my colleague. We're just friends." He insisted.

Brendon was unmoved by the claim, arching an eyebrow. "You sure about that?" There was something about the coyness of his tone that didn't sit well with Ryan. Brendon began to get up. "I wouldn't be, if I were you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ryan was bemused.

Brendon didn't answer his question, instead he was still carrying that smirk of his. Ryan was certain something was amiss but he couldn't point out  _what_  was. Brendon was getting up from his seat now. "You should get out more. Meet more people." He advised. "See you on Thursday."

Ryan couldn't help but stare after him, an expression of utter incredulity plastered on his face.


	22. 20

"Have a safe flight, Ryan." William said, giving Ryan a pat on the shoulder.

"You too. I mean, drive safely." Ryan nodded, waving. "See you next week."

William gave him a mock-salute, backing away with a smile before turning and melting into the crowd of people in the departure hall of the airport. Ryan stared for a few moments, amazed in a detached sense that someone so tall could disappear so easily before he felt his phone vibrate. He fished it out, seeing the incoming call screen with Sarah's name on it. Once again, he and Sarah were on the same flight although he suspected Sarah had somehow sweet-talked the directors into letting her board the same plane as Ryan did.

Accepting the call, he held his phone to his ear. "Y'know you could just text me and I'd still answer." He said with a grin, slinging his bag over his shoulder and walking away from the large screen overhead that displayed flight information to the benches nearby. William had to drop him off at the airport really early because he had to attend a workshop. Ryan still had time to kill.

" _Yeah, but not fast enough_." Sarah responded on the other side of the line. " _I saw you and that guy though._ "

"What are you doing? Stalking me?"

" _I was standing a few feet away from you!_ "

Ryan glanced up and saw Sarah standing under the large screen, shaking her head. Despite the distance, he could tell she was smirking. Ryan rolled his eyes and hung up on his best friend, pocketing his phone. Crossing his arms, he leaned back on the bench and stared pointedly at Sarah until she cracked with laughter and came right over to him.

"So who was that guy?" She asked, sitting beside Ryan with that large goofy grin on her face - the kind she'd wear when she teased her best friend.

Ryan frowned. "You mean William?"

Sarah nodded. "His name's William? He's such a cutie!" She gushed. "Is he your boyfriend?"

Ryan choked on his breath. He gave Sarah an openly incredulous stare, complete with wide eyes and parted lips. Blood had rushed into his cheeks, giving them a soft pinkish tint. "Sarah!"

"I take that as a yes?"

"Um, sorry, but it means no."

Sarah's eyes narrowed as she leaned closer to him, scanning his face for any microexpressions that would give away clear indications that he was lying. "You sure about that?"

"Why would I not be sure whether I'm dating anyone?" Ryan's voice had gone squeaky at the end the way it always did when he got embarrassed. "And when have I ever did that?" He said defensively.

"That one time in senior year with --"

"That's different."

" _Excuse you_." Sarah placed her hands on her hips. "Anyone would've seen that you and Robbie were dating, even if they were blindfolded. You ain't foolin' no one."

Ryan groaned, squeezing his eyes shut in mild exasperation. "I'm just sharing an apartment with him while mine is getting maintenance work."

"Sure." Sarah smirked and elbowed Ryan, much to his indignation.

*

They were having coffee after getting checked in. Ryan had his hand wrapped around the handle of a mug of latte while the other was holding Sarah's copy of Nightmare Carnival. He hadn't taken a sip of it because it was too hot. Sitting across him at the table was Sarah, trying to arrange the pastries and her coffee so she could have something to post on her Instagram page. Ryan watched her idly, amused that she was trying to get the best shot.

Out of playfulness, he stuck out his hand the moment she clicked the button and earned an annoyed groan from Sarah. "Um, rude." She said but laughed anyway, smacking his hand away.

"Won't your coffee get cold?" Ryan asked once she was satisfied with the picture she took.

"I should be saying the same thing about yours."

"Mine's too hot to drink."

"Because I'm here." A new voice spoke. Both Ryan and Sarah looked up. At first Ryan squinted his eyes because he had his reading glasses on so the person standing was a bit unfocused to his vision. He pushed his glasses up his head and he recogmized the person who'd spoken.

His heart did this flip in his chest that to made his insides follow the movement the moment he saw Brendon's smile. But, of course, the actor wasn't looking at Ryan but at Sarah.

"Brendon, hey!" Sarah waved at him with a huge grin. "Are you on the same flight as Ryan and I?" She asked as Brendon sat beside her.

"There's only one flight to Portland right now, so duh." Brendon laughed. Ryan's stomach tightened at how easily a laugh could escape from the brunet's lips around Sarah whereas an irritated tone would commonly be heard when Brendon spoke with Ryan.

"Awesome." Sarah said. "That makes us three flight buddies."

 _Nope_. Ryan thought as he drew his attention back to the paragraph he'd been reading. Reaching for his still too-hot coffee, he drank from the mug. The liquid burned his tongue upon contact but he barely noticed it. Opening the page he had left off earlier, he was reading the part where Linda found out about Kieran - the hidden antagonist's identity - and was desperately trying to escape from the house in the woods he had held her hostage.

"Reading for ideas, Ross?" Brendon asked, looking at the man sitting across him.

It took Ryan a moment longer than usual to respond as he was really engrossed in the scene. "Huh? Oh, um --" Ryan's chest suddenly tightened with nervousness and unease. He rarely heard Brendon speak in a conversational tone so it made him feel as if he'd been shoved into an unfamiliar situation. Removing his glasses, he set them on the table and shut his book.

Ryan was staring down at his coffee mug, half wishing it had cooled down sooner because his tongue felt funny from being burnt. He nodded to answer the brunet's question. "Kinda. I mean, I have to be prepared for this."

Brendon's eyes rested on Ryan for a second longer before he drew them away. "Well, I can't wait to see what you have in store once we get to shoot that scene."

And Ryan looked at him. It was the briefest of glances. There had been a rush of appreciation and he was quite certain those were words of encouragement from Brendon.

Too bad the actor had already turned away before Ryan could see his expression.

*

Ryan was relieved he didn't have to sit beside Brendon although he thanked that the Universe had never granted the ability of telepathy to humans because if whoever up there did, Sarah would've known the reason why he wanted to sit away from Brendon.

He didn't know if he could stand having Brendon sit beside him for the next couple of hours without feeling like combusting.

Sarah was in the seat between Ryan and Brendon and it was best that she remained oblivious of the awkward tension between the men beside her. For the first hour of the flight, she had this excited vibe about her but in the next hour she'd already fallen asleep.

Ryan envied how she could do that, what with the noise of the plane engines and wails of a baby a few aisles back.

He glanced at his best friend, noticing that the blanket she had drawn over herself was slipping. He picked the edge of blanket and put it back to the position it had been on Sarah's shoulder. A small smile of affection found its way on Ryan's lips.

Brendon noticed the expression on his face and arched his eyebrow questioningly, staring until Ryan looked at him. "Are you and Sarah ... really close or something?"

Ryan nodded. "She's my best friend - of course I am." He glanced at Sarah. "We've seen each other at our worst times and best times so we've been through a lot ..." He trailed off. "Why?"

Brendon appeared contemplative but when Ryan asked him that question, the expression dissipated. He regarded Ryan. "Just curious. She talks a lot about you - so I was wondering if there was anything between the two of you." Brendon said.

Ryan frowned. "What kind of things?"

"Don't worry, Randy." The brunet smirked. "She says a lot of good stuff about you."

"Oh." Ryan bit his lip, leaning back in his seat. "And to answer your question, there's nothing between Sarah and I, besides our friendship. Well, there was a time when I considered but --" Ryan shook his head.

Brendon studied him thoughtfully. There was this look on his face, an admixture of curiosity and interest. And then he drew his gaze away to the space in between his shoes while chewing the insides of his mouth. "What does she like?"

"Huh?"

"I was thinking of asking her out sometime." Brendon explained. "And since you're her best friend I thought you might have some idea of what kind of date she likes."

There was a sudden ache in Ryan's chest. He bit his lower lip and cleared his throat, turning his face away. "Like as in a date?"

"Yes, Ross. A date. I'm sure you know what that means."

"Oh." Ryan wasn't too sure if he felt thrilled for Sarah that Brendon was interested or if tiny stabs of hurt he felt within him should give him concern. He tried to think of one of Sarah's favorite hobby and all his brain could conjure up was his best friend curled up on a couch, aggressively shipping tv characters. He casted that particular image, deciding it would probably be weird for Brendon and said, "You could take her an ice-skating rink."

Brendon stared at Ryan. "That's a cute idea but I can't skate and I can't risk embarrassing myself." He protested incredulously.

Ryan couldn't help but snicker, which earned him a pointed glare. "Jeez, Brendon. Sarah doesn't skate as well so the both of you should have fun learning while you're at it. Makes for great bonding, y'know?" He heard Brendon scoff as though he thought it was a ridiculous notion Ryan was suggesting but then a pensive silence followed.

"Yea, but I don't like being in a situation that I don't have an upper hand in."

"It's not a fight, Brendon."

"Still." Brendon pressed. "I want her to think I'm cool."

"She  _already_  thinks you are." Ryan sighed in exasperation. Brendon's stubbornness was beginning to grate on him. "And even if you can't skate, it wouldn't make Sarah think less of you."

Brendon opened his mouth as if to argue before he realized Ryan had a point. He rolled his eyes and pressed his lips together into a thin line. "Sure."

Ryan shook his head. "Besides, it's just one suggestion. Maybe you could take her to a park as well. She likes nature. One time we went hiking but I must've been born missing a lung because I was out of breath halfway through the course." He added.

Brendon went silent. "Sounds about alright - the park thing, I mean. But I should avoid water."

"Why? Afraid to get wet?" Ryan teased.

A scowl creased Brendon's features so Ryan dropped the act as quickly as he had picked it up. And then Brendon's gaze softened. "I think ice-skating sounds better." Then he looked at Ryan spoke in a firm tone. "When we get back from set, teach me to skate."

Ryan was bewildered. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to look like an idiot." Brendon answered blatantly.

Ryan gave him this openly disbelieving look, complete with the frown and parted lips. Despite the reaction, the actor didn't back down and was regarding Ryan with a defiant and stubborn gaze. This little staring contest lasted about three seconds before Ryan's resolve crumbled at the edges.

"Okay, fine." Ryan sighed, rolling his eyes. "But just the basics." He added, in case Brendon got any funny ideas like asking Ryan to teach him something complicated like how to perform a triple axel jump. "But I can tell you ice-skating is harder than it looks."

Brendon grinned. "Try me."


	23. 21

Ryan was sharing a room with Jon Walker for this week. He was relieved that he wouldn't be living in the same room as Brendon did again because he felt that it would only thicken the tension. However, a part of him wondered who Brendon would be living with for the next few days and what it'd be like for that person.

To get acquainted with each other better - and to make up for the lack of earlier communication - Ryan and Jon decided to play a round of chess on Jon's tablet.

Ryan wasn't very good at it and neither was Jon but their terrible prowess in the game made for common ground between them. They talked about stuff consisting mostly about cats, since Jon adored them, but Ryan was glad he got to know him better.

Jon was part of the crew that managed lighting and effects so they did share a thought or two about how the scenes the directors planned to film this week would be organized.

"I love setting up for night scenes." Jon said, moving his knight. "It's interesting how shadows and dim light can play together and make the scary effects you see onscreen."

"Well, as long as I can spend less time making up the actor I'm working on, I'm good with that. Check." Ryan had moved his bishop within range of Jon's king.

"Damn." Jon overtook Ryan's bishop with his queen piece. "Anyway, I heard you were working with that Urie guy as his personal makeup artist. Is that true or was Zee messing with me?"

Despite Ryan's laugh, he noticed the tiny crack in the sound of his mirth that resulted from hearing Brendon's name. "Nah, she's not messing with you." He affirmed. "But it's not something I wanna brag about either."

Jon looked impressed. "So have you worked with Brendon before? You must have, because he was really adamant about hiring you." The tone he spoke in would've given the impression that he thought Ryan was special enough for Brendon to want him to work with him for the set.

Ryan's insides did an uneasy churn as he felt uncomfortable about the notion of Brendon being flat-out stubborn about hiring him when the actor could've allowed one of the artists from the makeup department on set work on his appearance. He remembered how Sarah had told him how she suggested Ryan to work; surely, Brendon wouldn't have taken her word that seriously, right? Ryan was suspicious about the whole thing. He made a mental note to ask Sarah when he could - just to make sure she didn't hold Brendon at gunpoint or hit his head too hard.

In response to Jon's question, Ryan made a noncommittal noise and glanced out the window of their hotel room. Judging from the color of the sky, Ryan guessed evening was drawing closer as the remains of the setting sun's dying rays visible from the fading orange streaks against the darkening blue of the sky.

"So, want another round or do you wanna grab dinner?" Jon asked as he closed the chess app.

Ryan was about to agree to the dinner option when there were knocks on the door. The two men in the room looked up and then at each other, both wearing questioning and confused expressions.

"Did you order room service or something?" Jon asked.

"No. Did you ask the bellboy to bring your stuff up?"

"We've been in this room for nearly an hour. I doubt they'd be this slow if I did." Jon scoffed. "But, no."

The knocks were heard again.

"I'll get the door." Ryan offered so he'd have an excuse to stretch his legs. Getting up from the chair, he walked over to the door and opened it. He made a mistake of not checking the peephole because he was unprepared to see Brendon standing behind it with this very determined gleam in his brown eyes. Ryan gave a start. "What the --"

"I found a place that has an ice rink." Brendon said without preamble. "You're coming with me tonight so I can get started on learning how to skate." He added.

Ryan gave him a wildly incredulous stare that lasted about three seconds when Jon called from inside the room, "I hope it's a free delivery."

Ryan sighed and said, "There's no free food, Jon. It's just Brendon."

"Oh." Jon sounded disappointed. "There should be, just saying. Also, say hi to Brendon for me!"

A frowned began to form on Brendon's features as he tried to peer over Ryan's shoulder to see who it was. He looked at Ryan questioningly. "Who's that?" He asked, sounding wary.

"Jon." Ryan stepped out of the room into the corridor. He shut the door behind him and turned to face the actor. Leaning back against the wall, he stared at Brendon, searching for any microexpressions on the man's face that would give Ryan a hint that he wasn't serious about going to an ice-skating rink tonight.

Brendon met Ryan's gaze, setting his jaw stubbornly while a defiant flame burned in his brown eyes. It was a long moment as they stared each other down; Ryan didn't want to back down because he thought it was ridiculous how impulsive Brendon was. A muscle twitched on the actor's face.

"Okay, I get it. I'm nice to look at but can you give me an answer? Your stare is making me uncomfortable." Brendon stated.

"My stare is making  _you_  uncomfortable?" Ryan said incredulously. "You know what makes  _me_  uncomfortable? I thought you said we were going ice-skating next week --"

"I know what I said, Randy." Brendon scowled irritably. "But I did the math and I figured the time taken for me to learn would be too constrained. Besides, I might as well get a head-start."

"Christ, Brendon." Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes. He counted from one to five mentally before speaking once more. "What do you mean about time being constrained?"

Brendon rolled his eyes. "Unlike what the public thinks, I don't have a lot of free time. I had to clear my schedule and set a time where --"

"Okay, whatever." Ryan stopped the actor before he could rant. He crossed his arms and exhaled, weighing the possibilities and consequences. "You know, you're taking this date with Sarah  _way_  too seriously." Ryan said.

A flash of indignation crossed Brendon's eyes. "If you don't want to teach me tonight, just  _say so_." He said impatiently, drawing his gaze away from Ryan's. "I'll just depend on Youtube tutorials for now."

Ryan sighed and then took a look at what Brendon was wearing. Dark wash skinny jeans, a sweater and a scowl. He wondered how Brendon could scowl so much and not get any lines on his face. "Watching it from a screen is different from learning it hands-on." He told Brendon, not that it would've made a difference. "I don't want to hear you getting yourself injured so I'll go."

Brendon was silent. Pressing his lips together, he nodded. "I'll be in the lobby." He started down the hallway.

"Also, you'd better not be wearing cotton socks." Ryan called out, watching Brendon's retreating back. "It'll make your feet cold."

Brendon made no acknowledgement that he heard Ryan's advice but he did slow his pace slightly before disappearing round a corner.

*

After grabbing dinner, the ride to the ice rink was filled with silence, which was super awkward. It got to the point that it even made the taxi driver uncomfortable; he had to turn the radio up to make up for the lack of conversation.

Ryan was staring out the window, the light of passing buildings and streets washing splashes of colors on his features and reflecting off his brown eyes. Though he appeared pensive, there was nothing on his mind he was thinking about.

Brendon was sitting to Ryan's left, leaving the middle seat empty. He had been watching ice-skating tutorials on Youtube with his earbuds on but now he had given up because the light from his phone made his eyes hurt. He glanced over at Ryan then away from the man.

Once they arrived at the ice rink, Brendon paid the driver off and both him and Ryan entered the building.

Even if Ryan pretended not to show it, the moment he heard blades skating across ice and laughs from the rink his eyes lit up with excitement. He turned to Brendon who was eyeing the place with curiosity. "We'll have to pay the fee and rent the skates." Ryan said, though he was certain Brendon probably knew that.

"Duh." Brendon deadpanned before he peered at the counter when he noticed Ryan reaching for his pocket. "It's on me."

Ryan bit his lip, hesitating. "It's fine. I can pay for myself." He insisted, pulling out his wallet.

Brendon narrowed his eyes in exasperation. With a sigh, he spun on his heel and left. Only when Ryan looked up did he see Brendon at the counter, engaging the person behind it in a conversation. He stared at the brunet incredulously for a moment, unable to believe what he was seeing, before he hurried over.

"... for my friend and I." Brendon was saying when Ryan came over. The actor barely gave Ryan a glance as he paid the money for the fee but gestured at Ryan so the person at the counter knew who he was talking about.

The person took Brendon's cash and nodded, giving an incredulous Ryan and a smug Brendon a smile before giving them keys to their lockers to store their shoes. "It's two dollars to rent the skates, by the way." She told them. "There's another counter near the locker area by the rink to rent them."

Brendon nodded and turned to face Ryan. Without caring whether the man was frowning at him, he handed Ryan one of the keys and walked towards the direction of the rink. "And before you start going 'Oh, but I could've paid for it. Here, take my money so I don't owe you, Brendon,'" The actor mimicked Ryan's voice even mumbling the words so his impression was on point, much to Ryan's embarrassment. "You can forget it."

"But --" Letting out an impatient huff, Ryan scowled and rolled his eyes. "Whatever. But the money for the skates is on me."

"Haha, nice try but no." When Ryan began to protest, Brendon sighed and turned to face him. Narrowed eyes, the actor said, "Don't give me that look."

" _What_  look?" Ryan demanded, aggrieved.

"That." Brendon pointed at the man's face. "Just stop arguing with me and have a good time."

"I don't want to owe you anything."

"You won't be, because you'll be paying by teaching me the basics of ice-skating. So that'll be even."

"Brendon --" Ryan began, finding the whole notion the actor was suggesting ridiculous when a hand was pressed to his mouth, effectively shutting him up. His face grew hot.

Brendon shook his head at Ryan, giving this self-satisfied smile. "Hear that? That's the sound of George Ryan Ross The Third agreeing with my brilliant idea. Now, I'll go get the skates but first I need your foot size."

"Size ten."

"Alright. And then, Mr Ross will wait for me in the locker area before we go to the rink where he'll teach me not to look like an idiot on ice. Comprende?"

Despite how embarrassed he was that Brendon was causing a scene - some of the patrons was watching them - Ryan grabbed the man's wrist and pushed it away. Even though Brendon's hand was no longer on his face, he could still feel the pressure of the man's palm on his lips. His pale cheeks were tinted with light red. "You're ridiculous." He said in exasperation.

"I'm Brendon Urie." Brendon corrected.

Without responding to him, Ryan made an impatient noise at the back of his throat to show how exasperated he was with the way Brendon was acting - it was really childish and so unlike the Brendon Ryan thought he was - and stalked off to the rink.

Brendon smirked to himself.

*

Brendon took about five minutes to meet Ryan at the locker area beside the rink with the skates, owing to the fact that he was recognized and that people have asked him for a picture with him and his autograph. "Here." He placed Ryan's skates on the bench beside the man and then took a seat. Brendon watched for a bit as Ryan removed his shoes and put his skates on. "Do they fit?"

"Yea they do." Ryan said, tying up the laces. "You didn't have to make a scene, y'know." He added, glancing at the actor.

Brendon made no acknowledgement at first as he was busy trying to get a good picture of the skates on his feet to post on his social media. "What scene? I was only telling you to let me pay."

"Yea, but can't you do it in a --" Ryan did some sort of vague gesture. "Less childish way?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Brendon said. "Hey what do you think would be a good caption for this?" He showed Ryan his phone where the picture he took earlier was being displayed on the screen.

Ryan barely gave it a glance. "I'm bad at captions."

"Psh, no." Brendon scoffed. "I bet I've seen cringier captions than you have."

"What? Like the ones on MySpace?" Ryan asked, standing up. He wobbled unsteadily for a bit before managing to find his sense of balance.

Brendon laughed, making Ryan's stomach flutter. "At least they were creative." He said before typing away on his phone. He clicked the Post icon and then pocketed his phone. A crease formed on his brow as he looked at his skates. "So this is kinda like rollerblading, right?" He asked.

Ryan shrugged. "Kinda. Have you tried rollerblading?"

"Nope." Brendon looked up. Even if he was trying not to show it, Ryan sensed his confidence had taken the back seat and left a man who was unsure of himself. This struck the pity chord in Ryan because suddenly he felt like helping Brendon up. Then again, he knew the actor had a huge ego and was more likely to snap at Ryan for thinking he wasn't capable of himself so Ryan restrained himself.

"Well, never mind that." Ryan said. "You can do it, whether you can rollerblade or not. Okay, I want you to try standing up." He instructed. He didn't have to feel surprised but a part of him was when Brendon didn't make some comment about how Youtube tutorials had taught him how to stand with skates on or whatever.

There was noticeable hesitation in Brendon's posture as he drew himself up. "Alright. I'm gonna try." He mumbled under his breath. Inhaling, he shifted his weight and raised himself off the bench slowly. His feet wobbled a few times but Ryan could see how afraid he was of losing balance and toppling over. Because of this, all restraint Ryan had for keeping himself from helping Brendon up evaporated.

Ryan offered his hands. "If it gets hard to stand, just hold onto me."

Brendon looked at Ryan's hands and then shook his head, sitting back on the bench. "Can I just take off the skates and put them on by the entrance of the rink area?"

"You need to sit to put your skates on and I  _doubt_  you can do that while standing." Ryan reasoned. "Besides, you were doing okay earlier."

The place was cold but Ryan could've sworn he saw Brendon's face redden more. The actor chewed the insides of his mouth when he raised his gaze to Ryan. There was that stubborn gleam in his eyes and Ryan hoped this meant that he wasn't giving up just yet. Brendon beckoned him. "C'mere."

Ryan's heart skipped but he did as he was told, going closer to Brendon. His body was tense, not from hesitation but from anticipation.

And then hands wrapped around his arms - Brendon's grip was tight which hurt a bit - when Brendon pulled himself up. Ryan had to grab onto the actor's waist in efforts to help him stand when he realized belatedly that they were both really close. The air around them was cold but the space between them was warming from their body heat.

Suddenly it was like that night in the hotel room all over again. Ryan could hear his heart thumping in his ears. There was that nervous tingle in his abdomen that came with the growing urge to hold Brendon. Ryan's voice was uneven when he spoke next. "Y-Yea, okay you got it." He loosened his grip on Brendon's waist but his hands refused to let the man go.

"I guess I did." Brendon mumbled. Like Ryan, his body was rigid too although it was probably more of the case of the fear of falling over locking his joints. Through lowered lashes, he raised his gaze to meet Ryan's.

Though he'd rather fall on his butt and let Brendon tease him than to admit this, Ryan would have liked to appreciate how warm the color of Brendon's eyes were.

But there were things he couldn't do and that included staring at Brendon simply because Ryan thought his eyes were lovely so the man let go of him and stepped back. Ryan couldn't even look at him in the face to tell the actor he was doing a good job so far of standing on his skates.

"Yea, so, we'll have to walk over to the rink next." His voice had gone slightly higher in pitch than usual.

Brendon glanced uncertainly at the rink area and then back at Ryan. There was a thoughtful expression resting on his features. "Okay. But how the fuck do you walk there in  _these_?" He gestured at his skates.


	24. 22

Ryan was certain that if he didn't try to make Brendon to actually skate, they'd end up wasting a night. He had already shown the actor demos and how to glide but Brendon appeared to be content with leaning against the barricades of the rink.

"Aren't you gonna try to do what I showed you?" Ryan asked, after completing about five laps around the rink.

"Nah, I'm cool." Brendon laughed but it sounded strained. It was the tense set of his posture that gave away the impression that he still hadn't gathered the courage to practice on gliding instead of standing on his skates to get a hang of balancing. That, and he refused to look Ryan in the eye every time the man asked him if he was planning to skate anytime soon.

Ryan sighed. Frankly, his patience was beginning to thin. Ten minutes had already passed since he managed to help Brendon get on the ice and here the actor was not making any attempts to practice. It was like Brendon was taking him for granted and was wasting his time. Ryan wondered where Brendon's enthusiasm and confidence had gone off to and whether they could still be found and salvaged.

Pressing his lips together, he glided over to lean against the barricade beside Brendon. He didn't know what to say to encourage Brendon to try gliding at least a few feet anymore. Ryan glanced at the actor. "Are you scared of falling over?" He asked mildly.

"Me?" Brendon scoffed. "Scared? Nah. I just -- Okay fine. Yes, I am. There, I admitted it! Happy, Ross?" He was scowling when his features softened into that of a rueful expression. "It's easier if people don't recognize me but some of them do." He gestured at the skaters. "And I don't wanna make a fool of myself."

"Nobody's judging you, Brendon." Ryan said gently.

"Well --" Brendon stopped himself, pressing his lips into a thin line. "I just don't wanna mess up, y'know?" He added.

Ryan had to stifle the urge to reach out and touch Brendon for reassurance. He drew his eyes away from the man to the floor, taking a moment to think. "It's fine if you don't get it right the first time around; you're only human. I fell on my butt at least three times back when I was a kid before I got the technique right." He said.

Brendon said nothing, instead he stared out at the rink. The sounds of skates on ice, voices and an upbeat pop track playing overhead coming to an end filled the absence of response. There was a mask of contemplation resting on Brendon's features - some part of Ryan wondered what wandered in his thoughts.

Biting his lip, Ryan pushed himself off the barricade and glided until he was about five feet away from the celebrity. He extended his hand. "You can do it." He said encouragingly, wearing a small smile. "Remember to bend your knees a bit and angle your foot --"

"Yea, I got it." Brendon raised his gaze to meet Ryan's. Hesitation lingered in his expression when he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment when he opened them. Drawing a breath, he pushed himself off the wall like Ryan did. His feet movement was clumsy over the ice but at least he was moving. "Fuck fuck fuck --" He was cursing under his breath as he approached Ryan.

Ryan couldn't help grinning at the sight. As Brendon didn't know how to stop properly, he had to grab onto the celebrity's arm - he nearly slipped but he didn't care because he had broken in laughter. "Whoa, easy there. Not bad for your first try." He commented.

A small smile of pride formed on Brendon's lips. "Y-Yea." His voice was shaky as he righted himself so he was standing properly on his skates. "That didn't go as bad as I thought." He mused, a bigger grin that showed his relief appearing on his face. His hands were still holding onto Ryan's arm and shoulder.

Ryan shook his head in amusement. "Well, at least you unstuck yourself from the barricade."

Brendon made a face. "Haha." Carefully, he removed his hands from Ryan and looked down at his skates. An expression of relief was showing on his features. "That didn't turn out as bad as I thought." He exhaled.

"What made you decide to give it a try?" Ryan asked.

The actor pointed upwards. "The song." He answered with a nonchalant shrug.

Ryan paused to listen to what was playing. The song had a slow tempo and sentimental lyrics, which made him think of late night drives down deserted roads and slow-dancing in the dark. He did like the sound of it and the relaxing feeling it gave him. However, he wad confused as to how this song could've motivated Brendon and the look on his face said as much.

Upon seeing Ryan's expression, the actor began to explain himself. "It's one of the songs Spencer likes to play - he loves this band a lot." Brendon said.

"What's the band called?"

"The 1875." Brendon replied right away. "They do have nice vibes but I prefer their debut album better. Anyway, I took this as a sign I should try because Spencer's good at getting me to do things."

"Oh." Ryan remained silent, allowing the dreamy way the vocalist sang to soak into him. "It's nice." He said and made a mental note to listen to it again when he got the chance later.

"It's overplayed. I'm sick of hearing it." Brendon made a face. Shaking his head, he turned to Ryan who appeared to have doubts about his statement. "I'll try to get a hang of skating for a bit. But thanks for making me get off the barricade and all." Without another word, he skated, ungracefully, away from Ryan and left the man staring after him.

*

Ryan let Brendon skate by himself the rest of the night, following from a distance in case the actor were to somehow fall on his ass at some point. Once it was closing time, they got off the rink and returned their skates before heading back to the hotel.

The two men were silent on their way back and didn't speak to each other until they were in the elevator. Calming jazz music was playing inside although being in this enclosed space with Brendon only reminded Ryan of that night he had to help the brunet back to their room.

"So, uh ..." Ryan cleared his throat, his voice tight with nervousness. "You did alright tonight."

Brendon was staring at the display above the elevator doors which was showing the number of the floors they were passing on their way up. "I could've done better job at the stopping part." He said tonelessly.

Ryan pressed his lips together, feeling himself wince inwardly. "I'm just saying, y'know?"

The man beside him sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Randy, if you want me to thank you again for teaching me how to skate on ice you could've said so."

"That's not what I wanted."

"Then? I'm feeling tired and we're almost at your floor so tell me what you want to say." Despite appearing as weary as he claimed, Brendon could still sound irritable.

Ryan lost his nerve to speak so he shook his head and looked away from Brendon. His cheeks had grown red. "Nothing. Anyway, good night, Brendon." He said as the elevator dinged and opened its doors. He stepped out but before he walked down the corridor to the room he was staying at, he gave Brendon a tight-lipped smile and a wave.

Brendon stared at him just as the doors began to close but just before they did so completely, the man gave him a mock salute.

Ryan's heart was pounding.

*

Brendon was really quiet the next day on set. He didn't make his usual protests, which Ryan had grown accustomed to because Brendon would be grouchy in the morning. Instead, he was busy scrolling through his phone on some website Ryan suspected was a tabloid; the makeup artist wasn't sure why Brendon was reading articles but he assumed it was something celebrities did.

Ryan was conflicted about starting a conversation with Brendon - it couldn't have been healthy looking for gossip - and keeping silent for the worry that Brendon would glare at him. Fortunately, he didn't have to try to talk to the actor because he heard someone enter the tent where him and Brendon were at.

A cheery voice greeting the men a good morning reached Ryan's ears. He couldn't look up and over his shoulder as he was facing Brendon and couldn't mess up the makeup so he said, "Morning to you too, Sarah."

Sarah grinned at her best friend and at Brendon. She grabbed a stool nearby and sat down. "I have a proposition to make." She announced.

"Are you getting married or something?" The corners of Ryan's mouth went upwards into a crooked smirk. As Sarah loved to make this statement before putting forth a crazy idea, it had become a habit of his carried over from high school to reply with that witty response.

Sarah frowned but she was grinning anyway. "Anyway, before Ryan interrupted, we were wondering if y'all would want to chill at a national park lodge for the weekend."

"Who does 'we' include?" Brendon asked, sounding wary.

"The main cast." Sarah answered when she looked at her best friend who was putting away the makeup back into its kit once he was finished with working on Brendon. "You're welcome to tag along with us too, Ryan."

Upon hearing himself being addressed, the makeup artist faced Sarah with a mild frown of confusion. "I'm not even a part of the main cast so ..." He trailed off, pressing his lips together. "You can all just go on ahead without me."

"Well, it's not just the main cast. I mean, Tyler did say we could invite a friend with us too." Sarah said, twirling a lock of her brown hair thoughtfully.

"Why don't you ask Meagan or Crystal?" Ryan asked, naming two of Sarah's close friends.

"You're my friend too, Ryan." Sarah pointed out.

Brendon, who had been silent during the exchange, gave a loud sigh. "Look, it won't kill you to get to know everyone else better, Ryan." He spoke, looking the makeup artist in the eye with a serious face. "Besides, you should try to make connections rather than keeping to yourself."

Ryan stared at him for a few moments before drawing his gaze to Sarah's; she seemed to be agreeing with Brendon's words. Ryan wanted to stay home for the weekend to relax and catch up with his family by Skype. While he had no problem with spending time with his best friend at a national park lodge to unwind, it was the fact that he was to be in a group with the rest of the main cast for Nightmare Carnival.

He was familiar with their faces and names but the thought of socializing with them made him worried. He wasn't really good with groups and he hated how awkward he could get. What annoyed him was that Sarah was siding with Brendon, who had a point, instead of letting Ryan be.

After what felt like the longest silence, Ryan let out a sigh of annoyance and threw up his hands. "How many of them will there be?"

"If you're including the three of us, then there will be about twelve of us." Sarah answered.

"That's a crowd." Ryan mumbled almost under his breath. He had felt his insides twist with unease when he thought about the number of people he'd have try to get acquainted with over the weekend. Doubts over whether he'd be able to do just that began to cloud his mind. With a sigh, he shook his head. "I really don't know. Can we please discuss about this later? I don't want to make the decision now and disappoint everyone else later."

Sarah nodded, got up from the stool she sat on and gave Ryan a pat on his shoulder before leaving. The man watched as his best friend left the tent then faced Brendon.

"Not a word." Ryan warned him.

The actor scoffed incredulously and rolled his eyes. He pocketed his phone then regarded Ryan up and down. "I could help, y'know?"

"Help with what?"

"Getting you connections." Brendon said, leaning back in his seat. "It's not gonna be an issue for me because I do know a lot of people --"

"Brendon, I appreciate the offer but --" Ryan shook his head. "I wouldn't know how to repay you." He said, taking a seat on the stool Sarah had sat on earlier.

The actor made an impatient noise at the back of his throat. "I'm doing this because I want to." He told Ryan firmly. "Also, I'm not taking a no for an answer so don't waste your breath." He added when the makeup artist opened his mouth to argue.

Fighting the urge to protest, Ryan crossed his arms and sighed. A crease was forming on his brow. "You really like doing things your way, don't you?" He mumbled and Brendon's lips lifted at the corners in the slightest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [here's](https://youtu.be/W3JJxS0gNkE) the song they skated to!


	25. 23

"Yea, Lucy, I'll keep that in mind." Ryan said with a laugh, pushing fingers through his hair while holding his phone to his ear with his free hand. "Okay, I'll be sure to Skype this Saturday. Bye." He hung up on the call with stepmother and sighed tiredly, shutting his eyes.

Ryan was lying on bed in the hotel room he shared with Jon after a long day on set. His roommate for the week was out for dinner and had invited Ryan to tag along but Ryan declined because he wanted some time to himself. He had treated himself with a long shower, a mug of coffee and watching reruns of a cartoon show William had introduced to him that involved a kid and a scientist. So far, the past hour had been uneventful which was the way Ryan preferred.

He was continuing to watch the show now, with the sheets drawn up over his legs and his laptop balance on his thighs. He was hugging the pillow, eyes glued to the screen when his phone let out a notification ding. With a small frown, he was reminded that he had forgotten to set it to silent mode when he checked the screen and saw a message from Sarah.

 _Hey remember about the national lodge hangout with the main cast that we were supposed to go for the weekend?_  
 _Just got the word from Tyler that we have to postpone it because of personal matters_.

Ryan was relieved for the most part that he didn't have to mentally prepare himself for a couple of days of awkward attempts at socialization but he was slightly disappointed that it couldn't have been done sooner. He sent a reply to his best friend that he acknowledged her text when he saw in is notification of a new Instagram post from Sarah about an hour ago.

Clicking on it, his phone opened the social media application and the post he saw made his eyebrows arch then furrow.

Before Ryan could double-click on the picture, the incoming call screen popped up with Brendon's name. He gave a ting start, astonished to see that the actor was calling him. With a tiny frown, he accepted the call and held his phone to his ear. "Brendon?"

" _Gee_   _Randy, who_  else  _would it be_?" Ryan heard amusement in the celebrity's tone from the other side of the line when it faded away with the next sentence. " _Anyway, we gotta talk_."

Ryan felt his stomach contract within his abdomen with apprehension. Closing his laptop, he set the call to speakerphone and placed it on top of his closed laptop. "Talk about what?" He could hear how worried he was. "Did I do something wrong?"

" _What?_ No." Brendon scoffed incredulously and muttered something inaudible under his breath. " _Look, I said I would help you out with making connections with other celebrities and whatnot so that's what we're gonna talk about_  --"

"You could have texted me."

" _You wouldn't reply right away_." Brendon argued and Ryan could imagine his signature scowl plastered on his features. " _But anyway, come upstairs, will you? It's better if we discuss this in person_." He added, returning to the serious tone he had used earlier.

A tiny part at the back of Ryan's head screamed, reminding him that he should be mindful around Brendon and not let the same thing that happened last Saturday night occur again. But what were the chances that that could happen again, Ryan reasoned with himself, because they were both as sober as anyone could be so it was very likely that they wouldn't be having a rerun of that night. Yet, tiny traces of hesitation lingered at the back of his mind.

"Discuss what?" Ryan asked warily.

" _How I'm gonna improve your social and work life by helping you get connections._ "

Ryan couldn't help but snort softly at how Brendon was already taking the credit before they had even started. He could imagine the actor in the future giving him an arrogant smile and boasting about how he helped Ryan become relevant. "Okay, but where exactly do you mean by upstairs?" He inquired with a small frown.

Brendon mentioned a room number before adding, " _It's Sarah's room_."

A sudden surge defensiveness for his best friend rose in Ryan. He sat up, the crease on his forehead deepening. "What on earth are you doing in Sarah's room?" He was vaguely aware of his tone hardening with suspicion.

" _Uh, I'm staying here. Why?_."

"For what?"

" _Long story short: there's this ghost in my room that won't let me sleep --_ "

"You're fucking with me." Ryan scowled when he cringed at what he said.

Fortunately, Brendon made no comment about Ryan's word choice although he did continue in a serious tone. " _No, really. A little girl stood at the foot of my bed staring at me the whole time last night - I swear I_ _wasn_ _'t on coke - and like there was somebody singing some old ballad in the shower --_ "

Ryan felt the hairs at his nape rise, followed by a weird tingly feeling. He made a protesting noise that indicated he was too creeped out by what Brendon was recounting, which made the man stop talking. "Why didn't you request to change your room or something?"

" _Please_." Brendon scoffed. " _I may be a celebrity but I'm not_ that _extra_.  _Besides, Sarah isn't a bad roommate and she's cool to hang out with_." He added.

Ryan felt his stomach constrict. "Whatever." He rolled his eyes. "Look, I don't care if you're Hollywood's heartthrob or someone whom teens obsess about but if you try anything funny with my best friend --"

" _Sure_." Brendon sounded bored. " _What do you take me for? Sheesh._ " Ryan could hear how miffed the actor was.

"Can we not meet up in her room? We could just go to the bar downstairs instead." Ryan suggested. He could hear Brendon muttering words under his breath in annoyance - Ryan knew it was aimed at how stubborn he was acting.

" _Fine. See you there in five_." Without any further words, he hung up the call, leaving Ryan with a huge frown that spoke of confusion and wariness on his face.

*

Ryan went downstairs to the first floor where the hotel bar was located and found Brendon sitting all by himself at the back of the place. Ryan could tell he had dressed in haste because he knew that the t-shirt beneath the fading red hoodie Brendon was wearing was the shirt he slept in.

Brendon's attention was on his what was on his laptop because he didn't notice Ryan pulling up a chair and sitting across him at the table. He hardly gave Ryan a glance, even when Ryan cleared his throat and stared expectantly.

"So can we talk about how you're planning to help me make connections?" The lanky man asked.

Brown eyes flickered to Ryan's features briefly. "Can we?" Brendon said.

Ryan resisted the urge to reveal his annoyance at the actor's reply, which reminded him of his Art teacher back in middle school. He waited until Brendon had closed his laptop and placed his attention on the conversation they were about to have.

"Alright, Randy." Brendon began, regarding Ryan earnestly. "Are you on good terms with any celebrities who aren't me or Sarah, that is - or anyone who works with public relations in LA?"

"Um, not really." Ryan admitted and then did a mental head count in his head. "Just a few people."

"Okay, at least you know some people." Brendon nodded. "How often do you hang out with them?"

"Hardly." Ryan answered. "Not on purpose, though. That's because I feel like I don't fit in with them or that their circle scares me - I'm sure they're nice but I don't do well in a crowd." He could already see disapproval showing itself in Brendon's steady gaze.

"When was the last time you went to a social event?"

"Mikey Way's wedding." Ryan's voice grew softer.

Brendon shook his head and exhaled. "I'm gonna be real honest with you here, Randy. You do need to get out more." He said.

"I would." Ryan muttered. "If only I could pay my rent." He thought Brendon couldn't hear what he said but the actor did.

Something had flashed over in Brendon's expression because when Ryan looked up at him, whatever that had been on his features just slipped away. "Do you have financial issues?" Brendon's voice had dropped in volume.

Ryan felt his face heat up in embarrassment. He didn't like discussing matters like this - anything that would make him look pitiful or deserving of sympathy. His lips folded into a thin line as he glanced away from Brendon. "It's not a big deal." He said in a small voice.

A crease formed on Brendon's forehead but it softened. He was silent for some time, which made Ryan feel uncomfortable as though he was expecting Ryan to say something about his troubles.

Frankly, Ryan's money problems had been going on for some time and it was difficult for him because he hadn't told anyone about it, not even Sarah who was his closest friend for the longest time. It was a family-related issue and he didn't want people giving him insincere words of sympathy and those sorry looks. Besides, what could they do anyway?

Ryan didn't look at Brendon and neither did the celebrity press him for any information. The silence lingered between them for a few minutes before Brendon cleared his throat. "Look, I could give you a raise if it would help --"

"I don't want your sympathy." Ryan stated firmly. "Please, don't."

Brendon frowned. "Ryan, it's fine --"

"I don't want to owe you anything." Ryan cut him off, hearing his voice crack a little at the end of his sentence. "And I'm sure you have other things to be worried about than me." He shook his head, looking away.

There was a sigh from Brendon. "Okay fine. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Despite how his words would've made him sound as though he was miffed Ryan hadn't told him what was the matter, his tone was soft and gentle.

Ryan couldn't help but raise his gaze to meet Brendon's, wondering whether if this was some sort of act the man was putting up so Ryan would tell him but Brendon seemed really sincere - or maybe that was what he wanted to believe. Ryan said nothing more regarding his financial issues after that and neither did Brendon press him for details nor continue with their discussion of how to help Ryan make connections.

Brendon bought them both a drink but this time, Ryan didn't protest.

*

The week passed by faster than Ryan thought it would and it was fortunate that Brendon no longer tried to get him to talk about getting his name out there. The actor was also less brusque with Ryan, which was a relief from the pressure that rode on his shoulder but it also made Ryan feel as if Brendon was only being nice for Ryan's sake ever since he learned that the makeup artist had financial problems. Whatever the case, Ryan was grateful that Brendon wasn't as impatient as he used to be.

William picked him up from the airport after his flight back to LA on Saturday. The car ride to the apartment was spent in silence due to Ryan being too drained to keep a conversation rolling. It was a good thing William understood the concept of giving someone space, whether it was physical or not.

It was on Sunday morning when William, who was watching the morning news in the lounge with a mug of coffee and a blanket wrapped around him, looked to Ryan and said, "I don't remember if I told you this but, like, I'm going to an open-mic session at my friend's cafe to play a song tonight."

Ryan, who was checking his work emails, glanced up. "Really? I didn't know you played." His eyes skimmed over the last lines of the paragraph before he closed his laptop. "What instrument?"

"Acoustic guitar." William shrugged. "I was kinda forced to attend because my friend was afraid there wouldn't be enough people signing up."

"So you're a filler?"

"Yea, if you put it like that." The brunet shrugged nonchalantly. "But anyway, do you wanna tag along? Like, I dunno, watch me from the crowd or something?" There was a kind of shyness and uncertainty to his question that made Ryan peer over at him with a small grin. William was regarding Ryan with a wide, questioning gaze that made his expression appear doe-like.

"You sure you want me to be there for moral support?" Ryan asked, the corners of his mouth lifting higher.

William's lashes veiled his eyes. "Ehh, it's cool if you don't wanna watch. I mean, it was just an honest question --"

"Sure." Ryan replied. "I've got nothing to do anyway, so I guess coffee and music won't be a bad way to spend Sunday night." He added.

William smiled, giving the thumbs-up gesture, before letting out a soft laugh which made Ryan's insides fill with warmth.


	26. 24

"But seriously, thanks for agreeing to be my moral support for the open-mic session." William was saying, glancing over at Ryan with a tiny smile on his lips as they drove past a street on their way to the cafe William's friend owned.

Ryan shook his head, the corners of his mouth still pulled upwards from the joke the driver had made just now. "It's fine." He said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Also, you don't have to thank me." He added, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Yea, you have a point but still." William said with a laugh, pushing his thin fingers through his hair.

Ryan could tell from the tense set of his shoulders and the way his fingers gripped the wheel that he was more nervous than he'd like to be. Not wanting William to be too anxious about the show, Ryan turned on the radio and hoped there was a song they could both sing along. That always helped with Ryan's nerves and he hoped it did with William too.

Sadly, all the radio stations seemed to be playing the same song that had gone viral all because some artist had released it during an award show. Even William's nose crinkled.

"Um, anyway ..." Ryan turned off the radio. "What song are you playing tonight?" He did feel a little bit bad that he hadn't paid attention to what the other man had been practicing for the open-mic session when he had the chance.

"Oh it's an old song." William waved his hand dismissively. "It's called 'Northern Downpour' by  _Anxiety! At the Club_."

If Ryan had been the one driving, he would've slammed on the brakes, stare straight at William with utter disbelief before proceeding on a long speech why that song should never be played, especially around people like him because it'd only remind him of how the original members of his favorite band had split. But since he wasn't the one behind the wheel, he faced William and gave him this aggrieved glare.

"What? It's a good song." William frowned, thinking the man was disapproving his choice.

"True. I'll just ... try not to cry over it." Ryan said under his breath, having one too many flashbacks of his phase back in high school, much to the driver's confusion.

They reached the building where the cafe was located about five minutes later. Once William managed to find a parking space, the two of them got out of the vehicle. After taking his guitar case from the trunk, William went inside the cafe, followed by Ryan who had been reading off the makeshift menu chalked onto the sandwich board outside the unit.

They were greeted by a lady about their age with straight chin-length hair and blunt bangs. She grinned at William and Ryan. "Fucking hell I thought you weren't coming over!" She was telling William, relief apparent on her tone.

The lanky man beside Ryan could only sigh and roll his eyes, although there was a smirk of amusement resting on his lips. "C'mon, Vicky, did you think I'd bail on you? Please." He glanced over at Ryan who was smiling as if he had no idea what to do but wanted to be polite about it. "Oh, this is my new roommate by the way, Ryan Ross." William patted Ryan's shoulder. "Ryan, this is Victoria --"

"Say that again, Bill, and I'll punch your pretty face." The lady said but the flash of mirth in her gray eyes showed she meant no malice.

"-- Asher. But call her Vicky, because you heard what she said." William said as Ryan and Vicky shook hands. The man peered around the cafe, dragging out a long whistle as he noticed the amount of people already gathering in the shop. "Damn, it seems like tonight's gonna be a busy."

A makeshift stage had been set up earlier, with a banner that read 'Open-Mic Session' hung on the wall behind the stage. Some of the staff were working on hooking a keyboard to the speakers while others making sure the equipment was ready. Vicky offered to put William's guitar at her office for the meantime and sent both men to a booth near the back she had reserved with the promise of coffee and cake once she was done making last-minute checks.

"My hands are shaking." William noted with a concerned frown. "Shit, do they look like they are?" He asked as he held up his hand for Ryan to see.

"William, it'll be alright." Ryan couldn't blame the man for being anxious about performing as there was a considerable number of people filling up the place. He tried for a reassuring smile and said, "I believe in you."

"I thought you disapproved my song choice."

"That too but I bet you'll sing the crap out of that song, everyone will be in tears."

William laughed, his eyes shining. He obviously didn't believe what Ryan had said but he thought it was nice of the man to be say those words. Grinning, he glanced at the stage and then back at Ryan. "Well, not everyone. Maybe just you."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Ryan said.

Vicky went to their table with a mug of coffee, a glass of water and some cake. "Here you go." She smiled as she served the food and drinks to the two men.

"You're not having coffee?" Ryan asked.

"Vicky, I thought I said I wanted coffee." It was endearing how William pouted at his friend, Ryan thought.

"You did, but haven't you heard having sweet stuff - oh, Ryan, please make sure he doesn't touch the cake till he's performed already - they won't do your vocals wonders." Vicky said in a motherly tone.

William made a face and groaned. "I want coffee."

"I want everyone to appreciate your angelic voice so drink your water, child." With a smile, Vicky patted William's head and left to attend to another customer. "And stay hydrated!" She called over her shoulder.

"Yeah, William, stay hydrated." Ryan smirked.

"Oh shush, you." William rolled his eyes but drank his glass anyway.

*

Ryan was sitting alone at the booth now, his hand holding the handle of the now empty mug of coffee loosely. William had left a couple of minutes ago as Vicky needed him to get ready to go onstage after the next two performances so that it wouldn't be a hassle to push his way through the crowd that had chosen to push the tables so they could sit close to the stage.

Though Ryan did offer to stand nearby where William would stand when he performed, the man politely declined and insisted he would prefer his roommate to stay where he was. This confused Ryan because he was certain that most people would be comfortable if their moral support was closer to them but if that was what William wanted then he wouldn't argue.

Right now onstage was a performance by an underground indie rock band performing a cover of  _The Suburb's_  song 'Daddy Issues.' Ryan had to admit he liked the way the vocalist sang, his smooth voice making the crowd sway along to the music but he also liked how the band had adjusted the sound to complement their vocalist's voice.

Ryan raised the mug to his mouth when he remembered he had drained it not too long ago. With a sigh, he peered at the crowd and a few people standing by the door because they couldn't get seats. He wanted more coffee but he didn't want his spot to be stolen. The inviting smell of coffee soon became irresistible. Praying no one would steal his place, Ryan took his empty mug and walked over to the counter to ask for a refill from Vicky.

"There's a lot of people here." Ryan noted as he waited for her to fill his mug with some more coffee, glancing to see if anyone had taken his booth.

"Yep. You should see when we have the Halloween mic-night. Everyone goes crazy for that." Vicky said, while waiting for the coffee machine. In the brief time they had known each other, Vicky was quiet friendly even though she did look a bit intimidating at first because of how piercing her gray eyes looked. "So you're William's new roommate?" She asked, collecting mugs from two teenaged girls who were standing a little away from Ryan.

"Mhm." Ryan nodded as he traced a nail over the wooden surface of the counter absentmindedly. "He's a cool person." He added, and noticed the girls were whispering amongst themselves and checking him out. Mildly uncomfortable by the attention he was getting, he shot them a tense smile before turning all his attention back to Vicky who was now pouring coffee into his mug.

A crooked grin formed on her lips as she looked at Ryan. "He sure is." She agreed with a laugh. "He's also the sweetest person I know. Anyway, how do you think he does at being a roommate?" She asked.

"He cleans up after himself and he's very respectful. More than what I can ask for, really. Thank you." Ryan accepted his mug from the owner of the cafe.

Vicky was giving the two girls their mugs, filled with coffee when one of the baristas came up to her and told her he'd be taking over for now. "Okay, I gotta go and see if William hasn't shat his pants yet so I'll see you afterwards, yeah? Enjoy your coffee."

Ryan watched her go to her office at the back; when she opened the door, he caught the sight of William pacing about. He waved his hand awkwardly and just as Vicky was closing the door, his roommate saw and waved back. With a chuckle, he took his mug and made his way back to his booth.

A small frown found its way onto Ryan's face when he noticed someone was sitting at his spot. He sighed at the fact that he'd have to share the booth with some stranger now but when he walked up to the booth, he didn't expect to find a person he knew; his heart skipped a beat. Ryan was glad he was holding his mug on the table otherwise he would've dropped it in surprise. "Oh, it's you." His voice was soft and had quavered but somehow the person heard it.

The man glanced at him with a quirk of his eyebrows, the signature smirk forming on his lips when he recognized Ryan. "The one and only, Brendon Urie." He watched as Ryan sat across him at the table. "Didn't think you came here too, Randy." There was amusement in his tone as he leaned back in his seat, cocking his head.

"I'm here to support my friend." Ryan said though he had no idea why he needed to state the reason why he was here. Blood rushed into his pale cheeks when Brendon arched an eyebrow questioningly. There was a time Ryan would've cried over how hot the celebrity looked when he smirked and arched an eyebrow but now he was tempted to smack the look off Brendon's face.

"You mean Watson?"

"William." Ryan corrected, mildly irritated that Brendon always got names wrong for some obscure reason. He wondered if Brendon did it on purpose just to annoy him or if he was bad at names - the latter was highly unlikely because the other day the celebrity had gotten the name of a random crew member on set right despite having know his name the day before.

"I saw your boyfriend at the back room with Vicky practicing. Nervous wreck." Brendon noted amusedly, taking a sip of his coffee.

"William's my roommate." Blood rushed into Ryan's face as he mumbled. "And what are you doing here and how do you know Vicky?" He asked as a small frown began to crease his forehead.

Brendon laughed. "Okay, Mr Investigator. Chill." He said, eyes shining with mirth as he regarded Ryan. "I'm here to support Dallon."

"Sure."

"He's right there." Brendon pointed somewhere near the stage. Ryan craned his head to see and sure enough he saw someone whom he thought was Dallon next to a guy with blue hair, seated on the chairs provided for the performers near the stage.

"He's performing?" Ryan asked, sounding surprised. "I didn't know that."

"Yea. With his friend, Ryan Seaman or something. I dunno." Brendon sounded bored, as though he'd rather be somewhere else like partying on some other celebrity's yacht - he did look like he was dressed for it too, a gray t-shirt under a leather jacket, and he even styled his quiff. The celebrity noticed Ryan staring at his outfit and let out a chuckle. "Liking my new jacket?"

"It's nice." Ryan tore his gaze away from Brendon's, feeling embarrassed. Not wanting to look in the brunet's direction again in case he'd get teased, Ryan drank his coffee as he tried to focus on the stage. There was a new person onstage and because Ryan was still distracted, he didn't realize it was William until the man spoke on the microphone.

"Uh, hey everyone." William was saying as he sat on he stool and waved with an awkward smile. Some people from the crowd gave him cheers of encouragement but Ryan knew he was looking in his direction so he grinned and waved.

"So I'm gonna be covering an old song by  _Anxiety! At the Club_  called 'Northern Downpour.' Dedicating this to my friend in the back, Ryan Ross." William gestured at Ryan's general direction from the stage, making Ryan feel all warm and fuzzy inside. "Anyway, I hope you guys like it." William added before he began to play the song.

"You sure he's not your boyfriend?" Brendon scoffed, staring at William as he sang. He had his arms crossed and a small frown of concentration resting on his features.

"Brendon, I'm sure about William. Can you give him a break?" Ryan sighed in exasperation, shaking his head.

"His vocals could use a bit more work." Brendon commented, completely ignoring what Ryan had requested of him earlier.

"As if you can sing any better than he can." Ryan frowned. While Brendon did make him nervous and reluctant to talk at times, hearing Brendon having a go at William only drew Ryan's disapproval.

Brendon glanced sideways at him, the cocky smirk of his returning to his expression. "Is that a challenge?" He turned himself so he was now facing Ryan. "Anyway, there's something I wanna tell you." Every time he used that serious tone, Ryan couldn't help but feel anxious. What could it be this time?

"Okay. What is it?"

Brendon picked up his coffee mug, swirling it in silence for a few moments - possibly for dramatic effect or that he was being obnoxious - before he spoke. "Someone I know is having a party this Friday night."

"Don't you have work that day?" Ryan frowned, trying to remember the schedule he received in his work email inbox.

"Yeah, we do." Brendon nodded. "But you're coming with me."

Ryan didn't care much for parties but the last sentence Brendon spoke made him stop. Turning his gaze on Brendon, his expression showed obvious confusion. "What? Why?" He could heard his voice rising an octave from the shock.

"Because it's a costume party and it's the perfect way for me to promote your skills." Brendon explained.

A crease formed on Ryan's brow. "If it's just you doing the promoting, then why do  _I_  have to go along to the party?" He inquired.

"So I can introduce you to people to help you find connections. Honestly, Randy, pick up the pace." Brendon sighed as if he were annoyed Ryan hadn't put two and two together already. Shaking his head, he said, "Anyway, it's your call, your moment to shine. Either you embrace it and increase the chances of finding potential clients or you can leave it and stick to getting less exposure."

"Don't you think it's awfully convenient that your friend is having a costume party?" Ryan pointed out. "Not to mention, it's not even Halloween yet."

"Gee, I dunno." Brendon rolled his eyes. "It's not my party so obviously I didn't plan for it. Otherwise I would be saying 'my party' this whole time." He sipped his coffee casually.

Ryan stared at him with that incredulous frown of his. "I really hate to say this." He said. "But you're full of shit, Brendon."

A look of disgust and disbelief flashed on Brendon's expression as he set his mug down with a thunk. "Well, excuse you but I am made of flesh and bone. And I have feelings. Just because I'm hot doesn't mean I'm dumb --"

"I wasn't calling you dumb."

Brendon fell silent for a moment "That was just in case you get the idea to call me that." He said lamely, going back to sipping his coffee. "But think about the party, Ryan." He added, reverting to his serious tone. "I need a yes or a no by the end of tonight."

Though Ryan was watching William sing the last few lines to the song, he had heard what Brendon said. He didn't want to pass up an opportunity and the actor did have a point earlier. Some part of him wished Brendon wasn't that pushy but now a detached part of him was starting to appreciate that particular trait of the celebrity. Without that, Ryan wouldn't have sighed and said, "Okay, fine. I'll go with you."

That signature smirk of Brendon's made Ryan's head swim.


	27. 25

Ryan really didn't want to make a decision at this time of the night. He was annoyed how Brendon was adamant that he would be able to either go with a yes or no in response the man's question whether he was willing to attend the costume party Brendon's friend was throwing by the end of the night.

With his hands around his mug, Ryan could barely focus on William's voice singing the last lines of the song he was covering. His mind was still stuck on weighing his options between attempting to socialize with people who'd be potentially interested in special effects makeup and staying at home to relax - maybe spend his downtime with Sarah.

By the time William was finished performing and the crowd was applauding, Ryan slipped out of the booth to find his roommate. He had to squeeze his way through a few people when he saw William emerging from Vicky's office with a glass of water in his hand. Ryan grinned. "Hey, that was great." He told William.

"You think so?" William laughed awkwardly. "I didn't sound too shaky or did I miss a note?" He asked as they walked back to the booth.

"Don't sweat it. You sounded great." Ryan assured, patting William on the shoulder.

The pleased grin on William's lips melted when he noticed there was someone else getting up from the booth. His steps faltered. "Uh, who's that?" He asked Ryan.

"Brendon." Ryan mumbled, his mouth folding into a line when Brendon walked towards them. He could feel his shoulders tensing as he glanced nervously at William; if Brendon was going to say anything to his friend, Ryan hoped it wouldn't be comments that would affect William's confidence.

However Brendon was wearing a winning smile and was telling William how he thought the man's performance was great, which was opposite of what he told Ryan earlier. Ryan wad frowning at him in disbelief the whole time, wondering what was going on. William didn't suspect a thing and thought Brendon was genuine.

The actor noticed Ryan's sour expression and flashed a smirk in the brunet's direction. "What? You can't possibly be the  _only_  one who gets to shower compliments on William, right?" He said teasingly, much to Ryan's annoyance. "You gotta lighten up, Ross."

"I saw you talking to Vicky." William said to Brendon, not noticing how Ryan was now staring at the celebrity incredulously. "I didn't know you knew her too."

"Oh, I know a lot of people in LA because of my work." It was as if Brendon was just rubbing it in that he could help Ryan make connections if he'd only let him but the way he was doing it was as if he was parading the fact around. "Actually Vicky's Dallon's friend so he introduced me to her when we came here the other day." He said before inclining his head at both William and Ryan, raising his mug. "Now if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I've gotta support giraffe-Weekes and his blue-haired friend."

"I wonder what it's like to know so many people." William mused aloud as Brendon returned his mug to the counter and sauntered his way to the front - heck, people even made way for him. "You never realize how small LA is, eh Ryan?"

"Yeah." Ryan glanced at the door. "So, do you wanna go home yet or do you wanna stay until the session's over?" He asked.

"I think I'll stay." William said, looking at the stage where Dallon was introducing himself and his friend, Ryan Seaman. "Besides, Vicky promised she saved some cake for me."

As his roommate was his ride home, Ryan decided he wasn't going anywhere until the session ended for the night. With a sigh, he followed William and managed to find a spot to stand in the middle of the crowd. Peering above the heads, Ryan caught the sight of Brendon in the front recording his friends' performance - possibly to post on his social media account.

Dallon and Seaman's performance was solid. Ryan had no idea Dallon played the bass and could sing so well; he had a great stage presence as well and threw in a few weird dance moves that the crowd seemed to like. Seaman appeared to be enjoying himself as he headbanged while drumming away. Even with a backing track to make up for the instruments that none of them played, they were pretty good at performing. "And that's all from us from tonight. Thank you!" Dallon said into the mic before he and Seaman left the stage.

Ryan was watching from the corner of his eye as Brendon slipped past the crowd to talk to his friends, laughing and complimenting them for their performance. Dallon simply shook his head and waved his hand dismissvely, taking a swig out of a bottle of water while Seaman and Brendon chatted. Not too long after, Vicky joined their conversation when Brendon leaned forward and whispered something in her ear. From where Ryan was standing, he frowned but William was saying something to him so his attention was drawn away.

*

Ryan was certain that the girl playing Fix You on an acoustic guitar in front would be the last performance for the night as William had managed to grab hold of the list of performers arranged from first to last.

"Okay, I think that's all for tonight." William said when the girl stepped off the stage, folding the list into half. "Ready to go home?" He asked.

Ryan stifled a yawn but nodded, shifting a bit on his feet so he could get blood flowing. Just as he and William were turning around, Vicky was going up on the stage. "I'd like to thank everyone who's here right now their support and their patience to stay till the end. Now, I actually have a surprise lined up for all of you if you could lend us a bit of your time."

The attention of the remainder of the crowd who'd stayed were piqued; even Ryan and William were looking over curiously.

"Okay, so we have a special guest here today with us who's been kind enough to attend and give his support to all the performers tonight." Vicky went on. "Since he's inspired by each and every one of the performers, he decided that he wants to play a song tonight."

The crowd began to cheer and clap, even the ones at the back who had no idea what was going on but seeing everyone else cheer they didn't want to be left out.

"Give it up for Brendon Urie!"

Ryan couldn't decide if he was frowning or letting his jaw drop because Brendon was going onstage, armed with nothing but his guitar and his presence. He waved at the general direction of the crowd - a few people screamed - but Ryan had a distinct feeling that he was staring right at him. Slinging the strap over himself, Brendon sat on the stool provided and adjusted the mic stand until he was satisfied with its height.

"Hey everyone." Brendon was saying as he held his guitar. "So I'm gonna cover a song called Oceans by Shoremist. I hope you'll like it." Ryan could've sworn he saw the flash of Brendon's smirk as the man glanced in his direction before he began to play.

The crowd fell silent, hanging on to every note until Brendon began to sing.

William's eyes were wide. "Damn, if he wasn't an actor he'd make so much money with that voice." He was astounded.

Ryan had to agree with his roommate on this but he couldn't help but think about how he had chided Brendon for criticizing William's voice and what the man's response was.  _Is that a challenge?_  He could see Brendon's smirk clearly in his mind's eye.

" _We hide our emotions / Under the surface and try to pretend_ ," Brendon sung, halfway through the chorus. " _But it feels like there's oceans / Between you and me_."

When the song ended, the celebrity received a huge round of applause from the crowd. "Thank you so much and have a great night, everybody!" Giving a mock salute, he left the stage. A few customers were going up to him and asking for photos with him and sign some autographs.

As William had excused himself to the Vicky's office to retrieve his guitar, Ryan decided to approach Brendon.  "Not bad at all," were the first words that came from him.

Brendon simply arched his eyebrows but shrugged. "If you say so." He said, unbothered.

Ryan could feel a small frown coming up but he forced his features not to reflect what he was thinking. Frankly, he had been expecting Brendon to act like he deserved a better comment for his performance but this was new. "It was a nice song, though. I liked how you played the whole thing too." He added.

Brendon shrugged once more. He didn't appear to care for Ryan's comment. "Yeah, well let's not dwell on it." He cleared his throat, looking away briefly. Ryan couldn't decide what this meant and it baffled him because he had been expecting Brendon to bask in what he had to say. "So have you made your decision yet?" Brendon asked, steering the topic away.

Ryan hesitated before answering, "Nope."

The man sighed though he didn't appear irritated. "Well, give me an answer because it's a private function and I gotta RSVP. You know how it goes." Brendon waved his hand dismissively but there was a solemn expression on his face.

Ryan couldn't help but laugh. "You're making it sound like it's a fancy party or something." He paused, narrowing his eyes warily at Brendon. "You can't possibly be bringing me to a fancy party. I don't know how to talk to people from a higher social class."

A crease appeared on the celebrity's brow. "Ryan, you gotta relax. We're not traveling back through time to attend some snobby person's Victorian-era dinner party." He rolled his eyes. "Just text me if you wanna go or not. Look, your boyfriend's coming over."

Ryan shot Brendon a pointed look."For the record, William isn't --"

"I'm not what?" William was regarding both Ryan and Brendon with a confused but worried expression as if he were afraid they were talking behind his back.

"Here yet because you were getting your guitar but hey, you're here now so let's go home." Ryan said hurriedly, placing both hands on William's shoulder before steering his roommate out of the coffee shop.

Shaking his head, Brendon leaned against the counter and watched as Ryan and William disappeared out of sight before he sighed.

*

For the following week,  _Nightmare Carnival_  was filmed at Gallatin National Park, Montana for the scenes of the movie that involved demonic rituals. As the weather forecast for the week wasn't favorable, the filming period had to be cut short; instead of a week, filming was to take place over three days. The directors and the producers weren't satisfied but at least this setback wouldn't take up too much of the time allocated for the project.

At the end of the last day for the shoot, the production staff and directors called for a meeting with the special effects and lighting department at their tent. Gerard began the meeting by playing the tune of  _La_ _Cucaracha_  - the unofficial message to tell everyone to cease their conversations and listen. Then he went on about how he thought everyone did their best, despite how downpours had occurred every time they tried to shoot a couple of scenes.

As Ryan was standing near to the directors, he heard Pete complain to Patrick about how the rain had spoiled their chances to film the demonic cult scene the night before. Patrick only shook his head and shushed his colleague while Gerard went on about how this setback was a blessing in disguise - Pete snorted but said nothing.

"Anyway, at least now we know some of the minor mistakes we can correct so it'll be easier the post-production team to clean up." He checked his notebook briefly before he decided that was all that needed to be said. As the directors had nothing else to add on because Gerard had addressed every of their concerns, the meeting ended.

It was drizzling outside by then. Fine droplets of rain caught on the strands of Ryan's hair as soon as he was outside. Drawing the hood of his jacket over his head, he made his way towards the area of the set that was reserved for the cast. He and Sarah had agreed to meet each other once his meeting was over.

Once he reached Sarah's trailer, he knocked on the door to make his arrival known before he entered. The sound of 80's pop music greeted him when he stepped in. When he turned his head to the left, he saw Sarah and Brendon at the mini dining area by the window. Ryan couldn't see what was going on between the two but both actors were engrossed with their conversation they didn't hear Ryan at all.

"No, I just think ice-skating is a cliché." Brendon was saying.

"You kidding? People dig clichés." Sarah said. "I like ice-skating too, even if I've never tried it. I should probably ask Ryan to teach me some time." She added thoughtfully.

"Or maybe I could show you instead." Brendon smirked, leaning back in his seat when he saw Ryan past Sarah. Something flashed over his features when he sat up. "Speak of the devil." He said, the lightheartedness in his tone leaving.

Sarah glanced over her shoulder as Ryan approached. "Excuse you Brendon, but that's my tiny son you're talking about." Apparently they were playing chess the whole time and Sarah appeared to be winning.

Ryan gave his best friend a half-amused frown. "Sarah, I'm taller than you." He said when he was distracted by Brendon reaching out. His body tensed momentarily, heart skipping a beat, when he realized the man was only extending his hand to move his knight to take Sarah's bishop.

"Correct, but you're so precious you must be protected at all costs." Sarah responded without a hitch and moved her rook directly in line with Brendon's king. "Checkmate." A smirk rested on her lips.

"Ugh." Brendon made a face and crossed his arms. "That's the third time today."

"And seventh for the week." Sarah teased before getting up from her seat. "Anyway, if you boys could excuse me - I really need to go and maybe stretch my legs for a bit. You guys can play chess or whatever. Be back in a jiffy!" With that, she left the trailer.

Ryan glanced at the closed door before taking a seat across Brendon, who was rearranging the chesspieces back on the board. He watched the man with detached interest when his eyes traveled up to Brendon's features. Reminded of the last topic they had talked about, which was the costume party Brendon's friend was throwing, Ryan had already made his decision.

As casually as he could, Ryan picked up the white pawn and moved it. He met Brendon's gaze. "Your turn." He urged.

Brendon regarded him for a few moments before mirroring Ryan's move. "This should be interesting." He mused softly, the left corner of his lips curling upwards in the slightest.

"Have you thought of what to go to for the party? The one your friend's throwing, I mean." Ryan asked as he moved his knight.

"Well, kinda." Brendon shrugged, pausing to consider his options on which piece to move. "So are you coming with or not?" His eyebrow arched questioningly.

"I am."

"Great." Brendon murmured. "Because what I have in mind will need your skills. If I do it myself, I think it'll be missing the wow factor." At this comment, Ryan couldn't help but look up at Brendon with a mildly surprised expression. This was the closest he had heard the actor compliment him - if that even  _was_  one.

Ryan felt his face heat up briefly. "What was it you wanted to go as?"

"A demon." Brendon replied. "But in a suit looking fancy as fuck." He described when a frown crossed his features. "Do you think that's unoriginal?" All of a sudden, he sounded self-conscious.

"Nope." Ryan answered. There were less original ideas to try out; at least what the actor had in mind would offer him some flexibility in deciding what kind of effect he could achieve through makeup. "Although the suit isn't an issue, it's the stuff I need to make you up that's what we have to think about now. Like the body paint, if you want that, or the contact lenses and whatnot." He explained thoughtfully. "It'd be good if you could look up on costume ideas for that relate to how you want to look."

"You know what?" Brendon began, taking a deliberate pause, which Ryan suspected was more for suspense than for him to use the time to think and move his chess piece. "I'll just look for the pictures and send them to you." He said decidedly.

"Yeah, that would be fine."

"What about you?" The actor arched his eyebrows questioningly. "Your costume idea, I mean." When Ryan shrugged with a sheepish smile, Brendon sighed softly. "Well, maybe tomorrow you and I could get the stuff you need and hopefully you might get some idea on what to dress up as?"

Ryan glanced down at the chessboard. They had been conversing with each other that not many chess pieces have moved. Only Brendon's knight and two of Ryan's pawns sat to the side of the board. Doing the way Brendon did it, he took this moment to make a deliberate pause to move his bishop to take Brendon's pawn. "Sounds about alright, I guess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [here's](https://youtu.be/ztiRz-uc2A4) the song brendon sang!


	28. 26

Although William did his best not to show it, it was clear he was disappointed that Ryan couldn't stay in for the day. That happened when he picked Ryan up from the airport.

Ryan was tired from the flight so his judgement was poor when he told William about how he had to help Brendon look for the things he needed for the costume party right after his roommate had mentioned planning to hang out with Ryan. He didn't realize his mistake until he was aware of the fact that William was taking longer than necessary to reply.

And when he did, the lively tone he'd been using dulled slightly. "Oh, really? Well, that's ... fine. It's cool - I mean, it is a chance for you to find connections."

Ryan threw William a sheepish glance, cursing inwardly at himself. "I mean I'd totally ask you to come with but I think Brendon has already RSVP-ed so --"

"Ryan, don't sweat it." William's laugh was a bit too strained for Ryan to accept it was casual. "It's fine. If you need to know where to find the stuff you need but can't find, I'd be happy to help out." He offered with a reassuring smile.

"Thanks, Will."

There was now an goofy-looking grin on William's face as he glanced at Ryan. "Will?" He echoed, sounding highly amused although for what Ryan wasn't certain. "It's either William or Bill for everyone else but Will is nice."

"Okay, Billy."

"Oh, shut up, Ryan."

They reached back to their shared apartment after William gave up waiting for the traffic to move and took a long detour. He didn't say much on the way back but that was because Ryan had dozed off a few times and was unresponsive to any attempts at conversations. Back at the apartment, William made Ryan go to his room and sleep, insisting that his roommate would be able to function better if he had a good rest.

Ryan was more than happy to comply. He woke up later in the evening around the time the sun was setting. He made himself dinner and sat beside William on the couch while eating.

Nothing much happened that night, except for the part Ryan agreed to play video games with William and ended up beating his roommate most rounds of the shooting game they played; this brought out the competitive side of William but Ryan had a feeling he was trying his best not to be a sore loser when Ryan beat him in the last round.

They ended up watching movies afterwards because William insisted they "take a break, because too much video games is bad for health," although Ryan knew he was trying to save himself from embarrassment. He wasn't sure what they watched because they were so exhausted but he woke up the next morning to find himself wrapped up in a blanket. He figured William must have put it on him and the thought made Ryan's insides feel warm.

William was busy watching puppy videos on his laptop while eating a bowl of Cheerios when Ryan walked into the kitchen in search of breakfast. The two roommates greeted each other 'good morning' and resumed about their business.

"So, you're going over to Brendon's later?" It was only after Ryan had finished eating did William speak. He was regarding Ryan curiously.

"Yep." Ryan nodded before glancing at his phone. He had checked it earlier and found a couple of texts from Brendon which were just images of what he wanted for the party. "What about you? What are you up to later?"

William shrugged. "I was thinking of popping over to my sister's cafe to help out. No work today from the agency." He added.

Ryan got up from his seat at the table with his bowl in hand. "I'll see if I can stop by today." He said with a smile before walking over to the sink. His back was turned so he didn't see sudden rush of red appearing on William's face.

*

For someone who was confident about everything he did, Ryan noticed Brendon was acting differently today.

The two of them had stopped by at a store that sold stuff related to special effects makeup. Since Ryan had most of the things he needed, he didn't have to consult a long list. After grabbing the supplies he needed and placing them in a basket, he had wandered along the aisles to look for Brendon.

Ryan found Brendon looking at horn props with an intense frown like he couldn't understand the labels at the back of the packs he was looking at. "Need any help?" Ryan asked, hoping he could clear up any confusion to the best he could.

"I'm not sure of which horn set I should pick." Brendon mumbled, glancing at Ryan with a baffled look on his face. "I mean, I like the variety of shapes and sizes but I don't know what would look good on me."

"Seriously?" A crease formed on Ryan's brow, revealing his incredulity at hearing Brendon say such a thing.

"Why else would I be standing here for the past few minutes?" Brendon rolled his eyes and sighed loudly. "Besides, would the curly horns or the straight horns suit me better?" He questioned.

Ryan's face heated as he drew his gaze away from Brendon's. "I think the straight one? It'd probably look better than the tiny curly one." He answered.

Brendon pondered over this for a moment. "The straight ones come in different sizes too." He added, gesturing at the display.

Wanting to draw Brendon away from the topic of horns as Ryan wasn't sure if he could help the older man make a decision, he showed some of the body paint colors he picked. There was the classic red, which Brendon refused right away; the stone-colored one, which seemed to pique Brendon's interest; and the bluish-gray paint. "Leave the red one." Brendon said after examining the colors. "By the way, have you decided what you want to dress up as?"

Truth be told, Ryan still had no idea what creature he wanted to dress up as. The thought of having to wear a costume and put on makeup on himself that would draw potential clients, who were celebrities and probably had high standards, made him feel queasy. This was why Ryan preferred to work on a subject to show off his skills, like Sarah, rather than himself. Besides, it wasn't like his features would catch a lot of attention.

"Uh, maybe someone whose lips are sewn shut?"

Brendon stared at him. "You do know you have to talk to people at the party, right?" He began slowly.

"I was just messing around." Ryan said before Brendon could continue. He glanced down at the basket, looking at the bottle of fake blood lying beside the body paint. "Honestly, I have no idea - I'm stumped." He didn't want to look at the other man because he felt that he was only being a let down.

"Well ..." Brendon began. "That's fine. I'm sure you'll think of something." His tone was gentle. Pressing his lips together, he regarded Ryan thoughtfully. "Or maybe a costume that kinda matches mine?" He suggested halfheartedly with a tiny shrug.

Arching his eyebrows, Ryan stared at Brendon like he was trying to figure if the man was joking or not. When he decided he wasn't, his face heated. Only couples or best friends would even think of that and him and Brendon didn't fall under that category.

Giving a small, awkward smile, Ryan shook his head although some part was putting a pin on that suggestion. "It's fine." His voice had gone slightly higher in pitch than usual; he cleared his throat, hoping Brendon didn't notice anything. "Anyway, I'll just take one more look around. I'll leave the basket here and you decide what you want?"

Brendon hesitated, then waved his hand dismissively.

*

"I was perfectly fine with paying for my stuff myself." Ryan was saying with a tiny frown. Right after he had left the basket with Brendon and went to the bathroom, he returned to find him at the checkout. Ryan had tried to pay him for the things he got for himself but the celebrity turned him down stubbornly.

"Look, the stuff has been paid for so let's not complain, okay?" Brendon was growing irritated at Ryan's insistence because it was his idea to drag his makeup artist along to the party so it was only fair that he covered the cost for everything. Besides, after hearing one drunken story from Sarah about Ryan, he couldn't help but feel worried for him. Brendon was certain the man would thank him one day.

Ryan wasn't pleased because he felt he owed Brendon a lot lately. However instead of giving the man a piece of his mind, he decided to keep his mouth shut and think of some way to make it up to Brendon to ease his conscience. With a sigh, he turned to look out the window.

Ryan tried to draw his mind elsewhere and settled on the details of the vehicle he was in. Brendon's car was a Ford GT supercar, and though Ryan was no car enthusiast, he'd admit this model was a stunning work of art. Even the mere purring of the engine as it started up gave Ryan goosebumps. The interior of the automobile was really clean and it still carried a faint but distinct that new car scent.

Ryan was interrupted from letting his mind take in more details to pass the time when Brendon spoke. "Is it possible for you to get the prosthetics ready today at my place or maybe you'd like to pop over tomorrow?' Brendon was asking.

The thing was Ryan would be happy to set everything up now so he'd have time for himself later but at the same time he did kinda make a promise to visit William at the cafe; besides, he and Brendon had spent a fair amount of time hunting for the things they needed today. Ryan bit his lip, considering his options. "I think I'm cool with painting them but I'll need to grab extra clothes."

"Okay."

They stopped by at Ryan's shared apartment before heading to Brendon's place. After that, Brendon didn't bother to keep up the conversation so this meant Ryan was back to hearing his thoughts speaking in his mind.

The more Ryan contemplated over it, the more he became aware of how Brendon's behavior had changed over nearly half a month of working together. Sure, he could still be sullen, impatient and critical but that behavior remained, for most of the time, on set. Otherwise, Ryan was certain Brendon was starting to be casual to him little by little. Instead of having those tense work-related conversations, the two of them had begun to have brief discussions although it was mostly Hollywood-related and had little to do with anything personal; still, it was progress. Not to mention Brendon was starting to become tolerant and understanding as well.

Now that he was aware of this, Ryan couldn't decide if he was fine with it or not.

The thing fueled his doubts over his change was festering at the back of his mind. It was the nagging worry about how he had broken work ethics by sleeping with Brendon that night. Sure, it went violated the proper work ethics Ryan had to abide by but at the same time, it wasn't like Brendon made a big deal about it, besides the part when he made Ryan promise not to ever talk about it. Well, Ryan didn't create a fuss either but the reason why he was keeping silent was because he didn't want to lose this job.

Ryan literally couldn't afford for that to happen. After all, Brendon was paying him well and he had managed to pay off a portion of the rent money he owed his landlady that the him from a few months ago could only struggle to do. That, and the money he had sent home to pay for his father's medical bills.

"Ross."

Ryan's thoughts were broken into by the sound of Brendon's voice. Blinking distractedly, he turned to look at the man in the driver's seat.

Brendon was just killing the engine. "We're here, in case you were too wrapped up in your thoughts to realize." He said, opening his door.

Ryan unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the vehicle, walking round it to the trunk to help Brendon get the things they bought earlier to the house. He had just shut the trunk and was going up to the front steps when the man stopped him. "Hold on." Brendon held up a hand, turning around to face Ryan. "Really important question but do you have any allergies to furry animals?"

Ryan frowned. "No. Why?" He asked in bafflement.

"Good." Without explaining the reason he'd ask Ryan such a question, Brendon opened the door and entered. Because Ryan was feeling rather suspicious, he stood outside peering into the foyer without moving until Brendon noticed he wasn't following. "Well, do you need a red carpet rolled out for you?" He was holding the door open for Ryan, not that he needed to.

Ryan's face burned; he was opening his mouth to make an apology when he heard soft pattering of tiny feet on the floor approaching. He forgot what he wanted to say next when he saw it.

"Oh my god." He breathed, eyes wide in disbelief.

There was a puppy standing in the foyer now. It had a recognizable black and white coat but there was something different about its body frame. It had its head cocked slightly as it regarded Ryan, unsure of what to make of the new person in the house.

Brendon set the bags down and squatted. He called out to the puppy. "Here, girl." The puppy's floppy ears perked at the sound of Brendon's voice. The tip of her tail wagged in greeting as she took a few steps, then glanced at Ryan hesitantly, before darting over to Brendon. Even if the puppy wasn't greeting Ryan, the sight of her gave him the urge to drop everything and plead Brendon so he could hold her.

Brendon let out a laugh as she licked his hand, giving her a good scratch behind her ear before he looked over at Ryan. "She isn't mine, just so you know. I'm looking after her for a friend." He said before scooping the puppy up in his arms. He walked over to Ryan, who hadn't moved as he was too busy trying not to burst.

"Daisy, this is Ryan. Ryan, meet Daisy." Brendon said, angling his body a bit so the puppy could make direct eye contact with Ryan. Daisy sniffed the man's hand curiously when Ryan reached out to pet her. She didn't make any objections as Ryan stroked her head gently and seemed quite happy. 

"She's so precious." Ryan cooed, unable to wipe off the huge grin on his face.

"Do you want to hold her?" Brendon offered.

Ryan nodded. The moment Daisy was handed to him, he had to keep himself from squealing aloud. Instead, he allowed himself to get familiar with the weight and warmth of the puppy. "Aren't you adorable?" He smiled while Daisy put her paws on him and sniffed him curiously before giving his chin a lick. Content with the puppy in his arms, Ryan didn't notice Brendon trying to resist showing amusement at how a puppy had stolen Ryan's heart.

"Daisy looks like a border collie." Ryan observed.

"She's half of that and half corgi." Brendon clarified before scratching the back of Daisy's ear. "She's usually very shy around strangers." His tone carried a hint of confusion.

"How old is she?"

"About nine weeks." Brendon said. "I wanted to look after her for a bit to get to know what it's like to look after a dog." He glanced up and noticed Ryan's curious expression. "It gets lonely living by myself sometimes so I thought of getting a pet a few times but the thing is I don't wanna unintentionally become an irresponsible owner." He explained.

"Oh."

Brendon frowned a bit. "Was there some other reason you were expecting?" He asked stiffly, as if he thought Ryan's monosyllabic response was showing his disapproval to a certain degree.

Daisy began to squirm in Ryan's arms so he had to put her down. Instead of scampering off to some place in the house, she remained by the two men's feet. Ryan shook his head. "I just think it's really thoughtful of you, but wouldn't that mean you'd get attached to Daisy?" He said in response to Brendon's question.

Brendon shook his head and shrugged. He clearly didn't wish to speak about the topic. Instead, he gestured at the bags on the floor with an arch of his eyebrow. "We should probably get started on painting the prosthetics." He said.

*

The painting part was easy - Ryan could do that fine as he had gotten the paint from the store - but it was the part where Brendon insisted on helping out. Ryan preferred to get things done by himself and although he didn't object to being offered help, he was rather skeptical. It wasn't that he doubted Brendon could paint -  Ryan was pretty sure he was taught how to do that when he was a kid - but he didn' trust Brendon on actually  _painting_.

Like, actually mixing the colors and getting the look right.

Ryan was fussy about this and he had the right to be.

"It won't be fair if I let you do all the work while I do nothing." Brendon had argued.

In the end, after some amount of discussion, Brendon gave up trying to get Ryan to let him paint and left the room, which was his study. The man came back afterwards so, bearing a tray that carried a plate of fruits and glasses of water. "Take a break, Randy." He muttered when Ryan barely looked up at him. "You've been at it for almost an hour."

Ryan frowned, putting down his brush. His fingers are caked with the paint he was using but it didn't bother him one bit. At least the two pairs of horns were starting to look the way he pictured them in his head as they dried. There were at least two more pairs to go - Brendon had opted for different shapes instead of sizes.

After cleaning his hands to the best he could, Ryan went back to the study to find Brendon examining his work with a calculated expression. Ryan knew he should be confident of himself as the horns were turning out perfectly but the past memories of Brendon being unimpressed by his skills came floating back to the surface of his mind. He bit his lip nervously and stood by the door.

Brendon didn't even look up but somehow he knew Ryan was behind him. "I can't wait to see how these would look when the paint is dried." He said. Ryan was too nervous to discern that the man meant it although no one could blame him because Brendon had spoken softly. He straightened up and turned to look at Ryan, hands holding the edges of the desk and leaned against it.

"Well, I'd recommend you not to touch them for the mean time." Ryan's voice had came out slightly higher in pitch from the strain exerted by his nervousness on his vocal chord. He cleared his throat, nodding for no reason, and drew his eyes away from Brendon. "But yeah, I can't wait to see what they'd look like when the paint is dry." He said just to clear the silence.

Brendon made a noise of agreement before gesturing at the tray he brought earlier. "Help yourself."

Ryan couldn't argue and bit into an apple slice, only realizing how hungry he was. As he was munching away, Brendon let him finish his last apple slice before speaking, "So, here's the game plan for the party."

"I'm listening."

"It's held at club so we gotta go there a bit later than schedule to make sure most of the people on the guest list would be there. I would make small talk with some of the people there and then I will introduce you as the guy who did my makeup. Bonus points if they ask about it and maybe you could do that little thing --"

"What thing?" Ryan frowned.

Brendon sighed as if he was annoyed with how Ryan wasn't even aware of himself. "The part where you act like 'oh, no, it's just something I do in my free time but if you want to know more, you could contact me bla bla here's my number' thing." He said.

"You could've just explained that instead of calling it 'that little thing.'" Ryan quoted with a bemused frown. "You got me really confused."

"Whatever." Brendon scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, we don't even have to take long. Five minutes, tops, to talk to a person, seal the deal and then I'll intoduce you to another person."

"Jeez, are we like on a time limit or something?"

"Nope. But we're trying to count on the probability that the people we talk to aren't too drunk to forget about you." Brendon paused as if a thought had occurred to him. "Just try to relax and be you. That's all. Whoever doesn't like that can fuck off because they'd be missing out a lot." He told Ryan firmly, brown eyes shining assertively.

Heat rose up Ryan's body into his cheeks. Knowing Brendon putting his confidence in him caused him to feel both motivated and afraid. All he needed was words of encouragement but those wouldn't do to silence his doubts. But if Brendon, who had always been quick to point Ryan's mistakes and fuss over it, believed in him then why was he worrying at all?


	29. 27

Ryan wasn't sure how someone like William didn't even appear tired whereas he would've given anything to lie down and catch his breath. On a whim, he agreed to go on a morning jog with William. This was partly because, even though he had informed beforehand, he'd be staying over at Brendon's for the night due to the party.

"How are you not feeling like death?" Ryan asked; it was taking him a lot of effort to walk although it was more lile dragging his legs through Jell-O. He felt tempted to keel over and just lay there on the ground. Not only did his muscles feel like they were on fire, he was sweating like crazy.

William had slowed his pace earlier and was dropping back to walk beside Ryan. "I do this almost every day. So, stamina is a factor here." He regarded Ryan up and down, pressing his lips together with an expression of concern. "We could go back if you want to." He added.

"What?" Ryan gave him an incredulous stare. Even if a part of him was crying out in relief, he didn't want William to miss out on his routine because of him. "Will, it's --"

"Totally okay with me." William insisted. "Y'know what? Maybe we could grab some coffee before we head back. I'm starved for caffeine." He suggested.

The two men went to a bakery cafe afterwards. While Ryan would've preferred to drink something cold, he was drawn to the rich and enticing smell of coffee and freshly baked bread. He and William sat at the table by the window, tucking into blueberry danish pastries and coffee. Somehow, they'd gotten into a lighthearted debate over the things they grew up with, which had headed towards the topic of celebrity crushes they had when they were in their teens.

"Don't laugh at me! Geoff Sabino is hot, okay?" William's cheeks turned bright red when Ryan let out a badly suppressed laugh after he admitted to liking Viper Spacecraft's vocalist.

"I didn't say he wasn't." Ryan's eyes were shining with mirth as he took a sip of his coffee. "But I gotta agree with you there."

There was this satisfied smirk resting on William's face when the man across him agreed with his statement. "What about you? You haven't said anything about your celebrity crush."

Ryan could've taken the question in a cool and unruffled manner had it not been for the image of Brendon - from his debut movie,  _The Difference Between You and Me_ , - flashed in his mind. Ryan's face heated as he drew his gaze away from William's curious one, pretending to be more interested in the last danish than he was in the topic at hand. "Jeez, this is embarrassing." He said because how was he to explain that he was certain he had grown out of that phase to William?

" _Boo_." William teased, grinning in amusement.

"I'm working with him."

The smile on William's face faltered when realization dawned on him. His lips had parted in surprise. "Whoa, Brendon Urie?" He asked as he continued to stare at Ryan, who wished he wouldn't because he was starting to feel embarrassed by the whole thing. "Damn, if your teen self saw you now, he'd say, 'I can't believe I hit the jackpot.'"

Blood rushed into Ryan's cheeks. He gave this sort of tense shrug. "I guess? But ... I dunno." He mumbled. "It felt intimidating at first - actually it still is, but like, I sometimes feel more pressured than I usually would with normal clients to do my best. He's can get fussy about details and he sometimes gets impatient."

"Yeah, I heard he's a bit tough to work with." William said. "Kinda like a diva?"

Though he knew William didn't intend for his comment be amusing, it was funny to Ryan because it brought a mental image of Brendon trying to act that way. "But, it's more of him smoldering."

"Like his face is on fire?"

"Oh shush. You know what I mean." Ryan laughed; it was starting to become easy for William to earn laugh from him.

*

"Where's Daisy?" Ryan asked when he followed Brendon up the stairs of the man's house, noticing the absence of the puppy who had taken a liking to him a few days ago.

"I sent her back to my friend. She might get lonely while we're out for the night." Brendon explained airily as he showed Ryan the guest room, which was right across his room. He took a step away from the door, letting Ryan enter. "Make yourself home or whatever." He said.

"Sure." Ryan nodded, setting his bag on the bed. Once Brendon had left him to his own devices, he peered around the room curiously. There was a desk facing the window to his left and a closet across where he sat. The walls were painted a soft shade of baby blue and were devoid of any sort of decorations. Soaking in the silence it offered, Ryan reached for his bag and unzipped it.

The idea he had for his costume was last minute but he hoped it'd be enough to showcase what he had. It was a random thing he came up with and he didn't want people to think his creativity wasn't on par with his skills by dressing up as something that was a bit unoriginal like a well-known horror movie character.

The clothes he'd wear wouldn't be anything too dramatic, save for the torn up sleeves for his shirt - his heart broke when he did this to his white button-down but he could always get a new one. He'd be sporting yellow contacts and fangs, which him and Brendon had made the day before. And there was the fake claws too, but Ryan was still iffy on that because what if he had to shake someone's hand and he ended up scratching them by accident?

There were just so many things that could go wrong and all of those possibilities were causing him to feel anxiousness slowly inflating within him.

"Get a grip." He drew a breath, shutting his eyes and laying back on the bed. After counting from one to ten, he sat up to begin unpacking. Once he was finished, he went to look for Brendon and found him downstairs in the study, with his hands on his face and elbows on the desk.

Worried by the sight, Ryan took a step forward before stopping short. He shouldn't be intruding and should probably leave the man by himself but he needed to get started. Drawing a breath, he backed into the hallway and knocked the door first, making sure to pretend as if he hadn't seen Brendon looking like he was stressing over something. "Brendon? Are you ready to get started on your makeup?" He peered into the room, keeping his expression carefully devoid of the surprise he'd worn earlier.

"Oh." Brendon straightened in his seat, clearing his throat and pretended to sort the papers at his desk. "Yes." He narrowed his eyes at Ryan for a moment before rising from his chair. The two men went up to Brendon's room where Brendon seated himself at the dressing table.

He was looking up at Ryan with arched brows. This particular sight reminded Ryan of the first time the man had asked him to do a demo so some of the jittery nerves from the memory were resurfacing. "You're not gonna work on yourself first?" He asked as Ryan pulled up a stool so he was facing Brendon.

Ryan shook his head, picking up the horn Brendon had chosen for his costume. "I can do that later." He said.

"Will you have enough time?"

"To be honest, this is easy compared to what I've done before so don't worry. I know how much time I need. But I'll need your cooperation." Ryan explained, mildly surprised by how certain he sounded when inside he was thinking about how not to screw this whole thing up for the both of them. He was one of the horns experimentally on Brendon's forehead to see where it would look best on him before he'd place the liquid latex over to make it look like it was growing out of his skin. "Also, could you grab the other horn for me?" He asked.

Brendon obliged and remained very still as Ryan adjusted the horns at the right amount of distance away from each other so their positions would look symmetrical to each other and balance out on Brendon's features.

Ryan took extra care during the application process, wearing this intense look on his face that only showed when he was focusing really hard and blocking out every detail that wasn't relevant to what he was doing.

And he didn't notice the way Brendon was looking at him.

*

Ryan had to admit that their outfits were somewhat, if not mostly, similar. Brendon had the whole demon in a suit thing going on for him, complete with yellow-contacts on his eyes and the classic devil horns. His skin was painted in the shade that was somewhere between dark blue and gray. Ryan was wearing the same color as well but that was probably where the similarities ended.

Brendon appeared well-dressed like Satan's successful assistant, Ryan looked like he dragged himself out of some hole in the ground. Where Brendon's horns rested on his forehead, Ryan's were spikes that looked like they were growing out along his brow line and cheeks.

Brendon was staring at the mirror, taking both their reflections in with a thoughtful frown. Ryan glanced at him nervously then back at the mirror. His fingers were crossed behind his back as he pleaded to whatever divine force out there to make their appearances enough to help him find potential clients. "Well, what do you think?" Ryan could hear the nervous catch in his tone but did nothing to get rid of it.

As much as he was aware of himself, Brendon seemed to have picked up the fact that Ryan was more anxious than let on. His lips quirked at the corners for the briefest of moments before he glancing at Ryan. "Oh, stop worrying, Ross. I think it's good. It's definitely gonna bring you potential clients." He paused. "Now if you excuse me, I gotta take a selfie of this and, like, tag you or something so my followers will check your profile out."

"Thanks, Brendon." Ryan said before stepping a little away so he'd be out of the picture.

Brendon was holding up his phone when a small frown appeared on his features. He beckoned Ryan. "C'mon, get in the picture." He urged, turning back to hold his phone up.

It was a good things Ryan's face was covered with paint otherwise the color flooding his cheeks would give him away. "W-what?" His eyes rounded. "Wait, you're serious?" Usually his clients would prefer to take pictures of themselves and tag Ryan so when Brendon wanted him to join in, he wasn't sure how to react.

"I'm Brendon and if you're not gonna move, then I am." He took a step backward. "Now, put on your best monster face or whatever --"

"I don't have a monster face."

"You  _know_  what I mean." Brendon retorted before his expression turned into that of a smolder for the camera. As Ryan had no idea what to actually do, he tried doing the same; his stomach flipped when there was the snap sound. He hoped he didn't look silly.

"What do you think would be a good caption for this?" Brendon was asking as he tagged Ryan's Instagram profile on the picture.

"I'd love to help you but I'm bad at captions." Ryan answered sheepishly.

Brendon regarded him. "Fine, keep telling yourself that." He replied, miffed. Once he was done posting, he put his phone in the pocket of his jacket and then nodded. "Alright, let's go."

They were out of Brendon's house not too long after and were making their way the club where the party was held. The nerves in Ryan's body had been bundling ever since the start of the day and now they were sending him waves of restlessness and unease. He wasn't sure what he'd have to say and told Brendon as much.

"Relax, you'll do fine." Brendon assured, lowering the volume of the stereo. "Just pretend."

"What?"

"Pretend everyone in the place is your long lost friend or something." Brendon explained. "It kinda helps."

"Oh."

"Or you could pretend you're a more confident version of yourself. Like be the you that you've always wanted to be but could never be, if you get what I mean. Not that your usual self is mostly uninteresting and boring to begin with but people want to see that you're sure of what you can do." Brendon gave Ryan long look. "It's what I do sometimes." As if only aware of what he said, his lips folded into a line and he didn't speak after that.

Ryan remained in a thoughtful silence, playing the man's words over and over in his head. While it did sound like great advive, he couldn't help but think of what Brendon had last said, the part about him pretending to be a more confident version of himself sometimes. Wasn't Brendon already confident to begin with? Ryan remembered the times he'd seen Brendon being so sure of himself and wondered how many of those moments were only facades he'd put up.

He glanced at Brendon, lips pressed together. A voice in Ryan's mind that was yelling at him that he was supposed to keep this relationship him between Brendon as professional as possible was starting to fade over the rush of blood in his ears. He knew he should be concerned about this because he had screwed up one time and couldn't afford one more slip-up.

Yet, the curiosity to understand Brendon was weaseling its way past his resolve. Folding his mouth into a thin line, he pulled his gaze away from the man at the wheel and turned his focus on the song playing, which reminded him strongly of Sarah's taste in music - 80's pop.

*

"So, who is this friend of yours?" Ryan questioned curiously as he stood behind Brendon while waiting for the bouncer to check the guest list for his and Brendon's name.

"I know you're excited and all but I swear I'll introduce you to him in a bit." Brendon waved his hand dismissively when the bouncer let them in the nightclub. "Try not to get lost." He told Ryan over his shoulder.

When they entered, Ryan didn't intend to accidentally walk into Brendon because he was caught off guard by the number of people present in the place. "Sorry." He mumbled when Brendon flashed him an annoyed glare. Then he peered around, trying not to feel overwhelmed. "Okay, this is a lot of people."

"This is probably only a quarter of the people - there he is." Brendon spotted the person he was looking for somewhere across when he placed a hand on Ryan's shoulder. Startled by the contact, Ryan was about to ask if it was necessary for Brendon to hold him when the man began to steer him through the crowd. They reached the back where there was a man dressed up as a zombie surrounded by scantily clad women at a booth.

The man was busy telling a story when he saw Brendon and Ryan approaching. Excusing himself from his company, he got up and grinned at the two men. "Brendon, you're here!" He was a bit unsteady on his feet.

"In the flesh." Brendon flashed him a smile. "Looking ugly as fuck in that costume, Keyes." He remarked lightheartedly.

"That was basically the idea." Keyes laughed. "But damn, did you come here, looking all fancy in your suit, to convince people to sell their souls to Satan?" He said.

Brendon spread his arms; he was preening himself. "You bet."

Belatedly, Keyes noticed he wasn't talking to Brendon alone because his eyes flitted away from the man to Ryan. His eyebrows arched and the smirk on his face grew wider. "And who's that?"

Ryan was about to open his mouth to answer when Brendon replied, "Ryan Ross." He stepped away so Ryan was completely in view. "Ryan, this is Dan Keyes but call him Keyes."

"Hi." Ryan's voice had gone slightly squeaky as he reached out to shake Keyes' hand. "Nice to meet you."

"All credits for my costume to Ryan here." Brendon told Keyes, who was eyeing Ryan up and down. "He's a makeup artist but he's really good at the special effects stuff."

"Is he your boyfriend?" Keyes asked.

The reaction from both Brendon and Ryan were immediate. " _No_." The two of them had replied in unison.

"Your costumes kinda match --"

"No, no. We're  _not_." Brendon's light tone hardened. "Dating each other, I mean. Gos, Keyes, do you have to act like everyone I go to a party or a nightclub with is the person I'm dating?" He scoffed, shaking his head but the gesture seemed too stiff.

"I can name more places than the total number of fingers and toes I have that you've been spotted by the paparazzi --"

"You know those pictures were because of my publicity team, right?"

"Yea but there's nothing wrong if you wanna swing the other way." Keyes smiled at Ryan.

Brendon's face soured when he noticed the way Keyes was looking at Ryan. "If you wanted get in Ryan's pants the first place, you could've said so."

Ryan wanted nothing more to slink his way out of this conversation and the urge to do so intensified when Keyes asked them to join him and the ladies. "No thanks." Brendon said, although he seemed quite pleased that Keyes invited them. Excusing him and Ryan, the two of them left the group to themselves.

"You know, you're free to walk around and socialize." Brendon told Ryan.

"I know, but there's so many people." Ryan glanced around nervously. "I don't even know how to approach them - like, they're all in packs. It's like being in high school all over again."

"Kinda." Brendon said. "I think I'll start off with introducing you to her." He gestured at a lady dressed up as Cleopatra.

Ryan frowned. "She looks kinda familiar." He murmured.

"She's my ex. We were all over the media a few years ago - high-profile relationships are difficult to cover up in case you haven't noticed."

Turning his head to look at Brendon, Ryan was wearing a bewildered openmouthed expression. "Isn't that gonna be awkward?" He asked, suddenly worried. "What if she thinks the same thing as Keyes?"

Brendon let out an exasperated sigh. He narrowed his eyes at Ryan. "Look, the word  _boyfriend_  isn't a taboo word and I know what you're trying to say so you might as well --"

"Plus, you two seemed really ... into each other back then - what if she still has feelings for you?" Ryan said as if Brendon hadn't said anything. His reluctance was acceptable because there was one time when back in college Sarah had introduced him to one of her exes - out of politeness as they had bumped into each other awkwardly - and he ended up getting threatened by him.

A man's jealousy was tolerable enough if one knew how to handle it but Ryan had heard enough tales to know that a woman's was like trying to sit in a house on fire without being bothered by the heat and flames.

Brendon stared at Ryan. "For your information, Randy, her and I don't have the chemistry for romance at all. And our whole relationship was just a PR stunt to boost our relevance in the industry." He explained, stating the whole thing as if their relationship was nothing more than business, which was, in a sense. "We're actors. Faking it is what we do best." He added indifferently.

Ryan wasn't sure what to say. To him, it sounded like Brendon was reciting a fact out of a textbook. "Oh."

"It's nothing to be surprised of." Brendon shook his head before he gestured for Ryan to follow. "C'mon, let's go." He led the makeup artist and went right up to his ex.

Ryan didn't remember her name because he was nervous but she was nice enough to him that he felt bad for thinking she might do something dramatic. They did make small talk about Ryan's career before she expressed her interest in contacting him should she need any special effects makeup done for her or suggest his service to people she knew. After that, Brendon drew Ryan away to another person he knew and soon all the people he met became a blur of features.

Brendon insisted he was doing a bit better with every person he was introduced to but Ryan was starting to get more and more jittery he was convinced his verbal skills were worsening. There were just too many people here. When he told Brendon he needed a break from everyone, he went to the bar and ordered a glass of water. This earned a dirty look from the bartender but Ryan's throat was parched and he could care less.

After gulping down the water greedily, Ryan sat there for a few moments, trying to steady his breath.

He found himself outside later.


	30. 28

Walking around the block at this time of the night was probably the most dangerous thing Ryan had done this week, besides nearly slipping on wet rocks by a fast-moving stream near the set location. He remembered walking out of the place so fast, he only realized he was out of the club after wandering about aimlessly for ten minutes.

He knew he should be worried but his mind had somehow pushed the fear that he might mugged at the back where it wouldn't bother him. Besides, it was nice outside - there was a slight breeze and it wasn't as crowded as the club.

Ryan was walking back to the club when he saw a man emerging from the exit, looking around like he was searching for someone. Ryan stopped briefly, wondering if it was too late to turn around before he shook the notion out of his head and approached the man. "What's wrong, Brendon?" He asked with a small frown set on his features.

Brendon's head swiveled towards his direction. His eyes widened briefly in surprise before they narrowed into a frown. " _There_  you are. Christ, I was wondering where you ran off to." He sighed, shaking his head. He took a step forward and then paused. "Where did you go?"

"Nowhere." Ryan answered with a shrug. "Just wanted to walk, I guess."

Brendon searched his expression with concern. "I didn't realize you were gone until a minute ago." He said. That was when Ryan realized he was sober, and was mildly surprised. He had expected Brendon to let himself loose but the man had proven him wrong. Not only that, his absence hadn't gone unnoticed as he expected.

"It doesn't matter." Ryan mumbled, averting his gaze away. He was confused, in a detached sense, as to why Brendon seemed concerned.

"Um, Randy, it kinda does." Brendon's features softened. "What happened?" He asked.

Ryan didn't think he wanted to talk about how he had been seized by the urge to walk out because it had gotten too noisy and far too crowded for his preference. But when Brendon looked at him like that, eyes wide with concern, he was tempted to let him in. Yet, the fear that the man would criticize him for not being able to pretend like he was enjoying himself was keeping him from speaking.

Folding his lips together into a line, Ryan shook his head again. "Don't sweat it." He crossed his arms. "I'm fine; I have all my limbs attached and my sanity intact."

Brendon opened his mouth as if to argue, the perplexed look on his face suggesting he didn't quite believe Ryan but closed it. "Y'know what? Let's just head back." He spoke in a resolute tone.

Ryan stared at him incredulously. "What?" He glanced at the entrance of the club then at Brendon. "But what about --"

"The party's boring anyway." Brendon said airily. "And I miss my bed and my fridge." He added but Ryan wasn't convinced so he proceeded to stare him down with that stubborn look on his features.

"But won't they miss you?" Ryan asked in reference to the partygoers.

Brendon shook his head. "I'm not obligated to pretend I'm enjoying myself for others." He said.

*

The drive back to Brendon's was spent in silence although it was more of the welcome sort rather than the one that tended to spoil the mood with its unwanted awkwardness. Ryan had dozed off a few times before they reached the house. Stifling a yawn, he got out of the car as soon as Brendon parked his car in the garage. They went upstairs to their respective rooms but not before Ryan reminded Brendon to be careful when peeling off the layer of latex on his skin to avoid accidentally ripping off tiny hairs on his skin in the process.

After that, Ryan tended to himself by occupying the bathroom down the corridor. As he removed the latex that held the prosthetic spikes to his face, he kept thinking about the gentle way Brendon had spoken to him and how he had shrugged off partying when Ryan knew he was the sort who loved being the center of attention.

Scrubbing off the paint from his skin and watching it stain the water into the same dull gray-bluish color, Ryan found himself trying to decode Brendon's odd behavior. Once he was sure he was clean, he stepped out the shower and dried himself off. He returned to his room for the night.

While folding away his dirty clothes and putting them into a laundry bag, Ryan thought of checking on Brendon to make sure he got all the makeup off his skin. He got up and walked towards the room across his. The door had been left ajar but he knew better than to barge in; raising his hand, he knocked the door.

"What?" Brendon responded from inside.

"Just wondering if you're alright in there." Ryan said, hearing his own voice catch at the end of his sentence. The sound of footsteps walking towards the door could be heard from inside when the door opened, revealing a bespectacled Brendon behind it.

"Why would I not be alright?" He asked.

Ryan raised his hands in surrender. "I never said you weren't alright." He stated. "And I only wanted to check if you've gotten all the makeup off."

Brendom gestured at himself. "Is this good enough?" He asked, arching his eyebrows.

Ryan felt blood rush into his cheeks as he gave a once-over before nodding. "You're good." He affirmed, giving a tense nod and a small smile.

Brendon leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms. "I know." He said with a smirk.

Ryan couldn't help but laugh - he figured it was probably the exhaustion had gotten into his head, making him act weird. "Right." He bit his lip. "But, thanks for ... y'know, trying to help me. I really appreciate it." His voice quavered at the end. "And I'm sorry I didn't want to stay longer."

"No, Ryan, don't apologize for that." Brendon told him firmly. "You don't have to stay at a party if you're not enjoying it. Besides, it wasn't like Keyes even minded when you left. If he did, he would've hounded me over text." He paused. "And you don't have to thank me."

"It wouldn't be nice of me if I didn't." Ryan frowned. "I owe you a lot."

"You don't owe me anything."

Color flooded Ryan's cheeks but he looked away to the floor hastily so Brendon wouldn't see the flush spreading across his face. He felt confused as to why Brendon would say that - in fact, he thought Brendon had been acting strangely this night. He didn't know if he should see this as another side of Brendon that was never revealed to the public or if Brendon had eaten something odd this morning.

Drawing a shallow breath, Ryan looked to Brendon. "Why did --" He broke off with a frown.

"What?" Brendon asked.

"There's a bit of --" Ryan narrowed his eyes to make sure it wasn't his eyesight that was playing tricks on him. "A tiny bit of latex still stuck on your skin."

"Where?" Brendon appeared slightly embarrassed as he touched his forehead.

"Here, let me --" Ryan tried rubbing it off. "Could you wash the area with warm water and grab a pair of tweezers?"

"Sure." Brendon disappeared into his room for a few moments while Ryan stood awkwardly at the door. "It's fine - just come in." He heard the man say from inside. His heart skipped before he entered the room. It wasn't like he hadn't been in here before because the first time Brendon asked for a demo, it was here where he gave it - something about a vampire? He didn't have time to recall the exact details because Brendon emerged from the bathroom with a pair of tweezers, looking at him expectantly.

"It's a stubborn one. It won't peel off." Brendon muttered, displeased, as he handed Ryan the tweezers and sat down at the edge of his bed.

"Tell me if I accidentally pull your hair out or whatever." Ryan said as he ran his thumb over the latex again to loosen it before using the tweezers to remove it. He had to focus his mind on the task and not allow irrelevant details from detracting him like how close he was sitting to Brendon, how Brendon smelled and how fast his heart was beating that he could hear his pulse in his ears.

"Ow,  _watch it_."

"Sorry. Okay, I got it off." Ryan returned the tweezers to Brendon. "You're latex-free now."

"Ugh, that was bad." Brendon made a face before putting the tweezers at his dressing table. "You were asking something earlier."

"I was?"

"Yeah. Like, 'why did --' and then you saw the latex stuck --"

"Oh." Ryan's face heated. "It's nothing." He said dismissively. He could always ask Brendon that question some other time. He didn't notice Brendon regarding him with unconvinced expression.

"Don't tell me it's one of those god-awful jokes." Brendon huffed, sitting on the edge of his bed. " _Why did the chicken cross the road? Oh because she had to risk her life to eat the food like for God's sake, Johnny you're supposed to feed the hens, not hurl the food across the road_  --"

Ryan laughed. "The fuck was that?" He asked. "And no, it wasn't what I wanted to ask." He added for clarification.

"Then what did you want to ask?"

Ryan bit his lip, clasping his hands together in a nervous gesture. "Why did you even hire me to be your personal makeup artist for the set in the first place?" He asked, looking over at Brendon. "Like, you could've scouted for someone better suited for the job, with the right qualifications in special effects or something."

"Ross, it's not just special effects the whole time." Brendon pointed out. "And I preferred to have an all-rounder instead of a group specialized makeup artists. You fit the requirements" He explained.

"But what about other artists? Did you give them a chance?"

"I did. I had a list with names but I narrowed it down to five choices and gave them all equal chances." He said. When he saw Ryan's unconvinced expression, he added, "You were the first choice."

Ryan told himself he shouldn't be feeling what he was feeling right now: surprise, disbelief, a little flattery and shyness. His face had gone a slight color of red again and he was turning away so Brendon couldn't catch him blushing like a kid who has never received praise.

"Don't sell yourself short." Brendon told him. "You're great at what you do. You love what you do. I don't see why you look so embarrassed about it. I know they say modesty is an attractive trait but it's really different from putting yourself down."

"I know." Ryan sighed. "It's just ... I don't have much self-esteem." He explained. An awkward paused followed, which made Ryan feel worse because Brendon was wearing a pensive frown while looking at him.

"Do you mind if I --" Brendon was reaching out, his hand hovering near Ryan's shoulder. He seemed unsure. "I don't know how to make you feel better."

"You don't have to do that." The corners of Ryan's lips curled upwards a little. "But no, I don't mind." He felt Brendon's warm hand on his shoulder and the thoughts in his mind quieted. He was a bit surprised by Brendon's gesture but at the same time he appreciated it because the feeling of Brendon rubbing his shoulder because it calmed him down and made him feel warm all over. He didn't realize he had shut his eyes and was smiling slightly in content until Brendon stopped.

Ryan looked at Brendon, who glanced away briefly. "What's up?" He asked.

Brendon let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head before he met Ryan's curious gaze. All the smiles of his that Ryan was accustomed to was nothing compared to the one Brendon was wearing right now. There was a slight upwards curve on his mouth but what captured Ryan's attention most was how soft his gaze looked. Brendon didn't know how that smile of his made Ryan feel like he was losing his breaths and turning his insides into mush.

The hand on Ryan's shoulder slid to rest at his nape. He could barely hear anything other than his heartbeat in his chest. Brendon's touch made his head swim, the blood in his veins to ignite and his abdomen tighten for more of this. He had felt this feeling once for Brendon before, back at that night in the hotel. Suddenly, there was no room for rational thoughts - only his desire. Ryan was inching towards Brendon now, not really caring about some part of his mind was telling him to stop, make some lame excuse and leave.

Brendon's eyes, which were locked with Ryan's, flickered lower to his lips.

There was no hesitation in their movements to meet in the middle.


	31. 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut warning!! you may skip this chapter if you'd like!

Kissing Brendon while sitting next to him wasn't probably the best way to close all distance between them; their legs were pressed side by side while their upper bodies were turned to face each other's and frankly, Ryan's side was starting to cramp. So when Brendon pulled away briefly to ask if Ryan wanted to move into a more comfortable position to make out, Ryan was more than happy to jump to the offer.

" _Ross_." Brendon's voice was veiled with laughter when Ryan moved to straddle his hips.

"If you don't like this, I can move." Ryan suggested, already thinking of shifting. A faint red color flooded his cheeks when he felt Brendon's hands slide down his sides and grab the back of his thighs, helping him to move closer. Even with the layers of clothes providing the barriers between his and Brendon's skin, the friction from the movements still made Ryan feel dazed, causing hot and intense feeling to pool at his abdomen.

Brendon had his head tilted back slightly to look directly at Ryan. There was a lazy smile resting on his lips. He looked highly amused that they were now in this position. "I'm not complaining." He said, the smooth caress of his tone making Ryan shiver with anticipation. "I just think it's really hot." Brendon added in a sultry manner, wasting no time to connect his lips with Ryan's. The kisses they shared were slow and deliberate at first, molding each other's mouths together and finding slanting their faces to find the right angle to complement their positions, before they began to lose their self-control bit by bit. Somewhere along the process, Brendon's glasses ended up on the floor but none of them made a move to put it some place where it wouldn't get crushed.

Ryan had his fingers in Brendon's hair; he loved how soft they felt and how every time he'd so much as tug a little, Brendon would make an appreciative noise and let his hands inch higher up Ryan's thighs. What got his heart racing was how Brendon was giving him indications that his actions were satisfying and that he was getting rewarded for it. So Ryan kept doing this until Brendon's hands reached his ass.

Pleased that his touch was driving Ryan wild, Brendon moved his kisses away from Ryan's mouth while he slipped one hand up his shirt. He began to caress the warm skin, using the lightest pressure with his fingertips. He learned from their last hookup that Ryan loved gentle touches the most. Without fail, he managed to get Ryan to make those tiny, breathless whimpers and grind his slender hips against his body.

The heat of arousal from being stimulated from Brendon this way was pooling at Ryan's abdomen, making him hard really fast. The buildup was starting to test his self-control. He was doing all he could to relieve himself - focusing on the pressure exerted by Brendon's hard-on in between his spread legs, Brendon groping his ass, Brendon's hot breath on his skin, Brendon, Brendon, Brendon ... - but it was getting to the point that it wasn't enough. He was shameless enough to admit he wanted more.

"Brendon - stop." Ryan pleaded, his voice catching. Complying, Brendon drew away and looked up at him. His hair was sticking up in random directions where Ryan had grabbed and his lips were swollen but what caught Ryan's attention most was how blown Brendon's pupils had gotten.

"What's wrong, Ryan?" He asked, concerned. There was a small frown creasing his brow.

Ryan tucked away a random strand of hair away from Brendon's forehead; his hand was shaking slightly. "Can we please get to the part where we strip?" He sounded breathless and needy.

Brendon chuckled. "Of course." The smile he wore caused Ryan's pulse to race faster. They wasted no time stripping down. Ryan was the first to clamber onto the mattress and lie down while Brendon went to grab a bottle of lube and a foil packet.

"Do you want to top?" Brendon asked, standing by the edge of the bed. He was eyeing Ryan, not bothering to hide the carnal desire in his gaze.

Ryan shook his head, feeling his face heat up. He didn't mind the idea of him being the giver but around Brendon, he felt that he'd do better if he was on the receiving end.

Dropping the items on the bed, Brendon climbed over Ryan. He'd seen how Ryan's eyes had flashed with insecurity earlier and felt his heart constrict for the man. He thought Ryan was amazing as he was and there should be no reason he should feel any less about that. But Brendon couldn't tell Ryan about what he thought - he was afraid it might kill the mood - so he began to pepper Ryan with kisses. It was fine if Ryan didn't know what they meant but as long as he felt good, it was enough for Brendon.

Ryan was caught off-guard by the gesture but didn't complain because each time Brendon's lips touched his skin, they sent waves of warmth enough to melt him from inside. Soft moans escaped his lips as his head fell back against the pillow.

"Here." Brendon drew back, handing Ryan the bottle of lube. "Got a little carried away." He was smiling sheepishly.

"It's fine." Ryan squeezed some lube onto his hand, slicking his fingers with the liquid. He reached down and inserted his finger in his hole, making a stifled "ah" each time he pumped it in and out slowly. Once he was certain he was getting used to it, he added another finger, scissoring to stretch himself out until he was certain he could take Brendon. He removed his fingers and wiped them on the sheets, turning to look at Brendon who was wrapping his cock with a condom.

"Ryan?"

"Hm?" Ryan propped himself up on his elbows, a question resting on his features.

"How do you feel about riding me?" Brendon asked, point-blank.

"What?" Ryan stared at him, lips parted in astonishment. Heat rushed into his cheeks, turning his skin faint red. Of course he wanted to say yes. At this point, there was nothing he wanted more than penetrated by Brendon. "You'd like that?" He asked, pushing his hair back from his sweaty forehead.

"I'd love that." Brendon moved over, kissed Ryan's temple before lying down beside him.

Ryan wrapped his fingers around Brendon's dick and gave it a few pumps, although the first few tries earned him a groan and a "loosen your grip a bit, Ryan" from Brendon. Then he spread some more lube on Brendon's dick before moving to crouch over Brendon. Lining the head over his entrance, Ryan lowered himself slowly.

He let out soft gasps, focusing on his breathing while he filled himself with Brendon. The sensation was overwhelming as he'd been holding out long enough to cause pleasure to rush in his veins. And he felt so full with Brendon inside him, what with the man's dick pressing on his prostate.

"You okay there?" Brendon asked, caressing Ryan's knee while he wore a concerned frown.

Ryan nodded, placing his hands next to both sides of Brendon's body to steady himself. His skin was already flushed. Drawing a breath, he began to raise himself up and slid down; both him and Brendon had moaned. Repeating the movement, Ryan managed to find a slow rhythm, letting himself slide up and down. Beneath him, he could feel how tense Brendon's pelvic area had gotten from resisting the urge to thrust into him. "Brendon, please be gentle." Ryan said when he told Brendon he could start pushing himself into Ryan.

Brendon grunted in agreement, held Ryan by the hips and thrusted gently until he matched Ryan's pace. "Do you have any idea how hot you look?" He moaned, a lazy smirk resting on his lips as he looked at Ryan lustfully. "Fucking hell."

Ryan was biting his lip in efforts not to make a noise but it was failing because his tiny whimpers and the  _ah's_  that escaped could be heard. They found their rhythm pretty quickly but Ryan was the one keeping the rhythm, angle and depth. He looked at Brendon, whose smirk had fallen off his parted lips - he was grunting, eyes half-lidded with pleasure, and a rosy tint to his cheeks.

Ryan slowed down his pace, amazed by the effect his actions had on Brendon's pleasure. Seized by a sudden urge, he leaned down and attach his mouth with Brendon's. The kiss tasted salty and Ryan was certain he whimpered against Brendon the moment he felt fingers running through his damp hair and holding him.

They were kissing each other hungrily, without any restraint. Brendon was pushing his tongue into Ryan, tracing, while Ryan moaned into him. Brendon could feel Ryan's cock on his stomach, twitching and leaking with precum.

Ryan felt Brendon's hands starting to roam his back, traveling down his spine. The friction from the movement made him shiver against Brendon with want. "Fuck." Ryan's breathing hitched when Brendon deviated from the path down to Ryan's ass to grip his sides. Ryan sat up to look at Brendon, eyes wide and pupils blown.

Brendon still possessed the presence of mind to throw a smirk at Ryan, sending him into a daze. Even if he didn't say anything, the way he was holding Ryan's hips belied him. Bending to Brendon's will, Ryan picked up a steady but controlled pace. It was sweet kind of torture, enough to help them both build up the sensation.

Ryan didn't know how dirty he sounded to Brendon, making all those noises that tore every inch of his being down to this concentrated form of desire for only Ryan. Brendon's nails began to dig into Ryan as the pace increased, going crazy at the way Ryan moved up and down on him. Brendon was thrusting irregularly now, unable to control himself in response to the stimulation that was enough to make his vision haze.

Ryan was touching himself now, at the same time, letting himself slam down. He didn't care that he was groaning or that his strokes were becoming sloppy. Every muscle fiber within him began to tremble. "Brendon, how do you feel --"

"I'm gonna ... - fucking  _die_  if you keep this up." Brendon moaned, head falling back onto the pillow. "Keep going, Ryan. Don't stop." He said, running his hands up and down Ryan's thighs. "That's it -! Oh god, Ryan --" Brendon was barely able to form coherent sentences.

Ryan's body was fast approaching the climax. His skin was hot to the touch and flushed to a pinkish tone. He had his eyes squeezed shut but Brendon told him to open them because he wanted them to look at each other when they came. And when they did, Ryan was glad he listened to Brendon.

When Brendon reached his orgasm, his lips formed a perfect pink O, tensing right before he released. And then his whole body relaxed as he came, moaning out Ryan's name. It was the hottest thing Ryan had ever seen and it wasn't hard for him to admit that the sight made him ejaculate. His come landed on Brendon's chest and stomach.

Their movements slowed eventually, leaving them both trembling from the high. Rolling off ungracefully, Ryan crashed on the mattress next to Brendon's body on his side. Though he was feeling like everything had drained from his body, the sensation of bliss he felt was indescribable. He didn't even have the energy to lift a finger but he was perfectly content lying there limply.

Brendon got up to discard the condom before returning to lie down on his back. He was staring at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes. The flush that had crept on his skin was slowly fading away. But he was smiling like it was the best thing he'd ever experienced. He faced Ryan, staring at him with the same look that had started it all before he spending the small amount energy he had regained in the short period to turn on his side and move as close to Ryan as possible, with his arm around the man.

Ryan's pulse had quickened when he felt Brendon hold him but steadied almost right away. His chest expanded with warmth at the gesture, pulling the corners of his mouth into a smile. He placed his hand over Brendon's, unable to word how he felt about the whole thing; he didn't need to.

Brendon nuzzled into Ryan's nape, placing a kiss at the base of his neck. He was silent for a bit before he asked, "Do you need anything? Like water or -?" His fingers began to caress a pattern on Ryan's abdomen.

"Nah. I'm good." Ryan answered because Brendon holding him this way after hitting their high was all that he needed right now. He was content.


	32. 30

Ryan thought once he recovered from his orgasm, Brendon would make him leave his room but he was proven wrong when Brendon decided to give him an aftercare session, involving making him hydrate himself and then spending time cuddling. With all honesty, Ryan had never gotten this sort of treatment from anyone he'd ever hook up with, even with his exes back when he dated them, but it was a nice change.

Somewhere along the cuddles and the occasional kisses, they began to talk about anything and everything. Right now, Ryan was recounting the best memory he had, which involved him and his half-siblings pranking on his father and his stepmother when he was in middle school. "Yeah, we pretty much got grounded for it but we had no regrets." He said once he was finished telling his story. "What about you?"

"Well," Brendon looked hesitant, drawing his gaze away from Ryan's. His hand that was resting on Ryan's side withdrew as he turned to lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. "I can't really think of one right now." He admitted. "But I can think of one person I had the best memories with."

Ryan sighed, rolling over so he was laying on his stomach. Arched eyebrows, he was regarding Brendon with this sort of playful grin. "A girlfriend from high school?" He teased.

Brendon scowled at him and sneered, "You wish. But no." He sighed, pushing his fingers through his hair. "It's my sister, Lena." The name sounded familiar to Ryan, although his mind couldn't conjure up any memory where or when he'd heard of it. Brendon continued to talk. "I just miss the time when we were kids, y'know? Just us discovering cool bugs in our backyard, playing at the park in our neighborhood - quality time together." His tone was weighed with sadness and regret, which tugged on Ryan's sympathy.

Ryan wondered if they had drifted apart over time and felt sorry for Brendon. "How is she now?" He asked carefully.

Brendon turned his face and his expression caused concern to tighten painfully around Ryan's heart. "That's a story for another time." Brendon said evasively, lips folding together into a thin line. Pulling his gaze away from Ryan's curious and sympathetic one, he drew the sheets over their bodies and added, "She's gone, if you want to know. Been that way for years now."

Ryan's heart gave a small skip. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Brendon said. "It wasn't your fault."

"I bet she was an awesome sister."

Brendon gave a laugh but even that sounded sad. "She was. She really was."

Ryan bit his lip, shifting so that he was lying on his back instead of his stomach. The sides of both men's arms were brushing but none of them moved to touch the other. Letting a few seconds pass by, he turned to his side to face Brendon, who had his eyes closed as if he didn't wish to keep up the conversation anymore. And Ryan stared at him, trying to think of the right words to say to Brendon even though his sister's death had happened a long time ago and there was a possibility that he had moved on from Lena's death.

Ryan's brain had thought of something he could do and then blood rushed into his cheeks. "Hey Brendon?" He asked, voice sounding slightly higher in pitch.

"What is it?" Brendon responded, turning on his side so he was facing Ryan. Slowly, he opened his eyes with a tiny frown creasing his eyebrows.

Heart pounding in his chest, Ryan leaned forward and placed a kiss on Brendon's forehead, lingering there for a few seconds before he drew away. He smiled shyly before resting his head on the pillow. "Good night." His voice was uneven.

Brendon smiled, wearing that doe-eyed expression, when he placed a hand on Ryan's face. He traced his thumb over Ryan's cheek slowly when the corners of his mouth curled upwards. And Ryan found himself feeling breathless when Brendon returned the favor but this time kissing him fully on the lips, staying there for a few seconds before pulling away. "Good night, Ryan." He whispered.

Brendon let Ryan snuggle into him, putting his arms around Ryan so that all the space between them became nonexistent and that their bodies fitted against each other. It didn't take long until their breaths began to even out, sleep approaching with every passing second.

But just before Ryan could drift off, he remembered who Lena was and why that name was familiar.

It was the same name Brendon had called out in his sleep the first night they shared a room.

*

Ryan woke the next morning to find himself alone on Brendon's bed. Yawning, he stretched his limbs and blinked groggily. His hands reached and felt around the mattress, seeking for any traces of warmth so he could estimate when Brendon had left the bed. Unfortunately the sheets were cold except for where he lay so Brendon had probably left long ago.

Unmotivated to pull himself out of bed, Ryan laid there until he was awake enough to allow the fact that he had slept with Brendon to kick him. It wasn't as embarrassing to him as the first time although the shock that Brendon had been uncharacteristically affectionate enough to leave kisses on his skin and cuddle him was enough for him to think, "Wait, that actually happened last night?"

Sure the sex was was great but the aftercare session was really something else entirely. That and the pillow talk.

Staring up at the ceiling with disbelief resting on his features, Ryan allowed himself at least five minutes to let his brain process last night's events before he got up. He was still naked so he had to look for his clothes. For some reason, they were left at the edge of the bed, neatly folded and without a crease on him. He figured it was Brendon's work and blood crept up his cheeks - the thought of Brendon doing anything relatively nice for him felt like an illusion and Ryan wasn't sure if this was a dream or not.

Getting dressed, Ryan slipped out of the room to the guest bedroom where his things were. He packed his belongings into his bag and had just slung it over his shoulder when he turned to find Brendon standing by the door. Ryan gave a start. "Jesus --"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Brendon said apologetically. "I was going to check if you were awake." He explained with a small shrug, leaning against the doorjamb. He regarded Ryan with slightly arched eyebrows. It wasn't fair how Brendon could look so good with glasses on with his hair still endearingly tousled from last night.

"Well, I'm awake now." Ryan said lamely before biting his lip. He stared at Brendon, not at all sure of what to say. "I really appreciate that you let me stay and all but - I'll be off, I guess?" He said.

"Not without breakfast." Brendon said.

Ryan arched an eyebrow, doing his best to show that while he was grateful Brendon was offering him a meal he'd do fine on his own. That was when his stomach rumbled mutinously.

"As if I'm letting you leave with an empty stomach." Brendon said before glancing at where Ryan's abdomen would be with an adamant expression. "You can help if you want to." He added and turned to leave.

Ryan stared after him for a few moments when he sighed and went downstairs. Putting his bag down in the hallway, he entered the kitchen to find Brendon already preparing the ingredients for the meal. Feeling embarrassed, Ryan tried to persuade Brendon he'd be fine without breakfast but Brendon gave him this murderous sort of glare, outraged that he would  _ever_  suggest a thing, so Ryan backed off.

"Do you wanna help me cut some fruits?"

"Sure." Because Ryan didn't want to feel completely useless, he agreed to do it anyway. Brendon told him where he kept the fruits in the fridge and Ryan took some out. As he washed the fruits, Ryan asked, "So, do you ever get recognized by the public at wrong times?"

"What do you mean?" Brendon was busy mixing the batter for pancakes, glancing at Ryan. "Like when I don't want to be recognized?"

"Mhm."

"Sometimes." Brendon shrugged, placing the bowl he was mixing the batter in down on the counter. "But most of the people who walk up to me are really respectful. But I remember this one time I bumped into Benjy from  _Anxiety! At the Club_ , it was so awkward because the both of us were in the same aisle talking about one of our friends and this kid walks up to us and was like, 'Oh my gosh, two of my favs are right here - Mom, get the camera!'" He chuckled.

"Wow." Ryan was making slices of apple, kiwi and plum now. "But what about paparazzi?" He inquired. "Or the media."

"When they feel I am revelant, then they'll know how to find me. Otherwise, I won't be bothered. Could you pass the pan? Thanks. Anyway, yeah."

"What about now?"

Brendon made a face. "Kinda. My publicity team is relatively chill right now but once  _Nightmare Carnival_  is about to premiere then they'll start working overtime." He explained.

"Any stunts you think they have in mind?"

Brendon smirked, his eyes flickering from the stove to Ryan. "You don't have to worry about that." Brendon said although Ryan thought he heard a tiny catch in Brendon's voice. The two of them ceased their conversation after that as they were focused on the task at hand. They finished preparing breakfast after awhile and proceeded to eat at the counter.

Brendon wasn't even halfway through his meal when his phone began to rang. He wore a frown on his features when he checked the caller ID and muttered something inaudible under his breath. Excusing himself, Brendon went outside to the patio to take the call.

Ryan devoured the rest of meal and was cleaning the dishes when Brendon returned with an agitated expression whilst looking at his phone. "Is everything okay?" Ryan asked, pausing from his task to look over at Brendon.

Brendon went to the counter. "Um, yeah." He responded although Ryan knew it was a lie. "It was just Dallon informing me about the contract I signed and stuff." He said airily, walking over to the sink with his unfinished breakfast. He must've lost his appetite during the phone conversation, Ryan thought. "Publicity and whatnot." Brendon added.

Ryan bit his lip. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

Hesitation flashed in Brendon's expression when he opened his mouth to speak. "It's cool. I'll take over from here." He told Ryan.

Ryan rinsed his hands and moved aside for Brendon to take over the cleaning. He intended to leave but what could he say to Brendon for letting him stay the night? Surely a casual "thanks" won't fit and "I am deeply grateful for you letting me stay the night" was a bit over the top. God, if he gave Brendon a high-five to show his thanks he would personally lie down on the tracks and --

"So I'll see you next week?"

"Huh?" Ryan had been preoccupied with trying to figure out what to say that Brendon sounded garbled to him in his distraction.

The corner of Brendon's mouth quirked upwards in amusement. He repeated himself to Ryan before looking up at him with that smirk that made his insides liquid. "Have a good weekend, Ryan."

Ryan flushed.

*

"You're back!" As soon as Ryan locked the front door and walked into the living area, William had cheered. A smile found its way onto Ryan's face, finding his roommate at the couch on the laptop. "How was the party?" William asked, removing his glasses when Ryan dumped his bag on the floor and plopped down on the couch beside him.

Ryan felt his face heat up in embarrassment because he and Brendon left the party early so whatever exciting things that happened in their absence couldn't be recounted to an eager-looking William. "Uh, it was just wild, I guess?" Ryan shrugged nonchalantly, hoping William wouldn't press him for details. "I just met a bunch of people."

"Sounds cool." William said.

Ryan's nose wrinkled. "Not really, no. I mean, they were nice and all but like ... I dunno, I'm terrible at socializing."

William frowned. "Then how did you meet them?"

"Brendon." Ryan said almost immediately. "He just kinda put me in the conversation. Like, they wanted to talk to him because they liked his costume and he was like flaunting it before he was like 'yo, so like the dude who did my makeup is this unprepossessing person named Ryan that you all ignored because I'm here.'"

William snorted in attempts to stifle his laughter but ended up failing. "Wait he said that?"

"No." Ryan stared at him, horrified. "If he ever did that, I'd move to an island and never have human contact ever again!"

William grinned, surfing through channels on the tv before he settled for the one featuring a show where a medium was helping a person speak to a long-gone loved one. "Anyway, what was his house like?"

"Uh." The only thing that Ryan's brain could conjure up was how comfortable Brendon's bed had been with Brendon himself sleeping beside Ryan. Ryan's lips folded into a line as he shrugged. "Nice, I guess." He replied vaguely.

"Ooh, okay." William returned to typing away at his laptop.

Ryan sat there at the couch for a few more moments, watching tv before he decided to get up and unpack when there was a break for the show. And then there was news. He didn't care much for it as it was celebrity news but one thing caught his attention: when the anchorwoman mentioned Brendon's name. He didn't mean to stop and watch because whatever Brendon did wasn't his business but curiosity got the best of him. So when Sarah's name was mentioned as well, his stomach dropped.

Apparently, Brendon and Sarah were confirmed to be currently dating.


	33. 31

"Hey isn't she your friend?" William asked, slowly turning his head away from facing the screen to Ryan with a questioning look on his features. "Sarah Orzechowski?"

Ryan didn't hear what he had said, instead was standing rooted to the spot while the tv screen was showing a paparazzi's images of Sarah and Brendon hanging out together. He couldn't hear much past the sudden ringing in his ears, only muffled noise. Blinking, he tore his gaze away from the screen, picked up his bag and went to his room. Once he had the door shut and locked behind him, he dropped his bag on the bed.

Ryan had to sit down because he was starting to feel lightheaded. He didn't move for about a minute, staring at the wall while his brain processed the information. There was a perplexed frown resting on his features.

Sarah? Brendon? Dating?

A detached part of Ryan knew this was coming - after all, didn't Brendon ask him about Sarah a few times? - but it still felt like someone had sucker-punched him. He thought about what he had done with Brendon the night before, and his heart constricted with a dull ache. What had he expected out of it, really? For him and Brendon to develop emotional attachments to each other?

Squeezing his eyes shut, he lay back on the mattress and drew breaths to regain his composure. Just because him and Brendon slept together, not once but twice, didn't mean he should be expecting anything. The ache didn't go away but at least the stinging behind his eyes did.

Rolling on his side, he reached for his phone in his pocket and dialed Sarah's number. After a few rings, she picked up the phone. " _Hey, what's up?_ " She asked, sounding like she just woke up.

Ryan's heart did that painful squeezing thing again. Forcing his mind away from that feeling, he said, "I heard you and Brendon got together or something from the news." He didn't notice his voice had cracked a little at the man's name. "Congrats." He added.

Sarah began to giggle. " _Gosh, Ryan. You're making it sound like I'm getting married or something._ " She sounded amused. " _But we're cool. Me and Brendon, I mean_."

"Ah."

There was a brief pause. " _Is something up?_ " She was worried by how Ryan sounded when he gave his monosyllabic response. Usually, Ryan would've preferred to text, reserving calls if there was anything serious going on. She could hardly be blamed for being concerned about him.

"No,no. It's fine." Ryan lied. "It's ... I just miss hearing you talk. We haven't hung out properly in awhile." He added to throw her off.

" _True_." She paused. " _Anyway, remember Tyler? From the cast._ "

"Uh. Yeah?"

" _The one who was inviting us all to his cabin or something?_ "

"What about him?"

" _Just wondering if you still want to come. Tyler moved the whole thing to the somewhere in July which is in like, what, a month I think_." She said. " _Y'know, I'm sorry Brendon pressured you the other day to join us all._ "

"It's fine."

" _Really? You looked uncomfortable_."

"Must've been something I ate." Ryan said dismissively so she wouldn't press on him. "Anyway, it's alright. Sometimes, I need a little push."

" _Yeah, but not too much. Otherwise you'll break_." Sarah said.

Not wanting to continue on this discussion, Ryan asked how everything was going for her and what was happening on her side. They drew away from the topic and everything was going fine until she asked him about his family.

"Dad's sick." Ryan said. "Like, the bad kind of sick. I'm really worried because I feel like he, Lucy and my siblings, aren't telling me everything about his condition." He sighed. "And I've got to focus on the Nightmare Carnival thing, paying off bills and rent right now - it's just crazy."

" _I can't say for sure it'll get better but I'll be here for you_." Sarah said earnestly. "Seriously, I'll come right over to where you're at, bundle you so you'll become a blanket burrito and feed you soup."

Ryan couldn't help but laugh. "Sarah, I'm not sick. You don't have to feed me soup." He grinned.

" _Well, I did that for you one time_." She said stubbornly.

"That was  _ages_  ago and I was sick at that time too."

Ryan could almost imagine her rolling her eyes at him when he heard her sigh from the other end of the line. " _You know what I mean._ " She huffed. " _But seriously, call me if you need to. I'd be happy to feed you soup or bust somebody's balls if they hurt you_."

"Okay, Sarah." Ryan laughed. "See you in a couple of days."

" _Ditto, babe_." With that, he hung up the call and placed his phone on the nightstand. Shifting himself so he was now on his back, he replayed what Sarah had said to him about busting someone's balls if they had hurt him.

He was hurt, yes, but he doubted Brendon would've cared.

And he highly doubted Sarah would want to bust Brendon's balls.

*

The rest of the days Ryan had left of his short break was spent going back to his agency to help his colleagues, attend a short training course to sharpen his skills, hanging out with William; it was pretty eventful. All too soon it was time to fly out of LA to shoot for the scenes that the movie crew didn't get to film.

The reason why Ryan threw himself into doing all this was to forget about how he felt about learning that Sarah and Brendon were dating. It was partly successful because with so many things going on, they distracted him from opening the door for thoughts about Brendon to enter. Out of all the things he'd done, hanging out with William was efficient at this. Ryan liked how cheery William was and how funny he could be. There wasn't a dull time hanging out with him and Ryan was glad he agreed to stay at William's place while his apartment received maintenance.

"Don't overwork yourself, okay?" William was telling Ryan when he dropped his roommate off at the airport.

"Yeah, I won't." Ryan said. They were still in William's car, despite having arrived at the drop-off point. Popping the trunk open to retrieve his bags and shooing away William who was trying to help him Ryan said, "See you in a week."

"You too, buddy." William opened his mouth as if to say something before closing it, and smiled. He gave Ryan a meaningful pat on the back and got in his car.

Today, Ryan was traveling alone so it was a bit more stressing for him as he didn't know anyone on the flight and kept to himself the whole time. Only when reaching the hotel he'd be staying after arriving in Montana did Ryan spot someone he knew.

It was as if all the time he had spent went to a waste because after Ryan had checked into his room and turned around, Brendon was just entering the lobby. He stopped for a moment, feeling his heart contract into a small ball before expanding suddenly. Ryan made to pick up his bag and was about to make a beeline for the elevator when his eyes locked with Brendon's. He had to bite back a curse. He didn't know why he decided to wait at the side for Brendon after that, even when the man didn't ask him to.

"Hey." Brendon said, approaching Ryan after checking in to his room.

"Hi." Ryan flashed him a smile but didn't look at him. He pretended to be preoccupied something on his phone when in reality he was just randomly tapping and scrolling his way through apps. "Are you waiting for someone?" He asked.

Brendon nodded. "You." He replied.

Ryan felt his face heat up. Raising his gaze to meet Brendon's, he frowned a little. "You don't have to wait for me." His voice sounded all awkward and tense. "I'm not your roommate." He said.

"True, but you were here all by yourself even after you checked in so I assumed." Brendon paused, looking away. "Unless you were waiting for someone else?" His tone was questioning, carrying a slight hint of uncertainty.

"Yes. I mean, no." Ryan was annoyed how his mind was getting muddled up being around Brendon. He didn't experience this effect back then so why was it happening now? He realized he'd been silent for too long so he cleared his throat and picked up his bag. "Let's go." He said.

The whole thing - walking to the elevator, waiting for it arrive, and the way up to their respective floors - was awkward. The two men didn't utter a word to each other, except when Ryan asked Brendon what floor he was staying so he could press the button. But that was that. No more exchanges. It was like they were complete strangers. What had happened between them didn't exist. They couldn't even look at each other in the eye for more than a few seconds.

Ryan hated it and he wondered if Brendon did too. It was hard to tell because he was looking the corner of his eye in attempts to Brendon's mood. Pulling his gaze away, he turned his focus on the display above the doors and tried to think about unpacking and lying down on the comfortable hotel bed. But it didn't work and the moment the elevator dinged and opened its doors when it arrived on Brendon's floor, his attention yanked towards Brendon again.

Ryan's heart had skipped a beat and was pounding in his chest. He remembered wanting to say something to Brendon but it'd been so awkward earlier that he'd forgotten. And now Brendon was saying, "See ya," leaving the elevator and Ryan was opening his mouth to speak but the doors began to close.

The words he was going to release sank back, settling with a weight in Ryan's chest.

*

Ryan and Brendon hardly talked to each other for the whole week, their conversations limited to Ryan giving instructions to Brendon on what he should bear in mind while his makeup was on. Whenever it was time to apply Brendon's makeup, Ryan noticed he was on his phone more than usual and avoided any eye contact - Ryan had to keep reminding him to keep his chin up so Ryan wouldn't have to slouch and strain his back.

One would've thought Ryan didn't mind that Brendon was less prone to making complaints but that was untrue on Ryan's part. He minded how quiet Brendon was now because it was uncharacteristic of the actor to be like that. He missed how Brendon would look at him as if he was curious about seeing what Ryan was doing, even if Ryan had done it many times before. He wished Brendon would more than just give a curt thank-you and rushing out of the trailer that was shared with Spencer and Tyler.

Ryan told himself not to care too much; he had to keep everything professional and he blamed himself for feeling this way because if it hadn't been for him exercising work ethics properly he wouldn't be in this situation.

Some tabloid reporters managed to track down the set's location and were asking for access so they could have their ostensible 'exclusive look' but everyone knew they just wanted a scoop from Brendon and Sarah's relationship. On that matter, Ryan did his best not to let the fact that Sarah and Brendon were getting closer each day get to his head. Everyone adored them but Ryan mainly kept a tight-lipped smile that was enough to pass off as a polite one whenever someone started gossiping about his best friend's relationship. He'd always leave the conversation.

It was on the last day of this week's filming period when he was cleaning up the kit in the trailer when Spencer came up to him. Ryan was fine with Spencer, he thought the guy was a friendly and nice, but there wasn't much familiarity between the two.

Tyler and Brendon were still outside, filming for their parts in the movie and Spencer could've joined just for moral support but he stayed in the trailer with Ryan. He even offered to help out, which was a bit strange because he never did but Ryan was grateful for it. They even started a conversation about the demon cult scene they had to film the night before when Spencer looked like he wanted to ask something, wearing that hesitant look on his features.

"So," he began while Ryan packed up the kit. "Do you mind if I ask you a question?" He inquired.

"Not at all." Ryan said as he set the makeup kit aside, locking the case. "What is it you want to know?"

Spencer was smoothing his thumb over his knuckles repeatedly, almost like a habitual gesture he wasn't entirely aware of doing. "Do you know what's up with Brendon?" He asked out of the blue.

Ryan hoped Spencer didn't catch his reaction because his eyes had widened slightly in surprise for a fraction of a second before he furrowed his brows in efforts to hide it. "What about him?" His tone was careful, wary even.

Spencer shrugged, pursing his lips. "I dunno. He's been acting a bit  _off_  lately." He said. "Like, the other day me, Dallon and him were hanging out at my place and he was awfully quiet the whole time, which was ridiculous because we were watching  _The Nightmare Before Christmas_  and he'd always be the one singing along but he looked like he wasn't enjoying himself and he didn't even want to touch his pizza --" Spencer broke off then gave Ryan an apologetic smile. "Sorry, it's just ... I'm worried about my buddy. I thought you'd have noticed and asked him about it - maybe gotten an answer from him." He added.

There was a faint flush of color on Ryan's cheeks as he drew away from Spencer's curious blue-eyed gaze to the window; coincidentally enough, Brendon was outside talking to the the directors with a coffee cup in his hand. To Ryan, he looked fine while interacting with others but around Ryan it was a different thing altogether.

Maybe Spencer had noticed the change in Brendon's behavior around Ryan; it was likely because Spencer had hung around in the trailer a few times while Ryan was working on Brendon. It must've been worried him a lot to want to check on his friend through Ryan.

Ryan stared at Brendon for a few moments and there was felt that dull ache he'd grown familiar with over the past few days stir in his chest. With a sigh, he shook his head and turned to face Spencer. All traces of what he was thinking earlier wiped away from his features, leaving behind a placid expression. "I'm sorry, but you're asking the wrong person." He told Spencer. "You could try asking Sarah." He suggested because how could he help Spencer if he didn't know what was going on with Brendon? Surely, Sarah would know.

Spencer sighed, resting his chin on his hand. "I could." His tone sounded halfhearted. Tapping his fingers on the table to a rhythm for a few seconds, he pursed his lips then raised his gaze to Ryan's. "I hope you don't mind if I ask you something again." He said.

"Yeah?" Ryan had gone back to glancing out the window to see if Brendon was still outside but he only saw Gerard with a cat in his arms, showing the feline around. He looked at Spencer and arched an eyebrow.

Spencer was hesitant to speak at first. "Is there something going on between you and Brendon?" He asked.

Ryan's heart did a slow flip in his chest. Before he had a chance to answer, potentially saving his skin by denying and shrugging it off, the trailer door opened and someone entered. Ryan glanced over his shoulder to see who it was, finding the person Spencer was asking him about. His heart did that flipping thing again, except this time the feeling was more intense. He turned away and suddenly became more interested in the chipping black polish on his thumbnail that Sarah had painted the other day out of boredom.

"Still here?" Brendon sounded apathetic as he walked past the booth where Ryan and Spencer were seated in towards the back of the trailer.

"Apparently so." Spencer replied.

"Cool. I just came to grab my stuff." Brendon reappeared from the back and was shouldering his backpack. He was careful to avoid looking at Ryan directly and instead was regarding Spencer with arched eyebrows. "I'm off to grab dinner. Wanna come with?" He asked.

"Sure thing." Spencer moved to get up but not before he turned to Ryan and said, "Do you wanna join us?"

Both Ryan and Brendon opened their mouths at the same time as if they wanted to say something, looked at each other and thought better of what they wanted to say. Brendon had gone back to keeping his gaze on Spencer, his lips folded into a thin line while Ryan was caught in between wanting to decline the offer and the prospect of tagging along with people he was familiar with so he didn't have to eat his meal all by himself in some corner of a fast-food joint.

"Okay, cool."

*

The three of them had returned to the hotel to freshen up before heading out for dinner. Ryan was now downstairs in the lobby, waiting for both Spencer and Brendon. Initially he wanted to ask Jon to tag along but Jon was asleep by the time he has arrived for some unknown reason.

William had sent a couple of memes so Ryan was scrolling through them, smiling at his screen and trying not to burst in laughter at how ridiculous some of them were. He didn't notice when Brendon sat walked out from the elevator to wait with him so it was a bit embarrassing for him when he looked up, with that silly grin on his face to find a serious-faced Brendon near him. Ryan's smile diminished immediately, leaving an awkward sort of expression behind.

Not wanting to be rude, he pocketed his phone and inclined his head in greeting at Brendon. "Hi." Ryan said.

"Hey." Brendon responded.

They didn't say anything to each other for the next ten seconds after that exchange.

"So, any idea where we're going?" Ryan asked, trying to get rid of the tension that was rapidly thickening in the air around them.

"Nope. Not a clue." Brendon crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. He glanced at Ryan. "Who were you texting?" He asked.

"William." Ryan answered and immediately regretted it because he caught Brendon's expression sour in a split-second. "He was just sending me some memes he found." He added, though why he felt the need to explain himself he didn't know.

"Huh."

"What about you?" Ryan asked, in hoped to steer the topic of conversation away before it got messy. "What's up?"

"Nothing much. Just tired, I guess." Brendon replied, sounding dismissive. He looked down at his feet momentarily before looking at Ryan. A mask of hesitation was resting on his features as he considered his next words carefully. Drawing a breath, he said, "Listen, I wanted to tell --"

Whatever it was he wanted to tell was lost when he broke off the moment Spencer arrived, who was oblivious to the tension running thick between Brendon and Ryan. He seemed to be in a good mood, which further confirmed he was blissfully ignorant to the earlier situation. "Y'all ready to go?" He asked. "'Cause I totally am."

Brendon scoffed, rolling his eyes though it was more out of amusement than annoyance. "Yeah, sure." He said with a grin. The three of them headed towards the exit but Ryan trailed a little behind.

What did Brendon want to say before Spencer came along?


	34. 32

Whether it was a conscious effort or not, the energy Spencer used to make them all socialize with one another would've been well spent some other time because Brendon and Ryan could barely look at each other in the eye and hold a conversation. Ryan didn't intend for tonight's mood to be spoilt but with recent circumstances it was near impossible. Whatever Brendon wanted to say earlier, Ryan had a feeling he'd probably have to wait a long time before Brendon would remember to pull him to one side and tell him what he wanted to say.

Speculating admittedly wasn't the best thing Ryan should be doing because a detached part of him was showing disapproval at some of the possible things he thought of that Brendon would say when given the chance. Sure, some of them were highly unrealistic but there at least one or two that sounded plausible. Still, speculating made him feel nervous so he told himself to focus on the present rather than overthink the past.

After dinner, Spencer was craving for iced coffee and since neither Brendon nor Ryan had anywhere to be, they followed him without complaint. They went to some coffee shop nearby but as Ryan wasn't in the mood for caffeine in case the stuff made him stay awake the whole night, he waited outside.

Being by himself was like a breath of fresh air. The tension stemming from the awkwardness between him and Brendon had made him feel stifled the whole time. Tucking his cold hands in the pockets of his hoodie, Ryan enjoyed his own company for about a precious minute when he heard the door of the coffee shop open, setting off the tinkling sound of the bell. It wasn't like he had eyes at the back of his head but he had a distinct feeling of knowing who that person was without any sign whatsoever other than his gut.

Ryan was proven right when he looked to his side and found Brendon standing beside him. He felt his heart squeeze with a slight ache in his chest but turned his face away quickly before Brendon could catch his expression. Ryan was pestered by the nagging curiosity of wanting to know what Brendon wanted to tell him. With some amount of hesitation, he looked sidelong at Brendon again. "I hope you don't mind me asking but ..." Ryan paused, "What was it you wanted to tell me earlier?"

Brendon was staring off into space with unseeing eyes, giving the impression that he was most likely not in the present. But when he answered, his voice was clear and devoid of any confusion one would have if they were to hear a question while they were distracted. "Oh, you wanted to know?" It didn't sound sarcastic, which was a surprise to Ryan, in fact Brendon sounded a bit taken aback. He turned to look at Ryan, eyebrows arched.

Ryan nodded, his lips folding into a thin line. "You kinda left me hanging earlier but it must've been something, I dunno, sorta important?" He said, words starting to spill out. "But it's cool if you don't feel like telling me now because I could always --"

"Ryan."

Ryan shut up immediately, red creeping up his cheeks. He didn't even bother to take note that Brendon didn't call him Randy for whatever reason.

Brendon glanced down at the sidewalk before looking at him. With the light provided by a nearby streetlamp, shadows played across his features, accentuating all the angles in his face. It was difficult for Ryan to gauge how the man was feeling at the moment. "I was saying if you wanted to, I dunno, give me the kind of threat-slash-talk that best friends do like telling me to be good about Sarah --"

"What?" Out of all the things Ryan had speculated, this was not something he had foreseen. He stared at Brendon with an incredulous frown. "Threat-slash-talk?" He repeated. "In what world would I threat-slash-talk to you about Sarah?"

"This one?"

Ryan looked away from Brendon, shaking his head. Though disappointment was weighed heavily on his insides, a tiny part of him was relieved he wasn't right about all the possibilities of what Brendon wanted to say he thought of earlier. "I can't threaten you into being good to Sarah nor can I talk to you about how to be good to Sarah. You should know that yourself." He didn't mean to but belatedly he realized how exasperated he sounded.

Brendon shrugged, pursing his lips. "You'd be surprised to know I've been threatened by one of my exes brothers to be good to her back then so what's to say you won't do that even though you seem like the softest guy I know."

The moment Brendon ended his sentence, there was a strange sensation of Ryan's chest expanding with warmth and constricting with an ache at the same time. "Stop that." He said.

Brendon arched an eyebrow. "Stop what?" He asked.

Ryan wasn't looking at Brendon and neither did he want to right now. He shook his head, folding his lips into a thin line as he put his hands in his pockets. "I don't want hear what you think about me." He said.

"You being the softest guy I know?"

"Yes. Please don't." Ryan's voice had gone uneven at the end. "I don't want to hear it." He added.

Brendon stared at him with an unreadable expression for a few moments before he looked down at the ground. "Fine." He said. "Whatever George Ryan Ross The Third wants."

The ache in Ryan's chest expanded, making him hurt more from the fact that Brendon remembered his full name. He didn't say anything, instead he was hoping Spencer would hurry up with his iced coffee because if Ryan had to spend another second around Brendon feeling this way, he was certain he'd up and go. It was awful and he couldn't stand it.

Music to his ears was the tinkling sound of the bell from inside, indicating someone had exited from the shop. Ryan glanced over his shoulder to find Spencer, wearing a sheepish grin, before the guy launched into an apology for making them wait. Then Spencer stopped, alternating looks between Ryan and Brendon with a confused arch of his eyebrows. But he didn't ask any difficult questions and Ryan would rather he keep it that way.

*

Ryan was glad he was off-duty the following week. He had enough of running around the set after Brendon to make sure the actor didn't mess his make up too much at the same time suffer from feeling awkward around Brendon every single time.

Back in LA, Ryan had a productive time. He returned to his agency to fill in on jobs and help some of his colleagues out, paid off his bills and even got some downtime with William by playing video games.

He was in the middle of beating William in a round of Tekken when his phone vibrated and emitted the sound specific for anything from Sarah. Thinking it was important, he excused himself and checked his notifications. There was a text from Sarah inviting him to catch the latest sci-fi flick tonight.

 _Bring your friend too, if he wants tag along 😉😏_ , the last sentence of the text read. Ryan could feel heat rising to his cheeks as he knew what Sarah meant. Ryan glanced to his side at William, who was humming along to a video game song - Super Mario? - and patting his thighs to the song when William noticed Ryan was looking at him. He arched his eyebrows questioningly. "Too loud?" He asked, referring to his humming.

Ryan shook his head, smiling to himself in amusement. Tapping his fingers on the back of his phone, he looked at William once more. "Do you have any plans tonight?" He inquired, hearing his voice quaver slightly at the end.

William looked surprised. "Me? Oh." He let out a short laugh. "No, not really unless you count binge-watching  _Rick and Morty_ , but yeah, what do you have in mind?"

"We could go catch a movie." Ryan said then named the title of the movie. "Actually, Sarah wanted to watch it but she told me I could bring someone with me so I just - I thought you might be up for --"

"Totally." William replied before clearing his throat. "I mean, yes, that sounds cool."

Ryan arched an eyebrow but was amused by William's reaction. "Okay, cool. I'll tell her you're coming along and I'll get the details on what time the movie is starting." He said and began to text Sarah. After hitting Send, she went online almost immediately, read his message and replied to him.

😏😏

With a sigh, he replied:

 _It's_   _just William_  🤦🙄💁

And then Sarah responded with this:

_"Just William."_

At that point, Ryan gave up on trying to stop her from teasing and asked her when the movie would start and where they should meet up.

If only he had asked who else was going to watch with them otherwise he would've been prepared.

*

Brendon. That was who Sarah decided to bring.

Ryan shouldn't feel surprised because he was her boyfriend now and it only made sense he came along but at the same time he wished Sarah asked either Meagan or Crystal, both of which were her closer friends, instead. But since the universe wasn't a wish-granting machine, he told himself not to ruin the night for everyone with the tension between him and Brendon.

"Sweet popcorn?" Sarah was staring at Brendon as they waited in line at the concession stand. "I like sweet stuff but I could never stand eating those." She shuddered. Ryan knew that fact, of course, which was why they never shared popcorn unless it was movie night at her place and their popcorn was unflavored.

"Hey, sweet popcorn is the best!" Brendon protested but laughed. Ryan wasn't certain on how to feel that he felt the same way about sweet popcorn as Brendon did.

Instead of taking note of how close Sarah and Brendon were standing together, Ryan turned to William who was trying to read off the overhead menu. "What are you getting?" Ryan asked.

"I'm not a popcorn kind of guy." William said. "Jesus Christ, I've forgotten how expensive the snacks they sell can get." He muttered under his breath, shaking his head. "I think I'll pass. But what do you want to get?" He asked.

"Sweet popcorn." Ryan said, hoping Brendon was too engaged in the conversation with Sarah regarding snacks to have heard what he said. "Y'know, I feel kinda bad that I'm making you wait in line with me." He told William.

The corners of William's mouth had turned upwards even though he rolled his eyes at Ryan. "I'm just waiting here because I want to, not because you're making me." He said amusedly. "Also, I get to talk to you." He added cheekily.

Ryan couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head. He nudged William and William nudged him back. "Oh, shut up." Ryan said but was grinning like an idiot.

They went to the theater afterwards. The place was really dark save for the strips of light that showed them where the seats were located. As the four of them looked for their row, Ryan couldn't help but think about remember Brendon saying he hated the dark. Of course, he could care less but he gave in to the tiny urge of checking how Brendon was feeling by looking at the man's outline, trying to see if there was any indication that Brendon felt uncomfortable.

Ryan couldn't discern anything though if there were any signs, it was too dark to see. Then again, he figured he was probably overthinking because he hadn't considered the possibility that Brendon hated the dark if he was going to sleep. He nearly stepped on someone's toes thinking about this so he told himself to stop.

He had planned to sit as far away as possible from Brendon but then he ended up sitting in between Brendon and William. Not wanting to make it obvious or fuss about it, he stayed put and told himself that he shouldn't let this inconvenience stop him from enjoying himself.

*

"That character deserved more development." William was saying after the movie. "I mean the whole thing was great but they deserved better." He added.

"True." Ryan nodded. Apparently Brendon was on his best behavior and didn't bother Ryan in any direct way so Ryan managed to put most of his attention on the movie than fret over how unfortunate it was that he was sitting in between Brendon and William. After the movie, Ryan was feeling tired so William suggested they go back to his apartment instead of hanging out some more with Brendon and Sarah.

Ryan and William were in a parking lot right now that was mostly empty at the moment. As they made their way to William's car, Ryan turned to look at William and said, "So, did you enjoy yourself?"

"Obviously." The corners of William's eyes crinkled. "It was great. Thanks for giving me a reason to get out of the apartment." He laughed, the kind of mirth that made Ryan's heart expand with warmth. They were getting into William's car now when he added, "I really appreciate it."

Ryan grinned, shaking his head in amusement as he sat in the front passenger's seat, buckling his seatbelt. "Will, I get it." He said.

William nodded and faced Ryan for a few moments. "Yeah, I - um, I just wanted to ... I mean --" It was too dark to see but Ryan had a distinct feeling William face was flushing.

"What is it?" Ryan asked.

"Good question." William let out a tiny laugh, one that sounded nervous because it made his voice crack a little, when he leaned towards Ryan slightly. Ryan's heart began to pound because he knew what William was about to do. So he leaned in a little bit but it was William who made it all the way.

At first, the kiss was a brief but it was Ryan who placed his hand on William's face and kissed back. Their lips molded easily with each other. The kisses were slow, soft and gentle, the way Ryan liked, but he couldn't help but feel like it was lacking something. No, William wasn't a bad kisser and Ryan was certain he himself wasn't but ... --

Confusion hit him square in the head.

All of a sudden, Ryan thought of Brendon, everything and anything about him. And it sucked because Ryan liked the way William kissed him but at the same time he couldn't fully accept that he was kissing someone other than Brendon. He must've been worse than he thought, feeling hung up about Brendon, who probably couldn't care about how he felt right now because Brendon had Sarah. And here Ryan was leading William on when he drew back, feeling guilt crush him.

William didn't notice anything wrong because Ryan covered up quickly by smiling at him, releasing a shaky laugh Ryan hoped would pass as a nervous chuckle.

"Yeah, I think I should probably start driving." William voice had gone a bit higher in pitch that usual. He was fumbling with his keys when he was trying to start the ignition. There was a silly grin plastered on his face, which stayed there on the way back to the apartment.

Ryan felt terrible.


	35. 33

Ryan had expected the next morning to be filled with awkward exchanges before he and William went to work. Much to his relief, William didn't act weird around him and so he didn't do the same around William. One thing he noticed was different was William was in a brighter mood than usual.

Ryan was checking his work email the next morning when William came into the kitchen. It wasn't unusual to see him with pillow hair although the beaming smile he wore was - usually he would give a tired looking smile and then act like a zombie until he had his coffee. "Hey." Ryan greeted, looking over his laptop at his roommate. "Why so cheery?"

"Good morning." William replied, helping himself to breakfast. "I'm a physical manifestation of a ball of sunshine, that's why." He did a finger gun gesture with his free hand as he poured milk into a bowl of cereal. Grabbing a spoon from the drawer, he went to sit at the table even though there was a perfectly empty seat beside Ryan. William carried on eating his breakfast without saying anything at first. Then he said, "Listen, Ryan. There's something I wanted to let you know."

Ryan, who was moving the cursor around the laptop screen aimlessly, turned to face William. He had been bracing himself for this since he woke up this morning. He had wondered why he didn't read the signs sooner back in bed and now that he was faced with the possibility of William confessing hidden feelings, Ryan felt nervous. His heart felt like it was constantly throwing itself against his ribcage in efforts to break free, causing the sound of its beat to heard all the way to his ears. Ryan did his best not to show it by looking at William with a near impassive expression but on hindsight it probably wasn't the best choice.

William looked nervous as well, looking down at his loosely curled fist on the table. If anything, he looked a bit pale. He looked up, met Ryan's eyes and offered a faint smile. "So." He let out a shaky laugh, making Ryan laugh as well. William cleared his throat, nodding. "Yeah, about last night ..." He regarded Ryan, whose cheeks were flushing the same way as his was.

"Yeah." Ryan responded lamely.

"I just wanted to say that was not the situation I pictured in my head, not that I didn't like it - the kiss was great but --" He stopped in midsentence to take a breath. "I mean I should've asked before I kissed you."

"Asked?" Ryan echoed in confusion. If he had a dollar every time he guessed something wrong, he'd probably be able to pay off his bills.

"Consent." William jabbed his finger in the air dramatically. "And I was thinking it should've been a date, like one-on-one." His voice was slightly uneven.

"Oh."

William's ears turned pink. "But I'm really sorry if I overstepped some boundaries --"

"It's fine. We're cool." Ryan assured with a good-natured wave of his hand. He went back to cleaning up his inbox, hoping William's apology would silence the tiny nagging voice at the back of his head that's been going, "But what about Brendon?" since last night. It didn't but Ryan wished it did.

*

Ryan would rather chop off his left foot than to admit he missed having Brendon talk to him, even if it was just to complain about about miniscule details of his work. Ever since the news tha Brendon and Sarah were dating, Ryan and Brendon's interactions were minimal and even their lack of communication at times made Tyler and Spencer, who shared trailers with Brendon, rather uncomfortable.

Ryan knew he'd be better off moving on, to William perhaps as he knew his roommate was interested in him, but every single time he tried to make himself like William, the image of Brendon always seemed to burrow its way into his mind and demand for his attention. A part of Ryan hated how, despite knowing Brendon for a short span of time, he had gotten this worryingly infatuated with the actor. He was stuck in a dead-end and it sucked.

The closest thing to a breakthrough he and Brendon had was when Sarah kinda broke down after filming for the day - not like the catatonic break-down-in-tears kind but more like she went to a corner and just stared off with tears threatening to spill in her eyes. Ryan had noticed her acting was off that day and thought it was due to the fact that the cast had been up till late last night to film a couple of scenes.

Right after the take was over he hurried over to the corner where Sarah was look for her but Lynn, who had no idea what was going on because she just arrived on set, said she had returned to her trailer. So Ryan went there, peered into a window and saw Sarah wiping tears off her face furiously, then knocked on the window.

Sarah gave a start, looking alarmed and worried, when she saw Ryan at the window. Her shoulders seemed to relax visibly when she forced a smile and waved at him. He wasn't fooled by it. "Let me in?" He mouthed, hoping she'd understand, while pointing to the his left where the door was located.

Sarah waved her hand dismissively, to which Ryan responded with a "Please?" before she gave in. He went to the door just as it opened and was about to ask what was wrong when she beckoned him inside without a word. He obliged by entering.

The interior of the trailer was neater than the one Ryan had to work in that was shared with Brendon, Tyler and Spencer. The place smelled faintly of perfume. there were a few photos tacked up on one of the mirrors where the actors were supposed to get made up by their artists - that one was obviously Sarah's because he saw his face there. Music was playing softly somewhere in the trailer.

Sarah didn't say anything, instead sat down at a booth and dabbed her face with a tissue. Ryan sat down across her without a word, reached for her hand and enclosed it in his. He patted her hand for reassurance. She smiled at him thankfully, sniffling, before scrunching up the damp tissue.

"I'm here for you." Ryan said gently, giving her hand a tiny reassuring squeeze. He waited a few moments until she felt better before asking, "Do you want me to sing our friendship songs to make you feel better?"

Sarah's voice cracked a little when she laughed but she seemed to cheer up a little from his suggestion. "You're so not singing the guacamole song." Her eyes were shining but they weren't mainly from her tears anymore.

"I am  _so_  gonna sing it."

"I hate that song." Sarah said but the corners of her lips were curving upwards higher. "Don't sing it."

"That's not what you said last week."

"I could've changed friendship song preferences!" Sarah laughed again and her voice didn't crack this time.

"Do you want the shrimp song?" Ryan offered in an innocent tone.

"I want the 'It's time to stop, George Ryan Ross The Third!' song." She said.

Ryan snickered. "That's not one of our friendship songs." He wore an expression of mock surprise, eyes wide and lips parted while he had one of his hands on his chest.

"It is, and I've been making demos of it." Sarah bragged, pretending to be haughty and reproachful of Ryan's ignorance. "It'll top the charts and make it to America's Top 40 next week. And then I'll make a whole album and it'll reach platinum in two weeks." Then she proceeded to sing a song that was composed of terrible rhymes and alliteration - and awful beatboxing on Ryan's part - until they broke into a fit of laughter.

Although Ryan was highly amused by her attempt, he was relieved he managed to lighten her spirits and make her feel better. And Sarah looked grateful too because she was smiling at him the way someone would when they were thankful for a person's efforts. At least she wasn't faking it this time.

"I didn't mean to start crying just now," Sarah began, looking up at Ryan from her clasped hands. "I try not to let it get to me but, y'know, with stress and all --" She broke off. "I've been getting hate messages on social media." She said.

A frown immediately formed on Ryan's features. He stared at her, lips parted in disbelief, before he began to splutter. "Hate messages? How could anyone hate on you?" His voice had taken on incredulous tone that made his pitch rise a little. "You're like the sweetest and kindest person I know! You're a freaking goddess who deserves all the love and happiness in the world."

Sarah had pulled out her phone while shaking her head. "I dunno. It's just ... ever since --"

"Is it because of Brendon?" He demanded.

"Well, it's not really his fault per se - more like the people who worship him?" She pushed her phone over to Ryan on one of the notification pages of her social media app; some of them came from her recent post but most were from Brendon's post that she was tagged in from last week.

_i_ _dont_ _even know what_   **thebrendonurie**   _sees in u_   _um u_ _dont_ _deserve him_  😩

_ew_ _you look like your trying too hard_

_can u fix ur face u look like a rat_

 

_ugh that's the_ _bitch_ _you're dating? gross_ _i'm unstanning_

_honey, you could do so much better than_   **heysarah**   _she needs to back the_ _fuck_ _up_

 _i bet_   **notdallonweekes**   _camera broke after taking this_

 _hey_   **thebrendonurie**   _i dont understand you_.  **heysarah**   _lovely where?  😒💁_

Ryan's face turned red in anger. His pulse was loud in his ears as he scrolled through more and more of these comments until he felt like reaching into the virtual world and punching these people. Instead, he drew a breath and set the phone down and met Sarah's eyes. He could see why she felt beaten down and she didn't deserve to receive all these kinds of comments.

It was like high school all over again when some jealous person spread rumors about Sarah and all she got was people ostracizing her for baseless reasons.

"I'm really tempted to clap back at these people." Ryan said. "Seriously, you don't deserve to be hated just because of some random guy you're dating."

"That some random guy is Brendon."

"I know but who cares? Why should they comment this - this shit when they could do something more productive and beneficial?" Ryan was ranting. "Like, I dunno, make and edit memes or something? These people seriously need to  _grow up_! Jeez, you sure you don't want me to attack these people?" His face had gone this alarming shade of red that even Sarah had forgotten that it was her who was the victim of hate messages that she became more concerned that Ryan might start punching a window or something.

"Ryan, it's fine." She tried to say, reaching over and placing her hand on his but Ryan was already pulling out his phone and looking at hers and Brendon's post. Sarah had to chide him a few times but not before he had responded to a few of hater. His clap backs weren't good but if he had to let them know what they were doing was wrong, he wouldn't mind getting the message across.

"Do you think Brendon can put a stop to this?" Ryan asked after Sarah had wrenched his phone away so he'd stop replying to haters.

Sarah gave him an incredulous frown. "What?"

"Like, tell them to stop or something."

"Ryan, just let it be --"

"I mean they worship him anyway so I bet they'll eat it all up --"

"I don't think it works that way because --" Whatever Sarah wanted to say was lost when the trailer door opened. She craned her head to see who it was, widening her eyes when she recognized the person before she forced a smile on her face. "Hey Brendon." She said a little too cheerily to be plausible.

Before Ryan heard Brendon reply, he had gotten up and walked right over to the door where the actor stood. The next sequence of events would be the most direct thing Ryan had done to interact with Brendon.

Grabbing Brendon by the arm, Ryan said, "I'll be borrowing your boyfriend for a bit," before he began pushing the man out of the trailer.

"Ow, ow! I'm  _going_  - !" Brendon smacked Ryan's hand away with a scowl. "What the fuck do you want?" He snapped when Ryan told him to walk a bit further away from Sarah's trailer.

Ryan said nothing until he decided they were far enough not to be overheard or watched by Sarah that she'd know what he was up to. He turned to face Brendon, who was trailing after him like an unwilling child, complete with the petulant scowl and crossed arms. "Tell them to stop." Ryan said

The deep frown on Brendon's face turned into an expression of confusion. "Tell who?" He asked warily.

"Those immature fans of yours who keep hating on Sarah!" Ryan snapped. "She doesn't deserve all that negativity." He argued, pissed that Brendon wasn't whipping out his phone so fast that his wrist would dislocate and start telling all of Sarah's haters to back off.

"Ryan, it's only been barely a month since we started dating --"

" _Brendon_." Ryan glared admonishingly that Brendon faltered. "You were expecting the threat-slash-talk that I'd be giving you to be good to Sarah, weren't you? So this is it now." His voice was shaking. "Isn't this what you  _want_?"

Had Ryan been in a calmer mood, he would have been a bit nicer to Brendon - not that he should be nicer since Brendon barely even talked to him these days - and maybe Brendon would've cooperated. Ryan wouldn't have lost his temper and perhaps he wouldn't regret getting angry at Brendon for something the man couldn't entirely control.

But there Brendon was, with that stubborn set of his jaws and smoldering gaze, staring back at him. "Seriously, Randy?" His voice, despite how pissed he seemed, sounded cool and nearly disinterested.

Ryan's heartbeat began to slow as the heat burning in his veins subsided. Realization coming in piece by piece, he was suddenly aware of how out of character he'd been acting and felt embarrassed that Brendon had to see him in this state. Cheeks flushing red, he dropped his gaze away from Brendon's, feeling ashamed, before he said, "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to yell at you. I - I just lost my cool."

Brendon said nothing for a few seconds, which made Ryan feel worse. "Clearly." He responded.

"I just don't want my best friend to get hurt because of you." Ryan said. "Well, not directly because of you but because --"

"Of the whole package that comes with dating me." Brendon finished wearily, as if this was a sentence he was familiar with. "I know. This isn't the first time it's happened." He said, confirming Ryan's suspicions. Sighing, he dropped his gaze to the ground with an unreadable expression on his face. It was a long moment before Brendon spoke again.

"I'll do something about it. I'll tell them off." Brendon told Ryan. "And I'll give Sarah a pep talk while I'm at it - make sure that she stops listening to their negativity." He looked at Ryan for a long moment, not even breaking eye contact when Ryan looked back at him. "Don't worry; I'll do it for her."

Even if Brendon sounded sincere about promising to do all that stuff for Sarah's sake, Ryan couldn't help but feel that wasn't exactly the case.


	36. 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so i guess only for this chapter i'll be using some of the gifs i had on the wattpad version of this story.

Ryan shouldn't feel surprised that Brendon fulfilled his promise so quickly but he was glad Brendon stayed true to his words. The following day after he talked to Brendon, the man had started a livestream to tell the haters off - Ryan knew because Brendon told him so right before he went live.

Ryan could've watched it later during the day because he was busy. Busy as in he and William were playing against each other on Tekken and William had already won two rounds more than he did. But Ryan was taking a break - his thumbs were sore - when he received the message from Brendon and an Instagram notification that Brendon had started a livestream.

"Hey, is it cool if I quit playing?" Ryan asked William, who had entered to kitchen to grab a glass of water.

"Sure thing, frenderino." William responded good-naturedly. Despite showing interest in Ryan, William didn't push his feelings on Ryan, which was great because Ryan didn't even know his feelings and was still in the process of sorting things out in his head and heart. No, he was  _definitely_  not hung up over Brendon and he wasn't going to  _leap_  at William simply because his roomate seemed to like him. Ryan wanted to be on neutral ground for now and circumstances weren't pushing him to make any decisions. Yet.

"Something came up?" William asked curiously as Ryan passed by the lounge from the kitchen.

"Something like that." Ryan answered before entering his room. Closing the door behind him, he turned his attention back to his screen where Brendon was talking about Daisy, the border collie/welsh corgi puppy he looked after.

At first it was simply Brendon answering simple questions and reading funny comments - even telling awful knock knock jokes - when twenty minutes or so into the stream did he start talking about Sarah. The questions regarding her had been popping up here and there in the comments since the start but as the number of viewers grew, so did the number of times the question was asked.

" _It seems that everyone here is interested in knowing about Sarah._ " Brendon was saying while comments ranging from 'FUCK YES' to 'EAT ME OUT DADDY' popped onto the stream. " _Well, if y'all insist, I'll talk about her then. Shoutout to her by the way - she just joined the livestream_."

Ryan never considered himself as anyone thirsty for drama but listening to the subtle change in Brendon's tone he became familiar with from working with the actor, he knew Brendon was about to do something dramatic. A small expectant smile curled the corners of Ryan's mouth.

" _Now, about Sarah Orzechowski, who is one of the best human beings I've ever met_." Brendon began and Ryan clicked the button on his phone to increase the volume a bit. When a flurry of comments came in, Brendon grinned. " _I swear, she's the most underrated actor I've ever met on the industry, the sweetest person I've come to know - I could go on and on all day about this amazing person and I wouldn't even finish_.

" _But recently I've noticed not everybody feels the same way as I do. And I don't blame them because they don't know what she's like in person the way I do_." He said. " _Some of you are admire her, which is great because she deserves all the appreciation in the world, but some of us are plain rude to her. Ooh, big shocker there, right? Cue the ironic clapping emojis for these people._

" _Obviously, I don't really have the time to check all my notifications but I have noticed some people leaving hate on some of my posts with her and her posts. Okay, but to all her haters, you don't know her. So it isn't right for you to go judging someone and being rude to them just because they're dating me, or anyone you want to be with for that matter. It just makes you look sad and you're not gonna make any progress. If you have nothing nice to say, keep it. Nobody asked for your opinion anyway._ "

Ryan couldn't help it but he was grinning in satisfaction, entertained by the sassy way Brendon spoke in the livestream. He tapped the screen to see the comments and there were most people saying 'PREACH' to 'YOU TELL THEM, FATHER'. Now that Ryan saw to Brendon keeping his promise, he left the livestream and closed the app.

He couldn't stop smiling.

*

"It's not too late to ask William to come along with us, y'know?" Sarah was saying as she sat on Ryan's bed, watching him pack. "Tyler doesn't mind if you bring friends along."

Ryan was holding up an old Anxiety! At the Club t-shirt. He frowned at Sarah before tossing the shirt on his bag; he'd fold it up and pack it properly later. "Sarah, the trip's, like what, tomorrow. I don't think he's the type to just drop everything he's planning for the weekend just for me." Ryan said in a reasonable tone despite having slight doubts about his claim. "Besides, that would be scary."

"Okay but he likes you." That was Sarah's counter argument.

"Yeah, but what kind of person would do what I just said --"

"But he  _likes_  you." Sarah repeated, placing emphasis on the word. It seemed like she was doing so she'd convince Ryan to suddenly drop the two pairs of sneakers he was deciding to bring with him, rush over to William's room and ask him whether was up to the idea of staying at a lodge in the forest for a few days with the cast of  _Nightmare Carnival_. Maybe in her head but definitely not in reality. Sure, William liked him but Ryan trusted he had enough wits not to be that kind of person.

Ryan sighed in exasperation, turning around from the closet to face his best friend, who was wearing the silliest smirk on her face. "Don't make write the 'It's Time to Stop, Sarah Orzechowski' song." He warned and Sarah became unable to contain herself.

"You are seriously the worst at threatening someone!" Sarah said in between laughs.

"I'll make an album of it! And I'll sell more copies than you did!"

Sarah, still laughing, picked up a lone sock lying on Ryan's mattress and flung it at him; it landed on his face the moment he opened his mouth. Spluttering and red-faced in embarrassment, Ryan removed the sock and exhaled in exasperation.

"It was just a suggestion." Sarah grinned, getting up from the bed and giving him an affectionate pat on his cheek. "No need to take it like that unless you want me to ask him for you."

"Ugh, how do I cancel my subscription to the Sarah Orzechowski channel?"

"You  _can't_  and you  _won't_."

"Well, do you think Brendon would drop everything just for you on a short notice?" Ryan asked.

Sarah's smile faltered slightly. "Now, now, Ryan." Her tone had lost half the amount of mirth it had earlier.

Ryan sighed, resting his head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry - I'm just stressed about this trip." He mumbled. He was tempted to say, "And I don't want to see how Brendon would react if I bring William along," but kept silent instead. It was already bad enough that he had developed the  _tiniest_  bit of feelings for her boyfriend and was doing a terrible job of ridding them, even if he had tried his best. No point bringing out Brendon's petty side, answering William's awkward questions (should that happen) and ruining the mood for everyone.

All because of how complicated his love life was.

Not to mention he'd let Sarah down if all that happened. His social life might be ruined too. Then he'd have to consider befriending his unfriendly landlady. Or maybe adopt a dog, move out of LA and probably fall off the grid.

Whenever he thought of his situation, sometimes he wondered where his self-respect had ran off to when he started catching feelings for Brendon.

"Stressed?" Sarah's voice broke into his thoughts, sounding confused. "Why would you be stressed?" She asked.

"Because I like your boyfriend but at the same time I want to run myself over with a snowmobile to spare myself from ruining our friendship but mostly because I don't want to have any awkward moments around him!" Ryan nearly said that. He was so close to saying that. Had his tongue slipped, that plan of falling off the grid would've became a reality.

Instead he offered a weak smile and answered, "Everyone there has some kind of status in Hollywood while I'm just ... me, I guess."

Sarah's baffled frown softened. "No, don't say that. And don't you worry about the Hollywood status crap. Everyone will be pretty much normal people during the stay so it's completely fine to act like yourself. Besides, it's really likely that you'll see everyone looking like their not-so-fabulous selves."

Ryan couldn't help but laugh. "Not you."  _And Brendon_ , he wanted to add but he was glad he smiled instead of talking.

"Oh shush." Sarah glanced at his bag that lay unzipped on his chair, with piles of randomly selected clothes tossed over it, then at the floor where most of Ryan's clothes lay. "Now what do you say we help get your stuff packed and clean up your room too?"

"I'm not five, Sarah." Ryan said but was grateful for the help anyway. He went to folding his clothes while Sarah sorted them into two neat piles: one to be packed for the weekend trip and the other to stored in the closet.

As they worked on their tasks, Sarah said, "I'm sorry if I kinda pissed you off by pestering you to ask William to tag along. It's just ... I thought you were a bit too shy to give him a chance. That, and you're moving back to yours next week, right?"

"Yeah." Ryan was packing his clothes now. "It's not that I'm shy or that I don't like William that way - I'm --" he risked a glance at Sarah, who had her back turned on him. His heart was pounding, accelerating the flow of anxiousness in his bloodstream. "I'm just hung up over someone and I don't want William to be a rebound for me - he's too nice for that." He braced himself for her reaction.

Sarah's head whipped towards his direction with a genuine expression of shock on her features. "Who  _is_  this person? I demand to know their identity." She did that weird walking-with-knees thing over to Ryan, wearing that ridiculous. "Who is this person my best friend has had his eyes on?"

Ryan's face reddened, causing Sarah's smirk to grow wider and resemble the Lenny face. Brendon fucking Urie, Hollywood's heartthrob, part-time model, full-time actor, also known as Sarah Orzechowski's boyfriend by the media. She didn't have to know he liked Brendon; it wss best if she never found out about it.

"Just some guy from work." Ryan replied, hoping the crack in his voice would make him sound shy and not like he was lying through his teeth.

"Jon?"

It took all of Ryan's willpower not to let his features belie him otherwise Sarah would keep guessing until he cracked and she would eventually find out who he had caught feelings for. "Mhm." Ryan wanted to punch himself for lying.

" _Aye_." She reached for her pocket and casually slid a pack of gum. "Tell me the details."

Because Ryan was so tense around this topic, it got to his head and he laughed louder than he should have. He hated to think he'd have to lie again so he tried to find an excuse to make her leave. He checked the clock and said, "It's late and as much as I want to you to stay, I think it's better if you go home and take all the alone time you need."

*

It took all of Ryan's willpower not to turn to Sarah with a look that was a mixture of betrayal and disbelief when they neared her car in the parking lot. "Doesn't he have his  _own_  car?" He could hear how sullen his tone sounded.

"Oh don't be silly. The paps recognize his license plate so we agreed to use my car instead." Sarah said as she popped the trunk open so Ryan could put his bag. "It'd be such a hassle to deal with them following us around anyway."

She had came to the apartment earlier to pick him up and he was expecting the ride to the airport to be just her and him - he'd been planning to come clean and admit his feelings about Brendon - but seeing the actor waiting in the front passenger's seat gave his determination a huge hit in the gut, causing it to keel over and die.

"Yeah, but --" Ryan couldn't think of any argument so he shut up. As he got into the car, he did his best not to stare at Brendon's shoulder from the back and said, "Hey, Brendon."

"Yo." Brendon responded whilst Sarah started the ignition. "How's it going?"

"Good." Ryan lied as he buckled his seatbelt. To his relief, Brendon didn't try to talk to him after that brief exchange. While Sarah kept up the chatter with Brendon, Ryan did his best to distract himself from listening to their conversation by texting with his family. Even with the news that his father was getting a bit better everyday with the new treatment, a part of his mind picked up words from Brendon and Sarah every once in awhile.

"How long do you think it'll take?"

"Dunno. Until the hype passes."

Frowning, Ryan glanced up from the sad chihuahua meme one of the triplets posted on the family group chat to Brendon and Sarah. He waited to hear if they'd say anything more but the topic had changed to a discussion over whether Dumbledore or Gandalf would win in a magic duel. Suppressing the urge to sigh loudly in annoyance, Ryan went back to reading the texts from his family's group chats.

And the ride all the way to the airport was when Ryan knew why being a third-wheeler sucked.

*

Ryan was kinda glad he still hadn't developed the ability to fall asleep on a plane otherwise he wouldn't have had a conversation with Brendon.

Ryan, Sarah and Brendon were seated in the same row; Sarah occupied the window seat, Ryan had the aisle seat while Brendon sat in between of them.

At some point, Sarah had fallen asleep where as Ryan and Brendon remained awake, minding their own businesses rather than talk to each other. At first, Ryan did his best to pretend he wasn't feeling awkward sitting this close to Brendon. He coped by reading the in-flight magazine a few times, always coming back to the page about Hawaiian getaways.

"I'm part Hawaiian." Brendon said all of sudden. Ryan hadn't realized he'd been keeping track of the number of times Ryan had been reading the same page again and again.

Ryan looked over at Brendon with a curious expression. "Oh, okay." He didn't know what to say. "I saw your livestream by the way." He digressed.

"I know." Brendon said. "I saw your username pop up."

"Yeah ..." Ryan closed the magazine and placed it on his lap. "Thanks for, y'know --" he did an awkward wave of his hand to make up for the sudden brain fart that was hindering him from finding what he wanted to say.

"The livestream? Yeah, no probs." Brendon responded before his lips folded into a line. There was a thoughtful expression on his features before he looked at Ryan for a few moments. "Are you excited for later?"

Ryan's lips folded together. "Kinda, I guess. I don't really know anyone. Besides you and Sarah."

"Remember what I told you about pretending everyone's your long lost friend?"

Ryan couldn't help but snort softly at Brendon's suggestion.

"Don't snort at it: it's my golden advice." Brendon gave him a mildly offended glare.

"Okay, yes. It kinda helps." Ryan grinned. "Thanks for your advice, by the way."

Brendon smiled in a self-satisfied manner. "You're welcome."

There was a brief moment of silence that involved Ryan looking away to the floor while his finger traced idly over his wrist and Brendon shooting hesitant glances at him every now and then.

"Ryan?"

"Hm?"

"There's something you gotta know." Brendon began slowly as if he didn't want Ryan to miss any of the words he was saying. "And, um, please hear me out?" He said, voice shaking a bit at the end.

Ryan felt slightly worried about how this was going to turn out but nevertheless he faced Brendon. "Go on." He urged. His heart was pounding in his chest.

Brendon bit his lip. "I hope whatever misunderstanding we had before will clear up after this." His gaze leveled with Ryan's. If anything, Brendon seemed tense. "I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for being ... how I am to you."

"What?"

"I mean, you're a nice person and you'd probably do better without me being a bit rude, I guess, to you in the first place. And you definitely didn't deserve to be screwed by me too."

Ryan stared at him.

Brendon's cheeks went red. "Look, I'm really trying my best to make a heartfelt apology because I feel like I was never nice to you in the ways that  _count_. I just ... I really --"

"What's happening?" Sarah said groggily, apparently woken up by Brendon's voice. Ryan loved her but in that moment he was tempted to tell her go back to sleep so that he could hear the rest of whatever Brendon wanted to say.

"Nothing." Brendon said and Ryan wished he didn't. Because to Ryan, it really seemed like whatever he wanted to say meant something.


	37. 35

The first thing Ryan thought about the Josephs family lodge was 'Is there service in this area?' Not completely missing the fact that, yes, there was a perfect view of the forest valley, greenery, and nature in general when they arrived, but it was far enough from civilization that Ryan was concerned he might be unreachable to his family and friends.

"Did Tyler mention anything about this place being out of the coverage area?" Brendon asked when he stepped out of the van, holding his phone high in attempts to fill the empty bars. "I don't think I'll be able to survive."

"A couple of days of being unplugged won't kill you." Sarah laughed. "Besides, the nearest town's like a half hour drive - you won't die."

"Yeah, but what if people think I'm dead? My publicity team would be all over me again." Brendon huffed.

Ryan stepped out of the van, thanking the driver for bringing them here before paying him off. He then helped Sarah and Brendon to unload their belongings from the van before they made their way towards the lodge.

It looked like the kind of place you'd find on postcards with lumberjacks giving a thumbs-up in the background. The lodge was two stories high and had a cozy feel to its appearance. The only thing Ryan was concerned was whether it was a fire hazard or not since the exterior of the structure appeared to be built out of wood.

Ryan glanced at Sarah and found she was wearing the same expression as he was. "Well, let's hope we don't accidentally set the whole place on fire." She mumbled.

"Don't jinx it, babe." Brendon said from behind the two of them. He squeezed through the gap between them - Ryan and  Sarah moved away from each other promptly - before walking all the way to the lodge's front door.

Ryan tried his best to ignore the sudden clenching feeling in his chest while Sarah simply turned red and cleared her throat awkwardly. The two friends exchanged looks before following Brendon. By the time they reached the front door, Tyler had opened it and was greeting Brendon. "Glad y'all could make it." Tyler smiled at the group of three before letting them in.

As they removed their shoes by the door and put on indoor slippers, Tyler showed them around the inside, which thankfully wasn't completely made out of wood. "The rooms are upstairs but since the rest came really earlier than you three did, I think one of you has to share a room with one of the others." Tyler was saying while he brought them to the lounge, then the kitchen before the stairs. "I planned some of our activities for the next few days, which I pinned to the tiny board on the fridge but if y'all wanna do anything else or stay in it's cool."

A chorus of thanks rose from Sarah, Brendon and Ryan before they climbed the stairs. When they reached the top of the stairs, Sarah glanced at Brendon beside her then at Ryan and said, "So, anyone wants to share a room with the --"

The sound of footsteps approaching from them cut her off when a familiar man appeared at the hallway; Ryan recognized Dallon. "Oh, I thought I heard people downstairs." He grinned at the group. "So, anyone wants to be my roommate?" He asked without preamble.

"Didn't you come here with Spencer?" Brendon said with a slight frown.

"Yeah, but he ditched me for Linda." Dallon sighed before looking at the both of Brendon and Sarah then at Ryan. There was a tiny quirk of his lips as if he knew something they didn't. "Anyway, I'm guessing maybe you and Sarah want some alone time," he said with a wink at Brendon, "So, I think Ryan's a willing volunteer, yes?"

"Uh." Ryan pressed his lips together, glancing from Brendon and Sarah to Dallon. There was no way Brendon would want to spend a few nights with Ryan - he had Sarah. Sarah was his girlfriend so it made sense that he'd want to spend it with her.  What's Ryan to Brendon anyway? Other than, a personal makeup artist and a two-time fuck, Ryan was certain he didn't really mean much to Brendon. And it should probably be kept that way, Ryan told himself for the hundredth time, to avoid any kind of future complications. He needed to keep that in mind, especially with Brendon being Sarah's boyfriend now. Ryan knew he shouldn't mess things up for his best friend.

Pulling his gaze away from Brendon's, Ryan agreed to share a room Dallon. He tried to ignore the tiny aching sensation in his chest as he turned away and followed after Dallon. They passed by a few rooms, each of their doors with a small chalkboard hung up and names written on them, before they reached the room at the end of the hallway. On its door, the chalkboard had  _Dallon_  written in chicken scratch - Ryan had expected Dallon to have cursive and pretty handwriting.

"I'll just write your name on the board and you unpack or whatever, okay?" Dallon offered.

"Yeah, sure." Ryan entered the room but not before he threw a quick glance at what Dallon was writing on the board - he cringed inwardly at Dallon's handwriting.

The interior of the room sort of reminded him of a dorm. There were two single beds and a nightstand in between them. Tiny wardrobes for each person stood at the sides of the room. The walls were devoid of any sort of decoration except for the picture of a picturesque mountain range that was probably a stock image hung on the wall facing the beds.

Ryan claimed the bed closest to the door as the one by the window was taken by Dallon, evident from the strange assortment of sweaters thrown over the mattress. Placing his bag on the floor, Ryan flopped onto his bed with a sigh and shut his eyes for a few moments. He could hear Dallon passing by him before the sound of a bed frame creaking followed.

"Where's everyone, by the way?" Ryan asked.

"I think they all went out to explore." Dallon replied. "I don't blame them. It's quite pretty up here and they kinda brought along their dates."

"Who?"

"Spence and Linda, Lynn and Lexie, , then you have Brendon and Sarah ..." Dallon trailed off. "I think Tyler invited Jenna along but she couldn't come over - anyway, it's just you, me and Tyler who didn't bring dates along."

Ryan immediately thought of William then suddenly felt bad for it because that would mean Dallon and Tyler would be the only ones who would have to be date-less on this trip. "Well, there's nothing wrong with being single." Ryan opened his eyes and looked over at Dallon.

"True." Dallon responded as he held up a unicorn patterned sweater. "I hope you don't mind me asking but how are you?"

"Huh?" Ryan hadn't expected Dallon to ask such a generic question. "Fine. Why?" He asked with a small confused frown.

Dallon shrugged although the gesture, to Ryan, seemed to stiff to be considered nonchalant. "Just trying to start a conversation." He admitted and Ryan felt bad for doubting him.

"Just, stuff." Ryan mumbled. He glanced at Dallon then away before back again when he decided to say, "I'm moving back to my apartment next week. Also things have been a bit ...  _hectic_."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Ryan shook his head.

Dallon's eyebrows had been arched questioningly but they lowered into an expression of concern. "Well, if you need someone to talk to --" he pointed at himself. "Yeah? Take it easy, alright?" The reassuring tone he used made Ryan want to talk about Brendon.

He wanted to lessen the burden of his secret but Dallon was Brendon's PA and what's to say Dallon won't scorn him for having feelings for someone who was unattainable? Or maybe let slip to Brendon? The amount of things that could go wrong silence Ryan.

Either Dallon was a telepathic person or that Ryan's features belied his thoughts because Dallon was saying, "Don't worry. I won't judge or tell anyone about it if you don't want me to."

"Thanks." Ryan said, feeling slightly uncomfortable that Dallon could read him so well. Pressing his lips together and putting on a tight smile, he got out of bed and left the room.

*

There were times loneliness wasn't so bad and one of those times was now when Ryan walked along a trail in the forest, appreciating the beauty of nature and the absence of a companion. A part of him was hoping he wouldn't run into anyone as he wanted time to himself.

Dallon's words echoed softly in his thoughts which could still be heard over the sound of the fast-flowing stream he had stumbled on when he wandered off the trail. He was sitting on a rock, watching the water flow when he thought about Brendon.

Yes, Ryan's had his share of unrequited feelings but Brendon was on a different level altogether; there were times when he did look at Ryan in a way that suggested he did feel something for Ryan but at other times he was closed off. The latter occurred more often these days and it did frustrate Ryan because he had no experience whatsoever dealing with it. Even worse, Google couldn't help him and it wasn't like he could simply ask anyone - what if he accidentally said it had anything to do with Brendon?

It was like wandering through a familiar room that was dark but right when you reach for where you think the light switch would be located, you realize it's not there and you're left feeling disoriented and confused.

And then there was that bit when Brendon apologized him during their flight earlier. It drove him mad that he never got to hear the rest of whatever Brendon wanted to tell him and now he was stuck sulking by the stream.

If only he could delete his feelings for Brendon and start developing some for William, who obviously liked him.

"Ryan?"

Ryan's pulse had skipped hearing his name. His head swiveled to glance over his shoulder. The person turned out to be Sarah, and for some reason, his spirits dipped further down.

"Hey." Forcing a smile, he beckoned her over and scooted aside to make space for her.

Sarah sat beside him and wrapped an arm around him; he was grateful for this. "You okay?" She asked, rubbing his shoulder.

"Yeah." If only Ryan's voice hadn't cracked and had sounded firm, Sarah would've believed him.

A small crease formed on her brow as she regarded her best friend with concern. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Do I look that troubled?"

Sarah gave an apologetic look. "Kinda."

"Oh."

"But it's fine. Probably just not my day today, y'know?" He said, shrugging it off in hopes that Sarah wouldn't ask him any difficult questions. "Anyway, what about you? I thought you were with Brendon."

Sarah drew her gaze away from Ryan's, her lips pressed together into a smile that he presumed was a fake. "I can't possibly be stuck to him all the time, can I? We gotta leave some room to breathe." She said. "Nah, he was talking to Spencer and I didn't know how to fit in the conversation so I kinda left."

Ryan frowned. "What were they talking about?"

"Dinner." Sarah said. "Somehow they thought we might have to start hunting for our own food and roast it at the fire tonight because we're in the wilderness or something. Then they started worrying because they said they have zero survival skills." She explained with a laugh.

"What's it like dating him?"

"Hm? Brendon? Oh, well ..." Sarah shrugged while shaking her head. "Surreal is one way to put it. I really don't know how to describe it, to be honest, but he's a nice person and he's really sweet. It's just --" she broke off with a tiny frown, snapping her fingers as she tried her hardest to find a word to help her explain. "I'm trying to get used to the whole on and offscreen thing."

"Oh."

Sarah glanced at him. "But I like him."

Something about her statement didn't sit well with Ryan; it was either the water was too loud that he must've heard her tone wrong or that was jealousy making him want to jump at every opportunity to prove something to himself. He wanted so badly to believe in the former. The universe forbid him to let any kind of negative feeling tear his friendship with Sarah.

Sarah picked a random pebble from the ground and rolled it over repeatedly in her palm. There was a thoughtful expression on her face. "I kinda heard what you and Brendon were talking about on the plane."

Some part of Ryan died from shock. His heart had skipped painfully in his chest. Forcing his features into a neutral one, he faced Sarah and mustered his calmest voice. "Which part?"

"Just the bit about him wanting to be nice to you in the ways that count before I kinda decided to ask what was going on." Sarah shot him an apologetic look. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

"Oh. He was just kinda mean to me sometimes when we started working." When Ryan saw her frown, he added, "I said kinda, not like, the petty kind of mean. I promise it's nothing serious."

 _Apart from the fact that he hurts my feelings, sometimes without knowing_ , Ryan thought.

"Really?"

"Really."

Sarah's lips pressed together into a thin line before she tossed the pebble into the river. "Good, because he can't be hurting your feelings while he's dating me. I'd chop off his head and hang it on a pike."

Ryan could only give her a strained laugh in response before he suggested returning to the lodge. They bumped into Brendon on the way back, finding him and Spencer in the midst of a conversation. The moment Ryan's eyes met Brendon all he could think of was, "What did you want to tell me?" when he drew his gaze away from Brendon's. It was painful to look at him, especially when Brendon wrapped his arm around Sarah and the two of them walked ahead, leaving Ryan and Spencer trailing after them.

Having unrequited feelings sucked.


	38. 36

Later that night some time after dinner, Tyler called everyone outside so they could sit around the campfire and bond with each other. He even went through the trouble of bringing along a guitar, a harmonica and even a tambourine so they could all play music together while they were at it.

"I think we should stick with the s'mores." Spencer said when Tyler tried to make Lynn play the harmonica, which was the worst decision ever because Ryan was certain he almost lost his hearing when she played.

"S'mores it is then." Tyler said although Ryan caught the tiniest expression of hurt on his features. He began breaking out his bag of full of snacks and shared it with everyone.

The s'mores making session soon became a competition on who could roast a marshmallow perfectly and Ryan burnt his at least twice and the last time he gave it a go, the whole thing went in flames so he was convinced the gods of marshmallow roasting hated him. Now, he let the others compete with one another while he made s'mores out of the marshmallows everyone else roasted with Dallon. It was amusing to hear them banter too.

"We've officially ran out of marshmallows." Ryan informed the group after he checked the bag.

"And we have made a shit ton of s'mores." Dallon added. "Anyone want some?" A chorus of agreement rose from the group and both him and Ryan passed the s'mores around. Once the s'mores had been all eaten, Tyler was more than happy to bring out the musical instruments again - he kept the harmonica to himself - and made everyone sing the campfire song.

Ryan got the tambourine but he had no sense of rhythm so he ended up exchanging the tambourine with Spencer for the guitar.

"That's a pretty ukelele." Tyler told Brendon, who had returned from the house to grab his musical instrument. When Ryan looked at Brendon, he felt a pang in his chest as he was reminded of when Brendon played the ukelele in their shared hotel room.

"Thanks. It's been mine for a couple of years." Brendon threw a quick glance at Ryan but the other man had turned his gaze to the guitar he was holding.

"So, what are you gonna play?" Penny, Lynn's girlfriend, asked.

"Not sure yet." Brendon strummed the ukelele a few times. The firelight flickered off his features, creating the play of shadows over the lines of his face. "Any requests?"

"Twenty Two Airplanes." Dallon requested, throwing his hand up so fast he would've hit Ryan in the face if Ryan hadn't turned to pass a s'more to Linda, who turned out to be his colleague from work. "Play Can't Help Falling In Love."

As if his name had been called, Ryan's head turned towards Dallon's direction before he faced Brendon's. The song Dallon had asked for was the first song Ryan had ever heard Brendon play. He could still remember the actor scowling at him when he got the title of the song wrong; the memory filled his chest with longing aches, which made him aware that he missed hearing Brendon sing. Hastily, Ryan pushed the feeling away and made himself focus on something else, like Sarah who seemed to be interested on poking at something on the ground with her stick.

"That's a cover." Tyler corrected Dallon with a sigh.

"Oh." Dallon let out a small guilty laugh and shrugged. "Play the cover then." He said.

Brendon rolled his eyes and strummed a few chords on his ukelele when he stopped. Ryan couldn't help but notice that he looked self-conscious all of a sudden. When their gazes met, Ryan pulled his gaze quickly to Brendon's fingers resting on the strings of his ukelele. Inwardly, he cursed himself for staring too long.

"Maybe some other song?" Brendon asked everyone else.

"How about we tell each other scary stories?" Lynn suggested. "No campfire experience would be complete without it, right?"

"Yeah, I think that would be better." Brendon agreed right away and began to put his ukelele down.

"You don't wanna sing?" Spencer frowned slightly at his friend, confused. "I thought --"

"Nope." Brendon answered immediately, clasping his hands together. He regarded everyone with an excited smile but to Ryan, it looked rather strained - or maybe it was the firelight playing off the lines of Brendon's features. "I like scary stories better." He said.

As no one could decide amongst themselves on who should go first, Tyler halfheartedly volunteered. His story was about an experience he had with a supposed 'bogeyman' whom Tyler had believed a fraction of his childhood to have under his bed. He recounted a few times the bogeyman had disturbed him. It made for an interesting tale but it was hardly anything that would keep Ryan up for hours.

The next one was Spencer, who recounted a friend's story about a haunted college dorm she used to live in. And then it was Linda's turn, and she talked about how she used to have sleep paralysis and often woke to see a strange woman at the foot of her bed staring at her. At this point, Ryan wondered if it was too late to excuse himself to the bathroom, not because he was scared shitless but because his stomach was hurting when Linda finished her story and it was his turn.

"It's your turn." Dallon prompted, giving a nudge with his elbow at Ryan. His eyes were wide and his grin was huge with excitement.

"Sorry, but I'm not feeling too good." Ryan mumbled. "I think I have to hit the sack for the night." He added.

Sarah began to get up, looking worried for Ryan. "If you want, I could go up with you --"

"It's fine." Ryan waved her off. With a guilty smile at everyone, he excused himself and went back inside. He regretted stuffing himself at dinner a couple of hours ago but Tyler's food tasted really good.

Walking to his room, he went to grab a box indigestion tablets from his bag before going to the kitchen. As he dissolved some tablets in a glass of water, he thought about Brendon's reaction when Dallon requested for 'Can't Help Falling In Love.' Ryan found it rather odd that Brendon didn't want to play it, seeming to have lost his confidence. Was it because he didn't like to sing in front of people? No, that wasn't true, Ryan thought, because he recalled Brendon belting out tunes with his friends on set during breaks. It couldn't possibly be because everyone at the campfire was looking at him that time - Ryan knew Brendon thrived on attention.

So what was the issues here?

He didn't realize the tablet in the glass of water in his hand had completely dissolved the whole time he was staring blankly at it. Making a noise of self-exasperation, he drained the glass before washing it off and heading back to his room. He didn't bother shutting the door as he climbed into bed and laid there for awhile.

He scrolled through his phone looking at memes William sent him that was stored in his camera roll - sadly, he wasn't fortunate enough to find service. Ryan kept burping under his breath; he was grateful no one was in the room with him, otherwise they would've been mildly disgusted. While he was silently laughing at a Spongebob meme, he heard a soft knock on the door. Closing his phone, he sat up to see who it was.

Just as he was about to greet the person at the door, he burped. "Sorry." Ryan wouldn't have felt so embarrassed of himself had it not been Brendon at door.

"No need to apologize." Brendon said dismissively. Leaning against the doorjamb, he peered around the room, not with any interest but just to sweep his eyes over the scene. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah." Ryan answered. "Do you wanna come in and talk or something?"

Brendon shrugged but he walked in and sat on Dallon's bed. He picked away at a loose thread on the sheets.

Ryan bit his lip, pushing away his covers before shifting so he was seated facing Brendon. After a few moments of hesitation, he said, "Remember on the plane, there was something you wanted to say?"

"Huh?" Brendon looked at him. "Oh, yeah. Yes, I ... think I said what I wanted to say."

"No, I mean - right before Sarah woke up." Ryan said, hoping Brendon hadn't forgotten it entirely. "You were about to say something to me and then --" he looked at Brendon with arched eyebrows when he let out a sigh. "Never mind if you don't --"

"I remember." Brendon cut Ryan off. He drew a breath, pursed his lips and nodded. In Ryan's opinion, he looked a little nervous from the way he tapped his foot on the floor a few times with his eyes looking away from Ryan's.

Ryan waited. "So ... what was it?" He asked, giving in to curiosity that was prodding away at him demanding him to find out whatever Brendon wanted to say. Perhaps it'd been his imagination but Ryan thought he saw Brendon's face go slightly pink.

"Oh, I ... didn't think you wanted to hear the rest of it, honestly." A part of Ryan was starting to be exasperated Brendon was stalling time. But then again, if he didn't want to tell Ryan, it was completely his own choice and Ryan shouldn't be holding it against him. But then Brendon began to purse his lips again, looking nervous for some reason, and said, "I just thought you've been relatively nice to me and all and I think you deserve to be treated better."

Ryan knew that. Of course he did because Brendon had told him - why on earth was Brendon beating around the bush?

"Yeah, and --" Brendon cleared his throat, still not looking at Ryan. "And I think maybe it's better if I should stop ... stop doing what I do to you all the time. Like, say all those stuff that kinda hurts your feelings. I don't mean to, just so you know but like --"

Ryan wasn't certain if he should be touched Brendon was elaborating on why he felt like apologizing or concerned that Brendon kept cutting off, turning red, and looking at him before looking away as if there was something about him that bothered Brendon.

"I only said all those stuff or acted the way I did because I don't know how to express myself properly around you." Brendon said. "I'm just not very good with words. I know, I seem confident and very good at speaking but it's because everything has been prepared for me beforehand. But around you, it's different. It's not like in the movies where I know what to say and how to act to make people swoon. Around you, it's like I'm walking blindly through a forest without a guide. I have no bearings whatsoever and it scares me. And being scared makes me act all weird."

Ryan didn't know what to make out of what Brendon was saying because he was rambling and not really answering the questions that kept popping in Ryan's head.

"So what are you trying to say, really?" He asked when Brendon gave up trying to explain himself.

"God-fucking-dammit." Brendon swore audibly in a huff. "It's you. Okay? I act like a bumbling idiot because I like you a lot more than I should."

  
It probably wasn't the best response Ryan could come up with but he was at a loss of words - not to mention he'd been quiet for too long - when he said, "Oh.  _Oh_."


	39. 37

Ryan wasn't one to be able to respond appropriately when a person would declare their feelings to him. He could only stare at Brendon, moments after he gave his unappealing monosyllabic response, before he said, "I mean, I honestly don't know how to react."

Brendon's lips pursed together as he drew his gaze away from Ryan's to his clasped hands. He let out a mirthless chuckle. "Yeah, it's no biggie - let's be real. It's not like I can expect anything spectacular to happen from this, right?" Despite his attempt to play it off, Ryan could hear the slight tremble in his tone.

Brendon cleared his throat and gave Ryan a smile, the kind that made Ryan's insides melt into warmth, and got up. As he was walking out of the room, he placed a hand on Ryan's shoulder and uttered, "Good night," before he left.

Ryan couldn't help but look over to see if Brendon would look back at him - he even didn't know why he secretly wanted Brendon to do this - but his heart rose and fell as he watched Brendon disappear out of sight. He stared the corridor for a few moments, hoping, before he let out a sigh and laid back on the mattress.

He let his mind replay over Brendon's words in his mind until he became familiar in the tone and way Brendon spoke but no longer the words themselves.

 _But he has Sarah_ , He thought.  _He should be declaring his feelings to her. Not me. Who am I to him, anyway? Who --_  Ryan rolled over and tried his best to block out his thoughts by shutting his pillow over his ears. Of course it never worked but it wouldn't hurt to try, right?

*

Came one in the morning and Ryan was barely able to get more than a wink of sleep. His mind had been running, never stopping even though he wanted it to, and it was tiring because he needed energy the next day to go rafting with everybody else.

He was considering going outside for a walk to clear his mind - probably scream into the wilderness to release his frustration - the door creaked open. As he had his back facing the door, he didn't know who it was who entered; his insides did a nervous little flip with the hope that it wasn't person that had been running through his mind. He remained very still, listening to the footsteps when Dallon came into view, carrying with him the scent of campfire smoke.

Ryan exhaled in relief, rolling over. "Thank god." He muttered.

"You haven't slept yet?" Dallon sounded surprised.

"Nah."

"What gives?" Dallon's eyebrows had arched. "Hold on, lemme go and have a quick shower. I stink." After having said that, he excused himself and disappeared from the room with a towel and a spare change of clothes.

While waiting, Ryan considered whether he wanted to tell Dallon about Brendon. After all, Dallon did promise not to judge and to keep it a secret. But secrets often had their way of resurfacing and Ryan could only think of the worst possible scenario when his secret would be revealed and every of them included Sarah in it.

He had known her for years; even if he was familiar with a lot of things about her, no way was he risking ruining a perfectly good friendship over some guy either he or she would probably forget over time. Besides, he knew that if friends ever liked the same person it would not end well for them and Ryan would prefer to avoid any possible conflict.

"You still up?"

Removing his arm that was draped over his eyes, Ryan sat up to find Dallon passing by his bed. "Yeah, I am." He said, giving a tight-lipped smile. "Just ... thinking."

"Cool." Dallon was putting on a pair of pink-colored fuzzy socks before he tucked himself in bed. He faced Ryan, who had a tiny grin of amusement on his features. "What? They're cute  _and_  comfy."

"I wasn't judging." Ryan clarified with a small laugh. "And I do like their color. Pastel, right?"

"Yep." Dallon smiled in self-satisfaction before remembering why he was talking to Ryan in the first place. Sitting up, he smoothed his hands over his sheets a few times before saying, "I'm ready to listen to what you have to say. No rush, though - just take your time to get comfortable and --"

"I think I'm in love with Brendon."

Abruptly cut off from speech, Dallon's mouth hung open while his eyes leveled with Ryan's gaze. Then a small crease began to form on his forehead.

"Forget I said anything." Ryan said hastily.

"No, wait, Brendon? As in --" Dallon gestured at the general direction of the room where Brendon was staying in. "That Brendon?"

"I --" Ryan's face went red. "Well, how many people named Brendon do you know?" He asked out of curiosity.

"Just that one."

"Oh."

"Brendon Urie, right?" Dallon asked for confirmation and Ryan nodded. Dallon blew a long whistle, pushing his hand through his hair while he regarded Ryan. There was some degree of concern in his gaze. "Huh." He responded.

"It's not much of an issue, really." Ryan said because now he regretted making it look like it was worse than already was to Dallon. He shook his head and pressed his lips together. "I'll probably --"

"You wouldn't be losing sleep if it's 'not much of an issue.'" Dallon said, quoting Ryan's words.

Ryan stared at him for a few moments. "Yeah, you're right." He sighed, picking away at a loose thread on the duvet. "I just ... it's just really inconvenient how I have feelings for him now instead of --" His mind flashed an image of Sarah and Brendon laughing together, which brought up an ache in his chest. "Instead of sooner or later. Or maybe not at all, y'know? I mean, he's dating the most wonderful person in the world and I know I should be happy for him and Sarah but no matter how hard  _I try_  to do that, I can't - I guess it's stupid --"

"No, no, it's not stupid." Dallon reassured. "It's normal to feel a bit ... jealous, I would say, of someone." He paused. "I hope it's cool with me asking you this but how long have you had feelings for Brendon?"

Ryan's cheeks heated. "Honestly, I don't know how to answer that. Well, maybe I've always had a bit of a man-crush on him when I was high school and all, but - Oh god, I have no idea --" The faint color of red on his cheeks grew more obvious.

"I don't blame you." Dallon said with a gentle laugh. "He  _is_  really hot."

If it was possible for Ryan's face to grow redder, it was happening now. He made some sort of choked noise that was halfway between agreement and incredulity. "That's not  _exactly_  why I like him." He protested in response to a crooked and teasing smirk from Dallon.

"Go on; tell me all the juicy details. If you feel comfortable telling me, I mean." Dallon added, facing Ryan with a pillow resting across his lap.

Ryan wasn't certain whether he should feel mildly bothered that Dallon was playing the role of that one person who loved to fish out details of their friend's love lives or grateful that Dallon wasn't pressuring him to talk about Brendon. The loose thread Ryan had been picking came off; now, he was wrapping it around his finger absentmindedly.

"I wanted to keep things professional between me and Brendon." He began. "But I was really excited to work for him because 'Wow, it's Brendon Urie!' It's not everyday that I get to work for one of Hollywood's biggest actors. Anyway, I guess ... somewhere along the way I kinda developed a crush on him? And I guess he did too because he made it clear when we ... slept together --" he broke off, noticing Dallon's facial muscles had scrunched up into what suggested that he was either constipated or trying not to burst.

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked cautiously.

Dallon before he grabbed the pillow and covered the lower half of his face with it when he emitted a tiny muffled noise that was a cross between a whine and a screech. Too confused to respond, Ryan watched mutely while Dallon continued doing whatever he was doing. "I  _knew_  there was something going on between you two!" He exclaimed excitedly. This statement made Ryan's mind blank with worry. His heart began to race in panic. He wracked his brains, trying to recall when his or Brendon's behavior had given too much away when Dallon added, "I mean, it's not  _that_  obvious, but y'know, I've known Brendon long enough to pick up a thing or two about him."

"Oh." Ryan drew out a sigh of relief, placing a hand on his chest. "Oh, thank God."

Dallon arched his eyebrow but made no comment on Ryan's reaction. Instead, he clasped his hands together and said, "Well, to be fair, he does talk about you." In response to Ryan's bemused stare, he added, "It's more of him going like, 'Do you think I should ask Ryan to hang out with us some time?' or 'So I talked to Ryan about blah blah blah earlier today.' I mean, he doesn't babble all day about you but he always finds the opportunity to slip you in the conversation but before I can ask him why, he changes the topic. So I had a little bit of suspicion."

"Oh."

Dallon regarded Ryan curiously. "What do you think of Brendon?"

"Um ... well. He was a bit intimidating at first, to be honest. Also, he has this certain confidence about him - I like that." He lapsed into a thoughtful pause. "But the thing he does that makes me go weak is the way he acts when it's just us together. I find it cute when he pretends he knows how to do something but afterwards he'd come to me for help or something, like he's just bullshitting around before he realizes --

"I love it when he holds me. I mean, that sounds cliché but he makes me feel ... special to him." Ryan's lips pursed. "But what's the point of this, anyway? It's not like I'm special in that way to him, right?"

"Ryan --"

"He has Sarah." Ryan said as if Dallon hadn't said anything. His voice had wobbled at the mention of his best friend's name. There was a mild stinging at the backs of his eyes, followed by the sudden awareness that the space beneath his ribcage where his heart resided ached. Turning his face away, he squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself not to cry. "I'm sorry, I need a moment --"

"Ryan, it's okay if you want to cry. It's normal." Dallon said reassuringly. He had gotten up from his bed and was now sitting at the edge of Ryan's, patting Ryan's leg. "And, I'd feel upset if I were you too. It sucks when you don't get to date the person you like."

Ryan sniffled, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of the pullover hoodie he was wearing. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Ryan bit his lip and willed himself not to shed any more tears for Brendon; it wasn't like Brendon could see him cry or do anything about it. "Thanks for listening, by the way." He told Dallon, who was staring at him with concern.

"Oh, um, yeah." Dallon nodded quickly, patting Ryan's leg once more. "No problemo. Just thought ... y'know, you might've needed someone to hear you out."

Ryan gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Goodnight, Dallon."

Dallon gave a smile in return but Ryan hardly realized it didn't quite reach his eyes.

*

Apparently, Brendon was staying in for the day instead of joining Tyler and the rest for white-water rafting with the excuse that he had a stomachache and would rather rest. Ryan would admit he had expected Sarah to want to stay back too, since her boyfriend wasn't feeling well, but when Ryan told her about what he thought, she simply said, "I'd stay but Brendon probably wants to stay back and not have me fuss over him."

"I thought he liked being fussed over." Ryan said with some astonishment.

"I'm just saying he might want space." Sarah clarified, narrowing her eyes at Ryan. "I can't be clingy too, right? It's a big no-no for any relationship ..."

On another note, Ryan was looking forward to rafting. He had never tried it before but a ten-year old him would've jumped to the opportunity; so he decided to humor his childhood wish. Their guide for today was explaining the procedures and precautions in front but Ryan was distracted by the sound of running water.

"Please remember to paddle towards the opposite of the direction we're going." The guide reminded after they had all put on their gear and entered the raft. "And try not to sweat it too much. The speed of the current can vary but it's normal."

The group set off down the stream. At first, it was fun because the raft rocked gently with the flow of water but gradually, the current got stronger. It was starting to get hard to paddle and as Ryan's arms weren't used to so much effort, his biceps ached from the effort. His head was starting to become dizzy from all the rocking.

"Fuck." He cursed under his breath, trying to breathe through his mouth. His mind went on autopilot. Just keep paddling, he told himself, letting his mind go on autopilot somwhere between trying to ignore how his body was feeling and padding in sync with everyone else.

He should've listened to his body.


	40. 38

"Are you okay?"

"We thought you were going to drown!"

"Thank god you're still breathing."

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Ryan sighed in exasperation, waving away everyone's concern. Somebody had given him a large towel so he had wrapped around his wet body to keep himself from shivering from the cold. "Sarah ..." He found himself comforting a teary Sarah, who was shaken from the incident of Ryan falling out of the raft more than the others. Frankly, it should've been the other way around but then again all Ryan could feel was shock, and a bit of embarrassment, at his minor slip-up.

"I was so scared for you!" Sarah exclaimed, smacking Ryan on the arm on the way back. "Fuck, I thought you were gonna die."

"I didn't, so can we accept that fact?"

Sarah let out a choked sob and wrapped him in a bone-crushing hug, which earned a strangled yelp from Ryan. Afterwards the two of them plus Dallon were on their way back to the lodge. Initially, Tyler wanted to drop everything he had planned for everyone today but Ryan didn't want to be the cause for everyone missing out on doing the activities together so he told them to carry on while he went back to the lodge to recover.

"You stay here, have a warm shower and take a nap." Sarah said when they dropped Ryan off at the lodge. "I'll go to town to buy some stuff. Do you need anything?"

"I'll tag along to see if I can look for more fuzzy socks." Dallon said.

"No, I don't need anything. I think I'll just stay in bed and play games on my phone or something." Ryan said as he got out of the vehicle. He went inside, fighting back the urge to shiver.

No one was home, strangely; Brendon must've gone out for a walk or something. Which was great because that meant Ryan could get changed and do whatever he liked in his room without having to answer any awkward questions. Admittedly, it was kinda weird being in the building all by himself but the silence and lack of any other human presence was welcoming.

After getting changed, Ryan locked himself in the room and fell back against the mattress. Giving himself a few moments to get comfortable, he grabbed his phone. There was still no service, sadly, but it was a good thing Ryan had downloaded a few movies prior to this trip. Selecting the Corpse Bride, a childhood favorite of his, he tucked himself in and watched the movie. He had gotten to the scene when Victor met Victoria - he still disliked that pairing - when he heard footsteps outside his door. With a frown, he paused the movie and left his phone on the nightstand.

Pushing off the sheets, Ryan approached the door. Right after he had unlocked the door, he had rested his hand on the knob and was about to turn it when he heard the footsteps coming back to his door. On instinct, he stepped back, and fortunately in time too, because the door opened and Brendon, pale-faced, stood there.

Ryan's lips parted in surprise; as he was regaining his composure and was about to ask why Brendon thought it was a good idea to barge into his room like that when Brendon collided into him with a hug.

Ryan staggered, his breath caught in his throat. His hands rested awkwardly on Brendon's hips as he had no idea where to put them. "Brendon, what --" He never got to finish the rest of his sentence because Brendon drew back and started raising his voice at Ryan immediately.

"What the fuck, Ryan? Jesus fucking Christ on a crutch -  _you can't do this to me_!"

" _What?_  What did I do?" Ryan asked, confused and indignant because of the way Brendon was yelling at him. He couldn't recall what he did wrong.

"You fell into the fucking water."

"I didn't do it  _on purpose_!" Ryan exclaimed, pushing Brendon away with a scowl on his face. "And how did you know?"

"Long story short, I managed to find service in the middle of the damn forest," Brendon explained, his voice lowering in volume, "so I asked Dallon what was going on at the whole rafting thing and he told me what happened to you." He shut the door behind him and moved to sit on the bed. Color was returning to his cheeks, although he still looked shaken. Without saying a word, Ryan sat down beside him with caution.

Brendon's gaze met his for a few moments, unreadable, before a sigh escaped from him and he put his arms around Ryan again. This time, his hug was less tighter than it had been earlier; he had his face buried in Ryan's neck. This time, Ryan hugged back; he had his hands on Brendon now - one on Brendon's back and the other in Brendon's hair. Their heartbeats were fast against each other's chest, beating like the wings of frantic birds.

"I didn't mean to yell at you, just so you know." Brendon whispered near Ryan's ear, his breath ghosting Ryan's skin. "I lost my sister because of a rafting accident. She - the rope broke - and she went under --"

"Shh." Ryan stroked Brendon's hair, resting his cheek against on Brendon's head.

"I don't want to lose you that way."

"Well, you didn't, right? I'm here now." Ryan drew back to look at Brendon. Biting his lip, he pushed away strands of hair away from Brendon's face while his eyes took in every detail. A small smile graced Ryan's expression, hesitant and sweet like the way he was looking at Brendon. "But thanks for being concerned for my safety." He added, lashes veiling his eyes as he glanced momentarily away from Brendon to hide his embarrassment.

Brendon snorted with incredulity, rolling his eyes but even with the show he was putting up relief was evident in the way his shoulders were relaxing. "The day I'd stop caring about you is the day pigs sprout wings to fly." His gaze slid over to Ryan's as a smirk curved his mouth upwards. Finger tracing over Ryan's cheek, Brendon allowed himself a moment to admire every detail of Ryan's features. "Anyway, I'm really glad you came back in one piece as a fully-functioning human being."

A soft laugh escaped from Ryan. "Yeah, me too." He smiled.

Brendon's eyes flickered downwards Ryan's face before moving back to Ryan's eyes. A playful grin formed on his lips as he leaned forward slightly; Ryan expected him to connect their lips together - he'd been craving for that for some time now - when the tip of Brendon's nose pressed on his. Ryan was about to close the distance himself, wanting the feeling of Brendon's mouth molding his.

And Brendon did the silliest thing. He rubbed his nose against Ryan's.

"What the fuck?" A giggle slipped out of Ryan as he drew back, caught off-guard by that affectionate gesture.

"I can't help it. You have such a cute nose." Brendon complimented with a smirk, causing Ryan's cheeks to flush with color. "Okay, fine. I'll kiss you for real this time." Ryan only had time to feel his heart skip a beat when he felt Brendon's lips brush his. It was a chaste peck, nothing extraordinary, but it was enough to set off a tiny spark of warmth in Ryan's chest. His fingers wound into Brendon's hair as he latched onto Brendon.

Releasing a soft chuckle, Brendon allowed Ryan to mold their mouths together while he squeezed closer to Ryan to shorten the distance between them. Somewhere in between the kisses intermingling with muffled noises of consent, Brendon soon found himself hovering over Ryan, his hand slipping under the hem of Ryan's t-shirt and ghosting across every inch of Ryan's exposed abdomen while his face was buried in Ryan's neck, teasing the skin right below the earlobe - that was Ryan's favorite spot, the best place to make him all hot and bothered for Brendon.

And Ryan had his eyes fluttering half-shut, lips parted as soft pleading gasps escaped past them. Brendon's thigh was right in between his legs, where he could feel the pressure of arousal building up at his crotch. His cheeks were flushed and hot from the pleasure he was receiving from Brendon. Ryan's heart was racing and so was his mind, filling with all the things he wanted Brendon to do to him in that moment right there and then.

Brendon's hands had slid down his sides and was about to pull Ryan's pants when there was a loud knock on the door. The pair jumped, startled out of their lustful trance and swiveled their heads to the door.

"Ryan?" It was Sarah's voice. Snapped out of his desire for Brendon, Ryan found himself pushing Brendon off the bed, causing the man to topple over and fall over the side of the bed with a loud thud. Pushing his hair away from his face, Ryan kicked the covers off, smoothed his clothes down and patted his hair when Sarah opened the door and peeked round it.

"Hey!" Ryan greeted in an uncharacteristically loud tone. Apprehension bloomed in his chest as he hoped Brendon had the sense not to sit up - to Ryan's best knowledge, he was currently obscured by the bed on the floor. "How's it going?"

There was a slight frown of concern on Sarah's face. "You okay? I heard a loud --"

"You startled me so I fell out of bed." Ryan answered hurriedly. "Sleeping by the edge, y'know?" He let out a laugh that sounded almost forced.

Sarah didn't look convinced. Her eyes traveled from Ryan's messed-up hair, the flushed color of his cheeks and the messy sheets on the bed. If anything, she didn't ask him any questions regarding his stare of appearance. Instead, she gave a brief nod of acknowledgement and said, "So Dallon and I found this cool pizza place in town and we decided to bring some pizza back for you."

Ryan stared at her for one second too long when he realized he was supposed to say something. "Oh, you shouldn't have but thank you."

A smile curved Sarah's lips upwards at the corners. "C'mon, you should come down and have some. I thought it might help to make you feel better." She added thoughtfully.

"Yeah, give me a minute."

Sarah nodded once more and closed the door. Ryan had his breath held and waited up to three seconds before exhaling with relief. Turning on his heel, he was just in time to see Brendon sitting up. There was a scowl on Brendon's face as he rubbed the back of his head with a chagrined scowl. " _You fell out of bed?_ " He said, referring to Ryan's terrible excuse for the loud noise.

Cheeks flushing red, an indignant expression flashed over Ryan's features. "I had to say something." He replied defensively, arms folding over his chest. "Anyway, I'll be going downstairs." He announced. With that he left the room and wend downstairs. The moment he walked into the kitchen when his eyes landed on Sarah, who was helping herself to a slice of pizza, was the moment his heart was overcome with abrupt clenching sensation of guilt.

He did his best to ignore it but the moment he sat down beside Sarah at the counter, a detached part of him was disgusted at himself. How dare Ryan sit beside his best friend when he had cheated with Sarah's boyfriend minutes ago. How dare he put on a smile of thanks as Sarah passed him a plate while he was taking a slice of pizza for himself. How dare he eat his pizza in silence as if he'd done nothing wrong. And to think he'd been lusting and pleading for Brendon to kiss him more earlier when he was clearly Sarah's.

Sarah noticed Ryan's funny expression as he ate so she asked, "You okay there?"

"Huh? Yeah I am." Ryan answered with a quick nod. "Just ... lowkey comparing this with that pizza place at the corner of the street where you live." He said breezily, bracing himself for yet another wave of self-loathing for lying to his best friend.

"Yeah, I think this pizza could use a bit more tomato." Sarah agreed, completely missing the signs of guilt popping up all over in Ryan's microexpressions as she peered at the pizza thoughtfully. "It tastes a bit dry."

"I think it tastes fine." Dallon said from behind. He'd been eating by himself at the round kitchen table, engrossed with some tapping game on his phone while he ate. "It's not too salty too and it has the right balance of toppings."

"To each their own." Sarah remarked, shrugging.

Brendon entered the kitchen at that moment, the sight of him causing a sudden spike in Ryan's pulse. He didn't look at Ryan, which was both a good and bad thing, but he eyed the open pizza box curiously. Approaching the counter, he regarded the pizza for a few moments when a small frown appeared, followed by an arch of his brows before they furrowed together once more. "Pineapple on pizza?" He asked.

"Let's not start any debates on this." Dallon warned, holding his half-eaten slice of pizza in Brendon's direction with an accusatory glare. "We've talked about this."

"Yes, it's Hawaiian pizza." Sarah said and Ryan couldn't help but notice the creases on Brendon's brow deepened. Sarah went on, not noticing the change in Brendon's expression, "Ryan really likes this."

"Hawaiian?" Brendon arched his eyebrow. "Fun but kinda sorta maybe related fact, I'm part-Hawaiian." A tiny gleam of amusement shone in his eyes, which Ryan pretended not to notice. Had it just been Ryan and Brendon alone, Ryan was certain Brendon would've made some sexual innuendo.

Ryan pulled his gaze away from Brendon's. "Yeah, it's great but I don't really feel like eating anymore." He said, getting up from the counter hastily.

"What? But you've only had a slice and this pizza isn't half-bad!" Sarah protested, goggling at him incredulously. "Are you sure you won't feel hungry later?"

"I mean, you could always leave some for me but yeah, I'm sure." Ryan said, putting his plate in the sink. "I'll just go for a walk or something." He fled the kitchen, leaving the three other people staring after him - Dallon and Sarah with similar looks of confusion and concern and Brendon with an unreadable expression on his face.

*

When Ryan returned to the lodge after a contemplative walk in the forest, he saw Brendon inspecting the site where everyone had their campfire the night before. Ryan could've walked away and pretended he never saw Brendon yet it was like the man exerted some kind of magnetic force, drawing Ryan towards him. And Ryan obliged to this force, letting his legs move until he was standing beside Brendon, watching him toe one of the logs they had sat on the night before. Only a few inches of distance separated them from direct contact of each other.

"Did you wait for me?" The words were out of Ryan's mouth before he could stop them.

Brendon stopped what he was doing at once but it took him awhile to turn to face Ryan. "After you fell in the water, you think I'm not worried you might try again?" he asked dryly.

"Oh  _please_."

"Or you could've gotten eaten by a bear."

"I don't think bears live here."

"Or wolves. I heard wolves are vicious pack creatures."

"Brendon, wolves avoid humans when they can." Brendon remained silent after that, which gave Ryan the opportunity to speak. "Look," He began, exhaling, "what we did back there in the room - we shouldn't do it. In fact, we shouldn't even have done it in the first place."

"What? You didn't like it?"

"It's not about me liking  _it_  or no!." Ryan exclaimed indignantly. "I mean - you have Sarah."

" _So?_ "

Ryan was tempted to punch Brendon because the guy was either thick-headed about the whole mess they made or he didn't care; it was probably the latter, judging from the way Brendon's gaze burned with defiance as though he couldn't possibly see anything wrong with the situation. "Sarah's your girlfriend!" Ryan argued. "You can't just 'So?' to make it sound like what we did is - I'm just saying it's  _not fair_  for her."

Brendon's features darkened. There was a time when Ryan would've shut up immediately seeing this look on his face but that wasn't happening any time soon. "You don't know what you're talking about." He muttered. "Just let it slide.

Ryan's face heated. "I do know what I'm talking about and no way am I letting it slide. What we did earlier in that room would be considered as you cheating on Sarah with me. You're dating her, not me. It should be --," his voice became uneven, "-- it should be her. It should he her that you'd worry about because she was the one who tried to jump in to save my stupid ass. It should be her that you wouldn't want to lose because she's a great person inside out and one-of-a-damn-kind. It should be her that you'd want to kiss and touch the way you kissed and touched me."

Brendon was opening his mouth to protest. "Yes, I know, but you don't understand --"

"No, listen." Ryan said sharply. He could feel the backs of his eyes stinging. " _You_  don't understand. It's been clear from day one when I gave you a demo of what I could do. I wasn't good enough to wow you or whatever at that time. Not to mention, I'm just some struggling makeup artist who's a nobody on the streets of LA and you're  _the_  Brendon Urie, a Hollywood heavyweight and one of the highest paid-actors. If you were to put me and you together, I'd say I'm not good enough for someone of your status. Heck, I'm not good enough for you."

Brendon said nothing. Instead, he kept his eyes trained away from Ryan's on the ground where ashes of last night's campfire remained.

Ryan's heart was hurting like crazy after his outburst. Yet he told himself he deserved to feel like this for thinking he ever had a chance to be with Brendon in this intimate manner. "Sarah's better than me, okay? Anyway, forget about what I said about myself. Sarah's the one you should be caring about. It's like she's Gucci and I'm Walmart. Don't settle for something that's lower in value, that's all I'm saying." Hurt by his own words, Ryan took a step away and turned to leave.


	41. 39

Good thing the money Ryan earned from working with Brendon managed to pay off a large part of the rent he owed his landlady before moving back into his apartment otherwise she'd inform him about considering getting him evicted. Once he returned from Tyler's lodge, grateful he could be away from both Brendon and Sarah, he spent a night at William's before moving back to his apartment.

Of course, William had to go all out that night by taking him out for dinner. The date was very platonic though it was a perfect opportunity for William to make a move on him - he must've sensed that Ryan wasn't in the right state of mind for any relationships.

It was evening once Ryan had managed to unpack everything from boxes and get everything in his house back in order, which meant his energy levels were low. After ordering pizza delivery, he took a warm shower and changed into more comfortable clothes. As the tv showed reruns Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Ryan scrolled through his social media absentmindedly.

Ghosting on someone's profile was a no-no if one wanted to get over a person yet there he was at Brendon's Instagram page, looking at the posts. He hadn't bothered to click the follow button since forever - back then, he wasn't sure of how he truly felt for Brendon. Now that he was, it was ironic how he had told Brendon to give up the pursuit while he was here pining for the man.

He was staring at a recent picture of Sarah and Brendon now, now having travelled to his best friend's page, where there was a post of both of them in the backseat with a flower crown filter looking picture-perfect together. As ridiculous as it sounded, Ryan could feel his jealousy towards Sarah, followed the by sudden growling of his stomach. At that moment, the doorbell rang.

With a sigh, he left his phone on the couch and shuffled towards the door. The delivery boy was there, bearing the pizza Ryan had ordered. Paying the guy off, Ryan placed the box on his table and had a slice of pizza. While he ate, he kept thinking about that nasty feeling in his chest every time he thought of how he was somehow lying to Sarah by hiding his feelings for Brendon and going with him behind her back. And that made him feel even worse - it was that bad, considering pizza didn't make him feel better.

Deliberating on calling Sarah, Ryan remained locked in an inner debate with himself, whether it was best to let his feelings wither and die or fess up for the sake of his friendship, when his phone rang at that opportune moment. He jumped at the sudden noise, startled, before picking up his phone and answering the call. "Hey."

" _You didn't tell me you moved back already!_ " Sarah exclaimed.

"How did you know?"

" _You told me the other day, remember?_ "

"Oh." Ryan felt embarrassed he had let his tangle of a love life interfere with his memory. "Well, I'm here in one piece. What's up?"

" _D'you mind if I come over?_ "

Ryan paused to mull on that. While he didn't mind Sarah visiting, even on short notice, the thought of her seeing him in a mopey state would surely cause her to raise questions. There was also the possibility Ryan might crack under the pressure and end up confessing. Then he'd probably ruin a good friendship and would have to probably move out of LA and fall out of the grid.

But if Sarah really loved him, she'd understand. She could be mad at him for some time but she'd come around. Hopefully.

"Yeah sure," Ryan said.

"Cool beans. I'll be there in twenty."

*

When Sarah came over, Ryan had done his best to hide how he was currently feeling by being more reserved than he usually was. His best friend showed no signs noticing his deception, which was both a good and a bad thing for Ryan. Good, because he wouldn't have to answer any awkward questions. Bad, because he felt like there was a wall between them.

"Fun but scarily true fact I've learned. None of us have actually seen our faces as they truly are." Sarah was saying as she nibbled on a pizza slice while they watched tv. "Our reflections don't count and neither do pictures. Isn't that weird?"

"Yeah, that kinda is." Ryan sighed and glanced at the wall clock above the tv. Sarah had been here for about three-quarters of an hour. He was glad for the beer Sarah had brought with her though. The can in his hand, he swirled it thoughtfully before he downed the rest of the alcohol. His head was already fuzzy from the drink.

Ryan wanted so badly to talk to Sarah now. Well, he had been ever since she walked in.

Sarah didn't seem to notice his conflict, even though she could've easily faced him and pointed out all the details of his features that gave him away. Like the slight furrow of his eyebrows. The faraway look in his eyes that suggested while he was present, he wasn't completely there. The corners of his mouth turned slightly downwards but more as a result of his facial muscles failing to do its job of keeping up the facade.

He thought of what a nasty person he was, to be going after someone who was taken. Perhaps it would've weighed less on his conscience had Brendon been dating a complete stranger but no, it was his best friend. It was like betrayal, sitting beside her and pretending everything was okay when he knew fully well that the universe was waiting to spring and reveal his secret at the right moment.

Ryan could feel the backs of his eyes begin to sting, the burden of guilt finally cracking him. He blinked furiously, gaze shifting furtively, before he pretended to yawn so that she wouldn't question the tears that were finding their way out of his eyes. But he needed to free himself so he could stop the guilt from choking him. He could hear the dull thudding of his heart under his ribcage as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Sarah?" His voice was barely above a whisper that couldn't have been heard over the tv. "Sarah?" He said, this time louder.

"Hm?"

"I have something to tell you."

"Sure." She responded although she seemed distracted.

"Sarah." He repeated, this time in a desperate sort of pleading tone. "It's serious."

Sarah now had her full attention on him. Concern creased her brow when she noticed the look on his face. Growing even more concerned, she placed a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it reassuringly. "Tell me what's bothering you."

Ryan squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry yet more tears were finding their way down his cheeks. He sniffled, drawing a breath before opening them. "Promise me you won't stay mad at me forever?" He asked.

"You know I can't."

Nodding slowly to himself, Ryan's lips folded together into a thin line as his fingers fiddled in a nervous gesture. "So there's this guy - this fucking guy I like." He paused to gauge Sarah's expression. "And it's been some time since I've had feelings for him and whatnot."

"What the fuck did he do to you?" Though Sarah's voice was soft, one could hear the undertone of anger for her friend.

"It's not entirely his fault. It's mine too. I mean, we both --" he broke off. There was a twisting sensation in his gut that caused his innards to get tangled up. His mind was becoming unfocused as well as details he wanted to mention but wanted to keep a secret kept flitting in and out of his thought processes. "I can't help myself around him. He's just so ... him, y'know?

"It doesn't help that I keep pushing my feelings for him away because every time I do, they only come back stronger. I think it's stupid because it makes me feel as if I have no sense of self-worth for wanting to be around him. I mean, he has a girlfriend! But every time I'm around him, it's just me and him. No one else fits in that space. And I'm sure he feels that way too. But - But it's wrong because his girlfriend doesn't know about all this and we nearly got caught the last time.

"It's been eating me up, Sarah. I ... I can't pretend to be his every time he kisses and then go back to being some guy he knows every time his girlfriend is around. And his girlfriend's a nice person. She's the sweetest person I know. She doesn't deserve to be stabbed in the back like this by me." Ryan turned to Sarah, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He could tell the cogs were winding in her head as she put two and two together.

Dread began to fill up in his veins, weighing his blood vessels like lead. At the same time, it felt so oddly liberating to be free of the secrets that tormented him. This conflicting mix of emotions was short-lived; he had to worry about how he'd get back on his feet after Sarah's reaction.

And react to him she did. Realization began to dawn, its signs showing on her features. Her eyes widened fractionally when they met his. She stared at him for a few moments when incredulity appeared on her shocked expression. "No way." She breathed and Ryan thought his heart had twisted itself. "You - wait. Wait, so, the guy is Brendon and the girl is ... --"

" _You_." Ryan finished as she trailed off in silence, unable to complete her own sentence. His voice didn't sound like his anymore; it sounded hollow and desperate. "Please, Sarah. I never meant to hurt you. The thing between me and Brendon started before he dated --" he broke off when she held her hand up.

"I - I need a moment to think about this." Sarah removed the hand that was resting on his shoulder and got up from the couch. She wasn't even looking at him anymore. Ryan could only feel like crying again as he heard her footsteps become softer as she left the living room. That was it. He heard a door close - that was probably Sarah going into the bathroom. But even if she hadn't left like he thought she would, he felt terrible.

He would hardly not be surprised if she'd return here, tell him she was going home, with a painfully impassive face and robotic sort of tone. He would expect her to want to stay away from him until their friendship faded away into nothing. But that wouldn't be the only damage he'd do. He'd also tear a rift between him and Brendon because of what he chose to reveal. Brendon might not even forgive him and would probably choose to leave him to melt back into a nameless person on the streets.

And Ryan would be alone.


	42. 40

Ryan's mind had blown possibilities out of proportion that when Sarah returned to the living room, looking either calm or past the point of being angry, that Ryan was both mildly surprised and suspicious as to why she wasn't chucking things at him or raising her voice at him - that was very out of character for Sarah and Ryan had never seen her in that level of rage but one had to be prepared.

"I think I should head home." Sarah said, her voice steady. She wasn't looking at Ryan instead glancing around the room. "Good night." She added as she picked up her jacket and her bag by the couch.

Ryan nodded, not trusting himself to speak and held the door open for her to leave. Once she was out of his apartment, he wiped the backs of his hands across his cheeks and tried to tell his brain to shut up. Then he got the place cleaned up; it was easier when you had something to do to distract you and he welcomed distractions.

*

The day Ryan returned to work on set was when the build-up of dread that had accumulated weighed him down abruptly. He walked into the trailer, expecting to see Brendon there but he was instead greeted by the sight of Tyler and Spencer talking about some trading card game he had never heard of.

"Yeah, but this dragon dude has twenty-four thousand power." Spencer argued, showing Tyler the card he has.

"Oh please, we all know  _my card_  is better." Tyler hardly gave Spencer's card a glance. "It's a grade higher than yours." He said in a lofty manner.

"Is Brendon gonna be late today?" Ryan asked, putting his bag in one of the compartments.

"No idea." Tyler answered. "He might've forgotten we have to be on set today."

"Eh, the directors said his flight arrived last night." Spencer said. "He might be sleeping off the jetlag."

Now that a tiny bit of dread had evaporated, Ryan could relax slightly and put his mind into what he had to do today. He checked the instructions from his email on what he had to do today and laid out the stuff he needed while waiting. But minutes ticked by, drawing closer and closer to the time Brendon needed to be outside for the scene. Ryan was starting to get worried - partly because he'd need to rush but mostly because he was starting to wonder if something must've happened to Brendon.

There was a notification ding on his phone, which jarred Ryan out of his thoughts. At first, he thought it might've been Brendon but when he pulled his phone out of his pocket, his heart sank at the message from the director, Patrick.

_Just received word Brendon's having a bit of a fever today so he won't be showing up for work._

Oh, Ryan thought, which explained why the man was absent today.

Another text came through, which read:

_It's cool if you either wanna help out the other makeup artists or take the day off 😄👍_

Ryan responded to the message saying that he'd rather stay. With a sigh, he looked at the things he had already laid out in preparation, annoyed Brendon decided to inform the directors he couldn't make it today at the last minute. Not bothering to wipe away the frown, Ryan cleared everything up and left the trailer to help out the others in the makeup department. There, he wasn't given as much work as the rest since they were fully staffed but him and the team did exchange some tips so it was worth it.

The day ended quickly and by the time Ryan returned to the hotel room he shared with Jon, he was in a better mood than he had been the night before. Him and Jon even enjoyed a game of Uno - Ryan was shit at the game and he kept forgetting to say "Uno" when he was down to the last card in his hand. They were playing their third round when Ryan's phone rang. The first time Ryan checked it and saw Sarah's number flashing across the screen, he panicked and rejected the call.

And Sarah called the second time, so Ryan picked it up this time. A knot of apprehension tightened in his chest as he drew a breath and said, "Hey, sorry I rejected your call. My hand slipped." He winced inwardly at how forced he sounded and hoped Sarah didn't think badly of it.

" _Oh, it's okay_." Sarah said, her tone surprisingly good-natured and not reproachful as he had thought it might sound. Ryan hadn't had a chance to speak to her today as they were both too busy to find the time to talk. " _Anyway_ ," Sarah began, " _I was wondering if you'd like to come up to mine_."

"Why?"

" _Well, I was thinking of hanging out together, y'know, the chill kind of hang-out that we always have_." Sarah said airily. When Ryan didn't reply right away, she quickly added, " _I'm sorry, I just wanted to make up for walking out on you the_ _other_ _night_."

"Oh, it's alright." He said, leaning against the wall. "Yeah, I'll be there in a bit. I gotta finish a game of Uno with Jon."

" _Ryan, you're terrible at that game_." Some of the tension had slipped out of Sarah's tone as she laughed.

The corners of Ryan's mouth began to curl upwards on its own accord. "I know, but Jon kinda is too. Anyway, I'll see you."

" _You too_." Then she hung up, leaving Ryan feeling slightly better. He went back in to finish his game with Jon before getting ready. Following the text from Sarah, he went up to her room to hang out her. He wondered what they'd do and whether she'd forgive him - of course she would, otherwise she wouldn't have called him. That made him feel better but he still had to make sure she had forgiven him. But when Ryan rang the buzzer and Sarah answered the door, he noticed she wasn't alone in her room.

In fact, when she greeted him at the door, Ryan's eyes flitted past her shoulder and caught a glimpse of someone sitting inside. There was no way he could tell since all he saw was a pair of legs but his mind immediately jumped to the conclusion,  _Oh god, that must be Brendon_.

Ryan had walked in warily after Sarah, closing the door behind him, and was proven right when he saw Brendon sitting by the window with a thoughtful look on his face. The moment Brendon heard them come inside, he perked up and met Ryan's gaze fleetingly when his expression changed subtly. "Oh, hey." He said.

Ryan have Sarah a pointed look. "I didn't realize a 'chill' hang-out included Brendon." His voice bore an accusing undertone.

Sarah flashed him an apologetic expression before she made him sit in across Brendon at the round table. Drawing up the ottoman, she joined them. The tension in the air was building up following the silence. "So." Sarah clapped her hands together that both Brendon and Ryan jumped in their seats. "I've got some orange juice in the mini-fridge. Do you guys want some?"

"I hate orange juice but thanks for the offer." Brendon said.

"Yeah, I'll have some." Ryan made to get up, needing an excuse to get away from Brendon, but Sarah had shot off to pour him some. He settled back in his seat but didn't make any eye contact with Brendon. Confusion, as well as awkwardness, was written all over his features as he continued to watch Sarah. He certainly didn't know what he was doing here and neither was he going to talk to Brendon - it wasn't that Ryan didn't trust the man, he just didn't trust himself.  Besides, what was Sarah thinking inviting him to 'hang out' if she had Brendon over already? Wouldn't that make the whole situation difficult? If Ryan was her, he'd rather not have himself over when Brendon was around.

The sound of the glasses of orange juice being plaved placed on the table brought Ryan back to the present. Sarah was exchanging nervous glances between him and Brendon. Pursing her lips together, she reached for her glass and took a sip before sighing. "Go on." She said though who she addressing, it wasn't clear.

Ryan's gaze cut towards Brendon, who seemed to mirror him, then looked at Sarah with a baffled frown. "What's going on?"

"Perfect question." Brendon said, a bit too loudly. He shifted in his seat and clasped his hands together. "Since I was sure you wouldn't answer my call --"

"I thought," Ryan interrupted him, "you had a fever."

Brendon looked mildly annoyed, which he could hardly be blamed for as he must've been thinking this whole situation through earlier. "That's sweet of you to be concerned." He said dryly. "You can touch my forehead to make sure I'm not burning up."

"Anyway!" Sarah gave Brendon a weary shake of her head before looking at Ryan. "We ... Well, since you told me about you and Brendon here, I figured we should probably tell you this."

Whatever 'this' was, Ryan wasn't certain if he was going to like it.

"But before we tell you about this thing ..." Brendon jumped in, reaching for Ryan's untouched glass of orange juice and taking a sip of it. He made a face and set it back down. "Before we start blowing your mind away, we should probably mention that we're not supposed to tell you this. At all."

"Actually, we're not supposed to tell anyone." Sarah added.

Ryan's frown deepened. "So ... why are you two sneaking around to tell me this? Won't you two get in trouble?"

Sarah and Brendon exchanged looks before they faced Ryan. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there." Brendon said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Yeah, and promise not to tell anyone too." Sarah added.

"Just cut to the chase." Ryan sighed impatiently, nearly reaching for his glass of orange juice when he stopped himself.

"It's fake." Brendon said. "It's all fake." For some reason, he sounded oddly liberated.

"What's fake?"

"Our relationship." Sarah explained. When Ryan arched his eyebrows and opened his mouth, she continued, "It's just ... we needed to boost our publicity."

"Actually, it's slightly complicated than that. I'll put it in layman terms so you'll understand." Brendon said. "You see, the publicity team figured I was on my way to becoming irrelevant on the scene since I was pretty inactive for the past year. They needed to rake up interest in me so they got me to work with Pete and Patrick. But then they were like, 'Hey, since you're a heartthrob and all, why not we hook you up with one of your co-actors?'"

"It's a contract, by the way." Sarah chimed in. "There wasn't really a hook-up. It's just ... I'm not that big on the scene so my team also thought I could use a boost. Anyway, it's all staged. Since we've got the chemistry, our teams needed us to play the part."

"We pretend we're all couple goals and stuff for the time period stated in the contract. Post pictures of each other on our social medias, but more on mine since I have more followers to reach out and check her profile out." Brendon said. "And just be seen by the paparazzi. You've seen the pictures."

Ryan stared at the both of them for a long time, processing the information suddenly presented to him. The frown on his face had softened but didn't completely leave. Instead, he just sat there with that confused look until he slowly said, "It's all fake?"

"We did have kinda fun dates." Sarah shrugged. "But it was the platonic kind of date where we had fun as friends."

Ryan noticed Brendon was looking at him in a strange manner. It took him a second to realize Brendon seemed to be searching his expression for any signs of displeasure. "Oh." He said.

Sarah reached out to touch his hand. "Look, I ... me and Brendon are cool with each other but we've figured it's not gonna work between us, in a romantic way. And since you like him --"

"I never said I liked him." Ryan drew his hand away.

Hurt had crossed Brendon's expression. "Ryan ..." He began placatingly. "I know it's all too sudden --"

"You could've told me." Ryan said, turning to Brendon. His tone was cold.

"We just did --"

"Sooner." The backs of his eyes began to sting. "Do you have any idea how guilty I felt every time we - we --" He glanced at Sarah. "Whatever. You should've told me sooner so I wouldn't feel bad."

Brendon scowled. "Don't blame it all on me, Randy."

"Stop calling me that!" Ryan snapped.

"It's kinda your fault too." Brendon went on.

Ryan's cheeks began to heat up in anger as he got up. He barely noticed Sarah trying to placate the both of them. "Whatever.  _Whatever_. I have no words to say right now to the both of you. Just - Just leave me alone so I can think this whole thing through." Things became a blur right after he went out of the room when he found himself walking out the lobby. The roaring of blood in his ears had grown louder following him storming out of the room and subsided when he was a few blocks away from the hotel.

"Ryan! Ryan!"

Sighing exasperatedly, he whirled around to find Brendon jogging up to him. "What?" He snapped. "I thought I told you to leave me alone."

Brendon came to a stop before him, panting slightly. "I can't believe you." He said.

"Yeah, me neither." Ryan responded, folding his arms across his chest with a scowl. His heart was hammering. "Fuck you." He said when Brendon opened his mouth. "Fuck you and your perfect face, your perfect hair, your perfect everything and your shit personality. Honestly, I've never wanted to punch someone so badly in my life --"

"You couldn't even punch me --"

"Yeah, but that's not the point here." Ryan exhaled, shaking his head. "I'm just very pissed off with you."

"Why me? What about Sarah?"

"Her too but not as much as you."

Brendon stayed silent, allowing Ryan to calm himself down. Then, he placed both hands on Ryan, hesitantly, before he said, "I'm sorry."

"I know." Ryan shut his eyes and rested his head on Brendon's shoulders. "Could please hug me?" Immediately, he could feel Brendon's arms encircling him, giving him a sense of safety and security. They had gotten off on a rough start and here they were, hugging in some street he didn't know. Things could've gone a different way yet here they were. He wondered if the way they felt for each other would still be there in the future. Maybe not. But he was secure with the fact that Brendon wasn't off-limits to him now. At least that put him at ease. The heavy weight that had continuously burdened him was lifting, letting him breathe better now.

"Now could you please let go of me?"

And Brendon laughed and hugged him tighter. "Goddamit, Randy." He whispered.


	43. epilogue

Even though Ryan now knew about Brendon and Sarah's relationship, he didn't jump to the opportunity immediately. After keeping things in secret, Ryan didn't want to go through the hassle of hiding nor did he want to get involved in a messy scandal that could potentially ruin his friendship with Sarah and his relationship with Brendon. At first, Brendon had some objections regarding Ryan's decisions but eventually agreed to it.

"After all this blows over, I'll be back for you, okay? Well, until the hype for Sarah and I dies down." Brendon had said. There was that stubborn note in his voice, which did dispel Ryan's doubts a little.

So Ryan waited but that was not to say he allowed himself to pine or hold Brendon to his promise, no matter how earnest he sounded. Ryan went back to living the single life, tried dating a few people but Brendon's words would always ring in his head. He didn't want to admit it but hope had him on a leash.

*

"Y'know, people are wondering why you didn't show up at the movie premiere." Ryan said the moment he answered the door to find Brendon standing there.

The corners of Brendon's mouth lifted into a smirk, one that threw Ryan's pulse into race. He didn't even look like he was planning to attend the premiere anyway, dressed in a dark green corduroy jacket thrown over a plain white t-shirt, jeans and boots. He had grown out his hair too, no longer sporting the quiff he had to have when he was acting for the movie. The sight of him standing here before Ryan brought up a mix of happiness, relief and annoyance. Why the hell did Brendon have to look so good while Ryan was wearing an unflattering pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt frayed at the collar and fuzzy socks.

"Let them wonder then." Brendon said airily when he entered. He and Ryan hugged, and all Ryan could think of with a painful ache in his heart was how he missed this; being so close to Brendon that he could hear his heartbeat and feel his body warmth. Ryan was certain Brendon missed it too otherwise they wouldn't have ended up tangled in sheets, body flushed with heat as they came down from the high of pleasure and passion. They hadn't intended to lose to their desire for each other but it had been too good to resist. But it did make it slightly easier for them to talk about their relationship after that, apart from the warm cuddles and loving kisses.

Time passed, giving the two of them obstacles to overcome. They had their quirks, both endearing and annoying, but they learned to work their way around them. Ryan had to admit the toughest part of their relationship was probably going public with their relationship as there were people who didn't approve of them. But he and Brendon managed to get through it. Oh, and meeting each other's parents probably earned its place on the list.

"Yeah, but if I'm not the Brendon Urie, do you think they'd still like me?" Brendon asked when they were staying at a hotel the night before they'd go to meet Ryan's family.

"Yes." Ryan answered immediately, his eyes glued to his laptop screen as he watched yet another episode of a police sitcom; Brendon's stubbornness had rubbed off on him. He glanced up to see uncertainty and self-consciousness behind the frowning mask of Brendon's face; that was when he knew Brendon was thinking about their meeting with his parents, which had been awkward at best and. "I mean, I'm sure they will."

"Yeah, but ..." Brendon's voice trailed off. He was staring out the window, wearing that thoughtful frown of his; eyebrows drawn together to form a slight crease and lips pressed together. "What if they don't like me?"

"Brendon."

"I mean, I can be an arrogant prick sometimes --" He broke off when Ryan got out of bed and sat beside him by the window.

"Only when you want to be an arrogant prick." Ryan rested his head on Brendon's shoulder and placed his hand on the other. He could feel the tension leave Brendon before he felt Brendon nuzzle into his hair and plant a kiss there. "Don't worry. They've been hyped to meet you ever since I told them about you. You wouldn't believe how many times they tried to casually get me to ask you to meet them."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Ryan nodded. "I love you."

Brendon's thoughtful frown melted into a tender smile as he looked at Ryan once more. "I love you too." He replied before reaching and rubbing Ryan's shoulder, at the spot where his boyfriend liked. "Anyway, after we meet your family, is there anywhere you want to go?"

Ryan chuckled as he sat up to face Brendon. "We could go ice-skating." He suggested innocently. "For old time's sake, y'know?" He knew Brendon couldn't pass up the chance. After all, his boyfriend did admit the first time they skated was one of the moments he'd love to relive. Brendon grinned, leaning forward. But just before he kissed Ryan, he made it a point to rub his nose with his in a playful manner then kissed his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of Special FX!
> 
> A huge package of gratitude and appreciation for everyone who decided to click on this fic and read it!


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